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为什么我不再看小电影了

Why I stopped watching porn | Ran Gavrieli | TEDxJaffa

点亮世界
Light up the world
我不再看小黄片主要有两个原因
I stopped watching porn for two reasons basically.
第一个是
The first one was that
黄片激起了我内心小剧场里的诸多愤怒和暴力情绪
porn brought so much anger and violence into my private fantasies.
而这些暴力情绪本来是不存在的
And these were anger and violence that were not there originally to begin with.
而且我再也不想有这些情绪了
And I did not want it for me anymore.
这不是我该有的样子 然后我决定结束这一切
This was not me and, I decided to just put an end to it.
说起来容易做起来难 我后来才明白这个 但…
Easier said than done… I got it later, but…
第二个原因是我意识到
The second reason was that I became to realize…
我意识到看小黄片
I came to realize that only by watching porn
其实是在为影像卖淫创造市场需求
I take part in creating a demand for filmed prostitution
因为这就是小黄片的本质 影像卖淫
because that’s what porn really is: filmed prostitution.
“色情”代表着卖淫 “录像”代表着记录
“Pornē” stands for prostitute, “graphia” stands for documentation.
没有人的童年梦想是卖淫
Prostitution was nobody’s childhood dream,
它总会带来糟糕又令人悲伤的结果
it is always a result of trouble and distress.
我是在帮助那些男女性工作者的过程中
Now, I became aware of that gradually, when I was volunteering
逐渐意识到这一点的 他们有些人是人口贩卖的受害者
with men and women in prostitution, some of them victims of human traffic,
他们在桥底下 街道的角落 妓院里提供性服务
serving aid in brothels, under the bridge and street corners.
但是你并不需要真的去做这么多来了解
But you don’t really need to do all that in order to understand
色情业和卖淫业的运作机制
how this mechanism of porn and prostitution works.
因为小黄片自成一格 它不是传统意义上的色情作品或者健康的性交流
Because porn is a genre – it’s not about erotica or healthy sexual communication.
它完全是男性对女性的霸凌 对女性的歧视
It’s all about male domination of women, subordinance of women.
不仅是性行为上的 而且还是一种
Not only the sexual practice, but as a way of being,
显示这个世界的性别阶级制度的方式
as a genderial hierarchy in this world.
如果我们问小黄片
If we would ask porn,
它是怎么定义性的?
how does it define something as sexual?
某种事可以称之为性有什么标准? 需要怎么定义?
What qualifies, what defines something as sexual?
小黄片会嘲笑我们一脸
Porn would laugh in our face.
怎样定义性? 能让男人有性欲的就是呗
What defines sexual? Whatever men find arousing…
男人会要掐着女人的脖子
Men find it arousing to choke a woman?
来一次没有任何爱抚 拥吻 前戏的野蛮性爱吗?
To have a brutal sex without one touch, hug, kiss, tender caress?
如果是的话 那这称这为性吧
Well then it is sexual.
男人会因为看到女人和小孩哭而性奋?
It arouses men to see a woman or child cry?
(如果是的话)这也是性
It is sexual.
男人强奸女人也会性奋 好吧 这也是性
It arouses men to rape a woman, well, then it is sexual.
在网络上所有的主流色情网站中
In every mainstream porn gallery on the web,
到处都是强奸视频 包括羞辱视频
we can find the rape category side by side with the humiliation category,
虐待视频 犯罪视频等等
abuse category, crime category and so on.
所有黄片似乎都会包括这些因素
And this is all as if this regular porn is not already filled with these motives.
哪怕是最温和的分类里最温和的黄片
Even in its mildest version, the mildest version of porn,
它在80%到90%的时间里的性行为
what porn is showing us like, I know, 80%, maybe 90% of the time
是不用借助手的 但这不是我们真正想要的
is actually sex with no hands involved. This is not how we authentically desire…
不好意思 我看到你们的表情了 我再重复一下 不用手
Sorry, I’ll repeat that, I see your look. Sex with no hands involved… okay.
