We reserve some of our deepest scorn for couples who stay together out of compromise;
those who are making a show of unanimity, who whom we know, are, deep down, not fully happy.
maybe they’re primarily together because of the children
maybe they are sticking around because they are scared of being lonely
or maybe they are just worry that anyone else they found wouldn’t be much better
these seem like disgraceful motives to be with anyone
disgraceful on account of a background belief
that circulates powerfully through the collective modern psyche
the idea that anyone who puts their mind and will sufficiently to it
doesn’t have to compromise in love;
that there are pain-free, profoundly fulfilling options available for all of us
and the only things that could stand in the way of discovering them
would be laziness or cowardice – flaws of character that deserve no particular sympathy or forgiveness
Our high romantic expectations have made us notably impatient around
and censorious about those who can’t attain them
but imagine if we would to tweak the premise of the argument a little and for a moment probe at the notion
也许一直有一个人在等着我们 能让我们免除痛苦 只享受爱情的愉悦和幸福
that there really might be a pain-free and entirely fulfilling option available for all of us, at all times
What if our choices were, in many contexts, in fact often rather more limited than Romanticism proposes
Maybe there aren’t as many admirable , unattached people in our vicinity, as there might be
Maybe we lack the charm, the personality, the career, the confidence or the looks
ever to attract the ones that do exsist
Maybe time is running out.
or maybe our children really would take it extremely badly
if we dynamited the family for the sake of better sex and greater cheer elsewhere
At the same time, maybe the current situation – while clearly a compromise – is not without its virtues
伴侣之间对错难辨 他们总对一些老问题争执不休 并感到失望
A partner may be only half-right, quite often maddening and probably disappointing in certain areas
but – humblingly – still more satisfying than being alone
Having children to bring up together may be worth it even with a co-parent
about whom one has a long, only semi-private list of reservations.
A few cuddles and occasional moments of cosiness may retain a small but decisive edge
over conclusive abandonment interspersed with humiliating dates
the capacity to compromise is not always the weakness it is described as being
It can involve a mature, realistic admission
that there may – in certain situations – simply be no ideal options
and conversely, an inability to compromise does not always have to be the courageous and visionary position it is held to be
by our impatient and perfectionist ideology
it may just be a slightly rigid, proud and cruel delusion
Mocking people who compromise is – of course – emotionally very handy
It localises a problem that it’s normal to want to disavow
it pins to a few scapegoat couples where we are all terrified about in our relationships
that a degree of sadness may just be an intrinsic, and unavoidable part of them
Wiser societies would be careful never to stigmatise the act of compromise
It is painful enough to have to compromise
it is even more painful to have to hate oneself for having done so
We should rehabilitate and occasionally honour the ability to put up with a flawed fellow human being
to nurse our sadness without falling into rage or despair
to reconcile ourselves，to our damaged appearance and character
and to accept that there may be no better way for us to live but partly in pain and longing，
given who we are and what the world can provide.
couples who compromise may in reality not be the enemies of love
they maybe at the vanguard if understanding what lasting relationships truly demand.
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