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内向的人做爱更持久?久到离谱!

Who are you, really? The puzzle of personality | Brian Little

性格的力量!
TED~
你们是多么有趣的一群人啊……
What an intriguing group of individuals you are …
当然是对心理学家而言
to a psychologist.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我在过去的几天里有机会
I’ve had the opportunity over the last couple of days
倾听你们的交谈
of listening in on some of your conversations
观察你们的互动
and watching you interact with each other.
我想我已经可以大胆地说
And I think it’s fair to say, already,
此时此刻
that there are
有47个人
47 people in this audience,
在你们中间
at this moment,
已经表现出了精神病症状
displaying psychological symptoms
我今天就想聊聊这个
I would like to discuss today.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我想你们都很想知道
And I thought you might
到底是谁有精神病
like to know who you are.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我不会直接指出来
But instead of pointing at you,
因为那样很没必要 也不礼貌
which would be gratuitous and intrusive,
我会列举一些事实和情况
I thought I would tell you a few facts and stories,
你们可以跟自己对照一下
in which you may catch a glimpse of yourself.
我从事的是人格心理学研究
I’m in the field of research known as personality psychology,
它属于人格科学的范畴
which is part of a larger personality science
人格科学的研究领域跨度很大
which spans the full spectrum, .
从神经元到叙述学
from neurons to narratives
而我们的研究方向
And what we try to do,
是用我们的方式
in our own way,
来弄清楚 为什么我们每一个人
is to make sense of how each of us —
在座的每一位
each of you —
在某些方面
is, in certain respects,
跟其他所有人都一样
like all other people,
或者只跟部分人一样
like some other people
或者跟谁都不一样
and like no other person.
也许你们会评价自己
Now, already you may be saying of yourself,
我不是个有趣的人
“I’m not intriguing.
我在西半球最无趣
I am the 46th most boring person
排行榜上排第46名
in the Western Hemisphere.”
也许你会评价自己
Or you may say of yourself,
我是个有趣的人
“I am intriguing,
尽管大部分人 都觉得我是个傻瓜
even if I am regarded by most people as a great, thundering twit.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但正是你们这种自我认知的无聊
But it is your self-diagnosed boringness
或者内在的“傻”
and your inherent “twitiness”
让我这个心理学家觉得非常有趣
that makes me, as a psychologist, really fascinated by you.
我来解释一下为什么
So let me explain why this is so.
人格心理学中最有影响力的方法
One of the most influential approaches in personality science
叫做特质理论
is known as trait psychology,
它用5个正态分布的维度判定你
and it aligns you along five dimensions which are normally distributed,
这5个维度描述了被广泛认同的
and that describe universally held aspects
人与人之间不同的5个方面
of difference between people.
这5个方面的首字母缩写是OCEAN
They spell out the acronym OCEAN.
“O”代表“开放性”
So, “O” stands for “open to experience,”
与之对立的是那些不愿冒险的人
versus those who are more closed.
“C”代表的是“责任感”
“C” stands for “conscientiousness,”
与之相反的是那些懒散随意的人
in contrast to those with a more lackadaisical approach to life.
“E”指的是“外向性”与之相对的是内向的人
“E” — “extroversion,” in contrast to more introverted people.
“A”“宜人性”
“A” — “agreeable individuals,”
与之相对的是不那么和善的人
in contrast to those decidedly not agreeable.
最后是“N”“神经质”
And “N” — “neurotic individuals,”
与之相对的是那些 更加稳定平和的人
in contrast to those who are more stable.
这5个方面影响我们的健康
All of these dimensions have implications for our well-being,
影响我们的人生走向
for how our life goes.
众所周知
And so we know that, for example,
开放性和责任感往往意味着成功
openness and conscientiousness are very good predictors of life success,
但开放的人在通往 成功之路上变得大胆
but the open people achieve that success through being audacious
有时甚至古怪
and, occasionally, odd.
有责任感的人会紧守最后期限 获得成功
The conscientious people achieve it through sticking to deadlines,
他们坚持不懈 他们怀有激情
to persevering, as well as having some passion.
外向性和宜人性都有助于
Extroversion and agreeableness are both conducive
与人和谐相处
to working well with people.
比如外向的人 我就觉得很有趣
Extroverts, for example, I find intriguing.
在课堂上 我有时会讲一个基本事实
With my classes, I sometimes give them a basic fact
能揭示人的性格特点:
that might be revealing with respect to their personality:
我说一个成年人无法
I tell them that it is virtually impossible for adults
舔到他们的手肘外侧
to lick the outside of their own elbow.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
