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战争区内的家长体验

What it's like to be a parent in a war zone | Aala El-Khani

世界范围内 超过15亿的人
Worldwide over 1.5 billion people
正在经历着武装冲突
experience armed conflict.
结果就是 人们眼睁睁看着他们的国家
In response people are forced to see their country,
留下了超过1500万的难民
leaving over 15 million refugees.
毋庸置疑 孩子是冲突中最无辜与脆弱的受害者
Children without a doubt are the most innocent and vulnerable victims.
但是战争带来的不仅仅是那些显而易见身体上的伤害
but not just from the obvious physical dangers,
而且还有那些给他们家庭带来的
but from the often unspoken effects,
常常无言的伤害
that wars have on their families.
战争经历让孩子们更容易出现
The experience of the war leave children at a real high risk
感情与行为发展方面的问题
for the development of emotional and behavioral problems.
我们只可以靠想象 孩子们会感到担心与威胁
Children as we can only imagine will feel worried threatened been at risk,
但是也有好消息。
but there is good news
来自家庭对孩子们照顾的品质
the quality of care that children receive in their families,
相比他们所经历过的那些战争创伤
can have a more significant effect on their well-being,
对于他们的身心健康 有更加显著的作用。
than from the actual experiences of war, that they have been exposed to.
所以在冲突期间和之后
So actually children can be protected by warmth secure parenting
父母温暖安全的照顾 都会保护孩子
during and after conflicts.
2011年
In 2011,
也就是我在曼彻斯特大学
I was a first year PhD student in the University of
心理科学院读博的第一年
Manchester school of psychological sciences.
像你们当中的很多人一样
Like many of you here,
我在电视上目睹了叙利亚危机
I watched the crisis in Syria unfold in front of me on the TV.
我的家庭原本就来自叙利亚
My family are originally from Syria,
很早之前 以那种可怕的方式 让我失去了一些家庭成员
and very early on I lost several family members in really horrifying ways.
我和我的家人那时正坐在一起看电视
I sit and I gather with my family and watch the TV,
我们都看过那些景象:炸弹摧毁楼房
so we’ve all seen those scenes: bombs destroying buildings,
混乱 破坏
chaos, destruction,
人们呼喊着,奔逃着。
and people screaming and running.
那些嘶声裂肺的喊叫,逃跑的人们, 是最让我感触深刻的,
It was always the people screaming and running that really got me the most
特别是,那些面露惊恐的孩子们。
especially those terrified-looking children.
我是两个年幼的, 好奇心旺盛的孩子们的母亲。
I was a mother to young typically inquisitive children,
他们当时大概是五六岁的样子,
they were five and six
在这样的年纪 他们都会提出各种各样的问题
at an age where they typically asked lots and lots of questions,
期待着真实的,具有说服力的答案。
and expected real, convincing answers.
所以我开始思考
So I began to wonder
如果我要是在战争区 在难民营
what it might be like to parent my children in a war zone
我会如何抚养我的孩子呢
and a refugee camp.
我的孩子会变得不一样么?
Would my children change?
我的女儿那明亮的, 带笑的眼睛会失去神采吗?
Would my daughter’s bright, happy eyes lose their shine?
我的儿子那样放松 无忧无虑的神情
Would my son’s really relaxed
会变得胆怯而孤僻么?
and carefree nature become fearful and withdrawn?
我又该如何应对?
How would I cope?
我会变得不一样么?
How would I change?
作为心理学家兼家长培训员
As psychologist and parent trainers,
我们知道指导家长的育儿技巧
we know that arming parents with skills in caring for their children
对他们孩子的成长会有很大作用
can have a huge effect on their well-being.
我们把这称为家长培训。
And we call this parent training.
所以我有一个问题
So the question I had
家长培训项目对身处战争区的
was could parent training programs be useful for families
或是难民营的家庭是否会有用呢?
while they were still in war zones or refugee camps?
我们是否能给他们带来训练或建议
Could we reach them with advice or training that
来帮助他们度过这些磨难呢?
that would help them through these struggles?
所以我就联系了我的博士生导师雷切尔·卡勒门教授
So I wrote my PhD supervisor, Professor Rachel Calum
和她讲述了我想运用的学术技能
with the idea of using my academic skills
以此来改变世界的想法
to make some change in the real world.
我并不是很确定具体想要做什么。