如果我们继续看小黄片
If you and I are not going to give up watching porn
你还会注意到
the next thing you do watch just you just notice that
小黄片的镜头感兴趣的不是捕捉
porn cameras have no interest in capturing
任何正常的性爱行为 比如抚摸 爱抚
any normal sensual activities such as petting, caressing,
亲热 触摸 拥抱 亲吻 都不是
making out, touching, hugging, kissing… No…
镜头总是对进入感兴趣
What porn cameras are into is the penetration.
正常情况下镜头里有一男一女
So normally the composition will be a man and a woman,
一般是一对一 对吧 一男一女
hopefully just one, okay… so, one man and one woman…
他的生殖器进入她身体里
His penis is inside her.
在她里面哪个地方不重要
It doesn’t matter where inside. Somewhere inside.
反正他的生殖器就在她身体里某个地方 对吧?
His penis is somewhere inside her, okay?
为了不挡住镜头
And in order not to block the camera
会极其近距离地拍摄插入的场景
for doing this extreme close up on the penetration,
大部分时候男人都背着手站着
he’s standing with his hands behind his back most of the time.
女人则用很难受的姿势
And the woman is in this… uncomfortable position
把男人的生殖器放进自己的身体里
and she needs to handle the penis inside her
同时还不能弄乱头发和妆容
without damaging the hair or make up or look down on her
因为这些都投入了时间和金钱
because that’s money invested and time invested in her.
还不能阻挡男人粗鲁的动作 重要的是不能挡镜头
Without disturbing his aggressive movement and mainly without blocking the cameras.
结果就是我们看到两个人
So the result is that we got two people having sex
用不同的姿势 甚至是耍杂技般地做爱
different shapes and acrobatics or something… but they’re having sex
相互接触的身体部分
when the only body parts that actually touch each other
只有双方的生殖器及女性被进入的地方
are the penis and the part being penetrated.
全程都没有用到手
No hands involved.
我跟士兵 学生及小学生们讨论这些 一年大概有250到300次
I talked, I don’t know, 250-300 times a year, soldiers, students, pupils…
从来没人对我说
No one has ever come up to me and say
“雷 完全不用到手的性爱
“Ran, you know that part with sex with no hands thing
就是我想要的 我十一二岁的时候
that was my authentic desire, like when I was 11 or 12
从不想亲吻或触碰任何人
I never wanted to kiss or touch anybody.
我对那些一点也不好奇 那只不过是生殖器间的互动”
I was not curious about that. It was all the penetration to begin with.”
没人这样说过——这是在看黄片之前
No one has ever said that… — before porn.
看过小黄片之后呢
After porn…
看小黄片之前 我内心的小剧场
In my private fantasies before watching porn,
是极具想象力的
there was always a very strong narrative
想象着我们之间的亲密互动
and the narrative was of sensuality and mutuality.
我总是想象着我要对对方说什么?
Which means that I always imagined what I would say to her?
她又怎么回答我?
What would she possibly answer?
我又该怎么回答她?
What options do I have to respond?
而现实从不是我所想象的那样
In real life it never worked like I planned,
我认为对性欲的唤起来说
but it was super important in my mind in term of arousal
气氛 地点 环境都非常重要 在哪里进行是很重要的
the build up, the location, the setting, where will it be?
我跟她突然独处一室是什么样的情境?
What are the circumstances of me and her being all alone all of a sudden.
我们身体间的火花是如何一步步燃起的呢?
How will this bodily inflaming between us will emerge step by step?
这真的超级重要——在我看黄片之前
It was super important …before porn.
习惯看小黄片之后
After making a habit out of porn…
小黄片会占领你的大脑
it conquers your mind and it invades your brain.
我失去了想象力
And I lost my ability to imagine.
