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人为什么要结婚捏? – 译学馆
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Why Bother With Marriage?

It’s tempting to think of marriage as old fashioned.
Why not just live with someone and be done with it?
公开的仪式有什么用呢 为什么会有这些奇怪的传统呢?
What need for a public ceremony? Why the weird traditions
为什么要有教堂 寺庙 赞歌 誓言和祷告?
all those churches, temples, hymns, vows and prayers?
Marriage must be a silly relic from the religious childhood of humankind,
not designed for the more logical morden world
但是婚姻却得以保存 婚姻的本质是把我们的手绑在一起
And yet it survives. The essence of marriage is to tie our hands,
阻挠我们的意志 在通往分手的道路上架起高而昂贵的阻碍
to frustrate our wills, to put high and costly obstacles in the way of splitting up.
Why do we do this?
起初 我们告诉自己是上帝希望我们能够维持婚姻的状态 但到了现在
Originally, we told ourselves that God wanted us to stay married. But even now,
我们不再诉诸上帝 却还一直在确保婚姻关系难以被解除
when God is not invoked, we keep making sure that marriage is rather hard to undo.
一则 你认真地邀请了所有你认识的人来见证你宣誓你们的结合
For one thing, you carefully invite everyone you know to watch you say you’ll stick together.
所以一旦你想要改变主意 承认这段婚姻是一个错误
You willingly create a huge layer of embarrassment where you ever to turn around
and admit it might have been a mistake.
再者 即便你可以做到一码归一码
Furthermore, even though you could keep things separate,
marriage tends to mean deep economic and legal entanglements.
You know it is going to take the work of a phalanx of accountants and lawyers to prise you apart.
的确可以做到 但结果会是毁灭性的
It could be done, but it will be ruinous.
It’s as if we somewhere recognise that there might, rather strangely,
可能把离婚弄得这么困难 或许是有让人感到不舒服却恰当的理由的
be some quite good, though uncomfortable, reasons why making it difficult to split up a union
can be an advantage for its members.
The Marshmallow test was a celebrated experiment in the history of psychology
designed to measure children’s ability to delay gratification
and track the consequences of being able to think long-term.
给一群3岁的孩子一人发一个棉花糖 并告诉他们
Some three-year-old children were offered a marshmallow, but told they would get two
如果他们能够保持5分钟不吃掉第一个棉花糖 他们就可以得到第二个
if they held off from eating the first one for five minutes.
It turned out a lot of children just couldn’t make it through this period.
这太诱人了 吞下他们面前的棉花糖的短期利益
It was too tempting. the less immediate benefit of gobbling the marshmallow in front of them.
was stronger than the strategy of waiting.
最关键的是 观察显示 这些孩子的人生会持续因为不能控制自己的冲动而饱受挫折
Crucially, it was observed that these children went on to have lives blighted by a lack of impulse control,
and fared much worse than the children who were best at subordinating immediate fun for long-term benefit.
情感关系大概也是如此 这里也是这样 很多事情感觉很紧迫
Relationships are perhaps no different. Here too, many things feel very urgent.
我们发火 想要逃跑 我们对新的对象感到兴奋 恨不得尽快甩掉现在的伴侣
We’re angry, want to get out we are excited by new person and need to abandon our present partner at once.
然而当我们四处寻找出口时 似乎每条路都被堵住了
And yet as we look around for the exit, every way seems blocked.
这需要花费很大价钱 这样会十分窘迫 这需要花费很长时间
It would cost a fortune, it would be so embarrassing, it would take an age.
这不是一个巧合 婚姻是一个巨大的冲动抑制器
This isn’t a coincidence. Marriage is a giant inhibitor of impulse
它是被我们的道德心建立起来以约束我们好色的 不知感恩的 野性的 欲求不满的自我
set up by our conscience to keep our libidinous, ungreatful, wild, desiring selves in check.
实际上我们通过服从婚姻的约束 明白了我们这些个体
What we are essentially buying into by submitting to its dictates is the insight that we are (as individuals)
likely to make very poor choices under the sway of strong short-term impulses.
To marry is to recognise that we require structure to insulate us from our urges.
这相当于我们自愿被关起来 因为我们不相信我们自己
It is to lock ourselves up willingly, because we don’t trust ourselves.
It’s a very unusual marriage indeed in which the two people don’t spend a notable amount of time fantasising
这是很常见的 但婚姻的关键是让这种感觉不那么重要
that they weren’t in fact married. But the point of marriage is to make these feelings not matter very much.
这是一种准备措施 确保我们被安全地和我们想要的东西隔离开来
It is an arrangement that protects us from what we desire
然而在我们比较理智的时候 我们其实知道自己不需要 甚至不想要的东西
and yet know (in our more reasonable moments) we don’t truly need or even perhaps want.
最好的情况下 情感关系使我们试图成长 变成熟 变得“完整”
At their best, relationships involve us in attempts to develop, mature and become ‘whole’.
我们迷上一个人 很多时候恰恰是因为他们承诺会使我们变得更好
We often get drown to people precisely because they promise to edge us in the right directions.
但是如果一直和新的人约会 想保持亲切和正常是很容易的
But It is too easy to seem kind and normal when we keep going out with someone new.
但是真实的我们 在自我改善开始的基础上
The truth about us, on the basis of which self-improvement begins,
only becomes clear over time.
我们成长的几率会极大地增加 如果我们勇敢面对
Chances of development increase hugely when we don’t keep running away
to people who will falsely reassure us that there’s nothing too wrong with us.
随着时间流逝 关于婚姻的争论改变了
Over time, the argument for marriage has shifted
It’s no longer about external forces having power over us:
我们现在关注的是心理上的问题 关于为什么倾其所有是如此困难
What we are correctly now focused on is the psychological point of making it hard to throw it all in.
在过去的50年里 智力方面的努力带来的负担
For the last fifty years, the burden of intelligent effort
has been on attempting to make separation easier.
The challenge now lies in another direction: in trying to remind ourselves
why immediate flight doesn’t always make sense,
and trying to see the point of holding out for the second marshmallow.