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表现出缺爱是错的吗?

Why being needy is good

你知道我讨厌什么吗?
You know what I hate?
我讨厌别人把真实情感
When people hide their true feelings
藏在“玩笑话”后面
behind”jokes”.
我觉得你是个让人厌恶的
– I think that you’re a repulsive,
可怜而自怨自艾的胆小鬼
pathetic sack of joyless cowardice
只想着消耗别人的生命
who enjoys draining the life of other people
以粉饰你没有自我意识的残酷现实
to make up for the fact that you have none of your own.
只是个玩笑啦!
Jokey joke!
噢 天啊 你真的是这样认为我的吗?
– Oh my god, is that how you really feel about me?
当然不是啦!我美化了一下呢
– Of course not! I sugar-coated it.
玩笑而已啦
Jokey joke.
什么?你不能随口说出这么吓人的话 然后说……
– What? You can’t just say something horrible and then claim that it’s —
那只是玩笑 放轻松啦 你这个没用的白痴
– It’s a jokey joke. Lighten up, you worthless idiot.
还是玩笑啦
Jokey joke.
我喜欢直截了当
I believe in being straightforward.
如果我感受到了什么 我会直话直说
If I feel a certain way, I’ll tell you.
如果我有空 我会马上回讯息
If I’m available, I’ll text back immediately.
对于表达我每天在高峰和低谷间摇摆的极端情绪
I have no qualms with enthusiastically expressing the pendulum of extreme emotions
我没有任何心理负担
I oscillate between throughout the day.
我之前快饿死了
– Well, I was starving.
然后我吃了好多 然后感觉……要死了
And then I ate so much, I could like, die.
不过后来我去散步了 然后感觉好多了
But then I walked and I felt fine.
哇噢 好吸引人的故事 求你再讲一遍
– Wow. Riveting story. Please, do tell it again.
好吧 我之前真的要饿死了
– Well, I was literally starving.
我们总是被告知
We’re often told that
缺爱的人最招人恨了
the worst thing you can be is needy.
但我的个人观点是:
But here is my hot take.
我觉得把“缺爱”这个词定义为贬义的人
I think that the people who turn the term”needy” derogatory
是不具备情感能力的混蛋
are actually emotionally unavailable jerks
他们不愿正视每个人都有情感需求的现实
who don’t want to deal with the reality that we’re all human beings with very valid emotional needs
也不肯承认每个人都有在关系中表达自己的权利
and the right to express them in our relationships.
充满挑衅的个人观点
Sizzling hot take.
人类就是要互相依赖的
We’re designed to be interdependent.
我们是社会性的生物
We’re social creatures.
我们会从生命中重要的人那里
We seek the approval, attention, validation, support, and love
寻求认可 关注 赞同 支持和关爱
from the significant people in our lives.
只要这种关系是健康良性 互相平衡的
And as long as it’s not taken to an unhealthy imbalance
只要没有陷入两败俱伤的互相依赖
or forms into some kind of crippling codependency,
我不觉得表现出“缺爱”有什么不对
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being needy.
我们都有着与生俱来的独特需求
We all have inherent yet unique needs.
有些人需要安全感
Some people need to feel safe.
你要明白 你不说再见就直接走开
– You know, when you walk away without a goodbye,
真的会让我觉得被抛弃了
It really makes me feel like I’m being abandoned.
如果你要走开或去别的房间前打个招呼
And so I would appreciate,
我会非常感激你的
if you’re just gon na leave and go to another room.
嘿 你有在听我说话吗?
Look, are you even listening to me right now?
有些人需要被认可
Some need appreciation.
噢!谢谢你送了我这个缺胳膊少腿的蜥蜴
– Oh! Thank you so much for this mangled lizard!
大多数人都需要被理解
And most of us need to feel understood.
你现在明白我的意思了吧?
– Do you understand me now?
好的 你懂了吗?
Okay, do you understand?
有情感需求真的太正常了
Having needs is totally normal.
表达自己的需求的确会让你觉得不安
And expressing your needs is a vulnerable
走出这一步很难
and harder thing to do.
但是袒露弱点能让你收获联系
But that vulnerability makes way for connection,
理解和更进一步的关系
understanding, and a deeper relationship.
无论这份关系是否与爱情有关
Whether that’s romantic or platonic.
显然 人是多种多样的 每个人的需求也不同