我觉得自己… 说得晦涩点
Which mean I found myself… and I won’t be too explicit,
我试着闭着眼睛打飞机
but trying to masturbate, just closing my eyes
却怎么也想象不出男女之间美好的性爱
trying to fantasize desperately about something human
因为我脑子里充斥着女人
and not making it because my head was bombarded
被侵犯 受辱
with all of those images of women being violated and subordinated
被迫假装享受这个粗暴性爱的画面
and forced into pretending they enjoyed diabolic sperm rituals.
这就是看小黄片的结果
So, this is pretty much the result.
我们都很容易被小黄片影响 不只是青年人
We are all vulnerable to pornography. It’s not just young people…
我们应该非常小心
We should be very careful.
不止要小心吃进我们身体的
Not only what we put into our bodies
食物和营养
in term of food and nutrition
还要当心进入我们思想的营养
But with the nutrition of our mind
我们看的东西都会入侵我们的思想
Everything we watch invades us.
举个与性无关的小例子
I’ll give you a short example from non-sexual areas.
有天晚上我回到家
I came the other night, I came back home
我爱人在看无聊的综艺
and my beloved one was watching some cultural junk.
她在看卡拉ok秀 里面的人坐在旋转椅上
She was watching a karaoke show audition, the one with chairs spinning.
我家里没有电视机
We don’t have a TV set back home,
只因为这样显得我们
but only because it allows us to falsely present ourselves
很有深度
as deep and profound people. (laughter)
我没听说过
I’ve never heard of that.
谁做了乳腺切除手术?安吉丽娜?我们家没电视机(所以我不知道)
Mastectomy who? Angelina? No, we don’t have a TV.
但我们会看所有的综艺节目 好吗?
We watch every cultural junk possible, okay?
我们都没想过要买电视
Not me, not her, We don’t contemplate about existence.
我下载下来看 下载所有的综艺节目
We download stuff. And we download all cultural junk.
我看了二十分钟的卡拉ok秀
I am watching this 20 minutes karaoke show.
那实在太无聊了
And it was so boring and tedious.
两分钟的交谈 四分钟闲聊
Two minutes talking, four minutes blabbering.
二十分钟后就没耐心看了 然后我就去洗澡
I lost patience after 20 minutes and I went off to take a shower
最有趣的事发生在洗澡的过程中
and the most interesting part was in the shower.
因为我发现自己真是可悲透了
Because what I found out there was myself in most pathetic state ever…
一会说给你们听
I’m going to share it with you.
我希望你们(听了后)仍能接受我喜欢我
I want to feel that you accept and love me,
我要跟大家展示我最可悲的时候 你们还是要爱我哟
so I will share my most pathetic moment and you have to accept it now.
我不知道大概是过了5分钟 7分钟还是10分钟 我才回过神来
I don’t know until I got over myself if it took me five, seven, ten minutes
发现自己站在淋浴头下
to realize that I am standing under the water in the shower
沉浸在自己的思考里 我表演的时候该唱啥呢?
pondering severely what would’ve been my song for the auditions?
提醒你们 我可是有深度的人
Deep and profound, mind you!
我才不会唱蕾哈娜或者Lady Gaga的歌
I won’t be doing this Rihanna or Lady Gaga’s.
我要唱梅塞德斯·索萨的《像鸟一样自由》
I will be doing Mercedes Sosa’s Como Un Pájaro Libre.
鲍勃.迪伦的《盲人威利·麦克泰尔》
I’ll be doing a cover for Bob Dylan’s Blind Willie McTell.
够有深度吗?
Ain’t that deep and profound?
我得承认自己是个笨蛋 因为我毫无音乐天赋
I had to realize that I’m an idiot because I have no talent for music.
不仅如此
More than that, I never wanted to be
我从来没想过成为一个音乐家 歌手或者作曲家
neither a musician nor a singer or songwriter.
这从来不是我内心所渴望的 好吗?
This was never a part of my inner world of wishes, okay?
但我只是一个普通人 我能怎么办呢?
