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真正的爱情是共同成长 – 译学馆
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真正的爱情是共同成长

Why Love Involves Teaching

爱和教育
Love & Education
有这样一个观点: 你能告诉另一个人的最浪漫的事就是
There’s a view around that the most romantic thing you can tell someone else is:
我一点儿也不想改变你
I don’t want to change a thing about you.
我爱的就是本来的你
I love you exactly as you are.
根据一个很流行的恋爱哲学的说法
According to a prevalent romantic philosophy,
爱绝不意味着
love is definitely not meant to be
试图改变对方
about trying to alter another person.
但是断然否决爱人任何要改变的想法
But a blank refusal to listen to any idea of change at our lover’s hands
是不理智的 毕竟金无足赤 人无完人
would only make sense if we were in fact already more or less perfect
而且当人们相处的时间越久
and yet the more time two people spend around each other,
他们会自然地发现越多和理想不符的情况
the more they are naturally going to spot things that are a little less than ideal.
可能是一些小事 比如咀嚼东西的方式
It might be something quite small, their way of chewing perhaps,
也可能是一些大事 就像他们对待事业和家庭的态度
or something larger, their attitude to their career or family.
很多人可能之前就已经发现了这些问题
Many other people might have spotted these problems before.
如果他们什么都没说 并不是因为他们更善良
If they never said anything, it’s not because they’re nicer,
只是因为他们并不关心
just far less concerned.
但是爱人会深受其扰
But our lovers can and have to be bothered.
这是共同成长间的双向特权
It’s the mix privilege of the job.
然而 因为观念问题 爱情中的教育问题并没有得到重视
However, because of concept of education in love has such low status,
当要开始说教时
things tend to go terribly wrong
事情就会变得很糟糕
when there’s a lesson to impart.
由于他们相处模式的合理性缺乏自信
From a lack of confidence in the legitimacy of their task,
充当施教者的一方可能既不够冷静也没有准备充分
the lover with something to teach maybe neither calm nor prepared.
此外 因为很多矛盾易一触即发
Further more, because so much is at stake,
不被倾听的恐惧变成至关重要的导火索
a fear of not being listened to. It was something vital
会使矛盾被很快地点燃 爆发
can quickly explode into rage your surface.
至于要被教育进行改变的另一方
as for the one who has something to learn
我们的要求会使他们感到
our culture immediately makes them feel that
为爱改变本来就不浪漫也不合理
the feedback is by nature unromantic and illegitimate.
他们会觉得自己被指责被批评了 受到了羞辱
They can feel got at, picked on and humiliated,
进而退回到那种能自我安慰却毫无道理可言的立场上
and so may fall back on that comforting yet nonsensical line
‘ 如果你爱我 就不会这么苛求我 ‘
“You wouldn’t criticize me if you loved me.”
爱情中经常有糟糕的教育者
In love were too often terrible educators
和学生
and students.
并且事实上 我们一点儿都不完美
Yet in truth, we are all so imperfect.
我们需要助他变成更好的他 对自己也当如是
We’ve got to teach and learn.
好的批评是救赎 而不是爱的终点
Good criticism is the salvation, not the end of love.
爱情中至关重要的是忍耐和包容
A lot about love is about tolerating and accepting frailties.
但是也有一部分是给予批评和指正
But some of it is also about offering the sort of feedback
因为没有其他人会如此关心我们
that no one else gives a damn enough to give us.
爱情不应该只是珍惜一切
Love should be not about cherishing everything,
还应该在于看见对方身上的所有可能性
but about seeing the full potential in one or another.
而且彼此应该足够信任 可以听取改变自我的意见
And therefore about trusting in one another enough to listen to challenging information.
好的爱情意味着两个人在这段关系中处于灵活的位置
Good love means two people on a rotating basis,
知道如何扮演其中的角色
knowing how to take on the roles both of
作一个真正的好老师
really kind teacher and
和一个思想开放的 不抗拒改变的学生
deeply open-minded undefensive student.
你知道生命学院其实不只一处
Did you know that the School of Life is actually a place,
而是许许多多处 它遍布世界 从墨尔本到伦敦
ten places in fact, campuses all over the world from Melbourne to London,
从台北到伊斯坦布尔 有班级和课本 还有更多……
Taipei to Istanbul, with classes and books and lots more.
请点击下方链接发现更多吧
Please click on the link below to explore more.

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视频概述

真正舒适的爱情是爱对方的优点以及帮助他改掉缺点

听录译者

Echo

翻译译者

?skye

审核员

霜霜

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pICXY_6p45o

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