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为什么定义恐惧比设置目标更重要?

Why you should define your fears instead of your goals | Tim Ferriss

So, this happy pic of me was taken in 1999.
我这张快乐的照片是在1999年拍摄的
I was a senior in college,
那年我大四
and it was right after a dance practice.
是在练完舞后拍摄的
I was really, really happy.
我当时非常 非常开心
And I remember exactly where I was about a week and a half later.
我清楚地记得在一周半之后
I was sitting in the back of my used minivan
我坐在我的二手小货车后座
in a campus parking lot,
车停在校园的停车场里
when I decided
当时我决定
I was going to commit suicide.
我要自杀
I went from deciding to full-blown planning very quickly.
我很快地从下定决心到计划周全
And I came this close to the edge of the precipice.
但是我悬崖勒马
It’s the closest I’ve ever come.
死亡近在咫尺
And the only reason I took my finger off the trigger
我没有扣动扳机的唯一原因
was thanks to a few lucky coincidences.
要感谢几个幸运的巧合
And after the fact,
在此之后
that’s what scared me the most: the element of chance.
我意识到真正令我恐惧的是运气的成分
So I became very methodical about testing different ways
因此我开始有条理地测试不同的方式
that I could manage my ups and downs,
来管控我生活中的跌宕起伏
which has proven to be a good investment.
后来证明这是个不错的投资
Many normal people might have,
大部分普通人一生中
say, six to 10 major depressive episodes in their lives.
可能会有6到10次较为严重的抑郁阶段
I have bipolar depression. It runs in my family.
我有躁郁症 这是我的家族遗传病
I’ve had 50-plus at this point,
我已经发作过50次以上了
and I’ve learned a lot.
我学到了很多
I’ve had a lot of at-bats,
我有过很多本垒打
many rounds in the ring with darkness,
和黑暗交手过很多回合
taking good notes.
记下了很多要点
So I thought rather than get up and give any type of recipe for success
所以我想 与其建立和给出任何成功秘诀
or highlight reel,
或者高光时刻
I would share my recipe for avoiding self-destruction,
我所要分享的是 避免自我毁灭的妙诀
and certainly self-paralysis.
当然还有避免自我麻痹
And the tool I’ve found which has proven to be the most reliable safety net
我找到的工具 是被证明在情绪自由下沉时
for emotional free fall
最可靠的安全网
is actually the same tool
这实际上也是
that has helped me to make my best business decisions.
帮助我做出最佳生意决策的工具
But that is secondary.
但那是次要的了
And it is … stoicism.
它就是……斯多葛主义
That sounds boring.
听起来很无趣
You might think of Spock,
你可能会想到星际争霸战的史巴克
or it might conjure and image like this —
你也可能会想起这样的画面——
a cow standing in the rain.
站在雨中的一头牛
It’s not sad. It’s not particularly happy.
它并不悲伤 它也并不快乐
It’s just an impassive creature taking whatever life sends its way.
只是一个没感情的动物 生活给它什么 就接受什么
You might not think of the ultimate competitor, say, Bill Belichick,
你可能不会想到终极的竞赛者 比如比尔·贝利奇克
head coach of the New England Patriots,
他是新英格兰爱国者队的总教练
who has the all-time NFL record for Super Bowl titles.
也是历来美国职业橄榄球联盟 超级杯的记录保持人
And stoicism has spread like wildfire in the top of the NFL ranks
过去几年 斯多葛主义就像野火一样在NFL顶尖球队中扩散
as a means of mental toughness training in the last few years.
被当作精神强悍训练的手段
You might not think of the Founding Fathers —
你可能不会想到开国元勋们
Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, George Washington
托马斯·杰斐逊 约翰·亚当斯 乔治·华盛顿都是拥趸
to name but three students of stoicism.
我只是列举三位斯多葛主义的学生
George Washington actually had a play about a Stoic —
乔治·华盛顿实际还有一个关于斯多葛主义的剧
this was “Cato, a Tragedy” —
叫做《加图:一部悲剧》
performed for his troops at Valley Forge
在佛吉谷给他的士兵们演出
to keep them motivated.
以保持他们的积极性
So why would people of action focus so much on an ancient philosophy?
所以为什么实干派如此重视这古老的哲学?
This seems very academic.