But I’m a human being. What can I do?
我看了二十分钟的节目 然后就被洗脑了
I was watching that for 20 minutes It entered my brain for a while.
以此为例 我们可以估计
So if we take this example we can try to measure or estimate
观看其他任何东西二十分钟 会对我们造成的影响
the impact of 20 minutes of watching no matter what,
它们是如何入侵我们的思想 征服我们的渴望
how it invades our mind and conquers our wantings and desires.
我们想象一下 或者我直接告诉你们
Let’s just try to imagine or I can share it with you orally
看二十分钟小黄片的影响
what is the impact of 20 minutes of watching porn
当一周看一两次小黄片 如果一直这样
once or twice a week, nothing unmoderated.
你会完全被洗脑
It’s overtaking.
小黄片触手可得 无论我们想不想看
And porn is in our household, whether we want it or not
我认为它对我们健康有害
and I believe that it does not agree with our well being.
因为现在在西方国家
Because we have internet
手机几乎在所有地方都能连上网
in the western world all over the place almost in every cellular phone now
90%的12岁的孩子都定期看小黄片
we’ve got 90% of 12 year-olds watching porn on a regular basis.
看小黄片会使人上瘾 麻痹心灵
And it has both an addictive effect and a paralyzing effect.
让人上瘾是因为它能让人产生依赖感
It’s addictive, because it develops somewhat of a dependency on porn.
麻痹人是因为对于大部分年轻男孩来说
And paralyzing because, mainly for young boys and men,
小黄片告诉他们 有着大尺寸的生殖器和保持长时间的勃起
porn is teaching us that as a man you are solely valued in sex
的男人在性生活中很受欢迎
by having a large penis and an eternal erection.
按照小黄片的说法 一个好的性爱伴侣
According to porn, being a valuable sexual partner
跟感性 热情 周到
does not relate with being sensual, passionate, attentive,
美丽 谐和毫无关系
generous, well-coordinated. None of the above.
有大生殖器 能长时间勃起就好了
It is all about large penis and eternal sunshine,
然而我们并没有啊
which we don’t possess.
所以男生们变得麻木了
So boys become paralyzed.
如果看小黄片没有变得麻木
And if they don’t become paralyzed by watching porn
他们就会模仿小黄片
very often they turn into imitators of what they saw,
变得有侵略性
which then means they become aggressors.
尽管带有感情 仍然是侵略者
Aggressors, even when emotion is involved.
如今有太多的性虐待
There is so much sexual abuse going on nowadays
都是从外界学来的 而我们误以为那就是
within the confines of what we perceive from the outside
少年的美好爱恋或者成年人的正常恋爱
as beautiful teenage love stories, or healthy adult relationships.
因为我们不讨论性
Because we don’t really talk about sex
我们只是看 但是不会谈论
we just see it all over, we don’t really talk about it.
那么在某种特定环境中会发生什么呢
So, what goes on in the confines of a certain room
只有跟黄片学来的变态的性行为
but these are all sexual mutations that happen.
我们谈到女性 情况更糟
If we talk about women, it’s not only that,
年轻女孩们获取性知识的渠道不止是普通小黄片
but young girls even get the message not only from hardcore porn
还有被色情影响的主流文化
but from a porn influenced main stream culture.
你看过麦莉.赛勒斯 LadyGaga的视频或者广告吗?
Have you seen any Miley Cirus, Lady Gaga video clips or commercials?
那些不过是穿着衣服的小黄片
That’s porn with clothes on.
所以女孩们认为 如果你想被人爱
So girls get this notion that if you want to be worthy of love
首先你得挑起别人的欲望
first and foremost you have to be worthy of sexual desire.
而现在 性欲差不多等同于色情明星
And now, the definition of sexual desire almost equals: be like a porn star.
我在几十所初高中调查过
So I work in dozens and dozens of high schools and junior highs.
