ADM-201 dump PMP dumps pdf SSCP exam materials CBAP exam sample questions

为什孩子会顶嘴,我们应该怎么做? – 译学馆
未登陆,请登陆后再发表信息
最新评论 (0)
播放视频

为什孩子会顶嘴,我们应该怎么做?

Why Kids Talk Back and What To Do About It

罗莉•派翠的教学时刻
Teachable Moments with Lori Petro
嗨 我是罗莉•派翠
Hi there I ’ m Lori petro
您正在收看的是新一集的《每周问答》
and you are watching another episode of our weekly Q & A
在本视频中 我向您示范 如何和您的孩子营造可教导的时光
where I show you how to create teachable moments with your kids.
今天我们的问题来自克里斯蒂娜 她写道
Today we ’ re taking a question from Kristina and she writes,
“亲爱的罗莉 我觉得和我十二岁的
Dear Lori, I am at my wits
喜怒无常的女儿相处 已经耗尽了我的智慧
end with my moody 12 year old daughter.
我知道她已经长大了 但她的顶嘴
I know she is growing up but the backtalk and
和对我的不尊重 真的快把我逼疯了
disrespect is driving me nuts.
在顶嘴这件事上 没有回旋的余地
There is no wiggle room on this limit and it is absolutely
她这样对我和她父亲说话是我们决不能接受的
unacceptable for her to speak to her father and I this way.
我理解她心烦 但我需要让她
I understand she’s upset but I need
学会尊重别人 可我已经没了耐心和主意 有任何一点帮助都行”
her to learn some respect and I am out of patience and ideas,any help
克里斯蒂娜你好 我确实有些能帮到你的方法
Hey Kristina, I do have some ideas for you.
但首先 我很遗憾你有
But first, I’d hate to have you fall
一些刻板想法
into the stereotypical perspective of thinking
认为自己有个"喜怒无常的孩子"
you have a “ moody teen. ”
你孩子的大脑
Yes,the teenager’s brain is undergoing an enormous
从十二岁到二十岁的头几年
transformation beginning around age 12 all the way
正经历巨大的转变
through the early twenties
这段时间 处于青春期的孩子对日常压力
And your adolescent may have less tolerance for everyday stress
的容忍度可能会降低
during some of these phases.
“孩子成长过程中 激素会不断分泌 但我们知道孩子的经历
“Hormones do increase during this period ,but we know that what adolescents experience is
才是影响大脑发育变化的主要原因”
primarily the result of changes in the development of the brain.”
——丹西格尔博士《头脑风暴:青少年大脑的力量和目的》
– Dr. Dan SiegelAuthor, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain
我不认为你给自己的孩子
but I don’t think labeling your child
贴上“喜怒无常”的标签 会使你更关心她
“ moody ” will help you feel any more compassionate for her.
采用社会的主流观点
And I think taking this socially dominant perspective
即当你的孩子主动招惹你
of having teen who is purposefully
不尊重你时
acting to annoy you or defight you or disrespect you
会使你产生一种消极心理
sets us up in a negative frame of mind.
如果你觉得孩子情绪化——你就会想惩罚她或捍卫自己的立场
If you’re thinking”moody” – you’re goingto want to punish or defend your position.
我们来简单的重构我们的孩子
So let’s start with a simple reframe –
你可以轻描淡写的说
instead of my moody teen – can you simply state.
“我孩子的心情变化太快”
my child’s mood shifts frequently
或说“我的孩子较情绪化”或“太过敏感” 而不是说孩子喜怒无常
or my child is emotional or my child is “highly sensitive”
这样会使你
This is going to make it easier
更能感同身受并采取慈悲的办法
for you to access your empathy and take a compassionate approach.
你能看出一种观点是如何刺激
Can you see how one view stimulates your survival
你的大脑 使你变的活跃 而另一种观点
brain and causes you become active And the other one,
只是冷眼旁观的吗?
makes a nonjudgmental observation.
这种中立的观点可以使你
This neutral view allows
保持开明并始终和你的大脑保持联系
you to stay open and connected to your upstairs thinking brain.
为什么你的孩子会顶嘴呢
-So, why do kids talk back?
你可能随意说了一些话 却遭到了冷嘲热讽
You say something simple and it’s met with arguing or difignting or
或者直接拒绝
