一年一度
Once a year…
一千位英杰汇聚在加州蒙特利
1000 remarkable people gather in Monterey, California
交流他们那些价值不可估量的
to exchange something of incalculable value
想法
Their ideas
在此之前 从未分享过
What happens there has never been shared …until now.
TED
TED
值得传播的思想
Ideas worth spreading.
抛砖引玉之思想由宝马公司赞助提供
This inspired thinking shared with you by: BMW- The Ultimate Driving Machine
[掌声]
[applause]
今天我想讲讲 在接下来的一个世纪里
I’d like to talk today about the two biggest social trends
甚至有可能是接下来的一万年里两个最大的社交趋势
in the coming century, and perhaps in the next 10,000 years.
但我想先从 我对爱情的研究讲起
But I want to start with my work on romantic love,
因为那是我最近的工作
because that’s my most recent work.
我和我的同事对三十二位
What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people
疯狂陷入爱情的人
who were madly in love,
进行了功能性脑部核磁共振扫描
into a functional MRI brain scanner.
其中十七人 他们的爱情得到了回应
17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted;
另外十五人则刚刚被抛弃
and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped.
所以我想先给你们讲这次的研究
And so I want to tell you about that first,
然后再讲我所认为的爱情会发展成什么
and then go on into where I think love is going.
[笑声]
(Laughter)
莎士比亚曾经问道：“爱是什么？”
“What is to love?” Shakespeare said.
我想我们的祖先
I think our ancestors —
对这个问题的困惑 早在一百万年前
I think human beings have been wondering about this question
当他们围坐或仰卧在篝火旁
since they sat around their campfires
望着天上的星星时 就开始了
or lay and watched the stars a million years ago.
为了找到什么是爱情
I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was
我翻阅了45年来心理学方面的研究材料
by looking at the last 45 yearsof the psychological research
结果发现
and as it turns out,
当你恋爱的时候 会发生一些特殊的现象
there’s a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love.
首先会发生的是
The first thing that happens is,
某个人开始变得 用我的话说就是具有 “特殊意义”
a person begins to take on what I call, “special meaning”.
就像一位卡车司机曾经对我说
As a truck driver once said to me,
我的世界有了一个新的中心
The world had a new center,
那就是玛丽·安”
and that center was Mary Anne.”
而萧伯纳用不同的方式表达了同样的意思
George Bernard Shaw said it differently.
他说：“爱情就是夸大一个女人
He said, “Love consists of overestimating the differences
和另外一个女人之间的差别”
between one woman and another.”
而事实的确如此 我们就是这么做的
And indeed, that’s what we do.
[笑声]
[Laughter]
然后你全身心只关注这个人
And then you just focus on this person.
虽然你能列出不喜欢TA的地方
You can list what you don’t like about them,
但你并不理会 然后全力去爱
but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do.
就像乔叟说的那样 “爱情是盲目的”
as Chaucer said,”Love is blind.”
为了理解浪漫爱情
I’m trying to understand romantic love,
我决定阅读来自世界各地的诗歌
I decided I would read poetry from all over the world,
现在我想给你们读一首写于八世纪中国的小诗
and I just want to give you one very short poem from eighth-century China,
因为它几近完美地展现了一个男人
because it’s an almost perfect example of a man
是怎样全身心地关注一个女人
who is focused totally on a particular woman.
就像一个人
It’s a little bit like
疯狂地爱上一个人的时候
when you are madly in love with somebody
如同你走进一个停车场
and you walk into a parking lot —
你会觉得TA的车与其他任何车都不一样
their car is different from every other car in the parking lot.
就连TA晚宴上的红酒杯
Their wine glass at dinner is different
也和其他任何的酒杯不一样
from every other wine glass at the dinner party.
在这个故事里 一个男人被一张竹席吸引
And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.
这首诗大意是这样的
And it goes like this.
出自诗人元稹
It’s by a guy called Yuan Zhen.
竹簟衬重茵 未忍都令卷
“I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat.
忆昨初来日 看君自施展
The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out. ”
他之所以因一个竹席而伤感
He became hooked on a sleeping mat,
可能因为大脑中的多巴胺增多引起的反应
probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain,
就像你和我一样
just like with you and me.