I wasn’t quite sure what exactly I wanted to do.
她很认真的,耐心的聆听了,
She listened carefully and patiently and
令我高兴的是 她说:“如果你想这样做
then to my joy she said,” If that’s what you want to do,
而且它确实对你意义重大的话 那让我们一起做吧
and it means so much to you then let’s do it.
让我们找一些方法 看看
Let’s find ways to see
是否能够让家长培训 对那种背景下的家庭也起作用”
if parent programs can be useful for families in these contexts.”
所以过去的5年里 我和我的同事们卡勒门教授
So for, the past five years myself and my colleagues, professor Calum
以及基姆·卡特莱特博士 一直寻找方法来帮助
and DR. Kim Cartwright have been working on ways to support families
经历过战争或背井离乡的家庭
that have experienced war and displacements.
我如何帮助经历过冲突的家庭
Now to know how to help families
养育他们的孩子
that have been through conflict support their children.
第一步很明显是
The first step must obviously be to
询问他们正在面对的问题是什么
ask them what they’re struggling with.
对吧?
Right?
我的意思是,这应该是挺明确的。
It seems obvious,
但是往往是那些我们需要帮助的
but it’s often those that are the most vulnerable,
最脆弱的人群
that we’re trying to support,
我们却没有问过他们
that we actually don’t ask.
有多少次 我们擅自假设
How many times have we just assumed
我们真的知道什么可以帮助他们
we know exactly the right thing that’s going to help someone or something
却没有问过他们?
without actually asking them first?
所以,我去了叙利亚 和土耳其的难民营,
So I traveled to refugee camps in Syria and in Turkey,
我和那些家庭坐在一起 聆听他们的故事
and I sat with families, and I listened.
我聆听他们的在抚养孩子过程中遇到的挑战
I listened to their parenting challenges.
倾听他们遇到的困难
listened to their parenting struggles.
聆听他们的诉求
and I listened to their calls for help.
有的时候会突然停下来,
And sometimes, that was just paused,
而我能做的就是牵住他们的手,
as all I could do was hold hands with them
加入他们无声的哭泣与祈祷当中
and just join them in silent crying and prayer.
他们和我诉说他们的挣扎
They told me about their struggles.
他们告诉我那些艰苦, 严峻的难民营条件,
They told me about the rough, harsh refugee camp conditions,
这让他们很难集中做任何事
that made it hard to focus on anything
只能将注意力放在收集干净水这样的事上
but practical chores like collecting clean water.
他们告诉我他们是如何 目睹孩子们变得孤僻;
They told me how they watched their children withdraw;
伤感 压抑 愤怒
the sadness, depression, anger
尿床
bed-wetting
吮吸手指 害怕巨大的声响
thumb-sucking, fear of of loud noises,
害怕做噩梦——极其非常 可怕的噩梦
fear of nightmares–terrifying terrifying nightmares.
这些家庭经历的都是我们在电视上看过的画面
These families had been through what we had been watching on the TV.
这些母亲中 几乎有一半人 因为战争成为了遗孀
The mothers, almost half of them, were now widows of war,
或是根本不知道自己的丈夫是死是活
or didn’t even know if their husbands were dead or alive,
她们说生活煎熬
described how they felt they were coping so badly.
眼看着孩子的改变
They watch their children change
却对此无能为力
and they had no idea how to help them.
她们不知道如何回答孩子们的问题
They didn’t know how to answer their children’s questions.
我发现让人难以置信且
But I found incredibly astonishing and
鼓舞人心的是
so motivational was that
这些家庭居然积极的
these families were so motivated to
支持他们孩子
to support their children.
尽管面临了这么多的挑战
Despite all these challenges they faced
他们仍在努力帮助孩子
they were trying to help their children.
他们尝试从非政府组织的工作人员,
They were making attempts at seeking support from NGO workers
从难民营教师 专业的医务人员 或是其他家长那里寻求帮助
from refugee camp teachers professional medics, other parents.
我见过的,有一个妈妈,仅仅是 在一个难民营里呆了四天,
One mother I met had only been in a camp for four days,
就两次试图
and had already made two attempts
为她八岁的,受到噩梦折磨的女儿
at seeking support for her eight-year-old daughter,
她女儿之前一直遭受着噩梦的折磨
who was having terrifying nightmares.
但可悲的是,这些尝试 大多是无功而返。
But sadly, these attempts are almost always useless.
难民营如果有医生的话 他们要么总是太忙