你们知道这事吗?
Did you know that?
你们中有些人已经尝试过 舔自己的手肘外侧了
Already, some of you have tried to lick the outside of your own elbow.
但你们中那些外向的人
But extroverts amongst you
不但已经尝试过舔自己的手肘
are probably those who have not only tried,
而且连坐他们旁边的人的手肘
but they have successfully licked the elbow
也没有放过
of the person sitting next to them.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
这就是外向的人
Those are the extroverts.
让我再讨论一下外向性格的一些细节
Let me deal in a bit more detail with extroversion,
因为它影响深远而且很有意思
because it’s consequential and it’s intriguing,
能帮我们理解人类的三种天性
and it helps us understand what I call our three natures.
第一种是生物学天性 我们的神经生理学
First, our biogenic nature — our neurophysiology.
第二种是社会学天性 又叫第二天性
Second, our sociogenic or second nature,
与我们的文化和社会属性相关
which has to do with the cultural and social aspects of our lives.
而第三种让你 成为独一无二的‘’你‘’!
And third, what makes you individually you — idiosyncratic —
我称之为场景特定天性
what I call your “idiogenic” nature.
下面我来解释一下
Let me explain.
外向性格的人的一大特征 就是他们需要刺激
One of the things that characterizes extroverts is they need stimulation.
这种刺激可以是令人兴奋的事:
And that stimulation can be achieved by finding things that are exciting:
比如巨大的声响、热闹的聚会和TED这样的社交事件
loud noises, parties and social events here at TED —
你会发现外向者会形成一个磁性的内核
you see the extroverts forming a magnetic core.
他们会聚集到一起
They all gather together.
所以我才会在这里遇见你们
And I’ve seen you.
而内向的人更喜欢上到二楼
The introverts are more likely to spend time in the quiet spaces
找个安静的地方待着
up on the second floor,
以减少外界刺激
where they are able to reduce stimulation —
这样做可能会被误认为不喜欢社交
and may be misconstrued as being antisocial,
但其实这并不绝对
but you’re not necessarily antisocial.
也许你只是单纯地知道
It may be that you simply realize that you do better
自己在外界刺激较低的时候状态更好
when you have a chance to lower that level of stimulation.
这也包括内在刺激 来自你的体内
Sometimes it’s an internal stimulant, from your body.
比如说咖啡因有时候对外向的人
Caffeine, for example, works much better
比内向的人更有效
with extroverts than it does introverts.
当外向者早上9点走进办公室
When extroverts come into the office at nine o’clock in the morning
说我需要一杯咖啡
and say, “I really need a cup of coffee,”
他们没开玩笑
they’re not kidding —
他们是真需要
they really do.
内向者就不会这么做
Introverts do not do as well,
尤其是当他们正在干的活儿
particularly if the tasks they’re engaged in —
而且他们已经喝过咖啡了
and they’ve had some coffee —
如果这些活儿很急
if those tasks are speeded,
而且有量化标准
and if they’re quantitative,
内向者可能会有
introverts may give the appearance
无法量化的表现
of not being particularly quantitative.
但这是一种误导
But it’s a misconstrual.
因此我们能得出一些 非常有趣的结论:
So here are the consequences that are really quite intriguing:
我们经常会表里不一
we’re not always what seem to be,
这就引出了我下一个观点
and that takes me to my next point.
我事先声明 我要说的
I should say, before getting to this,
是关于做爱的事情!
something about sexual intercourse,
但我的时间可能不太够
although I may not have time.
如果你们想让我说的话
And so, if you would like me to —
什么!你们很想听?
yes, you would?
很好
OK.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
有些人做过
There are studies done
关于个人性行为和
on the frequency with which
夫妻间做爱频率的研究
individuals engage in the conjugal act,
分类标准有男性、女性、内向者、外向者
as broken down by male, female; introvert, extrovert.
我想问大家:
So I ask you:
每分钟做多少次
How many times per minute —
噢 对不起 老鼠才能每分钟啪啪…
oh, I’m sorry, that was a rat study —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
内向的男性
How many times per month
每个月有多少次性行为?
do introverted men engage in the act?
3.0次
3.0.
外向的男性呢?
Extroverted men?
更多还是更少?
More or less?
没错更多!
Yes, more.
5.5次 差不多是2倍
5.5 — almost twice as much.
内向的女性:3.1次
Introverted women: 3.1.
外向的女性呢?
Extroverted women?
老实说作为一个内向的男性
Frankly, speaking as an introverted male,
关于这一点我稍后会解释
which I will explain later —
我觉得她们太厉害了
they are heroic.
7.5次!
7.5.
她们不但搞定了 所有外向的男人
They not only handle all the male extroverts,
还顺便挑了几个内向的
they pick up a few introverts as well.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
外向者和内向者的交流方式有所不同
We communicate differently, extroverts and introverts.
