One of the most basic facts about the human condition
is that we know ourselves from the inside,
but we know others only from what they choose or are able to tell us,
a far more limited and edited set of data.
我们一直沉浸在自己的担忧 希望 欲望和回忆中
We are continuously and intimately exposed to our own worries, hopes, desires and memories,
其中有不少人会感受到压倒性的紧张 疏离 脆弱和悲伤情绪
many of which feel overwhelmingly intense, strange, vulnerable or sad.
Yet, when it comes to other people, we are tightly restricted to knowing them
through their public pronouncements to what they can or choose to reveal.
The hints and clues we’re left to play with are hugely impefect guides
to the reality of another person’s existence.
The result of what we term this psychological asymmestry
is that we almost always think of ourselves as far more peculiar, shameful and alarming.
更奇葩 更丢人现眼 更可怕
than other people we run into.
我们的焦虑 愤怒 嫉妒 性欲和痛苦看似
Oue experiences of anxiety, anger, envy, sex and distress
appear to be so much more intense and disturbing than those of anyone in the vicinity.
We aren’t of course in truth really so odd,
we just know a lot more about who we are.
The results of psychological asymmestry are loneliness and shyness.
We are beset by loneliness,
因为我们看不到别人同样的孤单 欲望 妒忌
because we cannot imagine the others’ alone and desire, envy and hate,
crave and weep as we do.
We feel ourselves cast out into a world of strangers
inherently different from everyone we live alongside,
and potentially fundamentally offensive to all those who might know us properly.
It appears in dark moments that no one could possibly both know and like us.
We also get shy easily intimated by people
who we assume cannot share in our vulnerabilities,
我们以为别人不会小心眼 耿耿于怀 执拗
and who we imagine would be entirely unable to relate to the petty, grand, perverse
or idealistic thoughts that pass moment by moment through our minds.
If we reach important positions we feel like imposters beset by impression that
our works separates through others who have occupied comparable roles in the past
We grow boring and conventional, mimicking the externals of other people
on the false assumption that this is what they might truly be like inside
The solutions to psychological asmmestry lie in two places: art and love
Art provides us with accurate portrayals of the inner lives of strangers.
And with grace and compelling charm shows us
how much they share in troubles and hopes
we thought we might be alone in experiencing.
And love gives us occasional deeply precious sense of security
to reveal who we really are to another person,
and the opportunity to learn about their reality
from the position of extreme secure proximity.
To overcome the effects of psychological asemmetry,
we must constantly trust, especially in the absence of any evidence
that everyone is likely to be far closer to what we are.
That is far shyer, more scared, more worried and more incomplete
胆小 畏惧 忧虑和无能为力
than they are to resemble the personas they show to the world.
We are fortunately, not any of us quite as odd or quite special
as we might assume or fear.
At the school of life, we believe in developing emotionally intelligence.
To that end, we’ve also created a whole range of products to support that growth.
Find out more at the link on the screen now