snippy comments or blatant refusal ah the power of the word.
语言犀利到可以打破并
Words can be so sharp as to cut right through
挑战我们的权威 使我们感到困惑 愤怒
our sense of authority leaving us feelingattacked, bewildered and angry.
问题就在这儿
But here’s the thing.
如果行为可以传递信息 那它代表什么呢
If behavior is communication – what is it saying?
我想很多父母将顶嘴假定成了 “我不尊重你”
I think most parents assume that back-talk means”I don’t’ respect you”or
“我不会听你的话” “你不可以对我发号施令”
“I don’t have to listen to you.” or”You’re not the boss of me.”
但不要抵制这种新发现的无理行为 即使它们是不恰当的
But instead of rejecting this newfound sassiness as inappropriate,
我想让你明白这种行为的真正目的是孩子为了吸引你的注意
I want you to see it for what it really is – a bid for your connection.
一个希望你倾听的请求
A plea for you to listen,
去听他们到底在说什么
to hear what she’s really trying to saying,
去设身处地的了解她的感受而不仅仅是说"我知道你压力很大但是你不能"
to acknowledge how she feels without saying”I know you feel distressed but you can’t”
或者“我知道你很沮丧 但你必须”
or I know you feel upset,but you have to
无论你孩子的嘴里说出什么
No matter what flies out of your kids’ mouth
顶撞你的话——
in the heat of the moment –
这对你而言都是一个重要的信息
back-talk sends you an important message about
1.你孩子的内心感受是什么
1.How your child feels inside
2.没有你的帮助 她有足够的自我调节能力吗
2.and her ability to self-regulate without your help
3.你们之间关系的状态
3.and the state of your relationship
这是孩子表达自己“感受不到爱”的方式
This is her way of saying”I don’t feel loved.”
或“我感觉自己没用” “我感觉自己是不被需要的”
or”I don’t feel capable.”or”I don’t feel connected.”
我小时候最大的烦恼就是 对别人说话的态度 词语 方式
You know – The one thing I got in trouble for most as a kid was my attitude, my mouth,the way spoken to the people
我会因自己不敬的话和态度而受到长久的折磨
I was perpetually punished for my disrespectful words and attitude.
但我想告诉你的是 对别人说话的态度在一定程度上
But I have to tell you that my attitude
是展示我平时说话方式的一面镜子
was partly a mirror of how I was often spoken to –
并在一定程度上 是维护我尊严的绝望的尝试
and partly a desperate attempt to connect to retain my dignity
并在我感到刺耳和不公平对待时 进行自我防御
and to defend myself against what I felt was harsh and unfair treatment.
我的愤怒和反抗来自于我父母拒绝了解我行为背后的意图
My rage and defiance came from my parents refusal to see beyond my behavior.
因为没有人听我说了什么 也没有人来评判我
It infuriated me not to be heard or to be judged.
惩罚是没有用的 有用的是
You know punishment didn’t help, but what would have
有人对我说 “哇 我不知道这是哪里来的
helped is if someone had said to me.”Wow, I don’t know where that came from but
但我有兴趣听你再多讲点”
I’m definitely interested in hearing more.”
因为知道自己
What a relief that would have been
不必独自回忆 记起痛苦
to know that I didn’t have to carry this back log
怨恨 挫折的感觉很好
of pain or resentment or frustration alone.
因为有人对我无法抗拒的事情感兴趣
That someone was interested in what was overwhelming
并可以看出我的不尊重是一种求助
me and could see that my disrespect was a cry for help
而非拒绝帮助的企图
and not an attempt to push away that help.
与孩子们的情绪状态打交道并不意味着忽视给他们做个好榜样
Working with our kids emotional state doesn’t mean we ignore giving them a better model
或者帮助他们找到新的表达自我的方式
or helping them find new ways or expressing themselves.
这意味着我们承认他们在没有
it means that we accept that they ’ re not
帮助的情况下 无法恰当完成一件事
in a place to do it right now without help.
我的意思是没有人会对指责 羞辱
I mean who hasn ’ t reacted and automatically, blamed,
或批判没有反应