这似乎很古板
I would encourage you to think about stoicism a little bit differently,
我会鼓励你用稍微不一样的方式去思考斯多葛主义
as an operating system for thriving in high-stress environments,
把它想成在高压环境中通向成功的操作系统
for making better decisions.
能做出更好的决策
And it all started here,
这一切从这里开始
kind of,
可以算是吧
on a porch.
从这个门廊开始
So around 300 BC in Athens,
大约在公元前300年的雅典
someone named Zeno of Citium taught many lectures
有个埃利亚的芝诺 有着丰富的教学经验
walking around a painted porch, a “stoa.”
他在这个着色的长廊上来回走着 长廊叫做“stoa”
That later became “stoicism.”
这就是之后的“stoicism”
And in the Greco-Roman world,
在希腊罗马世界里
people used stoicism as a comprehensive system
人们把斯多葛主义当作是一种综合系统
for doing many, many things.
做很多很多事情都会用到
But for our purposes, chief among them was training yourself
但对于我们 最主要的目的就是自我训练
to separate what you can control from what you cannot control,
将你能控制的与不能控制的分开
and then doing exercises to focus exclusively
然后做一些练习 完全把焦点
on the former.
放在前者
This decreases emotional reactivity,
这会降低情绪反应
which can be a superpower.
可以说是一种超能力
Conversely, let’s say you’re a quarterback.
相反的 比如说你是个橄榄球的四分位
You miss a pass. You get furious with yourself.
你漏接了一个传球 你很气你自己
That could cost you a game.
那可能会让你输掉整场比赛
If you’re a CEO,
如果你是总裁
and you fly off the handle at a very valued employee
你对一个非常有价值的员工发脾气
because of a minor infraction,
仅仅只是因为一件小事出错
that could cost you the employee.
你可能就会失去这个员工
If you’re a college student who,
如果你是个大学生
say, is in a downward spiral,
身处于人生低谷的漩涡中
and you feel helpless and hopeless,
你感到无助且无望
unabated, that could cost you your life.
无法消散 最终可能会让你失去生命
So the stakes are very, very high.
所以风险是非常非常高的
And there are many tools in the toolkit to get you there.
工具箱里有很多工具可以帮你解决这些
I’m going to focus on one that completely changed my life in 2004.
我只打算说一种 在2004年完全改变了我人生的工具
It found me then because of two things:
我那时找到它 有两个原因:
a very close friend, young guy, my age,
一个与我很亲近的同年好友
died of pancreatic cancer unexpectedly,
毫无预期地死于胰腺癌
and then my girlfriend, who I thought I was going to marry, walked out.
还有我的女友 我原以为我们会结婚 但她离开了我
She’d had enough, and she didn’t give me a Dear John letter,
她受够了 她没有给我写分手信
but she did give me this,
但她给了我这个
a Dear John plaque.
一个分手饰品
I’m not making this up. I’ve kept it.
这不是我编出来的 我还留着它
“Business hours are over at five o’clock.”
“工作时间到5点结束”
She gave this to me to put on my desk for personal health,
为我健康着想 她把这个放在了我的桌上
because at the time, I was working on my first real business.
因为那时 我正在打拼我的第一份真正的事业
I had no idea what I was doing.
我并不知道我在干什么
I was working 14-plus hour days,
我一天工作超过14个小时
seven days a week.
一周工作七天
I was using stimulants to get going.
我靠着兴奋剂来维持
I was using depressants to wind down and go to sleep.
我要吃镇定剂才能放松下来 才能入睡
It was a disaster.
那真的很糟糕
I felt completely trapped.
我感觉自己完全被困住了
I bought a book on simplicity to try to find answers.
我买了一本关于简朴生活的书 试图找到答案
And I did find a quote that made a big difference in my life,
我确实在书中找到一句话 给我的人生带来了很大的不同
which was, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality,”
那句话就是:折磨我们的往往是想像 而非真实
by Seneca the Younger,
这是塞内卡说的
who was a famous Stoic writer.
他是个著名的斯多葛主义作家
That took me to his letters,
那句话引导我去读他的信
which took me to the exercise,
也引导我去练习
“premeditatio malorum,”
“premeditatio malorum”
which means the pre-meditation of evils.
