You wake up one day and feel a bit groggy.
The last thing you remember is flying out to eastern Europe and having a great time sight seeing,
and then there’s some vague memories of a drug deal gone south
with a bunch of Russian gangsters
and their leader smiling sinisterly while saying,
“Perhaps it is time our friend here have a dirt nap.”
He laughed, his gangsters laughed, and
what you originally thought was a poor use of American idioms
turned out to be quite literal.
Now you’re six feet underground and stuck inside a coffin.
How are you going to get out of this one?
Being buried alive is a pretty common fear,
and in 2018 a shocking 15% of people buried at a cemetery
were in fact, buried alive by mistake.
Just kidding, we made that up
just to panic our more claustrophobic fans,
who should actually feel a lot better
knowing that being buried alive is so rare
that there’s no official stat for how often it happens.
Of course it has happened,
and back in the 1800s the fear was so prevalent
that special coffins were made available
which came with a length of string tied to a bell above the grave.
If someone happened to find
they’d been pronounced dead prematurely,
all they would have to do is ring the bell.
we weren’t able to find any verified claims
of this ever actually happening.
But what if it did happen to you?
First, we’re going to be straight up with you and let you know that
freeing yourself is going to take a lot of luck
and be incredibly difficult.
So difficult in fact that
right this very second millions of people
could very well be trying to desperately claw their way
to freedom from an early grave
only to die of asphyxiation…
so who knows, maybe 15% of people really are buried alive!
I mean, we researched it
and there’s no official way of checking if a buried corpse is,
you know, an actual corpse.
If your family opted for embalming though
then you have nothing to worry about,
because if you weren’t dead before the mortician got his hands on you,
you definitely are after he suctions out all your blood
and replaces it with a witches brew of chemicals.
Embalming however is not legally mandated,
and instead your family could ask that you
be refrigerated until the funeral service,
this is a cheaper alternative to embalming
and will help keep you crisp and semi-fresh
so your family has a chance to say goodbye
without you looking like a Walking Dead extra.
If you’ve seen our previous episode on
the man who survived being frozen for twelve hours,
then you’re already aware that
chilling a body can actually help keep it alive.
The chilling can slow your cellular activity
to the point that you require very little oxygen,
and your heart can beat very, very sparingly
and still keep you alive.
Odds are though that if you’re buried alive
then you’ve probably been involved
in some shady business with the Russian mob,
who coincidentally find it a great laugh
to bury their enemies alive inside coffins
and listen to them try to claw their way out.
In this case, believe it or not
you have a very thin chance of survival.
So what do you do?
Step 1: Calm down.
You ever been told to calm down in the middle of a fight,
remember how it only made you a lot angrier?
Well, this time you’re going to have to actually calm down.
Waking up inside a coffin is going to be
a pretty traumatic and terrifying experience,
and in all honesty we wouldn’t blame you for freaking out.
But whatever you do, don’t.
That’s because when you’re being hysterical with a boyfriend or girlfriend
and get told to calm down,
you can afford to completely ignore the advice
thanks to all the free oxygen you’re gulping down in your outrage.
Inside a buried coffin though
you’re working on a very strict oxygen budget,
and if you woke up inside the coffin then
that means you’ve been lazily sleeping for who knows how long
and gulping down oxygen by the mouthfuls the entire time.
Freaking out is only going to increase your oxygen intake
and do you very little good.
It’s time to clear your mind and try meditating,
focus on slowing your breathing
and stay in control of your emotions.
Step 2: Take inventory
This might sound like a no-brainer,
but once you’ve calmed down, check the inside of your coffin,
maybe you have a pocket knife- that would be great-
or a belt buckle or literally anything else
that’s very hard and rigid.
You can use a belt buckle to tap rhythmically on the lid of your coffin
and hope that someone above can hear you.
If you were accidentally buried alive
then there’s a good chance there’s still someone up above
paying their last respects or putting the finishing touches on your grave.
If you have a pocket knife
it’s going to come in handy for trying to break your way out of the coffin.
Increasingly though people are being buried with cell phones,
either by accident or on purpose so that loved ones can call the corpse-
yeah, we also don’t get that one,
but hey to each their own.
If you happen to have a cell phone on you
then try dialing out, there’s a small chance you’ll have reception.
If your carrier is T-Mobile then forget it, you’re screwed.
如果你的运营商是T-Mobile 那算了 你完了
Step 3: Prepare to bust out
Ok, you have no cell phone
or you foolishly opted for a contract with T-mobile,
which means you have no reception inside your coffin
or anywhere else really.
It’s time to get out.
First, let’s just say that if you’ve been buried in a steel-lined coffin,
then forget it it’s over for you.
Remember that pocket knife?
You have two choices here:
the fast way out,
or slow, lingering asphyxiation.
But let’s say you got buried in a much cheaper wooden coffin,
or a budget model made out of very rigid cardboard.
This is one time you’re going to be grateful to your family
for being a bunch of cheapskates.
What you’re going to want to do is to make a hole in the coffin
through which you’ll crawl out,
but first you have to protect your ability to breathe.
Take your shirt and lift it up over your head
so that it covers your head,
like when two hockey players get into a fight.
This will make a hood that your head fits inside of,
and will keep dirt out
and help you have some oxygen as you crawl upwards.
Step 4: Bust out and take revenge on the living
Alright, you’ve got your shirt over your head
to help you maintain some breathing air
as you claw your way to freedom through several feet of dirt-
or at least so you look hilariously ridiculous
when they eventually dig you up a few years later.
Now you want to feel for the center of the lid of your coffin,
this will be the weakest point structurally because science.
It’ll be difficult in the cramped spaces,
but you want to start hammering away at this point,
and while you won’t be able to actually bust out,
you can flex the lid enough that
hopefully the weight of the dirt above it will crack it.
Once you’ve accomplished this,
tear away at the wood or heavy cardboard
and push all the incoming dirt to the bottom of your coffin,
while trying to wriggle your body so that
your head doesn’t get stuck in place.
You’re gonna have to make like a worm
and wriggle continuously to push the dirt aside
and hopefully down, while widening the opening in the lid.
In time you should be able to have made a large enough hole
that you can start making your way upwards,
and this is actually the easy part.
Since you were recently buried then all that dirt is going to be very loose
and pretty easy to dig through.
Of course it’s all going to be compacting your little bubble of air supply
so you’re gonna have to move fast.
Once you’ve busted out take a well deserved breath of fresh air.
Now you’re free to freak out all you want.
Breaking free completely will take some time,
but with enough wriggling you should eventually
manage to get your arms loose
and then you can simply pull yourself up to freedom.
You’ve done it,
you’ve come back from the grave like a completely predictable twist
on AMC’s The Walking Dead.
Now it’s time to get a second lease on life,
or at the very least to change your phone carriers.
How would you survive being buried alive?
Does the thought scare you?
Let us know in the comments!
And as always if you enjoyed this video
don’t forget to Like, Share,
and subscribe for more great content!
You wake up one day and feel a bit groggy.