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为何总是嫁错或娶错人 – 译学馆
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为何总是嫁错或娶错人

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

我们当然极度地渴望可以避免这样的问题,但是出于许多非常好的原因我们无法避免。
We’re desperate to avoid it of course, but we won’t, for a lot of very good reasons:
第一,我们并不了解自己
firstly,We don’t understand ourselves
我们都有以独特的反常方式:神经质,神经错乱,幼稚行为。
We’re all crazy in very particular ways: neurotic, unbalanced and immature…
但是我们并不了解其中的细节
But we don’t know the details,
因为没有人会极力鼓励我们去挖掘,我们的朋友只想显得友好而已
because no one encourages us too hard to find out. Our friends just want to be kind and have
和对我们乐呵,而我们的敌人不想施于帮助
fun with us. Our enemies don’t want to waste the trouble.
所以我们成为了对自己知之甚少的人,不知道谁是可以和自己共度一生的人。
So we end up with such a poor level of self-understanding, we have no clue who we’d be compatible with.
每个午餐约会的标准问题可以简单概括成:“你有多疯狂?‘’
A standard question on any early dinner date should simply be: ‘how are you mad?’
但是太难去知道了……
But it’s so hard to know…
原因二,我们并不了解其他人
Secondly, we don’t understand other people
了解别人的失常难度不亚于发现自己一不正常,他们总是会展现出最好的一面
It’s as hard to work out the craziness of other people as it is our own, they put on such a good show
在彼此第一次见面的时候
– at first.
我们理想的方式是让自己和她们都做一系列的心理问卷调查
What we’d ideally need is to send them and us through a battery of psychological questionnaires
并且以个人或两人为基础,进行为期四年的密集心理治疗,
and have four years of intensive psychotherapy, individual and couples’ based – before reaching
在做出最后的决定之前。
a decision.
到2100年,这将不再听起来像是在开玩笑
By 2100, this will no longer sound like a joke –
人们只是想知道为什么人类花费了这么多时间才把自己带到这样的时代
people will merely wonder why took humanity so long to get us here.
我们没有习惯快乐,
We aren’t used to being happy
我们认为自己需要快乐,但实际上我们需要的是我们习惯的东西,
We think we want happiness, but what we really want is what we’re used to – and that usually
但这和快乐实际上并没有多大的联系。
doesn’t involve too much happiness at all.
长大后,大部分的人爱里都掺杂了其他的阴暗成分:被控制
Growing up, most of us had our love mixed in with other, darker stuff: being controlled,
感觉羞耻,感觉被抛弃或侮辱。简言之,各种痛苦
feeling humiliated, being abandonned or abused. In short, suffering. And now, whatever we
现在,无论我们说什么,这些就是我们所正在追求的
may say, that’s what we’re mostly still on the look out for.
这解释了为什么我们拒绝了那些理性,成熟可靠的候选人
It explains why we rejected all those candidates, the well-balanced, mature reliable ones,
因为觉得他们在某种程度上有点乏味
as somehow a bit ‘boring’.
以及为什么我们潜意识的被似曾相识的人莫名吸引
– and why we head instead with secret energy to those characters we unconsciously know
有可能以用如此一种惬意而又熟悉的方式搞砸关系
will mess us up in such cosily familiar ways.
单身的感觉糟透了
Being single is so awful
周六傍晚,你必须平静接受内心的空虚,不断涌来与世界格格不入的感觉和无性的生活
You have to be very at peace with empty Saturday evenings, constant alienation and sexlessness
为了能找到合适的另一半变得慎重
in order to be choosy in the right way.
大多数人都紧闭双眼摸索着我们身边是不足为奇
No wonder most of us half shut our eyes and grab what’s there.
直觉有太多的威严
Instinct has too much prestige
婚姻是合乎情理的事,你父母需要做的是
Marriage used to be a rational business; all to do with your parents matching their bit
找个门当户对的。但这太冷淡了太计较
of land with the neighbours’. It was horribly cold and calculating.
所以现在有了浪漫的自主婚姻,意味着一切在于你的感觉。
So now we have romantic marriages. It’s meant to be all about how you feel. You should never
你不应该想太多,通过分析这个快速的决定而感到“不浪漫”
think too much. To analyse the decision immediately feels ‘un-Romantic’.
确实如此,做最浪漫的事大概就是突如其来的求婚了吧
Indeed, the most Romantic thing to do may just be to propose really suddenly, perhaps
或许在几个星期后,下午三点维加斯的某个教堂里……
after only a few weeks – in a chapel in Vegas at 3am…
这反常的行为看起来自相矛盾,但是婚姻本身就是一个敏感的概念
The madness seems a paradoxical sign that the marriage itself will be a sensible idea.
它不需要如此
It won’t be.
我们不修”爱”的功课
We don’t go to Schools of Love
我们一无所知
We don’t have any information.
我们不会上专门的课,不会和已婚的人士交谈,还会避开离婚人士
We don’t take classes, we don’t talk to married couples and steer very clear of divorced ones.
我们会陷入不知道为什么婚姻失败,超出我们的承担的范围
So we go into it without knowing why marriages really fail – beyond what we take to be
除了和别的伴侣犯的简单错误不一样外
just the simple stupidity of all those other couples we’re not like at all.
冻结幸福
Freezing happiness
你想要美好的事物永恒:你在威尼斯的咸水湖,没有任何负担。
You want to make nice things permanent: you’re in Venice, on the lagoon, with no responsibilities,
黄昏时分,海面波光粼粼,在一家
the evening sun throwing gold flakes across the sea, the prospect of dinner in a little
小海鲜餐馆怀里搂着你深爱的人,ta穿着开司米毛衣。
fish restaurant and your beloved in a cashmere jumper in your arms…
结婚的目的就是想要这种感觉永恒
You get married to make that feeling permanent.
当一切消逝,真正永恒的是你的伴侣-虽然会是处于不一样的状态。
But it all goes and what is really permanent is the partner – but now in a very different mood.
你想要停止不再爱
You want to stop thinking about Love
真是个莫大的痛苦:心痛,约会,一夜情
It’s such a pain: the heartache, the dating, the one night stands…
你想结束这些痛苦,你结婚是为了不在纠结爱这个问题
You want shot of it all. You marry to stop having to think about love all the time.
所有的这些因素都会导致你将嫁或娶了错误的伴侣-或者你已经做出了错误的选择
All of which is why you’ll marry the wrong person – or perhaps have done so already.
但是这并不是你的错,从未有人教导我们如何应对这些事
But it’s not really your fault. No one ever teaches us how to do this thing, and so of
所以难免会搞砸
course we crash.
我们人类最终学习,这些不正常行为不再继续,太多的人
We will, as a species, eventually learn. The careless madness can’t go on. Too many people
遍体鳞伤
get hurt.
之前在几个世纪过后,我们一定能掌握诀窍
In a few centuries at least, we’ll be getting the hang of it – for sure.

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