但总之 这个人不仅对你来说有特殊意义
But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning,
你会全身心关注他们
you focus your attention on them.
会夸大他们的优点
You aggrandize them.
而且你的精力非常旺盛
But you have intense energy.
就像一个波利尼亚人说的那样：
As one Polynesian said,
“我觉得仿佛飞到了空中”
“I felt like jumping in the sky.”
你会整晚都睡不着 一直走到黎明
You’re up all night. You’re walking till dawn.
事事顺利时 你兴高采烈
You feel intense elation when things are going well;
不顺时 情绪波动并陷入极度失望和恐慌
mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly.
所有情绪完全依赖于这个人
Real dependence on this person.
就像一位纽约商人曾对我说：
As one businessman in New York said to me,
“她喜欢的任何东西我都喜欢”
“Anything she liked, I liked.”
简单！爱情非常简单
Simple! Romantic love is very simple.
你会变得占有欲极强
You become extremely sexually possessive.
如果你只是随意和某个人同睡
You know, if you’re just sleepingwith somebody casually,
你就不会在意TA是否也和其他人同睡
you don’t really careif they’re sleeping with somebody else.
但当你恋爱的时候
But the moment you fall in love,
你对他们会有极强的占有欲
you become extremely sexually possessive of them.
我认为这符合尔达文进化论
I think there’s a Darwinianpurpose to this.
目的就是两个人紧紧联系在一起
The whole point of this is to pull two people together
这种关系牢固到足以让他们组织家庭生儿育女
strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.
但爱情最重要的特征是渴望
But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving:
想和某个人在一起的强烈渴望
an intense craving to be with a particular person,
不只是性方面 还有情感方面的渴望
not just sexually, but emotionally.
能和TA同床共枕当然是非常好的
It would be nice to go to bed with them,
但你也想要TA打电话给你
but you want them to call you on the telephone,
约你出去 等等
to invite you out, etc.,
想要TA对你说 爱你
to tell you that they love you.
爱情另外一个主要的特征是动机
The other main characteristicis motivation.
你大脑里的马达开始启动了 迫不及待地想得到这个人
The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.
爱情的最后一个同样重要的特征是痴迷
And last but not least, it is an obsession.
让他们进入核磁共振仪器之前
Before I put these people in the MRI machine,
我会问他们各种各样的问题
I would ask them all kinds of questions.
但最重要的问题始终都是同样的
But my most important question was always the same.
“你一天之中有多少时间
It was: “What percentage of the day and night
在想这个人？”
do you think about this person?”
他们会说
And indeed, they would say,
“整天整夜
“All day. All night.
我从来没停止过想TA”
I can never stop thinking about him or her.”
然后 我会问他们最后一个问题
And then, the very last question I would ask
我经常强迫自己考虑这个问题
I would always have to work myself up to this question,
因为我不是心理学家
because I’m not a psychologist,
我的同事中并没有经历过创伤的
I don’t work with people in any kind of traumatic situation.
我最后的问题也都落在一点：
My final question was always the same.
“你会为TA而死吗？”
I would say, “Would you die for him or her?”
答案无一例外 这些人会说 “会的！”
And indeed, these people would say”Yes!”
就像是吃饭时我问他们把手边的盐递给我一样
as if I had asked them to pass the salt.
我感到很震惊
I was just staggered by it.
我让他们先看一张
So we scanned their brains,
爱人的照片
looking at a photographof their sweetheart
然后再让他们看一张不相关的照片 并监测他们大脑的活动
and looking at a neutral photograph with a distraction task in between,
这样我们可以看到同一个大脑 在有强烈反应时
so we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state
和处在休息时的状态
and when it was in a resting state.
我们发现许多大脑区域内都有活动
And we found activity in a lot of brain regions.
事实上 我们最关注的是
In fact, one of the most important was a brain region
当你感到柯卡因波动时 大脑区域甚至变得更活跃
that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine.
而这正是人们看到爱人照片时的反应
And indeed, that’s exactly what happens.
我开始意识到爱情并不是一种情绪
I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion.
其实 我以前一直认为爱情是一系列的情绪
In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions,
从极度兴奋到极度低沉
from very high to very low.
