Life is unfair, we know that.
But you can’t escape that gush feeling of envy
every time you see that guy who is kind of a jerk
but always gets the pretty girl,
the promotion at work
and he’s always the face of the party
even though his face is not better looking than yours.
You may think that
niceness and agreeability are those beautiful traits
that distinguish you from that jerk everybody adores
and make you the better person.
Well not really.
Psychology professor Jordan Peterson would disagree with you.
Because it may be that
agreeableness is actually stopping you
from leading a more successful and fulfilling life.
Now remember how you felt when you heard that the professor disagrees with you?
Was your first thought that he is a stupid know nothing guy,
or did you get intrigued
because of his certainty and fearlessness to express his disagreement?
If you are like most people,
you probably felt a bit of respect for this person and
now you want to hear his opinion.
Why is that?
Well we have a natural curiosity about everything that is different from our opinion.
That’s why we enjoy watching movies
about psychotic persons, people who did bad and illegal stuff.
On a conscious level,
you probably don’t identify yourself with these type of characters or stories.
But, according to professor Jung,
one of the greatest minds in psychology,
all people have a human shadow.
The human shadow is the “dark side” of our personality
consisted of all the primitive, negative,
socially deprecated emotions and impulses.
The only way to know yourself
and to predict what other people are capable of doing,
is through a long and deep analysis of your own shadow.
The angel on our shoulder usually whispers to us
that a higher moral being is someone
who is incapable of cruelty.
But in reality,
people who don’t carry any aggression often end up as the victim of those who do.
In order to be respected,
you have to show strength of character,
which is the opposite of weak and naïve.
For example a disagreeable person always knows what he doesn’t want
and reacts accordingly,
unlike someone who is agreeable and tends to avoid conflict
and smooth the waters by letting other people have their way.
This agreeableness dates back from childhood
when your parents wanted to protect you from conflict
because it was just too dangerous,
so they taught you to avoid fights and to
always be nice, kind and considerate of others.
And this is where it gets tricky,
because life is filled with potential conflicts.
And now, as a grown person,
especially if you are physically and emotionally weak,
you’ve probably developed a fear of conflict.
Your best option is to avoid it and
hope that problems will resolve all by themselves.
The truth is that many times in life THERE ARE things
that you have to talk about.
So how can you become a more socially desirable person
and still get what you want?
Well.. first… say what you think.
In a lot of situations,
your thoughts will be unpleasant and cruel for many,
but there’s a great chance that you’ll also be telling the truth,
and by that,
gaining the respect of others.
And to successfully deliver a message,
it is necessary for it to be straightforward.
It’s also important to learn the ability to negotiate
on your own behalf.
Agreeable people put others first,
so they don’t have sense for their own desires.
This may seem like a noble characteristic,
but it sure doesn’t help in building a career
or attracting women.
The sad truth is that this often lines agreeable people up for being exploited.
If you are truly interested in other people’s desires,
instead of agreeing unconditionally,
you should try investigating the views of people that are opposite to yours.
This will open up for you a whole new perspective of the world
and will help you develop skills that you lack of.
For example, if you are an introverted person,
by watching how an extrovert acts, you can
learn new behaviors and new ways of dealing with problems.
This jungle of a world that we live in,
has taught us that a well socialized but disagreeable person
is forward moving and can move better through the obstacles of life.
Being able to be cruel, but choosing not to be,
is better than not being able to be cruel at all.
Strength is a feeling of confidence
and confidence comes from not being afraid
to explore the darkest parts of your own being and the beings of others.
So have fun through your jungle journey
of enlightenment and terror,
because that is a path, that eventually we all need to take.
Life is unfair, we know that.