外向者在与人互动时
Extroverts, when they interact,
喜欢肢体接触 喜欢亲近对方
want to have lots of social encounter punctuated by closeness.
他们喜欢靠近对方 近距离交流
They’d like to stand close for comfortable communication.
他们喜欢眼神接触
They like to have a lot of eye contact,
甚至相互凝视
or mutual gaze.
有研究表明
We found in some research
外向者更喜欢使用昵称
that they use more diminutive terms when they meet somebody.
比如当一个外向者 遇见一个叫查尔斯的人
So when an extrovert meets a Charles,
很快就会开始叫他“查理” 然后变成“查克”
it rapidly becomes “Charlie,” and then “Chuck,”
然后变成“小查查”
and then “Chuckles Baby.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
而内向者呢
Whereas for introverts,
会一直叫他“查理” 直到对方认为
it remains “Charles,” until he’s given a pass to be more intimate
他俩的关系已经足够亲密
by the person he’s talking to.
外向者和内向者的说话方式也不同
We speak differently.
外向者喜欢确定、具体、简洁的语言
Extroverts prefer black-and-white, concrete, simple language.
而内向者喜欢 我必须再次提醒大家
Introverts prefer — and I must again tell you
我是一个十足的内向者
that I am as extreme an introvert as you could possibly imagine —
我们说话方式很不一样
we speak differently.
我们内向者更喜欢说一些复杂难懂
We prefer contextually complex,
模棱两可
contingent,
云山雾罩的话
weasel-word sentences —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
或多或少吧
More or less.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
基本是这样
As it were.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
不把话说死
Not to put too fine a point upon it —
就像刚才那样
like that.
我们在说话的时候
When we talk,
经常会打太极 推来推去
we sometimes talk past each other.
我跟一名同事共同负责一项咨询业务
I had a consulting contract I shared with a colleague
我跟他是截然不同的两个人
who’s as different from me as two people can possibly be.
首先 他叫汤姆
First, his name is Tom.
我不叫汤姆
Mine isn’t.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
其次 他身高1米96
Secondly, he’s six foot five.
我这辈子是不指望了
I have a tendency not to be.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
第三点 他是个及其外向的人
And thirdly, he’s as extroverted a person as you could find.
而我十分内向
I am seriously introverted.
我心思很重
I overload so much,
我要是下午三点之后喝了杯咖啡
I can’t even have a cup of coffee after three in the afternoon
那晚上就别想睡了
and expect to sleep in the evening.
我们还有一个助手叫麦克
We had seconded to this project a fellow called Michael.
麦克几乎把整个项目给搞砸了
And Michael almost brought the project to a crashing halt.
麦克的继任者问我和汤姆
So the person who seconded him asked Tom and me,
你们怎么评价麦克?
“What do you make of Michael?”
我稍后再告诉你汤姆是怎么说的
Well, I’ll tell you what Tom said in a minute.
他的回答是非常典型的外向型
He spoke in classic “extrovert-ese.”
而我的回答嘛
And here is how extroverted ears
其实在外向者听来
heard what I said,
应该是非常精确的
which is actually pretty accurate.
我说:其实麦克
I said, “Well Michael does have
有时候的一些做法
a tendency at times
在我们某些人看来
of behaving in a way that some of us might see
也许过于自信了
as perhaps more assertive
可能有时候有点过分
than is normally called for.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
汤姆翻了个白眼说
Tom rolled his eyes and he said,
布莱恩 这不就是我刚刚说的:
“Brian, that’s what I said:
他就是个混蛋!
he’s an asshole!”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
作为一名内向者
Now, as an introvert,
我也许会委婉地暗示 这个人的行为
I might gently allude to certain “assholic” qualities
确实比较混蛋
in this man’s behavior,
但我不会直接使用“混蛋”这个词
but I’m not going to lunge for the a-word.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但外向者会说
But the extrovert says,
如果他表现得像个混蛋 我就会称他混蛋
“If he walks like one, if he talks like one, I call him one.”
这就是我们的不同
And we go past each other.
这一点我们是不是需要留意呢?
Now is this something that we should be heedful of?
那是当然
Of course.
这一点非常重要
It’s important that we know this.
但这就完了吗?
Is that all we are?
我们就只有这几种特点吗?
Are we just a bunch of traits?
并非如此
No, we’re not.
别忘了 你们跟一些人很像
Remember, you’re like some other people
但又独一无二
and like no other person.
这个独一无二的你到底是什么样的呢?
How about that idiosyncratic you?
伊丽莎白们或者乔治们
As Elizabeth or as George,
你们可能都有些外向或者神经过敏
you may share your extroversion or your neuroticism.
但你们的行为中是不是 有些伊丽莎白独有的
But are there some distinctively Elizabethan features of your behavior,