但实际上 爱情是一种驱动力
But actually, it’s a drive.
是来自于心灵深处的动力
It comes from the motor of the mind,
来自于内心的欲望和强烈的渴望
the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind.
这种动力 就像你想要得到
The kind of part of the mind when you’re reaching
那块巧克力一样
for that piece of chocolate,
就像你想要在工作中获得晋升一样
when you want to win that promotion at work.
驱动大脑活动的马达 它就是一种驱动力
The motor of the brain. It’s a drive.
我认为这种动力比性驱使更强大
And in fact, I think it’s more powerful than the sex drive.
当你问别人是否愿意和你上床
You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you,
而这个人说“不”
and they say,”No, thank you,”
你肯定不会为此自杀或是患上忧郁症
you certainly don’t kill yourselfor slip into a clinical depression.
但在全世界范围内
But certainly, around the world,
有人会因为爱情被拒绝而展开杀戮
people who are rejected in love will kill for it.
人们为爱而生
People live for love.
为爱而杀戮
They kill for love.
为爱而死
They die for love.
他们为爱创作歌曲 诗歌 小说 雕塑
They have songs, poems, novels, sculptures,
绘画 神话故事和传奇
paintings, myths, legends.
在一百七十五个国家里
In over 175 societies,
人们已经证明了这部分大脑系统的强大
people have left their evidenceof this powerful brain system.
所以我认为 在感受大喜大悲方面
I have come to think it’s one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth
它是世界上最强大的大脑系统之一
for both great joy and great sorrow.
我还认为它是从最初的交配和繁殖发展而来的
And I’ve also come to think that it’s one of three basically different brain systems
是三种不同的大脑系统之一
that evolved from mating and reproduction.
一种是性驱驶：渴望得到性满足
One is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification.
W. H. Auden称之为：不能忍受的神经性心痒
W.H Auden called it an “intolerable neural itch,”
而它的确就是这样
and indeed, that’s what it is.
它总是不停地烦扰着你 就像感受饥饿一样
It keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry.
第二种大脑系统就是爱情：
The second of these three brainsystems is romantic love:
那种情窦初开的喜悦与痴迷
that elation, obsession of early love.
第三种大脑系统是依赖
And the third brain system is attachment:
那是一种从长期伴侣那里才能体会到的平和与安全的感觉
that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.
而且我认为 性欲可以发展到让你
And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there,
在所有范围内寻找伴侣
looking for a whole range of partners.
当你开车的时候 就能体会到这种感觉
You can feel it when you’re just driving along in your car.
没有专注于任何人
It can be focused on nobody.
而爱情能让你
I think romantic love evolved to
把集中起来的交配能量只用于某个人身上
enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time,
从而保存交配的时间与能量 等待时机
thereby conserving mating time and energy.
而第三种大脑系统：依赖
And I think that attachment,the third brain system,
则发展成 能使你容忍这个人
evolved to enable you to toleratethis human being
至少可以帮你撑到一起抚养小孩的阶段
at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.
那么 这段开场白之后
So with that preamble,
我想讨论两个最显著的社会趋势
I want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends.
一个产生于10000年前
One of the last 10,000 years
另一个是25年前
and the other, certainly of the last 25 years,
这两种趋势对
that there’re gonna have an impact
对这三种不同的大脑系统：
on these three different brain systems:
性欲 爱情与对伴侣的深深依赖产生过影响
lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.
首先是女人开始工作 成为劳动力的一部分
The first is women working moving into the workforce.
我查阅了联合国的世界人口统计
I’ve looked at 130 societies through
一百三十个国家的年鉴
the demographic yearbooks of the United Nations
发现全世界范围内 一百三十个国家中有一百二十九个国家的女性
that everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them,
不仅正在进入劳动市场
women are not only moving into the job market —
虽然过程有时比较缓慢
sometimes very, very slowly,
而且她们在进入到劳动市场后
but they are moving into the job market —
在经济 健康与教育领域
and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women
慢慢地使两性差异逐渐缩小
in terms of economic power,health and education.
虽然这个世界上出现的趋势 其过程都会很缓慢
It’s very slow for every trend in on this planet,
而且总会伴随着阻力 对此我们都很了解
there’s a counter-trend we all know of them.
