Hello, I’m Brian Tracy
and today I want to talk to you about
how to improve the way you listen.
Communication is a skill that you can learn,
if you’re willing to work at it,
you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.
The most important factor in communicating more effectively
is actually the opposite of talking.
It’s improving your listening skills.
You must learn to start asking questions
and listen attentively without interruptions.
As a rule you pay attention to people you most value.
When you pay close attention to another person when they are talking,
you signal to that person that you very much value them
and the content of their comments.
This is very flattering to another person
and it causes them to respond warmly to your attentiveness.
The major reason that most people have poor listening skills
is that they’re busy preparing a reply
while the other person is still speaking.
In fact, they’re not even listening closely to what the other person is saying.
They are thinking of other things and formulating their comments to
be ready as soon as the other person takes a breath.
Effective communication requires that you face the other person directly,
lean slightly forward and hang on to every word,
listen as though there were nothing else in the world more fascinating to you
than what the other person is saying.
In romantic relationships, by the way, this is incredibly effective.
The very best conversationalist seem to have identified
the knack of making the person that they’re listening to feel
as if he or she were the only person in the world.
优秀的谈话者 即使在拥挤的房间里 也能做到这一点
Good conversationalist can do this in the middle of a crowded room.
Dale Carnegie once said that rapt attention is the highest form of flattery.
Let me repeat, rapt, close attention
is the highest form of flattery or paying value to another person.
If you want to flatter a person
and cause him or her to think highly of you,
just pay close undivided attention to every single word that he or she says,
as though he or she were about to give you the winning lottery number
and would only repeat it once.
You’ll be amazed at how much more conversational a person becomes and
how much happier they are with you,
when you show them that you have effective communication and listening skills.
Because you listen so well.
In addition to listening without interrupting,
you should also nod and smile
and agree with what the other person is saying.
Be active rather than passive,
indicate that you’re totally engaged in the conversation,
make eye contact as the other person talks,
relax your body and
if you are standing allow your weight to roll forward onto the balls of your feet.
Only you will know that you have shifted your weight like this.
But the overall impression you will give the speaker
is that your whole energy is now forward
and focused on what he or she is saying.
How do you get this opportunity to listen so well?
Start asking questions that are good and pointed
and keep asking questions one after the other.
there are 3 powerful questions you can use to
control any conversation to open up the other person
and to get the other person talking extensively about himself or herself.
The first question when you meet a new person is
“What sort of work do you do?”.
By asking questions that are easy, in general and
that do not demand information on the person’s current job or position,
it gives the individual the choice of answering you briefly or in-depth.
Remember people are fascinated by their own work that
takes up so many hours of their lives and
when you ask the question,
they love to tell you about something that is central to their existence.
Your second question to follow the first is
“How did you get into that line of work anyway?”.
Start asking questions
as though you are absolutely fascinated by the choices
that he or she made to get into that particular field.
I sometimes joke that most people feel that
their personal career paths
are among the most fascinating stories ever told on earth.
When you start asking questions about
“How they got into their current line of work?”,
they will usually be very pleased to tell you about
the various twists and turns of their lies and career
and the factors that lead ultimately to them doing the job
that they are doing at the current time.
The third question you can ask
when the other person hesitates or slows down to
check to see if you are really interested
or if you’re just making conversation is this:
“And then what did you do?”.
This third question can be used to keep almost any conversation going indefinitely,
like keeping plates spinning.
You can ask “How did you happen to move to the city?”
or “How did you happen to go to work for that company?”
or “How did you happen to choose this sport or activity?”.
People will be more than willing to answer these questions for you
and when they slow down for any reason,
你要亲切地微笑 身体稍稍前倾 然后问
you smile pleasantly, lean forward a little bit and ask
and then what did you do?
You will be amazed at the responses.
Try these tips to make any person you’re talking to feel more important
and improve your communication and listening skills at the same time.
One key point is that when you ask a question,
the only way that the other person knows that you care about the answer
is if you pause and you leave a silence,
so the other person can fill the silence with their answer.
Many people think that
they’re becoming good communicators by asking lots of questions.
But they don’t leave any time for the other person to respond.
When you leave time for the other person to respond
and lean forward and watch the person’s mouth while they speak,
they will know and feel that
you really care about the answer to the question.
Now I’d love to hear from you,
so my question today is:
What have you tried that’s helped you to become a better listener?
Leave a comment below
and I’ll be sure to follow up with you.
Thanks for watching
and remember if you want to change your future,
take action and take action now!
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