这些学校里的女孩子们
In every single one of these schools I find girls
在某种程度上都愿意自己的亲密行为被记录下来
that at a certain point agreed to be documented in an intimate situation
因为她们想要讨好喜欢的男孩子
because they wanted to please some guy that they had feelings for.
而这些男孩们辜负了她们的信任 都是老套路了
And this guy misappropriated their trust. Always the same story.
于是他把视频或照片挂在WhatsApp应用程序或者网站上卖
So he sells it on WhatsApp application or on the web, on the internet.
一般没人会跟他讲道德问题
And normally nobody even addresses him in terms of moral.
但总是女孩子们承受屈辱
But it is always girls that suffer from shaming and mortification.
她们也许会转学 但通常都是辍学
They can change the school… they drop out normally.
她们即使搬到别的城市仍然会被社交网络缠身
They can move to another city and still be haunted on social networks.
她们会抑郁 严重饮食失调
They develop clinical depressions, severe eating disorders,
好像我们的文化中促成饮食失调的原因还不够多
as if we don’t have enough reasons in our culture to develop eating disorders.
她们被孤立
They become so isolated socially.
其中有些人 像阿曼达·托德(因色情视频泄露而)自杀了
So some of them – like Amanda Todd, rest in peace… –
她们中有些人真的是选择自杀
some of them actually commit suicide.
因为她们找不到活着的意义
Because they find no more value in life or in themselves.
所以小黄片不只是家里的视频 它会导致一些女孩的自杀
So, porn is not only in our house. It is a capital case.
它不是社会上的次要问题
It is not a minor phenomenon in our society.
有时是生与死的问题
It is a question of life and death sometimes.
它关系到色情片里的人的生与死
It is mainly a question of life and death for the people who participate in porn,
因为小黄片不是言论自由
because porn is not an embodiment of freedom of speech,
职业自由等等的体现 它是性剥削
freedom of occupation, blah-blah… No. It’s an embodiment of sex-exploitation,
同人口贩卖 拉皮条 教唆犯罪是一样的
working side-by-side with human traffic raping, pimping, solicitation.
这些始于签了一份合同
For every one porn start with a book contract
或者被制片公司(诱导拍黄片)
or a production company,
数十万女性包括女孩
we’ve got hundreds of thousands of women and girls
遭此劫难 她们再也没能回归正常生活
who do not survive out there. Literally, they just don’t make it.
性产业把她们榨干后 又使她们沦为
The sex industry just chews them up and spits them back
妓女 站街女
into brothels, into hooking in the street,
三陪 按摩院卖淫女
escorting, massage parlors with happy or unhappy ending
结局因人而异 我不是开玩笑
depends who you ask. And I am not joking.
这就是卖淫行业的现状
This is the whole spectrum of prostitution.
她们中许多人甚至没有活过50岁
So many of them do not even make it to the age of 50.
尽管这些国家现在的平均寿命
I am talking about countries that the life expectancy
是75 76岁
is at 75, 76 years now.
她们没有活到50岁 主要有4个原因
They don’t make it to the age of 50. 4 reasons mainly.
吸毒 感染性病
Drugs, STD – Sexually Transmitted Diseases
被客人 皮条客或者男友谋杀
being murdered by a john, a pimp, a boyfriend
第四个原因是自杀 又是自杀
and the fourth reason is suicide once again.
如果你是个妓女 不管有没有拍小黄片
Because if you are a prostitute, on camera or off camera,
你会处于我们所说的社交死亡的境地
you are in the situation that we can refer to as social death.
我们也许都跟
We have all sat on the dinner table
那些嫖娼至少去过妓院一两次的人
with people who probably consumed prostitution
坐一起吃过饭
that have been to a brothel once, twice at least.
但我们绝不会跟妓女坐一起
We never sit down to the table with a prostitute.
也不会和臭名昭著的人一起 这就是社交性死亡
Not with a declared one. So that’s social death.