但无论怎样 就像那句古老的阿拉伯谚语：
but nevertheless — the old Arabs saying —
”狗会叫 但车队仍会前行 ”
“The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on.”
的确 这一趋势正在滚滚前行
And indeed, that caravan is moving on
女性正在重返劳动市场
Women are moving back into the job market.
我之所以说是重返 因为女性劳动这事并不新鲜
And I say back into the job market, because this is not new.
几百万年以来 在非洲的大草原上
For millions of years on the grasslands of Africa,
女性每天出去农作 收割蔬菜
women commuted to work to gather their vegetables.
每晚带回60-80%的晚餐到家
They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.
那时 双人收入家庭是标准家庭
The double income family was the standard.
而且女性被视为 与男性有同等的经济能力
And women were regarded as just as economically,
社会能力和性权利
socially and sexually powerful as men.
简而言之 我们正在返璞归真
In short, we’re really moving forward to the past.
但后来 女性最差的发明就是犁
Then, women’s worst invention was the plow.
随着犁耕农业社会的开始
With the beginning of plow agriculture,
男性的角色变得极为强大
men’s roles became extremely powerful.
女性作为收割者失去了她们古老的工作
Women lost their ancient jobs as collectors,
但随着工业革命和后工业革命的产生
but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution
她们开始重返劳动市场
they’re moving back into the job market.
简而言之 她们正在重获早在百万年前
In short, they are acquiring the status
甚至一万年前 十万年前就曾拥有过的
that they had a million years ago,
身份和社会地位
10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago.
我们现在看到的是人类历史上最具
We are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions
标志性的传统之一
in the history of the human animal.
而且它会产生一定的影响
And it’s gonna have an impact.
我通常都会 就女性对商界的影响做个全面的讲解
I generally give a whole lecture on the impact of women on the business community.
但这次我只讲几件事
I’ll say just a couple of things,
然后就讲性与爱
and then go on to sex and love.
性别差异有很多
There’s a lot of gender differences;
那些认为男人和女人是一样的人
anybody who thinks men and women are alike
一定从没抚养过儿女
simply never had a boy and a girl child.
我不知道为什么他们认为男人和女人是一样的
I don’t know why they want to think that men and women are alike.
男人和女人的确有很多相同的地方
There’s much we have in common,
但也有很多不同
but there’s a whole lot that we do not have in common.
正如Ted Hughs所言
We are — in the words of Ted Hughes,
“我们就像人的两只脚 需要彼此配合才能前行”
“I think that we are like two feet.We need each other to get ahead.”
但我们的大脑并没有进化成一样的构造
But we did not evolve to have the same brain.
而且现在发现越来越多的性别差异
And we’re finding more and more gender differences in the brain.
我只讲几点 然后就讲性与爱的部分
I’ll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love.
其中一点是女性的语言能力
One of them is women’s verbal ability.
女人是聊天高手
Women can talk.
女性可以迅速找到正确的词汇
Women’s ability to find the right word rapidly,
在月经周期中间 雌性激素达到顶峰时
basic articulation goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle
基本表达清晰度上升
when estrogen levels peak.
即使在经期 她们的表现也比普通男性好
But even at menstruation,they’re better than the average man.
女性擅于交谈
Women can talk.
她们早在百万年前就如此
They’ve been doing it for a million years;
语言是她们的工具
words were women’s tools.
她们把孩子抱在面前
They held that baby in front of their face,
用语言爱抚 责骂 教育他们
cajoling it, reprimanding it,educating it with words.
的确 女性正在成为一股强大的力量
And indeed, they’re becominga very powerful force.
甚至在一些较慢的国家如印度和日本
Even in places like India and Japan,
女性也能进入普通劳动市场
where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market,
女性也进入到了新闻行业
they’re moving into journalism.
我认为电视就像全球的篝火晚会
And I think that the televisionis like the global campfire.
我们围坐在它周围 它塑造我们的思想
We sit around it and it shapes our minds.
我录制节目时 那些给我打电话商量谈话内容的
Almost always, when I’m on TV,the producer who calls me,
制片人几乎都是女性
who negotiates what we’re going to say, is a woman.
