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抑郁症患者的内心世界 – 译学馆
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抑郁症患者的内心世界

What It Feels Like To Have Depression | Body Language

When I tell people I took a year off uni,
当我告诉别人大学时我曾辍学了一年
I always say it’s because I was unwell.
我总是说是因为我不舒服
But I never say I was mentally unwell.
但我从来不说是我精神状态不佳
I know people will react differently,
我知道人们会有不同的反应
but it shouldn’t be that way.
但不应该是这样的啊
Those two statements should be treated the same.
这两种说法应该得到相同的反应
I think the first time I told someone I was depressed I was 11.
我第一次跟别人说我抑郁了好像是在11岁的时候
And they were like,”You’re 11.
他们说:“你才11岁
Do you even possess the complexity to be depressed?”
你有资格说抑郁吗?”
When I was younger,
我还小的时候
I’d let my thoughts just run away from me,
只会让这些想法从身边溜走
and they’d usually end up like a very dark Shakespeare tragedy,
而这些想法就像极度黑暗的莎士比亚悲剧那样
but with more people of colour in it.
只是里面有了更多的有色人种
Very gloomy, very sad.
非常令人忧郁 悲伤
Later, as a teenager, I’d put on this black coat
后来 进入青春期后 我会穿着一件黑色外套
and sneak out of school to walk around town.
偷偷溜出学校 在小城里四处闲逛
My friends were quite literal about it.
我的朋友们特别坦率
They called it my depression coat.
他们把这件外套称作是我抑郁的外衣
When I arrived at uni, I…
当我开始读大学时
I sort of lost it.
我……我有点迷失自我了
It was this crazy explosion of trying to figure out
我脑袋里狂轰乱炸般
my own personality, make friends, adjust,
试图探寻自我 交朋友 调整自我
and balance all my mental illness yet to be discovered.
以消除我所有的尚未发现的精神疾病
I felt paralysed by the stress of school.
来自学校的压力让我感到麻痹
It was like someone had cranked up the pressure in my body.
那种感觉就像是谁扭动了我身体里的压力阀门
And I spent a year fumbling for the valve to turn it back down.
我花了一年的时间摸索着把阀门关小
The night before an exam, I was in my room,
考试前夕 我呆在房间里
the pressure had really cranked up, then something snapped inside me.
压力排山倒海般涌来 我一时想不开
I remember thinking, “OK, I’m going to die.”
脑袋瓜里一直想着:“好吧 我要去死了”
I had to call my mum to tell her,”OK, I’m not doing my exams,”
我不得不打电话告诉妈妈:“我不准备考试了”
and she wasn’t getting it at all.
但她根本无法理解
Like someone being confused about why penguins can’t fly.
就像有人困惑为什么企鹅不能飞一样
“They’ve got two wings, like all of the other birds,
“它们像其他鸟类一样拥有翅膀
“so why don’t we just throw one out of a plane?”
那为什么不从飞机上扔一只企鹅下来呢?”
And then I had to be like,
于是我不得不说
“I tried to kill myself.”
“我想自杀”
Um…
呃……
Yeah.
没错
I got on medication for a while –
我吃了一段时间的药
daily intakes of sertraline every morning with my breakfast.
每天早上早餐的时候服用舍曲林
I used to joke to my friends,
我过去常和朋友们开玩笑说
“Apparently happiness tastes like orange juice.”
“原来幸福的味道就像橙汁”
I didn’t like that it sort
我并不喜欢这样
of made me feel a bit of a lie,
有点自欺欺人的感觉
like someone had just turned up some sort
就好像是有人触动了
of button in my psychology,
我心灵的按键
or some sort of dial.
抑或拨盘
So I went off it, and the relapse was awful.
所以我戒了药 而病情复发很严重
It felt like someone had taken 1,000 rubber bands
那种感觉就像是有人拿了1000根橡皮筋
and just tightened them round my skull,
紧紧地勒在我的脑袋上
and I felt very dizzy and very nauseous.
让我感到极度头晕 恶心
Until eventually it went away and I was like, “Great,
最后这种感觉终于消失了 我长吁一口气
that’s done now. Not doing that again.”
“很好 结束了 再也不会这样了”
So I didn’t decide to do a year out,
所以我并没有决定说要辍学一年
it was deemed on me.
我是被迫这么做的
But I realised I could use it as an opportunity
但我意识到 可以把它当作是一次机会
and I made time to explore my mind.
给自己时间探寻自我
What worked for me in the end is not something I could have planned for.
最终 于我有效的措施出乎意料
The thing that was probably the biggest impact for me
对我影响最大的
in sort of changing my psychology
能够改变我的心理状态
and changing sort of my outlook is being more open with everybody.
和精神风貌的是 要对他人敞开心扉
What’s kind of interesting is when you have
有趣的是 当你敞开心扉
like an open conversation with people,
与别人开诚布公地交谈
have a cup of tea with someone and say,”Oh, yeah, here’s what
喝喝茶 唠唠嗑:“是的 没错
I did in my year out, blah blah blah,
这一年下来我就是这样的
and here’s why I was unwell,”
这就是我不舒服的原因”
you realise that other people have gone through that,
你会发现 原来他们也经历过这些啊
and it’s hilariously normal.
这完全正常嘛 真好笑
I did a big Facebook post saying,”Hello, everybody, it’s me.
我在Facebook上发了一篇长文说:“嗨 各位 是我
“I’ve been very depressed and suicidal. How are you?”
我曾一度抑郁 还想自杀 你们呢 还好嘛”
And then sort of ran away from my laptop
然后抛下笔记本就溜了
like I’d just released some sort of naked photos on the internet.
就像我刚刚在网上发布的是一些裸照一样
But, you know,
但是 你知道嘛
not only was there lots of loving feedback coming back,
我不仅收到了很多暖心的留言
but it was this sort of liberation that I had taken control
而且 我原本在逃避的情绪 现在已经被我控制住了
of the thing that I’m hiding from and it’s now mine.
这让我如释重负

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视频概述

抑郁症患者的内心世界是怎样的?听听一个患者的自述。

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收集自网络

翻译译者

长安小盆友

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审核员B

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m44d7ryLoU

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