Refugee camp doctors, when available, are almost always too busy
要么没有基本的育儿帮助相关的知识或时间
or don’t have the knowledge or the time for basic parenting supports.
难民营的老师和家长也像他们一样
Refugee camp teachers and other parents are just like them
成了新难民营的一部分
part of the new refugee community,
为新的需求而奋斗
who’s struggling with new needs.
所以那时我们开始思考
So then we began to think
我们如何帮助这些家庭?
how could we help these families?
这些家庭正与远超过自身能力的事情
The families were struggling with things much bigger than
作斗争
they could cope with.
叙利亚危机已经让我们看清楚
The Syrian crisis made it clear
想要从个体层面帮助这些家庭
how incredibly impossible
是极其不切实际的
it would be to reach families on an individual level.
那我们又能如何帮助他们呢?
How else could we help them?
我们如何在这个极度恐怖的时期
How would we reach families at at the population level
对整个群体 以低成本的方式去帮助这些家庭呢?
and low cost in these terrifying terrifying time?
在与非政府组织工作人员 数小时的谈话之后,
After hours of speaking to NGO workers,
有一个人提出了一个 神奇的,新颖的观点
one suggested a fantastic innovative idea of
通过面包包装袋来分发育儿信息页
distributing parenting information leaflets via bread wrappers
就是那些在叙利亚战区 由人道主义工作人员
bread wrappers that were being delivered to families
发放给家庭的面包包装袋
in a conflict zone in Syria by humanitarian workers.
那就是我们做的
So that’s what we did.
那些面包包装袋的外表 一点儿也没有改变,
The bread wrappers haven’t changed at all in their appearance
只是额外的在里面加了两页宣传单
except for the addition of two pieces of paper.
其中一页是育儿宣传单
One was a parenting information leaflet that
里面包括了一些基本的建议和信息
had basic advice and information
正规化的向家长阐述了
that normalized to the parents
他们可能会经历什么
what they might be experiencing and
他们的孩子可能正在经历什么
what their child might be experiencing
他们应该如何帮助他们自己和孩子
amd information on how they could support themselves and their children
比如花些时间和孩子们交流,
such as information like spending time talking to your child
向他们展现更多爱意,
showing them more affection,
对孩子们更加有耐心
being more patient with your child,
多和孩子们交流
talking to your children.
另一张纸则是
The other piece of paper was
一个反馈调查卷 当然还有一只笔
the feedback questionnaire and of course there was a pen.
所以我们仅仅是发放宣传页么
So in simply leaflet distribution,
或是提供实际的心理救急
or is this actually a possible means of delivering psychological first aid
育儿方式的一种可能的手段呢?
that provides warmth, secure, loving parenting.
我们做到了在一周之内就发放了 3000份这样的宣传页。
We managed to distribute 3000 of these in just one week.
令人感到不可思议的是, 我们竟然得到了60%的反馈率。
What was incredible was we had a 60 percent response rate.
3000个家庭中 有6成的家庭反馈了
60 percent of the 3,000 families responded.
我不知道今天 在这有多少调查人员
I don’t know how many researchers we have here today,
但是这样的反馈率可以说是惊人的。
but that kind of response rate is fantastic to have
如果能够在曼彻斯特 这就算取得巨大的成功了
that in Manchester would be a huge achievement
更别说是在叙利亚的武装冲突区域–
let alone in a conflict zone in Syria
这足以证明这些信息对这些家庭来说有多么重要
really highlighting how important these kinds of messages were to families.
我还记得等待回收调查问卷时的那种兴奋期待的心情
I remember how excited and eager we were for the return of the questionnaires.
这些家庭留下了数以百计的信息–
The families had left hundreds of the messages,
大多数都是非常正面的,鼓励性的。
most incredibly positive encouraging.
但是我最喜欢的还是,
But my favorite has got to be
“感谢你没有忘记我们和我们的孩子”
“Thank you for not forgetting about us and our children.”
这些事说明一个可能行得通的途径
This really illustrates the potential means of
通过这种方法 把心理救助送到这些家庭里
the delivery of psychological first aid to families
的可能的途径。
and the return of feedback, too.
想象一下通过其他途径复制这一做法,
Just imagine replicating this using other means
比如分发婴儿奶粉
such as baby milk distribution,
