One of the most important principles for choosing a lover sensibly
is not to feel in any hurry to make a choice.
Being satisfied with being single
is a precondition of satisfactory coupledom.
We cannot choose wisely when remaining single feels unbearable.
We have to be utterly at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude
in order to have any chance of forming a good relationship.
Or we love no longer being single
rather more than we love the partner who’s spared us being so.
Unfortunately after a certain age,
society makes single-hood feel dangerously unpleasant.
Communal life starts to wither.
People in couples are too threatened by the independence of the single to invite them around very often
in case they are reminded of something they might have missed.
Friendship and sex are,
despite all the gadgets,
still remarkably hard to combine.
No wonder if when someone slightly decent but not quite so comes along,
we cling to them to our eventual, enormous cost.
When sex was only available within marriage,
people recognized that this would lead some people
to marry for the wrong reasons
to obtain something that was artificially restricted in society as a whole.
Sexual liberation was intended to allow people to have a clearer head
when choosing who they really wanted to be with.
But this process remains only half-finished.
Only when we can make sure that being single
is as potentially as secure, warm and fullfilling as being in a couple,
will we know that people are choosing to pair up for the right reasons.
It’s time to liberate companionship from the shackles of coupledom
让它更开放 更自由 正如性爱解放者希望解放性爱
and make it as widely and as easily available as sexual liberators wanted sex to be.
In the meantime,
we should strive to make ourselves as much at peace as we can
with the idea of being alone for a very long time.
Only then do we stand a chance of deciding to be with someone on the basis
of their own and true merits.