意思是:对厄运的提前预想
In simple terms,
简单来说
this is visualizing the worst-case scenarios, in detail, that you fear,
就是预想可能出现的最坏情景及你所恐惧的细节
preventing you from taking action,
以及阻止你行动的那些事
so that you can take action to overcome that paralysis.
而提前预想能让你采取行动 去克服那种麻痹不前
My problem was monkey mind — super loud, very incessant.
我当时头脑一片混乱 充斥着连续不断嘈杂的声音
Just thinking my way through problems doesn’t work.
对我来说 光想着要如何度过难关是没有用的
I needed to capture my thoughts on paper.
我需要把我的思路写在纸上
So I created a written exercise
所以我创建了一个书写练习
that I called “fear-setting,” like goal-setting,
我把它称为“恐惧设定” 就像目标设定一样
for myself.
为我自己设定的
It consists of three pages.
它包含了3页纸
Super simple.
超级简单
The first page is right here.
第一页就在这里
“What if I …?”
“如果我……会怎样?”
This is whatever you fear,
这是指你害怕的任何事
whatever is causing you anxiety,
造成你焦虑的事
whatever you’re putting off.
让你拖延的事
It could be asking someone out,
可能是开口约某人出去
ending a relationship,
结束一段恋情
asking for a promotion, quitting a job, starting a company.
要求升职 辞掉工作 开公司
It could be anything.
可能是任何事情
For me, it was taking my first vacation in four years
对我而言 是我四年以来的第一次度假
and stepping away from my business for a month to go to London,
离开我的事业一个月去伦敦
where I could stay in a friend’s room for free,
我可以免费住在一个朋友家
to either remove myself as a bottleneck in the business
要么就此解决我事业的瓶颈期
or shut it down.
要么停业
In the first column, “Define,”
第一栏 是“定义”
you’re writing down all of the worst things
你要写下 如果你踏出那一步
you can imagine happening if you take that step.
你能想象到的所有可能发生的最糟糕的事
You want 10 to 20.
你应该要写10到20项
I won’t go through all of them, but I’ll give you two examples.
我不打算全部说 但我会举两个例子
One was, I’ll go to London, it’ll be rainy, I’ll get depressed,
其一是:我要去伦敦 那儿经常下雨 所以我很沮丧
the whole thing will be a huge waste of time.
整件事将是在浪费时间
Number two, I’ll miss a letter from the IRS,
第二件:就是我会错过来自国税局的信
and I’ll get audited
然后我会被审查
or raided or shut down or some such.
或者被突击检查 或被关闭起来等等
And then you go to the “Prevent” column.
接着就到了“预防”那一栏
In that column, you write down the answer to:
在那一栏 你要写出这个问题的答案
What could I do to prevent each of these bullets from happening,
我能做什么去预防每件事发生
or, at the very least, decrease the likelihood even a little bit?
或者至少把发生的可能性降低一点
So for getting depressed in London,
所以 针对在伦敦而感到沮丧这一点
I could take a portable blue light with me
我可以随身带着便携式蓝光
and use it for 15 minutes in the morning.
早上用15分钟
I knew that helped stave off depressive episodes.
我知道那个对防止抑郁发作有帮助
For the IRS bit,
对国税局一事
I could change the mailing address on file with the IRS
我可以向国税局申请更改档案地址
so the paperwork would go to my accountant
因此文件就会被寄到我的会计那里
instead of to my UPS address.
而不是我自己的邮寄地址了
Easy-peasy.
轻而易举
Then we go to “Repair.”
接下来一栏是“修复”
So if the worst-case scenarios happen,
如果最糟糕的情况发生了
what could you do to repair the damage even a little bit,
你能做些什么 哪怕只是稍微修复一下所造成的伤害
or who could you ask for help?
或者你能向谁求助?
So in the first case, London,
所以 在第一个伦敦的例子中
well, I could fork over some money, fly to Spain, get some sun —
我可以多花一些钱飞到西班牙 去享受阳光
undo the damage, if I got into a funk.
如果我感到害怕的话 这样就可以弥补损失
In the case of missing a letter from the IRS,
在错过国税局信件的例子中
I could call a friend who is a lawyer
我可以打电话给律师朋友
or ask, say, a professor of law
或是问一下法律教授
what they would recommend,
看他们有什么建议
who I should talk to, how had people handled this in the past.