其实 Solzhenitsyn曾经说过
In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said,
“拥有一个伟大的作家 就像拥有了另一个政府”
“To have a great writeris to have another government.”
如今在美国54%的作家都是女性
Today 54 percent of people who are writers in America are women.
这只是女性拥有的众多特性之一
It’s one of many, manycharacteristics that women have
她们会将这些特性带入到劳动市场中
that they will bring into the job market.
女人拥有非凡的社交和谈判技巧
They’ve got incredible people skills, negotiating skills.
有着丰富的想象力
They’re highly imaginative.
我们现在知道想象力和长远计划形成的大脑回路
We now know the brain circuitryof imagination, of long-term planning.
她们是思路缜密的思考者
They tend to be web thinkers.
因为女性大脑各部分联系得更好
Because the female partsof the brain are better connected,
她们思考的时候 能收集更多的数据
they tend to collect morepieces of data when they think,
把它们组合成更复杂的模式 从而看到更多选择和结果
put them into more complex patterns,see more options and outcomes.
她们能进行条理清楚、整体性的思考
They tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers,
我称其为网状思考者
what I call web thinkers.
而男人会剔除他们
Men tend to — and these are averages —
认为不相关的事
tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous,
只专注正在做的事情 更偏向于按部就班的模式
focus on what they do, and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern.
这两种思考方式都非常好
They’re both perfectly good ways of thinking.
我们需要他们共同继续发展
We need both of them to get ahead.
其实在这个世界上 男性天才居多
In fact, there’s many more male geniuses in the world.
但男性白痴也非常多
And there’s also many moremale idiots in the world.
[笑声]
(Laughter)
当男性的大脑运行好的时候 可以非常好
When the male brain works well,it works extremely well.
我真的觉得 我们在
And what I really think that we’re doing is,
发展一个合作型社会
we’re moving towards a collaborative society,
一个认同男性和女性双方的才能
a society in which the talents of both men and women
给予重视 并得以实际利用的社会
are becoming understood and valued and employed.
但事实上 女性进入劳动市场
But in fact, women moving into the job market
在性 爱情和家庭生活方面都有重大的影响
is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life.
首先 女性开始表达她们的性取向
Foremost, women are startingto express their sexuality.
我总是很惊讶人们会这样问我：
I’m always astonished when people come to me and say,
“为什么男性都那么花心？”
“Why is it that men are so adulterous?”
我就说“为什么你认为男性比女性更花心呢？”
“Why do you think more men are adulterous than women?”
”男性就是更花心！”
“Well, men are more adulterous!”
“那这些男人在和在什么人上床呢？”
And I say,”Who do you thinkthese men are sleeping with?”
[笑声]
[Laughter]
简单吧！
And — basic math!
不管怎样
Anyway.
在西方世界
In the Western world,
女人性成熟较早 有更多的性伴侣
women start sooner at sex, have more partners,
但不会因为自己的“博爱”而自责
express less remorsefor the partners that they do,
她们结婚更晚 孩子较少
marry later, have fewer children,
为了得到好的婚姻而离开不好的婚姻
leave bad marriages in order to get good ones.
女性有了更多对性的表达和诉求
We are seeing the rise of female sexual expression.
的确
And, indeed,
我们在性表达上再一次
once again we’re moving forward to the kind of sexual expression
回到了百万年前我们可能在非洲草原上会看到的情景
that we probably saw on the grasslands of Africa a million years ago,
因为这就是现在我们看来
because this is the kind of sexual expression
以狩猎和采摘为主的社会 特有的性表达
that we see in hunting and gathering societies today.
我们也正在回到远古时代婚姻平等的状态
We’re also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality.
人们现在说 二十一世纪
They’re now saying that the 21st century
将会被称为“对等婚姻”
is going to be the century of what they call the”symmetrical marriage,”
或者“纯粹婚姻” 或“同伴婚姻”的时代
or the”pure marriage,”or the”companionate marriage.”
这是一种平等之间的婚姻
This is a marriage between equals,
朝着与古代人类精神
moving forward to a pattern
高度一致的模式发展
that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.
我们也看到了人们对爱情的追求
We’re also seeing a rise of romantic love.