shamed or judged someone else.
想想看你身边的人
Think about it – if someone close to you
突然变的好战或粗鲁
were to suddenly turn belligerent or rude – would
你会作出何种反应 会说什么
you react by saying.
“怎么可以这么粗鲁的对我说话”
How dare you speak tome like that?
或者“老兄 这不像你
Or would you say something like “Hey man – that’s not like you –
发生了什么 你还好吗"
what’s going on are you okay?”
因此 当你的孩子顶嘴时
So when your child is in a pattern of back-talk
只要倾听 并且保持冷静并调查背后的原因
– just listen. Stay calm and investigate.
你可以说“我不喜欢你那种说话的方式
You can say things like “ I don’t like it when I’m spoken to in that
但我很好奇是什么让你如此沮丧”
way – but I’m very curious about what’supsetting you.”
或是“我知道你是因为遭遇了一些挫折才说出那样的话 我们休息下
Or “ I know those words are coming out in frustration,let’s take a break
整理一下自己 晚饭后再谈吧”
let’s collect ourselves and talk after dinner?”
对你孩子的生活感兴趣 是她最渴望的
Taking an interest in your child’s life is what she craves most.
当我们用愤怒来惩戒“不尊重”我们的孩子时
When we use anger to discipline disrespect –
我们在告诉他们——我们再无法再容忍他们了
we tell our kids that we can not tolerate them
然后他们相信 我们不爱他们了 我们没时间陪他们了
at their worst and then they believe we don’t love them or we have no time for them.
我曾听到青少年说
I’ve heard teens say
唯一能引起父母注意的方法是变的消极
that the only way to get their parent’s attention is to be negative
或者顶撞他们
or to argue – that’s the only time
这是他的父母亲唯一愿意与他交流的时间
when mom or dad invests any time in connecting with them.
因此即使是消极的互动 也好过什么都不做
So if it has to be through a negative interaction – it ’ s better than nothing.
尊重是双向的
Respect is a mutual two-way street.
即使听你孩子的话会让你伤心
And while it can be heartbreaking to hear those what from your child,
但你的孩子并没有那么不尊重你
your teen isn’t intentionally disrespecting you
他只是想尽力和你保持联系
as much as he’s trying to create a connection with you
好了 克里斯蒂娜 今天的教学时刻到此结束
Okay, Kristina that was my teachable moment for you.
希望这些对你有帮助
I hope you found that helpful and of course,
当然我也想听听你关于这个话题的意见
I’d love to hear from you on this topic.
请在视频下方留言并告诉我
Leave me a comment below and tell me,
顶嘴会引起你的什么反应
What does back talk trigger in you?
你会对这些典型的 令人难以接受的行为感到同情吗 你会做出何种反应
How are you going to respond with compassion to this unacceptable but typical behavior?
我们都有过无意识的记忆
We ’ ve all got unconscious memories that come up
突然冒出来并对我们最好的状态造成冲击
pop up and hijack our best intentions.
能意识到这点是我们最好的防御
Becoming aware is our best defense
如果你想知道更多关于此类做父母的小技巧
Now if you want more parenting tips and tools
一定要努力做到
like this be sure to get on over to teach
用爱来进行教导 并且在You Tube上订阅我
through love and subscribe for updates or you can subscribe right here to me on YouTube.
如果你喜欢这个视频 我希望
And if you like this video I ’ d love it
你可以将它分享给你爱的人或者
if you would share it with someone you love or
分享在你最爱的社交媒体上
on your fav social media site
因为当你分享爱时 爱也在传播
because when you share the love – the love spreads.
非常感谢您观看分享喜欢这些视频
Thank you so much for watching, sharing and like these videos
在我们下次见面前
until next time please
记住 这事关感悟 而非完美
remember it’s about consciousness not perfection.

发表评论

译制信息
视频概述

如果你正为了孩子总是顶嘴而感到烦恼,那么,我猜你一定没有看过这个视频。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Song of Songs

审核员

审核员 V

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCmTZ8Sd-yg

相关推荐