我该去找谁谈 人们过去是如何处理这种问题的
So one question to keep in mind as you’re doing this first page is:
所以在第一页的时候 有一件事情需要铭记于心
Has anyone else in the history of time
在过去历史上有没有
less intelligent or less driven
没你那么聪明或没你那么有动力的人
figured this out?
找出过答案的?
Chances are, the answer is “Yes.”
很有可能 是有的
The second page is simple:
第二页很简单
What might be the benefits of an attempt or a partial success?
如果去尝试或部分成功 会有什么益处?
You can see we’re playing up the fears
你可以看出来 我们在扮演恐惧
and really taking a conservative look at the upside.
用保守的视角去看好的一面
So if you attempted whatever you’re considering,
所以如果你试着去做你正在考虑的事情
might you build confidence, develop skills,
你是否可能会建立起信心 锻炼出技能
emotionally, financially, otherwise?
无论是情绪上 财务上或是其它方面?
What might be the benefits of, say, a base hit?
如果说一个安打会有什么好处?
Spend 10 to 15 minutes on this.
这里要花个10到15分钟
Page three.
第三页
This might be the most important, so don’t skip it:
这可能是最重要的 所以不要跳过它
“The Cost of Inaction.”
“不行动的代价”
Humans are very good at considering what might go wrong
人们非常擅长去思考什么可能会出错
if we try something new, say, ask for a raise.
如果我们尝试一些新的东西 比如说 要求加薪
What we don’t often consider is the atrocious cost of the status quo —
我们通常不会去思考的是维持现状的代价有多糟
not changing anything.
也就是不会改变任何事情
So you should ask yourself,
所以你应该问问自己
if I avoid this action or decision
如果我避开不做这个行动或决策
and actions and decisions like it,
以及类似的行动和决策
what might my life look like in, say, six months, 12 months, three years?
那我6个月 12个月 3年后的人生会是怎样?
Any further out, it starts to seem intangible.
再远的话可能会太难以确定了
And really get detailed — again, emotionally, financially,
认真去想细节 任何在情绪上 财务上
physically, whatever.
身体上的等等
And when I did this,
当这么做时
it painted a terrifying picture.
我头脑里产生了一个很可怕的画面
I was self-medicating,
我在自我治疗
my business was going to implode at any moment at all times,
我的事业随时都有可能内爆
if I didn’t step away.
如果我不退开的话
My relationships were fraying or failing.
我的恋情在破裂或许走向失败
And I realized that inaction was no longer an option for me.
我意识到 我不能选择不行动
Those are the three pages. That’s it. That’s fear-setting.
这就是三页纸 做恐惧设定的方法
And after this, I realized that on a scale of one to 10,
在这之后 我意识到如果是1到10的评分范围
one being minimal impact, 10 being maximal impact,
1表示影响最小 10表示影响最大
if I took the trip, I was risking
如果我去旅行 我冒的风险
a one to three of temporary and reversible pain
是1到3分的暂时性痛苦 而且它是可反转的
for an eight to 10 of positive, life-changing impact
但是如果有8到10分 这是改变人生式的影响
that could be a semi-permanent.
这种影响可能是半永久性的
So I took the trip.
所以我选择去旅行了
None of the disasters came to pass.
那些灾难都没有发生
There were some hiccups, sure.
当然也有一些小问题
I was able to extricate myself from the business.
我得以将自己从事业中解脱
I ended up extending that trip for a year and a half around the world,
我最后把它延长成一年半的世界之旅
and that became the basis for my first book,
那成了我写第一本书的基础
that leads me here today.
也让我今天站在了这里
And I can trace all of my biggest wins
对我所有大的成功
and all of my biggest disasters averted
以及所有避开的大灾难
back to doing fear-setting
都是由于我做的恐惧设定
at least once a quarter.
至少一季度做一次
It’s not a panacea.
它不是万能药
You’ll find that some of your fears are very well-founded.
你会发现你的一些恐惧的确有其原因
But you shouldn’t conclude that without first putting them under a microscope.
但你不能在用显微镜去观察它们前得出结论
And it doesn’t make all the hard times, the hard choices, easy,
它也不会让难熬的时刻或困难的抉择都变得容易
but it can make a lot of them easier.