美国91%的女性和86%的男性
91 percent of American womenand 86 percent of American men
并不会与自己不爱的人结婚
would not marry somebodywho had every single quality
即使对方完全符合自己认为
they were looking for in a partner,
作为伴侣应有的条件
if they were not in love with that person.
全世界 有只对37个国家的研究发现
People around the world, in a study of 37 societies,
他们只希望与他们要结婚的对象“恋爱”
want to be in love with the person that they marry.
的确 包办婚姻已经开始淡出人类生活
Indeed arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.
我甚至觉得婚姻会因为世界第二大趋势
I even think that marriagesmight even become more stable
而变得更加稳定
because of the second great world trend.
第一个是女性进入劳动力市场
The first one being women moving into the job market,
第二个就是人口老龄化
the second one being the aging world population.
如今在美国 人们说
They’re now saying that in America,
中年的上线应该到85岁
that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85.
因为在76到85岁的年龄段
Because in that highest age category of 76 to 85,
有40%的人健康是完全没有任何问题的
as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them.
所以我们看到了中年人群的范围扩大
So we’re seeing there’s a realextension of middle age.
我写的其中一本书里有58个国家的离婚率统计
For one of my books, I looked at divorce data in 58 societies.
你可以发现 随着年纪的增大
And as it turns out, the older you get,
离婚率降低
the less likely you are to divorce.
所以现在美国的离婚率是稳定的
So the divorce rate right nowis stable in America,
实际上正在逐渐的降低
and it’s actually beginning to decline.
未来还会下降得更多
It may decline some more.
甚至我可以说 随着“伟哥”
I would even say that with Viagra,
雌性激素替代品 髋关节置换手术
estrogen replacement, hip replacements
还有非常有趣的女性的出现
and the incredibly interesting women —
女性已经变得从未像现在这样有吸引力
women have never been as interesting as they are now.
没有哪个时期的女性像今天这样有如此高的受教育程度
Not at any time on this planet have women been so educated,
如此有魅力和能力
so interesting, so capable.
所以我真的认为
And so I honestly think
在人类进化的历史上
that if there really was ever a time in human evolution
最有条件创造完美婚姻的时机
when we have the opportunity to make good marriages,
就是现在
that time is now.
然而 这个过程还存在很多复杂的问题
However, there’s always kindsof complications in this.
这三种大脑系统中的性 爱情和依赖
These three brain systems –lust, romantic love and attachment —
并不是一直都和谐的
don’t always go together.
顺便说一下 它们是可以协和共存的
They can go together, by the way.
这就是为什么 偶然的性爱并不是那么随意
That’s why casual sex isn’t so casual.
随着性高潮的到来 你的身体会释放多巴胺
With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine.
多巴胺是和爱情联系在一起的
Dopamine’s associated with romantic love,
你可能会爱上那个刚刚和你“一夜情”的人
and you can just fall in love with somebody who you’re just having casual sex with.
伴随性高潮 你的身体还会大量产生“后叶催产素”和“后叶加压素”
With orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin —
这些都是与“依赖”相关的激素
those are associated with attachment.
这就是为什么你与别人发生
This is why you can feel
关系后 你能感觉到
such a sense of cosmic union with somebody
自己和TA紧紧的联系在一起
after you’ve made love to them.
但这三种大脑系统：性欲 爱情与依赖
But these three brain systems:lust, romantic love and attachment,
并不是总会联系在一起
aren’t always connected to each other.
你可以对相处了很久的伴侣有很深的依赖
You can feel deep attachmentto a long-term partner
同时你又强烈的地爱着另外的人
while you feel intenseromantic love for somebody else,
同时你还可能对第三个人产生性欲
while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners.
简单的说 我们同时能爱不止一个人
In short, we’re capable of loving more than one person at a time.
其实 你在晚上躺在床上时
In fact, you can lie in bed at night
你的情感会在对某人深深的依赖和
and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person
深爱另外一个人的感觉间摇摆不定
to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else.
就好像你的头脑里 有个会议在进行着
It’s as if there’s a committee meeting going on in your head
因为你在试图决定你该做什么
as you are trying to decide what to do.