毕竟那不光彩
It is not glamorous. Not at all.
当我在自己房间里看小黄片 都不需要付费
And when I sit in the privacy of my room and watch porn, even without paying…
小黄片是免费的
No need to pay, it’s free.
我希望你们能懂我所说 如果你仍在看的话
I hope you know that, if you’re still consuming…
无论我在看什么都是在创造市场需求
Whatever I am watching is creating a demand.
有需求就有供应
And wherever there is a demand, there will be a supply.
那是必然的
There is a correlation.
如果我看的小黄片女主是年纪大的黑人女性
If I watch pornography of black, older women,
那么就有人去给年纪大的黑人女性拉皮条
somebody is going to go out and pimp black older women.
如果喜欢看亚洲小孩的片子 为了拍那种片子
Asian minors? Somebody is already trafficking Asian minors
就有人贩卖亚洲小孩
in order to film them.
以色列女人 巴勒斯坦女人 信奉新教的欧裔美国人 美国女大学生
Israeli women, Palestinian women WASP, all American college girls.
在过去几年里是比较受欢迎的类型 有这样的趋势
It’s a strong in the last few years it’s a very upcoming category.
某些人渣
The scum of the Earth are already out there
会教唆女性拍色情片 使之沦为妓女
trying to solicit and prostitute these women on camera.
所以为了我自己 我拒绝观看小黄片
So, I stopped watching porn for my personal well-being.
为了我的感情生活及我的性生活
My intimate communication, my private erotic life.
我会克制自己
Reclaiming control and responsibility over my mind.
通过这样做
But by doing that,
我也不再给惨无人道的性产业做贡献
I actually stopped contributing to this horrible sex industry.
我觉得我这么做是好事
That’s a good thing to do, I believe.
我真心提倡
And I would really like to propose that notion
身体和情感上都安全的性行为 情感安全性行为很重要
of physically and emotionally-safe sex, emotionally-safe sex.
它并不是指保守性行为
It does not mean going back to be conservative or unliberated sexually.
我无限支持性自由
I am all for sexual freedom.
我只是说我们应该把性别等级
It just means that we need to put genderial hierarchy aside,
主次等级放一边
subordinance aside.
并且把 这么说吧 让愉悦
And bring back in… let’s just say, “laughter”
作为亲热的主要目的
as a critical method for intimacy.
两个人 两个灵魂单独相处
Two souls, two humans, two souls alone in private,
他们能愉快地相处吗?
can they please have a laugh together?
不管他们是认识十年还是刚认识
I don’t care if they know each other for a decade or for an hour…
如果两人都没办法愉快地单独相处
If two souls alone in a room do not manage to have a laugh together,
那他们之间还能有什么好感情呢? 不论是性相关的还是性不相关的
what good could possibly grow there? Sexual and non-sexual.
这就是情感安全性行为
That’s emotionally safe sex.
我想说的太多了
I’ve got so many things I want to share with you
但感觉时间不够了
but I feel like my time is almost up, so…
我真心希望我们能为这个问题多发声
I just really want to ask for us to speak about these issues more
因为我认为我们过去的沉默并没有为我们带来好处
because I strongly feel that our history of silence never did us any good,
因为沉默只能带来更多沉默
because silence only perpetuates more silence,
讨论通常会带动更多的声音
when talking normally gives birth to more talking,
带来更多信息 更多认知 更多警惕和改变
more sharing, more identification, more awareness, more change.
一个小的改变也许不会带来什么
A small change, we have a small humble life.
但是真正的改变会让人更有安全感
But a real change, a true one, emotionally safer.
谢谢
Thank you for listening.

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视频概述

在我们学生时代,老师和家长总是禁止我们接触色情相关的东西,尤其是小黄片。他们总是教育我们说对身体有害,但是却没有解释说如何对身体产生伤害,其实小黄片伤害的不只是身体,更严重的是对大脑的伤害。

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启点—丘丘

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU

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