或是女性卫生巾包 甚至是食品篮
or female hygiene kits or even food baskets.
但是让我们把这件事带去我们的生活
But let’s bring this closer to home,
因为难民危机实际正在影响着我们每一个人的生活
because the refugee crisis is the one that’s having an effect on every single one of us.
我们每天都在被这些
We’re bombarded with images daily
数据和照片的图片轰击着
of statistics and of photos
这一点也不惊奇
and that’s not surprising,
因为上个月 超过100万的难民到达了欧洲
because by last month, over 1 million refugees had reached Europe.
100万
One million.
这些难民加入了我们的社区
Refugees are joining our communities,
他们正成为我们的邻居
they’re becoming our neighbors,
他们的孩子也上了我们孩子的学校
their children are attending our children’s schools.
所以我们已经修改了宣传单来满足欧洲难民的需要
So we’ve adapted the leaflet to meet the needs of European refugees
我们将这些信息放到网上 开放阅览
and we have them online open-access
放置在那些有着极高难民潮的地区。
in areas with a really high refugee influx.
例如 将文件上传到瑞典医疗保健的网站上
For example, the Swedish health care uploaded it onto their website,
45分钟里
within the first 45 minutes,
文件就被下载超过343次
it was downloaded for 343 times.
这说明了让志愿者
We’ll be highlighting how important it is for volunteers,
医师从业人员 和其他家长能够开放阅读这些心理救急文件的重要性
practitioners and other parents to have open-access like logical first-aid messages.
2013年 我坐在冰冷 坚硬的难民营帐篷的地上
In 2013 I was sitting on the cold hard floor of a refugee camp tent,
我举行了个焦点小组活动 母亲们围绕我而坐
with mother sitting around me as I was conducting a focus group.
站在我对面的是一位上了年纪的女人
Across from me stood an elderly lady with
她身边躺着一个看起来好像是13岁的小女孩
what seemed to be a 13-year-old girl lying beside her
她的头依偎在妇女的膝盖上
with her head on the elderly lady’s knees.
那个女孩在整个小雨活动中
The girl stayed quiet throughout focus-group,
一句话都没说 只是抱着她的膝盖蜷缩在那里
not talking at all with her knees held up against her chest.
直到焦点小组活动结束之后
Towards the end of the focus group
我正感谢母亲们到来的时候
and as I was thanking the mothers for their time,
那个妇女边看着我 边指着那个女孩
the elderly lady looked at me while pointing at
然后跟我说:
the young girl and said to me,
“你能帮助我们么……?”
“Can you help us with…?”
我不确定她到底希望我做些什么
I’m not quite sure what she expected me to do.
我看着那个小女孩 微笑着
I looked at the young girl and smiled and
用阿拉伯语说:
and in Arabic, I said,
“Salaam alaikum. Sju—ismak”
“Salaam alaikum. Sju-ismak?”
“你叫什么名字?”
“What’s your name?”
她十分不解游离的看着我
She looked at me really confused and unengaged,
然后她说“Halul”
but then she said,”Halul.”
Halul是宠物的名字 那个女孩的名字是Hala
Halul is the pet’s name for the Arabic female name, Hala,
Hala只能用来称呼年纪非常小的女孩
and it only really used to refer to really young girls.
那时我突然意识到Hala可能远不止13岁
At that point I realized that actually Hala was probably much older than 13.
结果表明 Hala已经25岁了 是一个3个孩子的妈妈
It turns out Hala was a 25 year old mother to three young children.
她曾经是一个自信 阳光
Hala had been a confident, bright,
活泼 充满爱意 对孩子慈爱的母亲
bubbly loving caring mother to her children.
但是战争改变了一切
But the war had changed all of that.
她幸免于在她家乡投掷的炸弹
She had lived through bombs being dropped in her town.
她在爆炸中存活了下来
she had lived through explosions.
当战斗机飞过她们的楼房 扔下炸弹时
when fighter jets were flying around their building, dropping bombs
她的孩子会被那种噪声吓到 惊恐的尖叫
her children would be screaming terrified from the noise.
Hala疯狂的抓住枕头捂住她孩子的耳朵
Hala would frantically grab pillows and cover her children’s ears to
不让她们听到噪音
to block out the noise,
而自己却在惊叫着
all the while screaming herself.
她们到达难民营后
When they reach the refugee camp
她知道 他们最终
and she knew they was finally
一定程度上安全的时候
in some kind of safety.
她变得完全逃离现实 行为就像她小时候一样
She completely withdrew to acting like her old childhood self.