但能让其中很多选择变得容易一些
I’d like to close with a profile of one of my favorite modern-day Stoics.
我想用其中一位我最喜欢的现代斯多葛主义者来作总结
This is Jerzy Gregorek.
这是杰西·格雷戈雷克
He is a four-time world champion in Olympic weightlifting,
他四度赢得奥运举重世界冠军
political refugee,
一位政治难民
published poet,
出版过作品的诗人
62 years old.
62岁
He can still kick my ass and probably most asses in this room.
他仍然能打趴我 大概也能打趴这个地方的大部分人
He’s an impressive guy.
他是一个令人钦佩的人
I spent a lot of time on his stoa, his porch,
我用了很多时间 在他的拱廊 他的门廊上
asking life and training advice.
询问关于人生和训练的一些建议
He was part of the Solidarity in Poland,
他是波兰团结工会的一员
which was a nonviolent movement for social change
团结工会是个非暴力的社会改革运动
that was violently suppressed by the government.
但受到政府的暴力打击
He lost his career as a firefighter.
他失去了消防员的工作
Then his mentor,
接着 他的导师
a priest, was kidnapped, tortured, killed
是一名牧师 被绑架 虐待 然后被杀害
and thrown into a river.
弃尸于河中
He was then threatened.
他接着被威胁
He and his wife had to flee Poland,
他和他的太太不得不逃离波兰
bounce from country to country
奔波于其它国家之间
until they landed in the US with next to nothing,
直到他们抵达美国 接着他们几乎一无所有
sleeping on floors.
睡在地板上
He now lives in Woodside, California, in a very nice place,
他现居加州的伍赛德 那是个很好的地方
and of the 10,000-plus people I’ve met in my life,
在我们一生中至少见过一万个人
I would put him in the top 10,
就成功和快乐方面来说
in terms of success and happiness.
我会把他排在前十名
And there’s a punchline coming, so pay attention.
结尾的妙语来了 大家请注意
I sent him a text a few weeks ago,
几周前我给他发了信息
asking him: Had he ever read any Stoic philosophy?
问他是否读过任何关于斯多葛的哲学?
And he replied with two pages of text.
他回复了两页文字
This is very unlike him. He is a terse dude.
这很不像他 因为他是一个用字精简的人
And not only was he familiar with stoicism,
他不仅对斯多葛主义很熟悉
but he pointed out, for all of his most important decisions,
他还指出 他所有重要的决定
his inflection points,
他的转折点
when he stood up for his principles and ethics,
当他为了他的原则和道德准则挺身而出时
how he had used stoicism and something akin to fear-setting,
他都用了斯多葛主义以及类似恐惧设定的方法
which blew my mind.
这让我震撼到了
And he closed with two things.
他以两件事作结
Number one: he couldn’t imagine any life more beautiful
第一:他无法想象有任何人的人生
than that of a Stoic.
能比斯多葛学派者的人生更美
And the last was his mantra, which he applies to everything,
第二是他的真言 他用在所有事情上
and you can apply to everything:
你也可以用在所有事情上
“Easy choices, hard life.
“轻松的选择 困难的人生”
Hard choices, easy life.”
“困难的选择 轻松的人生”
The hard choices —
困难的选择——
what we most fear doing, asking, saying —
我们最怕去做 去问 去说的事
these are very often exactly what we most need to do.
常常正是我们需要去做的事
And the biggest challenges and problems we face
我们所面对的最大挑战和问题
will never be solved with comfortable conversations,
永远不可能通过舒适的对话来解决
whether it’s in your own head or with other people.
无论是你脑中的自我对话 或是与他人的对话
So I encourage you to ask yourselves:
所以我鼓励你们问问自己
Where in your lives right now
现在在你们的人生中有哪些地方
might defining your fears be more important than defining your goals?
定义你的恐惧会比设定你的目标更重要?
Keeping in mind all the while, the words of Seneca:
别忘了塞内卡说的话:
“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
“在我们想象中所受的苦 比现实中的还多”
Thank you very much.
非常感谢

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视频概述

恐惧往往使我们踌躇不前,而克服恐惧则是我们实现目标的关键

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Dorothy小多

审核员

审核员XY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J6jAC6XxAI

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