或者乔治独有的特点
or Georgian of yours,
能让我们更好地了解你?而不是简单地对号入座?
that make us understand you better than just a bunch of traits?
能让我们喜欢上你?
That make us love you?
不仅仅因为你是某种特定类型的人
Not just because you’re a certain type of person.
我不喜欢把人放进鸽子笼里 然后贴上标签
I’m uncomfortable putting people in pigeonholes.
我甚至觉得鸽子都不应该待在笼子里
I don’t even think pigeons belong in pigeonholes.
究竟是什么让我们与众不同呢?
So what is it that makes us different?
是我们一生的所作所为 我们的个人事业
It’s the doings that we have in our life — the personal projects.
你们大家都有个人事业
You have a personal project right now,
但可能谁都没有意识到
but nobody may know it here.
也许这事业跟孩子有关
It relates to your kid —
你已经去医院三趟了
you’ve been back three times to the hospital,
医生们还是查不出你孩子的病因
and they still don’t know what’s wrong.
或者生病的是你母亲
Or it could be your mom.
你会做一些跟你的性格不相符的事情
And you’d been acting out of character.
这些是可变的性格特点
These are free traits.
你本和善可亲 却表现得咄咄逼人
You’re very agreeable, but you act disagreeably
只为了对抗如今医院里无处不在的
in order to break down those barriers of administrative torpor
懒散风气
in the hospital,
让你的母亲或者孩子得到治疗
to get something for your mom or your child.
这些可变的性格特点到底是什么?
What are these free traits?
那是我们演的一出戏
They’re where we enact a script
为了达成我们生命中最重要的目标
in order to advance a core project in our lives.
而这才是最重要的
And they are what matters.
不要问别人是什么性格的人
Don’t ask people what type you are;
而要问他们 你们生命中最重要的事是什么?
ask them, “What are your core projects in your life?”
然后我们身上的可变 性格特点就会被激发
And we enact those free traits.
我是一个内向的人
I’m an introvert,
但我最重要的事业是教书
but I have a core project, which is to profess.
我是一名教授
I’m a professor.
我热爱我的学生
And I adore my students,
也热爱我的事业领域
and I adore my field.
我总是迫不及待地想与他们分享
And I can’t wait to tell them about what’s new, what’s exciting,
那些新奇有趣的事情
what I can’t wait to tell them about.
因此我会表现得像一个外向的人
And so I act in an extroverted way,
因为早上8点
because at eight in the morning,
学生需要一点幽默
the students need a little bit of humor,
需要一点激励
a little bit of engagement to keep them going
才能熬过一天紧张的学习
in arduous days of study.
但我们扮演其他性格的时候
But we need to be very careful
需要万分小心
when we act protractedly out of character.
因为有时候我们对自己太狠
Sometimes we may find that we don’t take care of ourselves.
我发现自己在假装外向性格一段时间之后
I find, for example, after a period of pseudo-extroverted behavior,
我需要自己躲起来疗伤
I need to repair somewhere on my own.
就像苏珊•凯恩在《安静》这本书中所写
As Susan Cain said in her “Quiet” book,
其中一章提到一位 古怪的加拿大教授
in a chapter that featured the strange Canadian professor
当时他在哈佛大学教书
who was teaching at the time at Harvard,
他有时候会跑到男厕所
I sometimes go to the men’s room
为了躲避烦人的 外向者投来的明枪暗箭
to escape the slings and arrows of outrageous extroverts.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
有一次我自己也躲进了小隔间
I remember one particular day when I was retired to a cubicle,
为了暂避外界纷扰
trying to avoid overstimulation.
这时有个外向者到我旁边 当然不是在一个小隔间
And a real extrovert came in beside me — not right in my cubicle,
是在我旁边的小隔间
but in the next cubicle over —
我听见了一连串物体落水的声音
and I could hear various evacuatory noises,
这声音是很烦人的 哪怕是我们自己的
which we hate — even our own,
所以我们才会在上大号的中途也冲水
that’s why we flush during as well as after.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
随后我就听到了 一个沙哑的声音
And then I heard this gravelly voice saying,
嘿 请问是利特尔博士吗?
“Hey, is that Dr. Little?”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
如果有什么事情能让内向者便秘6个月
If anything is guaranteed to constipate an introvert for six months,
那一定是在上大号的时候聊天
it’s talking on the john.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我现在就想去洗手间静静
That’s where I’m going now.
别跟着我
Don’t follow me.
谢谢
Thank you.
(掌声)
(Applause)

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视频概述

你是谁?揭露人的性格之谜:内向不善社交?只有和亲近的人才能谈心?NO,性格有五个维度的差异,加上环境,生理和个性,你有唯一的特质,不仅仅属于某一种类型

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收集自网络

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Ljimnn

审核员

赖皮

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYvXk_bqlBk

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