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我眼中的强迫症 – 译学馆
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我眼中的强迫症

What OCD Is Like (for Me)

早……上好 我是汉克 今天是星期二
Gooooood Morning, Hank, it’s Tuesday.
本视频有关我的心理健康
This video is about my mental health
但是话说在前头 我不是一名心理学家
But I want to say here, at the outset, that I am not a psychologist
通常 涉及心理问题时应听从专家意见
and that, in general, I think we should listen to experts when it comes to mental health
遇到其他问题也是如此
and also when it comes to other things.
我所说的只代表我的个人经历
But I can only speak to my personal experience.
好吧 在我看来 内心深处的东西很难说清
Okay, so it seems to me that the stuff happening way down inside of us is difficult to talk about,
一部分是因为这些经历难以用感官来描述
partly because those experiences aren’t really accessible by the senses.
你不能“看到”或“听到”心灵痛苦
You can’t usually see or hear psychic pain
没有比喻或隐喻就难以描述
and it’s difficult to describe without simile or metaphor.
比如 我可能会说 “我感觉心里空了一块”
Like, I might say that it feels like there’s a void inside of me
或是“我的内心是扭曲的”
or like my insides are twisted
或“我的大脑在燃烧”
or like my brain is on fire.
我能说它像什么 却不能准确描述它是什么
I can say what it’s like more than I can say what it is
比如 我有强迫症
So, I have obsessive compulsive disorder
在大众印象中
which is mostly seen in the popular imagination
强迫症就是过度洗手 洁癖等等
as being about, like, excessive hand washing, or neatness, or whatever.
因为这些表现能被观察到
Because those are things you can see, you know?
他们不像心灵上的痛苦 无形且无法察觉
They’re not like the formless, insensate horrors of psychic pain,
他们像能在电影里演的那些行为一样
they’re behaviours that you can, like, portray in a movie.
但是 至少对于我来说 “强”在“迫”前是有原因的
But, for me at least, there’s a reason the obsessive comes before the compulsive in the name.
所以我这些强迫性想法连续不断
So I experience these obsessive thought spirals
在这些入侵式想法里 也就是 我不想有的想法
in which intrusive thoughts–that is, like, thoughts I don’t want to have
那似乎来自外界
that seem to come from outside of me–
对我的意识稍有劫持
sort of hijack my consciousness.
现在 人人都了解些不同的无法控制想法的行为
Now, everyone has known some version of not being able to choose their thoughts.
比如 当失去了某些人后 你会一直想着他们
Like, after you lose someone you may find yourself thinking about them all the time,
看到夕阳 你也许会想到正和那个人一起观赏着
you may see a sunset and think about seeing a sunset with that person,
或者开车门时会想起和他们一起开车
or you open a car door and remember driving with them, etc..
但 对我来说 那些强迫性想法一直连续不断
Bu, for me, these obsessive thought spirals happen all the time
他们会占据你一天或一周甚至一个月
and they can take over for days or weeks or months.
比如 我会莫名地担心食物污染或有毒
Like, I might worry out of nowhere that my food is contaminated or somehow poisoned
然后 突然间 我只能考虑那一个想法
and then, suddenly, that will be the only thought I am able to think.
这个想法一直都在 我考虑着它并想从中逃离出来
The thought I’m either thinking or distracting myself from, all the time.
当那变糟了 我会长时间无法掌控自己的想法
And when that gets bad, I can lose all control over my thoughts for an extended period of time,
到了我跟不上电视节奏
to the extent that I can’t follow what’s happening in a TV show
或无法阅读一本书的那种程度
or read a book.
这让人筋疲力尽 当然 那也是一种恐惧
This is exhausting, of course, but it’s also kind of terrifying.
因为 1)我不停地害怕着我所害怕的事
Because, 1) I can’t stop being scared of the thing I’m scared about,
2)如果不能选择自己想法 至少一部分不被那些想法占据
and 2) If I can’t choose my thoughts and I am, at least in part, made out of those thoughts,
那么我还是自己的主人吗
then am I actually the captain of this ship I call myself?
