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为什么真正善于交际的人讨厌聚会

Why Truly Sociable People Hate Parties

现在 善于交际的人
The idea of being a sociable person
多指那些喜欢参加聚会
is nowadays heavily associated with finding enjoyment in going to,
而且很喜欢举办聚会的人
and in all likelihood also in giving, parties.
善于交际意味着
To be sociable means welcoming the idea
喜欢待在 比较拥挤的房间里
of being in a room replete with an above-average number of other guests,
客人们大都互不相识
many of whom will be unknown,
他们大多数喝着酒 相互调侃着
most of whom will be holding a glass of alcohol, bantering,
在昏暗的灯光下
with lights lower than they normally would be,
伴着较高的音乐声
and music somewhat higher than required
以便认真捕捉他人言下之意
in order faithfully to catch the details of another’s voice.
聚会已成为社交的同义词
Parties have become synonymous with sociability
因为人们更注重对于真实的社会关系的
because of certain underlying ideas about
要求和需求
what true social connection might require and entail.
可以假设当很多人聚集在一间屋子时
We assume that sociability naturally springs up
社交活动会自然而然展开
when lots of people are put together in a room,
人们兴高采烈的讨论着
that it means speaking a lot and notably cheerfully
生活中所发生的事情
about things that have been happening in our lives,
语气要诙谐
that it depends on a jokey manner
最好有一些趣闻轶事
and ideally on the possession of a few entertaining anecdotes,
常常还会有惊人的巧合
often involving striking coincidences.
但是这样的假设忽视了两个较大的问题
But such assumptions sidestep two sizeable objections.
首先 真正的社交
Firstly, true sociability that is
是两个人之间真实的交流
is a real connection between two people
它几乎从不涉及任何愉快的事情
is almost never built up via anything cheerful.
因为这让我们脆弱的一面展现在别人面前
It is the result of making ourselves vulnerable before another person,
表现自己的脆弱 迷失 疑惑
by revealing something that is broken, lost, confused,
孤独和心中的苦痛
lonely and in pain within us.
当我们勇于交换思想时 我们建立了真正的联结
We build genuine connections when we dare to exchange thoughts
这可能会让我们面临羞辱和批判
that might leave us open to humiliation and judgement;
我们通过坦诚且毫无保留的方式
we make real friends
分享生活中的烦恼和疑惑
through sharing in an uncensored and frank way
以此交到真正的朋友
a little of the agony and confusion of being alive.
第二 真正的社交需要一个背景
Secondly, true sociability requires a context.
我们往往为了
We are generally under such pressure
表现出正常,自制和情绪稳定而承受着压力
to appear normal, self-possessed and solid,
因而不愿主动暴露真实的自己
we are understandably uninclined spontaneously to disclose our true selves.
我们会下意识地,但并非出于恶意
Our default mode is without anything sinister being meant by this
撒谎掩饰真实的自己
to lie about who we are
以及生活中真实发生的事情
and what is really going on in our lives.
这表明一个真诚的社交场合
This suggests that a genuinely social occasion
可能与我们通常设想的相当不同
might be rather different from what we typically envisage.
我们认为“称职的主人”
We think of a ‘ good host ’
是为客人提供足够的酒水
as someone who makes sure there is enough wine and,
以及必要时 保证客人都知道彼此的名字
at a pinch, ensures people know each other’s names.
但是从更深远的意义来讲 一个称职的主人
But in the profound sense, a good host
是可以创造
is someone who creates the conditions
让陌生人在伤心与绝望时
in which strangers can start to feel safe
感受到安全感的环境
about being sad and desperate together.
很遗憾 现代社会对于聚会中的虚伪现象有很强的适应力
Unfortunately, the modern world seems particularly resistant
在这种强大适应性的胁迫下
to anything that seems artificial around parties, which threatens to evoke
一种最为令人恐惧的社交模式——团体聚会,应运而生
that most dreaded of all social genres: the corporate get together.
也就是单纯整理好房子
The thought is simply to pack a room
其他留给大家自由发挥
and leave the rest to nature.
但是为确保深层交流
But a commitment to deep sociability might lead us to recognise
我们需要做一些刻意的渲染
that we do depend on a little artful choreography
让自己进入心理舒适区 从而敞开心扉
to get us into the psychological zone in which connections can unfold.
我们也许需要鼓励 甚至一个合适的媒介
We might need encouragement, and even a helpful lanyard
来分担一点我们内心的悲伤
to share a little of what is sad within us.
我们需要真正的交流
We need help in networking,
不是寻找新的投资机遇
not in order to find new investment opportunities,
而是去分享后悔 耻辱 和绝望的感受
but so as to identify shared regrets, humiliations and feelings of despair.
目前所组织的聚会
Parties, as they are currently structured,
是极少数人的诡计
constitute a clever ruse by a sharp minority,
也许只有百分之十的人
perhaps only ten percent of humanity
会去说服其他人
to persuade the rest of us that we have been provided
我们已经为大家提供了你们渴望的社交
with the social contact we crave.
但事实上 孤僻且独来独往的人会感觉
But, in truth, it takes a sharply insular and misanthropic person
在平常聚会上所发生的事
to feel that what goes on in an average party
是他们作为人类
really counts as anything like the requisite encounter
所必须经历的
with one’s fellow human animal.
如果我们对聚会有挥之不去的恐惧
If we have a lingering horror of parties,
我们应该坦然面对这种感觉
we should be generous towards our hunches.
这不意味着我们不喜欢其他人
It doesn’t mean that we don’t like other people,
而是由于我们对社交的理解太深刻
rather that we have too ambitious a conception of social contact
而不能忍受现在大多数聚会所提供的东西
to put up with what is on offer at most parties.
一个真正社交达人
The mark of a truly sociable person might,
在很多情况下
in many situations,
可能只是一个特别想宅在家的人
simply be a strong desire to stay at home.
如果你有兴趣
If you’re interested
在3月底到旧金山与我们见面
in comming to San Francisco to meet us at the end of March,
请点击屏幕上的链接获取更多信息。
please click on the link on the screen now, to find out more.
我们旧金山见
We hope to see you there.

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视频概述

本片简述了社交环境对人的影响,以及正确的社交可以为人们提供哪些心理上的帮助等。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

kun(o_o)

审核员

审核员HL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQpQVOPokhk

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