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调情的技巧 – 译学馆
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调情的技巧

Why, how & when to Flirt

调情的名声不太好
Flirting has a bad name.
它常被看作一种很高级的欺骗
Too often, it seems a supreme form of duplicity,
一种用于使别人兴奋并从其中获得满足的狡猾企图
a sly attempt to excite another person and derive gratification from their interest,
而并没有相应的与他们上床的意愿
without any corresponding wish to go to bed with them.
它如同一种极具欺骗性的对于发生性爱的保证
It looks like a manipulative promise of sexual affection,
以至于最后让其目标陷入困惑和耻辱当中
that, at the last moment, leaves its targets confused and humiliated.
在夜总会或派对结束之后,我们在悲伤中独自回家
In our sadness, back home alone after the nightclub or the party,
我们抱怨那些只调情的调情
we may rail against the flirt for ‘only’ flirting,
因为它明明意味着随后会有更多的事情
when it appeared there would be so much more.
但是这种模式仅仅代表了一种
But this kind of pattern represents only one,
关于调情的令人厌恶而遗憾的可能性
unedifying and regrettable possibility around flirting.
而最好的调情则是一种至关重要的社交方法
At its best, flirting can be a vital social process
它慷慨地提供了令人安心的保证
that generously lends us reassurance
而且慷慨地再次配发了信心和自尊
and freely redistributes confidence and self-esteem.
我们的任务不是不再调情
The task is not to stop flirting,
而是学习如何使用那种最可敬的调情
but to learn how better to practice its most honorable versions.
好的调情在本质上是
Good flirting is, in essence,
由善意和幻想中的激情所驱动的一种尝试
an attempt driven by kindness and imaginative excitement
同时在心理和身体方面使另一个人
to inspire another person to believe more firmly in their own likeability,
更坚定地相信自身可爱之处
psychological, as much as physical.
这个礼物不是以操纵为目的的
It is a gift offered not in order to manipulate,
而是由通过感知别人最具吸引力的地方而获取的快乐所构成的
but out of a pleasure of perceiving what’s most attractive in another.
在这个过程中 好的调情必须谨慎地让我们同时相信
Along the way, the good flirt must carefully convince us of
以下三点相互矛盾的事情
three apparently contradictory things:
他们愿意和我们睡觉
that they would love to sleep with us,
他们不会和我们睡觉
that they won’t sleep with us;
以及不会的原因和我们自身的缺点无关
and that the reason why has nothing to do with any deficiency on our part.
好的调情毫无邪念地利用了
Good flirting exploits, with no evil intent,
一个关于性的重要事实
an important truth about sex.
那就是 关于性 最令人愉快的并不是那个物理过程自身
That is what often most enjoyable about sex is not the physical process itself,
甚至不是在背后支撑行为的 接受这个行为的想法
so much as the idea of acceptance that underpins the act.
是另一个人喜欢我们到足以在我们最原始且脆弱
The notion that another person likes us enough to accept us
的状态接受我们
in our most raw and vulnerable state,
并且 以我们的名义
and is, in our name,
甘愿放弃控制并且交出每天的尊严的这种概念
willing to lose control and surrender aspects of everyday dignity.
而不是灵巧的对皮肤的触摸
It is this concept, far more than the deft touching of skin,
促成了占主导地位的那份快乐
that is what contributes the dominant share of our pleasure.
当我们第一次脱掉对方的衣服时
As we undress someone for the first time,
或者注意到他们索骂的需求时 这份快乐就出现了
or heed their requests to call them the very rudest words we know.
会调情的人懂得这些 也正因此免于遭受那种
The good flirt knows this, and is therefore spared the guilty sense
处在一个无法为他们的爱人提供任何有价值的东西的负罪感
that they might not be in the position to offer their lover anything valuable.
提供有价值的东西是明显有可能的 他们这样明智地说服了自己
They are wisely convinced that it is eminently possible,
只是在餐桌上或厨房的琐事中
simply over a dinner table, in the kitchen at work,
就可以给一个人提供性的几乎最奇妙的那个部分
to give the person just about the most wondrous aspect of sex itself,
而这仅仅是以语言为媒介就可以达成的
simply through the medium of language.
一个会调情的人 也是一个
The good flirt is an expert, too,
懂得如何暗示两者之间不会真的有性关系的专家
in how correctly to frame the fact that there won’t be sex.
由于人类思维的一个怪异定式
By a deeply entrenched quirk of a human mind,
通常在听到那样的消息之后我们是很难
it’s generally hard for us to hear such news
不去立刻想到那个难以抗拒也难以承受的结论的:
without at once reaching one overwhelming and crushing conclusion:
其发生的原因是因为那些玩弄感情的人突然发现我们完全是深深令人厌恶的
that it is because the seducer has suddenly found us deeply and pervasively repulsive.
会调情的人会将我们从那样的自惩性描述中解救出来
The good flirt loosens us from such punitive narratives.
他们有力地诉诸于那些真诚的理由
They powerfully appeal to some of the many genuine reasons
两个人不能有性关系的原因
why two people might not have sex
并不是因为一个人发现另一个人很恶心
that have nothing to do with one person finding the other disgusting:
比如 因为一方或双方都已经有了伴侣
for example, because one or both party already has partner,
太大的年龄差 性取向问题
because there is an excessive age gap, gender incompatibility,
工作上的原因 家庭中的困难