她完全排斥她的家庭
She completely rejected her family
孩子和她的丈夫
her children, her husband.
Hala只是无法再面对一切了
Hala simply could no longer cope.
这是一个育儿抗争的例子 结局也并不完满
Now this is a parenting struggle with a really tough ending
但不幸的是 这种情况并不罕见
but sadly it’s not uncommon.
那些经历组装冲突和背井离乡的人
Those who experience armed conflict and displacement will
必须面对情感上的挣扎
face serious emotional struggles
而这也与我们息息相关
and that’s something we can all relate to.
如果你的人生中曾经有这样毁灭性的时刻
If you have been through a devastating time in your life,
如果你也失去了你在意的一些人或一些事
if you have lost someone or something you really care about,
你又如何继续应对呢?
how would you continue to cope?
你还能够继续照顾你自己和你的家人么?
Could you still be able to care for yourself and for your family?
考虑到孩子生命最初几年
Given that the first years of a child’s life are crucial
对于身心健康发展来说都是至关重要的
for healthy physical and emotional development,
而15亿的人正经历着武装冲突
and that 1.5 billion people experiencing armed conflict.
他们当中的很多人现在都加入了我们的社区
many of whom are now joining our communities.
我们不能对那些经历着战争 背井离乡的人
We cannot afford to turn a blind eye to the needs of
他们的需求视而不见
those who are experiencing war and displacement.
我们必须优先考虑这些家庭的需求
We must prioritize these family’s needs
无论是在国内流离失所的人
both those who are internally displaced
还是世界范围内的难民
and those who are refugees worldwide.
这些需求都必须被我们的非政府组织工作人员
These needs must be prioritized by NGO workers
政策制定者 世界卫生组织 联合国难民署
policy makers, the WHO, the UNHCR
以及我们每个人
and every single one of us
无论在社会中扮演什么样的角色 都需要将这些需求优先化考虑
in whatever capacity it is that we function in our society.
当我们开始意识到 这些冲突当中的个人存在时
When we begin to recognize the individual faces of the conflicts,
当我们开始注意到他们脸上那些复杂的神情时
when we begin to notice those intricate emotions on their faces,
我们也将他们当作人民对待
we begin to see them as humans too.
我们开始关注那些家庭的诉求
We begin to see the needs of these families
这些都是人类真正需要的
and these are the real human needs.
当这些家庭的需求被优先考虑的时候
When these family needs are prioritized,
对孩子的人道主义干预将被优先化考虑
interventions for children in humanitarian settings will prioritize
人们将意识到家庭在抚养孩子问题上的根基地位
and recognize the primary role of the family in supporting children.
家庭的精神健康问题将会在世界范围内 国际日程表中 被大声 清晰的喊出来
Family mental health will be shouting loud and clear in global, international agenda.
那些孩子
And children will be less likely to enter
在移民国家 进入社会福利系统的几率很小
social service systems in resettlement countries
因为他们的父母在更早的时候就得到了支持
because their families would have had support earlier on.
我们会变得更加开放
And we will be more open-minded,
更加欢迎 更加关怀 更加信任
more welcoming, more caring, and more trusting to
加入我们社区的人
those who are joining our communities.
我们需要停止战争
We need to stop Wars.
我们需要建立一个世界 孩子们可以梦想
We need to build a world where children can dream of
飞机有一天会扔下来礼物 而不是炸弹
planes dropping gifts and not bombs
直到我们结束世界范围内的武装冲突之前
Until we stop armed conflicts raging throughout the world,
家庭还会继续流离
families will continue to be displaced
继续使孩子们脆弱
leaving children vulnerable.
但是通过加强父母育儿和照顾者的支持
But by improving parenting and care giver support.
我们还是有可能去减弱
it may be possible to weaken the links
在孩子和家庭中发生的战争与心理创伤之间的关联性的
between war and psychological difficulties in children and their families.
谢谢
Thank you.

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视频概述

我们应该如何给予那些经历过战争,深处难民营的那些孩子,家庭的抚育,弥补他们身心受到的伤害。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

喋喋

审核员

W

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dY9f9bFctUE

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