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为什么我们要离开喜欢自己的人? – 译学馆
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为什么我们要离开喜欢自己的人?

Why We Go Off People Who Like Us

表面上我们都想要爱
Ostensibly we all want love,
但奇怪的是 最难以做到的事情之一是 当人们真正转变态度 回应我们时
But Oddly, one of the hardest things to do is not hold it against people
不嫌弃他们
when they do actually turn around and reciprocate our feelings.
我们会很难不去想象这些爱我们的人
It can be immensely hard not to think that those who offer us love
在某种程度上内心虚弱 判断力差 缺乏自信 性格懦弱或有缺陷
Are in some ways weak, mistaken, needy, craven or just defective
当爱情没有得到回应时
It can feel a lot easier when love was unrequited
当我们主要精力都在担忧喜欢的人甚至都还没注意到我们时
when our primary preoccupation was a thrilling dread
我们会觉得轻松得多
that the admired person hadn’t even noticed us.
但是现在这种事情不再带来困扰
But now there’s finally no doubt anymore
当他们喜欢我们已经表现得很清楚时 麻烦的事情来了
It’s really clear they do like us and something troubling has arisen
我们感到一点不舒服
We’re feeling a bit sick
我们被怂恿着说出”我们把他们看错了” 他们根本不是我们想象中的那个完美者
We’re tempted to say we got them wrong. They can’t be the admirable people we thought they were
但是这根本不是他们的问题
But the issue isn’t really to do with them at all
问题完全在于
it lies somewhere else entirely…
我们与自身的关系
in our relationship with ourselves.
他们的喜爱看似令人怀疑 难以理解甚至有一点令人厌恶
Their affection seem suspicious, incomprehensible and a touch of repulsive
是因为在某种程度上 这不是我们过去习惯的 它与我们对于自己的看法并不相符
because at some level this isn’t what we’re used to. it doesn’t tally with our view of ourselves.
假如我们根本不相信我们讨人喜欢 那我们就很难接受爱情
Love can be hard to receive when we’re not fundamentally convinced of our own lovability.
我们孜孜于寻找那些让我们和以往一样受虐的人
We spend our time seeking out those who can make us suffer in ways that feel familiar.
随后又很自然的认为爱人虽然体贴 却并不了解我们的全部
And it becomes natural to assume that a kind lover has missed something
然后我们可能会通过一些令人厌恶的行为表现出来 以确保他们清楚
And perhaps then, to try to behave in disgusting ways just to make sure they understand
我们不是他们想象中的我
We’re really not who they thought we were.
最后他们会因此离开我们 我们会痛苦但莫名其妙心理上感到开心
And that they would therefore leave us in painful but somehow psychologically gratifying ways
总而言之(我们会想) 一个那么好的人怎么可能品味这么差 认为我很好呢?
in short, how could anyone be so great if they have the bad taste to think well of someone like us?
但是我们必须考虑另一种可能性
but we have to allow ourselves to entertain another option
也许我们受到的这种喜爱 它并不代表我们美好的爱人软弱、糟糕或没有其他备胎
perhaps this affection we’re receiving is not a sign that our kind lover is weak or wrong or has no other options
也许这表明他们已经看到了我们身上的一些东西
perhaps it’s a sign that they’ve seen something in us
一些悲剧的是 很明显我们在自己身上还看不太到
which pointedly and tragically we don’t yet quite see in ourselves
而且过去人们从未允许我们相信的一些东西
and have never been allowed to believe in by figures in our past
那就是——我们是值得被爱的
that we are deserving of love.
一切都有希望改变
there is hope in all this
比起当初焦虑和自我毁灭的冲动 我们可以变得更相信我们的爱人
Hope that we can come to trust our lovers more that we trust our own first nervous, self-destructive impulses
我们可以不把他们的爱意视作他们的谬见和软弱
We can interpret their love, not as a sign of their delusion or weakness,
而是视为我们自己惹人喜爱的一种天赋
but as evidence of an inherent lovability in ourselves
这些天赋曾在过去的时光中被我们自己隐藏
to which our past histories have blinded us
但由于恋人的爱意和温柔而得以重新觉醒
yet to which their love and tenderness can now awaken us
因此 当别人看到我们的某些美好特质时 我们也不一定要嫌弃别人
we don’t invariably have to hold it against others when they see some point in us.

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视频概述

我们都想要爱情,可为什么却又总是对他人感到不满,总是要离开喜欢自己的人?

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

B11101001

审核员

Ah~Qiu

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqyChjVdM3E

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