an office that would disapprove, a difficult family situation,
或是更简单的理由 没时间
or more simply, a lack of time.
从死板生硬地反对声中解放出来
Freed from the rigid and blunt opposition
调情不是一定要是实际发生性关系的前奏
that flirting has to be the prelude to actual sex,
优秀的调情者可以巧妙地暗示不同的事情的其他可能性
the good flirt can artfully imply how different things might have been
假使这个世界被安排的更加理想
if the world had been more ideally arranged.
而被调情的人也会体面地沉浸在这个故事当中
And the recipient of the flirt can, with equal grace, ascent to the story,
从而不再需要通过自我厌恶来歪曲整个故事
without a need to twist it through self-hatred.
我们都迫切地需要一个人来提醒我们自身不错的地方以及闪光点
We all stand in need of reminders of what is tolerable and exciting about us.
坚持这样的再度觉醒只能
It’s a desperate foreshortening of possibilities
由实体的性交来实现
to insist that such reawakening
实在是一种令人绝望的对于可能性的缩减
could only be justified by actual intercourse.
通过正确的理解 调情可以跨越
Understood properly, flirting can beneficially occur
双方巨大的不同发生
across the largest gulfs:
政见上的分歧 社会 经济 婚姻状况的差别
gulfs of political belief, of social, economical, marital status,
性取向不同以及(伴随着明显的警告)年龄差距
of sexual inclination, and (with obvious caveats) of age.
一个26岁的公司律师和一个52岁的男人
The 26-year-old corporate lawyer and 52-year-old man
可以在街角商店的柜台后相互调情
behind the counter of the corner shop can flirt;
这同样适用于清洁工和执行总裁之间
and so may the cleaner and the CEO.
把他们这样做的时候调情变得更加动人了
It is all the more moving when they do so,
因为这意味着我们愿意去使用我们的想象
because it signals our willingness to use the imagination
去找到另一个人身上最具吸引力的地方
to locate what is most attractive about another person,
尽管那个人和我们自身的参考点距离非常遥远
who lies really very far from one’s own points of reference.
如果我从性的角度考虑某人 我所找到的
The question of what, if I considered someone, anyone sexually,
他最迷人的地方是什么这个问题将是一个人
I would find charming is one of the most intimate,
可以问我的最亲密有趣也是最必要的问题
interesting and necessary questions one can ask.
调情很重要
Flirting matters,
因为我们绝大多数人很少对我们自己感到满意
because of how rarely most of us get to experience ourselves as desirable.
通过大量的拒绝 以及明智的谦虚
We generally learn, through a rich sequence of rebuffs,
我们渐渐学会了从不理想的方面看待自己
and via intelligent modesty, to see ourselves as far from ideal.
这种观念不是不准确 但也不是完全正确
This picture is not inaccurate, but it isn’t entirely true, either.
因此 优秀的调情师肩负着一个重要的心理方面的任务
So the good flirt carries out an important psychological mission:
去恢复我们对于自身看法的平衡
to restore balance to our view of ourselves.
他们提醒着我们 尽管我们在性格或形体上有缺陷
They remind us that, for all our failings of character and bodily liabilities,
但事实上 在某些地方 我们还是相当有吸引力的
we are in fact, in certain ways, properly appealing,
而且比我们所想像的情况还要好
and in a better situation than the one we find ourselves in,
一个好有趣的人希望和我们共度良宵
a truly interesting person to want to spend a night with.
调情提供了针对于成熟带来的性格上的病症的解药
The flirt supplies an antidote to a characteristic sickness of maturity:
这个病症便是从极度负面的角度看待自己
an excessively negative view of ourselves.
优秀的调情师在做的是至关重要的社会工作
A good flirt is doing crucially important social work.
他们明白 被看作性感是极度有利的
They understand that being recognized as erotically appealing is hugely beneficial,
也是让自己更有耐心 更慷慨
and a key to rendering us more patient,
更有活力 更满足的钥匙
more generous, more energetic, and more content.
认为这种广泛而重要的需求 是理应要穿过
It is a quiet tragedy that this widely consequential need
那令人绝望的 狭窄的 名为性的门的这种想法是非常可悲的
should so often be expected to pass through the desperately narrow gate of sex.
优秀的调情师正明智地 也是按照字面意义上地 在生活中
The good flirt is wisely and literally trying to give erotic endorsement
(和调情带来的好处一起)给予大量的机会给情色认可
(with all the benefits this brings) a larger opportunity in life.
将其从由真实的性爱需求促成的
Liberating it from the tiny difficult window of opportunity,
狭小的难以通过的机遇之窗中解救出来
offered by an actual requirement to make love.
好的调情师是至关重要的民主科学的先锋
The good flirt is a pioneer in a crucial democratic science:
他们尝试正确地识别那些影响到
they are attempting to correctly identify attractiveness
多数人而不是少数的吸引力
in a way that will serve the many, rather than a few.
我们不应该仅仅对好的调情心怀感激
We should not only be grateful to good flirts.
更应该尝试以及成为一个优秀的调情师
We should try to become good flirts ourselves.

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视频概述

调情并不是性爱的前奏,而是对于对方身上闪光点的挖掘和欣赏。坏的调情是玩弄别人的感情,但是好的调情需要发扬,因为它让我们发现自身的价值。

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翻译译者

Aimik

审核员

赖皮

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZTqF5oYUqo

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