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为什么可以为爱妥协 – 译学馆
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为什么可以为爱妥协

Why It’s OK to Compromise in Love

我们对那些出于妥协而继续在一起生活的夫妻们总是心存鄙夷
We reserve some of our deepest scorn for couples who stay together out of compromise;
那些在人前展示关系和谐的夫妻,我们知道,他们心底里并不开心
those who are making a show of unanimity, who whom we know, are, deep down, not fully happy.
也许他们在一起主要是为了孩子
maybe they’re primarily together because of the children
也许他们是因为害怕孤独而选择相偎相依
maybe they are sticking around because they are scared of being lonely
或者他们只是担心下一个遇见的可能还不如现在的
or maybe they are just worry that anyone else they found wouldn’t be much better
这些维持婚姻的动机看起来都不太光彩
these seem like disgraceful motives to be with anyone
不光彩是因为
disgraceful on account of a background belief
一种存在于多数现代人脑海中的基本观念
that circulates powerfully through the collective modern psyche
即那些足够认真地投入感情的人
the idea that anyone who puts their mind and will sufficiently to it
在爱情中是不存在妥协这一说的
doesn’t have to compromise in love;
我们可以拥有一份没有痛苦 至善至美的爱情
that there are pain-free, profoundly fulfilling options available for all of us
而阻碍我们找到这种关系的唯一原因
and the only things that could stand in the way of discovering them
那就是懒惰和懦弱。这种人格的瑕疵丝毫不值得同情和原谅
would be laziness or cowardice – flaws of character that deserve no particular sympathy or forgiveness
我们满怀浪漫的期许 使得我们毫无耐心
Our high romantic expectations have made us notably impatient around
失去耐心和同情
and censorious about those who can’t attain them
但想象一下,如果我们来分析一下这个论点的前提,并且仔细推敲这个论点
but imagine if we would to tweak the premise of the argument a little and for a moment probe at the notion
也许一直有一个人在等着我们 能让我们免除痛苦 只享受爱情的愉悦和幸福
that there really might be a pain-free and entirely fulfilling option available for all of us, at all times
如果我们的选择,在很多情况下,并不像浪漫主义者认为的那么多
What if our choices were, in many contexts, in fact often rather more limited than Romanticism proposes
也许我们身边并没有那么多可仰慕的单身人士
Maybe there aren’t as many admirable , unattached people in our vicinity, as there might be
也许我们不够有魅力,不够有个性,事业不够成功,没什么自信,长得也不太好看
Maybe we lack the charm, the personality, the career, the confidence or the looks
因而无法吸引那些确实存在的优秀的人呢
ever to attract the ones that do exsist
也许已经来不及
Maybe time is running out.
抑或也许我们的孩子会认为
or maybe our children really would take it extremely badly
我们为了追求愉悦和更满意的性生活而牺牲家庭,行为极其恶劣
if we dynamited the family for the sake of better sex and greater cheer elsewhere
同时,也许在现实情况下,妥协并非一无是处呢
At the same time, maybe the current situation – while clearly a compromise – is not without its virtues
伴侣之间对错难辨 他们总对一些老问题争执不休 并感到失望
A partner may be only half-right, quite often maddening and probably disappointing in certain areas
但他们仍卑微地觉得,在一起比孤孤单单要好
but – humblingly – still more satisfying than being alone
也许,尽管另一半有很多很多缺点
Having children to bring up together may be worth it even with a co-parent
但与他一起把孩子养大依然是件很值得的事情呢
about whom one has a long, only semi-private list of reservations.
就算在那些耻辱的日子里,也时不时会有一些相拥而眠和舒心的时刻
A few cuddles and occasional moments of cosiness may retain a small but decisive edge
正是这些小事奠定了微小但牢不可破的基础,人们选择继续在一起而不是放弃彼此
over conclusive abandonment interspersed with humiliating dates
愿意妥协并不像人们认为的那样是种缺点
the capacity to compromise is not always the weakness it is described as being
它更为成熟而现实地承认
It can involve a mature, realistic admission
某些情况下,我们是没有那么理想化的选项的
that there may – in certain situations – simply be no ideal options
相反,拒绝妥协也并非总是出于勇敢和有远见
and conversely, an inability to compromise does not always have to be the courageous and visionary position it is held to be
那可能只是因为我们缺乏耐心,和完美主义作祟
by our impatient and perfectionist ideology
它可能只是不知变通或是过分骄傲和冷漠的假象
it may just be a slightly rigid, proud and cruel delusion
嘲笑那些妥协的人当然非常容易
Mocking people who compromise is – of course – emotionally very handy
它把一件事的影响局限化了,那就是,想要拒绝别人是件很正常的事
It localises a problem that it’s normal to want to disavow
它将问题指向那些无辜的夫妻,而他们实际上代表了我们在夫妻关系中所害怕的东西
it pins to a few scapegoat couples where we are all terrified about in our relationships
伴侣之间 一些伤心本就难免
that a degree of sadness may just be an intrinsic, and unavoidable part of them
明智的社会应该谨慎 不应给妥协之举冠以污名
Wiser societies would be careful never to stigmatise the act of compromise
不得不妥协是一件痛苦的事
It is painful enough to have to compromise
但憎恨别人妥协是一件更痛苦的事
it is even more painful to have to hate oneself for having done so
我们应该改变观念 学会尊重包容伴侣缺点的能力
We should rehabilitate and occasionally honour the ability to put up with a flawed fellow human being
这是为了抚平我们的忧伤,而不陷入愤怒或是绝望
to nurse our sadness without falling into rage or despair
为了与我们自己和解,为我们并不完美的外貌和性格
to reconcile ourselves,to our damaged appearance and character
为了接受现实,即我们可能并没有另一种好的生活方式,而只能在偶尔的痛苦和期盼中继续生活
and to accept that there may be no better way for us to live but partly in pain and longing,
让我们知道我们是谁,以及这个世界能给我们什么
given who we are and what the world can provide.
实际上,懂得妥协的夫妻是在避免与爱情作对
couples who compromise may in reality not be the enemies of love
他们也许才是那个即将领会该如何维系一段长期关系的人
they maybe at the vanguard if understanding what lasting relationships truly demand.
你知道生命学院是有实体地址的吗?
Did you know that the school of life is actually a place?
实际上它有十个地址。校园遍布世界各地,从墨尔本到伦敦,从台北到伊斯坦布尔
ten places ,in fact. campuses all over the world from Melbourne to London, Taipei to Istanbul
不仅开设了课堂,还出版了相关书籍等等。请点击屏幕下方的链接获取更多信息
with classes and books and lots more. Please click on the link below to explore more.

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视频概述

在爱情中的我们并不完美,为爱妥协是一种包容他人、经营感情的能力,应该被肯定和尊重。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

香芋

审核员

Ah~Qiu

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3ebIebpttk

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