Now obviously, people’s needs and the variations of them are different,
我觉得只有二人关系出现不对等的情况下
And I think where”needy” gets a bad rep
“缺爱”才是贬义词
is when you’re met with this imbalance between two people.
不对等是指 两人之间不是良性沟通方式
And instead of communicating in like a healthy way,
其中一方 通常被认为是“缺爱”的一方
one person, usually deemed the more needy one,
如果另一方没有满足他的情感需求
becomes bitter or angry or insecure
他就变得恶毒易怒 充满不安
that the other isn’t meeting their emotional needs.
举个很常见的例子吧:
The classic example of this is:
你怎么不回我讯息呢?
– Why didn’t you text me back?
什么?我什么时候没回?
What? When?
就刚刚 你去卫生间的时候
– Just now, when you were in the bathroom.
我给你发了一条讯息 你没回我
I sent you a text and you didn’t text me back.
哦 可我不知道啊
– Oh, I- I didn’t know.
我没看手机
I wasn’t really on my phone.
真的吗?
really?
可你刚在Ins上给两个猫图点赞了
Cuz your Instagram activity shows that you liked two cat photos
就是你在卫生间里的那会
while you were in there, so.
除非你给我们的对话设置了“勿扰”
Unless you have our conversation muted,
否则你该收到新讯息提醒的
you should have got the text notification.
我们都需要意识到
We all have to realise that
人和人的情感需求不可能完全对等
our needs are not created equal.
所以很容易出现像我这样的人
So it’s easy with someone
他们的情感需求更强烈
who has more needs, like myself,
会让别人感觉窒息或不堪重负
to make others feel suffocated or overwhelmed.
我们这些“缺爱”的人应该谨记
And something that we, the needy, have to keep in mind
不要觉得别人回复慢了就是对你有意见
is to not take someone’s response time personally,
要尊重和他人之间的边界
To respect the boundaries of others,
你要知道 你和对方情感需求的不对等
and to know that this inherent imbalance may mean
或许意味着你和这个人互相不适合在一起
that we’re either incompatible with certain people,
或者我们应该学着去妥协
Or that we’re gonna have to learn to compromise.
我是Anna Akana
I’m Anna Akana,
真不敢相信Congress陪我录完了整个视频
and I can’t believe Congress stayed here for the entire video.
感谢Squarespace对这期视频的赞助
Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today’s episode.
希望新的一年可以迎来更多节目
And hopefully for more videos for years to come,
对吧 Congress?对吧 Squarespace?
right Congress? Right, Squarespace?
Squarespace平台内有获奖的各类精美模板
‘Cuz Squarespace has beautiful award-winning templates,
平台包含一切功能
an all-in-one platform
因此无需安装附件或升级
So there’s no need to install patches or upgrades
它永远不会离开我们!
or leave us ever!
Squarespace还有24小时工作的客服
They also have 24 hour customer service
任何时间你都能与客服取得联系
so you can talk to them every single
他们一定会回复你的
hour and they have to talk to you.
如果你需要自己建站
And if you need a domain,
Squarespace为你提供简易而独特的搭建体验
they offer a simple and unique set-up experience.
你可以通过Squarespace创建任何你需要的网站
With Squarespace, you can create any kind of website.
一切你想要的都可以实现 超棒的!
Anything you need. It’s great.
立即前往Squarespace.com/Anna
So please go to Squarespace.com/Anna
开始免费试用吧!
to start your free trial today.
支付时使用优惠码ANNA可以打9折
And use the offer code ANNA for 10% off at checkout. Please.
求你了 我太需要这个了
I need this.
我要靠Squarespace的赞助还贷 还要养5只喵喵
I need Squarespace to pay my mortgage and support my five cats.
我需要你的帮助 我需要Squarespace 求你了!
I need you, I need Squarespace. Please.

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视频概述

现在的人对“缺爱”这种行为的评价似乎很差,仿佛“缺爱”就是自私的表现。可我很想得到别人的支持和认可啊!我错了吗?我该改变自己吗? 看看Anna怎么说吧!

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

短尾龙

审核员

审核员_XY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i29GhaYX5a8

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