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为什么你不该再做老好人了

Why you should stop being so nice.

Life is unfair, we know that.
我们都知道生活并不公平
But you can’t escape that gush feeling of envy
但是当你看到一个家伙
every time you see that guy who is kind of a jerk
他虽然是个混蛋
but always gets the pretty girl,
却总能得到靓妹的青睐
the promotion at work
还能在工作上晋升
and he’s always the face of the party
即使长相一般 也能成为聚会常客
even though his face is not better looking than yours.
这时候你不可避免地会涌出一丝嫉妒
You may think that
你可能会这样想
niceness and agreeability are those beautiful traits
友善与随和是迷人的特征
that distinguish you from that jerk everybody adores
能让你区别于人人崇拜的傻瓜
and make you the better person.
使你成为更好的人
Well not really.
其实并非如此
Psychology professor Jordan Peterson would disagree with you.
心理学教授乔丹·皮特森对此持反对意见
Because it may be that
因为老好人性格
agreeableness is actually stopping you
可能会成为你的绊脚石
from leading a more successful and fulfilling life.
阻碍你过上更成功 更有意义的生活
Now remember how you felt when you heard that the professor disagrees with you?
听到这个观点你有什么感觉呢?
Was your first thought that he is a stupid know nothing guy,
第一反应是否觉得他是个一无所知的蠢蛋
or did you get intrigued
还是你也很好奇
because of his certainty and fearlessness to express his disagreement?
因为他反对得非常坚定和坚决
If you are like most people,
如果你像多数人一样
you probably felt a bit of respect for this person and
你可能会对这个人有些许的尊敬
now you want to hear his opinion.
并且你想听听他的观点
Why is that?
为什么会这样?
Well we have a natural curiosity about everything that is different from our opinion.
因为人们生来就对观点不同的事物充满好奇
That’s why we enjoy watching movies
这就是为什么我们会喜欢看
about psychotic persons, people who did bad and illegal stuff.
有关精神病人 坏人和犯罪题材的电影
On a conscious level,
而在意识上
you probably don’t identify yourself with these type of characters or stories.
你可能不觉得自己和这些人物或故事有什么关系
But, according to professor Jung,
但根据心理学最伟大的人物之一
one of the greatest minds in psychology,
荣格教授的观点
all people have a human shadow.
所有人身上都有人格阴影
The human shadow is the “dark side” of our personality
人格阴影就是人们性格中的“阴暗面”
consisted of all the primitive, negative,
包括所有原始 消极
socially deprecated emotions and impulses.
以及不合群的情绪和冲动
The only way to know yourself
若要想了解你自己
and to predict what other people are capable of doing,
及估摸其他人做事情的能力
is through a long and deep analysis of your own shadow.
其唯一途径就是长期深入分析自身阴影
The angel on our shoulder usually whispers to us
我们心中的小天使会经常对我们耳语
that a higher moral being is someone
一个素质更高的人
who is incapable of cruelty.
不能够做出残忍的行为
But in reality,
但是事实上
people who don’t carry any aggression often end up as the victim of those who do.
纯粹的善类通常将成为那些非善类的牺牲品
In order to be respected,
为了赢得尊重
you have to show strength of character,
你必须展现你强硬的一面
which is the opposite of weak and naïve.
也就是与懦弱和天真相反的一面
For example a disagreeable person always knows what he doesn’t want
例如脾气不好的人总是知道自己不想要什么
and reacts accordingly,
并做出相应的反应
unlike someone who is agreeable and tends to avoid conflict
而那些和蔼可亲的人往往会选择避免冲突
and smooth the waters by letting other people have their way.
通过附和他人的行为来化解矛盾
This agreeableness dates back from childhood
这种老好人思想可追溯到童年
when your parents wanted to protect you from conflict
当时父母想保护你远离冲突
because it was just too dangerous,
因为冲突太危险了
so they taught you to avoid fights and to
所以他们告诉你要避免冲突
always be nice, kind and considerate of others.
并且要时刻保持友好善良 体恤他人
And this is where it gets tricky,
这就是难以理解的地方
because life is filled with potential conflicts.
因为生活本身充满潜在的冲突
And now, as a grown person,
而作为成年人
especially if you are physically and emotionally weak,
特别是身体上和情感上都很弱的时候
you’ve probably developed a fear of conflict.
就可能对冲突产生恐惧心理
Your best option is to avoid it and
此时你最好选择避免冲突
hope that problems will resolve all by themselves.
并希望问题会自行解决
They won’t..
但是它们不会……
The truth is that many times in life THERE ARE things
事实上 在生活中的很多时候
that you have to talk about.
都有一些你必须去谈论的事情
So how can you become a more socially desirable person
所以你该如何成为更合群的人
and still get what you want?
且仍可得到你想要的?
Well.. first… say what you think.
第一 说出你的想法
In a lot of situations,
在很多情况下
your thoughts will be unpleasant and cruel for many,
你的想法会让很多人感到不悦和残酷
but there’s a great chance that you’ll also be telling the truth,
但这也是个可以说实话的机会
and by that,
并以这种方式
gaining the respect of others.
赢得别人的尊重
And to successfully deliver a message,
如果要想成功地传达信息
it is necessary for it to be straightforward.
坦言是必要的
It’s also important to learn the ability to negotiate
同时学会为了你自己的利益去交涉
on your own behalf.
这点也很重要
Agreeable people put others first,
老好人总是先考虑别人
so they don’t have sense for their own desires.
所以他们不会注重自我需求
This may seem like a noble characteristic,
这看起来是一种高尚的品质
but it sure doesn’t help in building a career
但对于成就事业或吸引女性而言
or attracting women.
这的确没什么用
The sad truth is that this often lines agreeable people up for being exploited.
而实际上悲哀的是那些老好人总会因此被剥削
If you are truly interested in other people’s desires,
如果你真的对别人的意愿感兴趣
instead of agreeing unconditionally,
那么不要无条件地赞成
you should try investigating the views of people that are opposite to yours.
你应该尝试去了解那些和你意见相左的人的观点
This will open up for you a whole new perspective of the world
这将会为你打开一个全新的世界观
and will help you develop skills that you lack of.
并且帮助你提升你所缺乏的技能
For example, if you are an introverted person,
例如 如果你是一个内向的人
by watching how an extrovert acts, you can
就可通过观察外向人的举手投足
learn new behaviors and new ways of dealing with problems.
学到新的言行举止和解决问题的方法
This jungle of a world that we live in,
这个弱肉强食的世界教会我们
has taught us that a well socialized but disagreeable person
一个善与人打交道但脾气不那么好的人
is forward moving and can move better through the obstacles of life.
会不断上进并更好地解决生活中的困难
Being able to be cruel, but choosing not to be,
你可以变得很无情 但不要做无情的人
is better than not being able to be cruel at all.
这总好过那些根本没脾气的人
Strength is a feeling of confidence
强硬是一种自信的感觉
and confidence comes from not being afraid
这种自信就来自于
to explore the darkest parts of your own being and the beings of others.
不害怕去探寻自己和他人本质中的黑暗面
So have fun through your jungle journey
祝你在这场启蒙与恐惧并存的人生旅程中
of enlightenment and terror,
玩得开心
because that is a path, that eventually we all need to take.
因为这是我们最终都要经历的一段路

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视频概述

我们不该一味地做老好人,随声附和,否则会沦为他人的牺牲品,更不利于自己的成长!

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员QB

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1MOA71EJT0

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