所以我认为
So I don’t think, honestly,
人类并不是一个被创造出来享受快乐的物种
we’re an animal that was built to be happy;
我们是一种被创造出来繁衍后代的物种
we are an animal that was built to reproduce.
我觉得幸福是我们寻找和创造的
I think the happiness we find, we make.
但是 我们可以互相
And I think, however,
建立良好的关系
we can make good relationshipswith each other.
所以我想用两件事来做总结
So I want to conclude with two things.
一件让我担忧的事
I want to conclude with a worry,
但却有个精彩的故事
and with a wonderful story.
我的担忧是关于抗抑郁药
The worry is about antidepressants.
美国每年都开出超过一亿份的
Over 100 million prescriptionsof antidepressants
抗抑郁的处方药
are written every year in the United States.
这些药物正变得很普遍
And these drugs are going generic.
它们渗入到世界各地
They are seeping around the world.
我认识一个女孩 她从13岁就开始服用抗抑郁药
I know one girl who’s been on these antidepressants, SSRIs,
一种用于提升血清素的药物
serotonin-enhancing antidepressants — since she was 13.
她23岁 从13岁起一直服用到现在
She’s 23. She’s been on themever since she was 13.
我不反对那些因为经历可怕的事情而需要
I’ve got nothing against peoplewho take them short term,
短期内服用抗抑郁药的人
when they’re going through something horrible.
对那些想要自杀或者杀人的患者
They want to commit suicideor kill somebody else.
我会建议他们服用
I would recommend it.
但越来越多的美国人
But more and more people in the United States
长期地服用抑郁药
are taking them long term.
这些药物的作用的确能提高“血清素”的含量
And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin.
随着血清素含量的上升 抑制多巴胺的循环
And by raising levels of serotonin,you suppress the dopamine circuit.
所有人都知道
Everybody knows that.
多巴胺与爱情是相关的
Dopamine is associated with romantic love.
抗抑郁药不仅能抑制多巴胺的循环
Not only do they suppressthe dopamine circuit,
而且还能使性欲下降
but they kill the sex drive.
没有性欲 就没有性高潮
And when you kill the sex drive,you kill orgasm.
当你没有性高潮的时候
And when you kill orgasm,
那些让你产生依赖感的激素就被遏制
you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment.
这些东西在大脑里都是相互关联的
The things are connected in the brain.
当你干预其中一个大脑系统的时侯
And when you tamper with one brain system,
另一个系统也会紊乱
you’re going to tamper with another.
我只想说 没有爱的世界是没有生机的
I’m just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.
所以
So now —
[鼓掌]
[Applause]
谢谢
Thank you.
我想用一个故事来结束我的演讲
I want to end with a story.
然后就是一句评价
And then, just a comment.
我对爱情 性与依赖研究了三十年
I’ve been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years.
我是同卵双胞胎
I’m an identical twin;
对于为什么我们如此相像很感兴趣
I am interested in why we’re all alike.
为什么你和我很像
Why you and I are alike,
为什么伊拉克人和日本人
why the Iraqis and the Japanese
澳大利亚土著 和亚马孙河流域的人都很像
and the Australian Aborigines and the people of the Amazon River are all alike.
大约一年前
And about a year ago,
一家网络婚介公司Match.com找到我
an Internet dating service, Match.com, came to me
想让我为他们设计一个新的约会网站
and asked me if I would design a new dating site for them.
我说 “我对性格一点都不了解
I said,”I don’t know anything about personality. You know?
你确定找对了人吗？”
I don’t know. Do you thinkyou’ve got the right person?”
他们回答：“是的”
They said,”Yes.”
这让我开始思考为什么
It got me thinking about why it is
你会爱上某个人 而不是其他的人
that you fall in love with one person rather than another.
这是我目前正在研究的课题 也是我出的下本教科书的内容
That’s my current project;it will be my next book.
你只爱上某个人而不是其他人
There’s all kinds of reasons that you fall
有很多种原因
in love with one person rather than another.
时机很重要 距离很重要
Timing is important. Proximity is important.
神秘感也很重要
Mystery is important.
你会爱上某个有些神秘感的人
You fall in love with somebodywho’s somewhat mysterious,
因为神秘感使你脑中的多巴胺增加
in part because mysteryelevates dopamine in the brain,
可能会让你越过那道门槛而坠入爱河
probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love.