并且你越想它 至少对我来说 它就越会引出一场恐怖电影
And the more you think about that, at least for me, the more it becomes sort of the premise for a horror movie.
对 过去我对付这些不断的强迫性想法的强制行为
Right, so the compulsive behaviours I use to cope with these obsessive thought spirals,
比如重复地检查食物是否被污染
repeatedly checking my food for contamination, for instance,
或者长时间谷歌吃下霉面包的后果
or spending hours googling what will happen to me if I eat moldy bread,
那些 对我来说 是一些尝试让我舒服冷静的方法
those are, for me, ways of trying to comfort and calm myself.
我一次次检查不是想变的古怪或是什么
Like, I’m not checking over and over again to be eccentric or whatever,
而是因为我一直被可能吃下霉菌的恐惧困扰着
I’m doing it because I can not stop obsessing over the fear that I might have eaten living mold
为了不被那个想法卡住 我会做任何我能做的事
and I will do whatever I can not to be strangled by that thought.
心理疾病在我们的文化中蒙上了污名
Mental illness is highly stigmatised in our culture,
但是它有时还是被浪漫化
but it is also sometimes romanticized.
在电视中我们能看到 为了抓住恐怖主义者 有精神疾病的人必须断掉药物
We see TV shows where, in order to catch a terrorist, a mentally ill person must go off their meds,
或看到有强迫症的侦探 他们的执念让他们能破其他人破不了的悬案
or we see obsessive detectives whose obsessiveness allows them to crack cases that others couldn’t.
那些对某些人来说也许是真的 但对我来说并不是
That kind of thing might be true to some people’s experiences but it hasn’t been true to mine.
因为 我并不认为我的心理疾病有任何的超能力
Like, I don’t feel like my mental illness has any superpower side effects.
事实上 当我陷入一个想法中 我很难去观察自身以外的事
In fact, when I’m stuck inside a thought spiral, I find it very difficult to observe, like, anything outside of myself,
我成了一个糟糕的侦探
I become a terrible detective.
所以 我开始写《乌龟一直在退缩》这本书时
So, when I started the book that has become “Turtles all the Way Down,”
我试着
I wanted to like, try to find form and expression
为那些遥远的 无感的生活在想法漩涡中的经历
for this way down, non-sensorial experience
寻找形式和表达
of living inside of thought spirals.
这是一本小说 完全虚构 但是从我自身出发
The book is fictional, totally fictional, but it began from me
思考着成为这个独特的十六岁女孩会是什么样
with thinking about what it would be like to be this one particular 16-year-old girl,
艾萨·福尔摩斯 她尝试着做一个好女儿 好朋友和好学生
Asal Holmes, who’s trying to be a good daughter and a good friend and a good student
也许甚至是个好侦探
and maybe even a good detective,
同时和她看不到也听不到的恐怖想法漩涡生活在一起
while also living with terrifying thought spirals that she can not see or hear
但尽管如此那也十分真实
but that are nonetheless very real.
所以 这是这个故事以及我如何写它的小介绍
So, Hank, that’s a bit of an introduction to the story and how I came to write it.
我还想对任何关注心理健康的人说
I also want to say to anyone out there concerned about their mental health,
一定要寻求帮助
please, please, seek help.
我放了些资源在下面
I’ve put some resources in the dooblydoo below.
我知道这很难得到有效治疗
I know it can be difficult to get effective treatment
但仍有希望 即使大脑告诉你没有
but there is hope, even if your brain tells you there isn’t.
大量的心理疾病是可治疗的
The vast majority of mental illness is treatable
很多有长期心理问题的人其实活的很满意且有生气
and lots of people with chronic mental health problems have fulfilling and vibrant lives.
我是汉克 周五再见
Hank, DFTBA. I will see you on Friday

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视频概述

本视频描述了强迫症患者的内心世界,并鼓励患有心理疾病的人积极治疗

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收集自网络

翻译译者

WOODSTOCK

审核员

T

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNEUz9v5RYo

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