你爱上那些正好符合
You fall in love with somebody
你的“爱情地图”的人
who fits within what I call your”love map,”
他符合你在童年时期
an unconscious care list of traits
潜意识设定的择偶条件
that you build in childhood as you grow up.
我还认为 你将会被
And I also think that you become gravitate to certain people,
那些和你有互补特质的人所吸引
actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems.
这就是我现在正在努力研究的课题
And that’s what I’m now contributing to this.
但是我想告诉你一个故事来说明这个问题
But I want to tell you a story, to illustrate.
我在这里一直谈论爱情的生理基础
I’ve been carrying on here about the biology of love.
我还想告诉你们一些关于文化方面的事情
I wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too,
爱情的魔力
the magic of it.
这是一个听别人转述的故事
It’s a story that was told to me
应该是一个
by somebody who had heard it just from one —
真实的故事
probably a true story.
是关于一个研究生的
It was a graduate student —
我是Rutgers的 我的两个同事Art
I’m at Rutgers and my two colleagues —
Aaron 是 SUNY Stonybrook的
Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook.
就是我们为那些人做核磁共振扫描的地方
That’s where we put our peoplein the MRI machine.
这个研究生疯狂地爱上了另外一个研究生
And this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student,
但是那个女生并不爱他
and she was not in love with him.
后来他们一起去参加一个在北京的研讨会
And they were all at a conference in Beijing.
他从我们的工作中得知
And he knew from our work
如果你与某人一起做一些非常新鲜的事
that if you go and do something very novel with somebody,
可以使那人脑中的多巴胺值上升
you can drive up the dopamine in the brain,
这样就很可能激发出爱情
and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love.
[大笑]
[Laughter]
因此他决定把科学应用到实践中去
So he decided he’d put science to work.
所以他约这个女孩一起坐黄包车
And he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.
我自己从来没做过黄包车
And sure enough — I’ve never been in one,
他们穿梭于巴士和卡车之间
but apparently they goall around the buses and the trucks
非常的疯狂 非常的嘈杂也非常的刺激
and it’s crazy and it’s noisyand it’s exciting.
男生觉得这样会增加女孩脑中的多巴胺 使女孩子爱上他
He figured that this would drive up the dopamine, and she’d fall in love with him.
一路上那个女孩兴奋地叫着 靠着他
So off they go and she’s squealing and squeezing him
尽情欢笑 享受着美好的时光
and laughing and having a wonderful time.
一小时后他们下了黄包车
An hour later they get downoff of the rickshaw,
那个女孩举起她的双手问道：
and she throws her hands up and she says,
“太刺激了 感觉太好了!”
“Wasn’t that wonderful?”
“那个车夫好帅哦！”
And,”Wasn’t that rickshawdriver handsome!”
（大笑）
[Laughter]
（鼓掌）
[Applause]
这就是爱情的魔力
There’s magic to love!
（掌声）
[Applause]
在结束时我要说 在几百万年前
But I will end by saying that millions of years ago,
人类就发展出了三种大脑系统
we evolved three basic drives:
性欲 爱情
the sex drive, romantic love
和对长期伴侣的依赖
and attachment to a long-term partner.
这些循环系统在人类的大脑中根深蒂固
These circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain.
它们将与人类一起长期共存
They’re going to survive as long as our species survives
这就是莎士比亚所说的“尘世间的牵挂”
on what Shakespeare called”this mortal coil.”
谢谢你们
Thank you.
克里斯·安德森：海伦·费舍尔
Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!
（掌声）
[Applause]
每周一期TED演讲 尽在www.TED.com
NEW TED TALKS EACH WEEK at www.TED.com
如果伟大的思想不被珍惜 那将会怎样？
What if great ideas weren’t cherished?
如果他们继续忽视重要性 那又会怎样？
What if they carry ignoring importance?
我们不再有价值
We held no value.
（撞击声）
[bang]
有一个地方 一个艺术家的视角受到保护的地方
There’s a place where artistic vision is protected.
启发设计理念继续长存
where inspire design ideas live on
成为终极驾驶机器
to become ultimate driving machines.
（广告音乐）
[music]