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如果我们变回类人猿会怎样

What If We Turned Back into Apes?

Well, hi!
你好!
The theory of evolution rests on the idea of mutation.
进化论建立在变异理论的基础上
The gist being,
大概意思就是
not that we choose to evolve into what we are today—
我们进化成现在这样不是自己选的
I mean, who would choose love handles and baldness—
我是说 谁会选腰间赘肉和秃顶呢
but then multiple mutations occurred
但是多重变异发生了
and then those of us with the most advantageous mutations survived.
我们当中进行了最有利变异的人活了下来
Turns out those love handles prove you can store fat,
结果是 那些腰间赘肉证明你能储存脂肪
which is helpful in lean times.
这在物资贫乏时很有帮助
Scientists think it took 3.5 billion years for us to evolve
科学家认为我们花了35亿年
from single-celled organisms into our present state.
才从单细胞生物进化到现在的状态
If true,
如果这是真的
this means we are still mutating and evolving today.
就意味着我们今天仍在变异和进化
And we could, potentially, evolve in any direction.
而且我们可能向任何方向进化
Maybe we’ll develop flight or transparency
也许我们可能获得飞行或隐身的能力
or get our attention spans back!
也许我们能重获专注力
But what if some of our older genes re-emerged?
但如果我们的一些古老的基因重现了会怎样呢
Could we devolve into something closer to the ape-like form
我们是否会退化到和灵长类祖先的
of every primate’s common ancestor?
更加接近的类人猿形态?
What if one morning we woke up, looked in the mirror,
如果有一天早上我们醒来 照镜子时
and found the missing link staring back at us?
发现一个类人猿正盯着我们呢
It’s not as far-fetched as it sounds.
这并不像听起来那么夸张
We only differ from our cousins, the chimpanzees,
我们和我们的亲戚 大猩猩
in about 2% of our genetic make-up.
基因组成只相差2%
So, it wouldn’t take that many alterations
所以不需要太多的改变就能
to bring us back into ape-shape.
让我们回到类人猿的样子
It wouldn’t be all that bad either.
实际上也不会那么糟糕
This planet would be less concrete and more greenery!
地球上混凝土会减少 绿植会增多
So far in the real world,
目前为止 在现实世界中
wherever we humans have been,
无论我们人类到过哪里
we’ve cut down trees to build homes,
我们砍伐树木 建造房屋
furniture, tools, you name it, useful stuff,
造家具和工具 你能想到的必需品
but also makes it kinda hard to breathe–
但同时也使人呼吸困难
plants put out oxygen, after all.
毕竟植物能产生氧气
In any case,
无论如何
since primates spend a lot of their time in trees,
由于灵长类许多时间都在树上
our ape descendants would likely make reforesting the planet a priority.
我们的类人猿后代可能会优先重新造林
Plus, trees will provide them with transportation
另外 当他们荡着藤蔓在树木间跳跃时
as they swing from vines and leap from tree to tree.
树木为他们提供交通工具
And where they can’t swing,
在无法荡藤蔓的地方
they’ll fly in spacious solar-powered gliders.
他们将坐在宽敞的太阳能滑翔机里飞行
Hey, we’ll still be humans, just more ape-like.
嘿 我们还是人类 只是更像猿类罢了
Doesn’t mean we’ll give up the conveniences of technology.
并不意味着我们要放弃科学技术带来的便利
On that note,
在这点上
the focus for technology will likely be on solar power
科技的重心可能会放在太阳能上
since we’ll be up in the trees right under the sun.
因为我们会直接生活在太阳下 在树上
Among those branches,
在这些树枝上
you’ll find hut-like office buildings, libraries, schools, malls,
会有小平房办公楼 图书馆 学校 商场
restaurants with imported exotic fruits and nuts.
还有提供进口异国水果和坚果的餐厅
Not so much meat and the cows are rejoicing down below!
不会有很多肉 下面的奶牛正欢欣雀跃呢
As our needs change, so will manufacturing.
随着我们需求的改变 制造业也会改变
We’ll still need food. But shelter and clothing?
我们仍然需要食物 但住所和衣服呢
The once-massive clothing industry that drove
曾经规模庞大的服装业
the Industrial Revolution with its mills and factories,
用工厂推动了工业革命
will all but vanish after our Ape De-evolution,
在我们退化成类人猿后 这一切都将消失
as most apes will find their natural fur coat
因为大多数类人猿会发现他们的
suitable for daily wear.
天然皮毛大衣适合日常穿
What little of the garment industry survives
少部分存活下来的服装行业
will probably turn out heavy coats and winter gear,
可能会制作厚重的外套和冬季装备
like for research expeditions to the recovering glaciers!
为了去恢复中的冰川研究探险服务
Though, most of us will probably live where it’s warm.
虽然多数类人猿可能会生活在温暖的地方
As for those who don’t, their fur will be thicker,
那些没住在温暖区域的类人猿皮毛会更厚
their stout bodies more cut out for
他们结实的身体更能适应
the harsh winters of their northern settlements.
定居在北方的严冬
But, while clothiers go completely bust,
但是 当服装业完全破产时
the fur accessory industry will explode!
毛皮配饰业将会爆发式增长
What’s fur for if not to decorate?
如果不装饰 那要皮毛干什么
Ribbons, Bows, Jewel-encrusted bobby-pins and fur-clips,
丝带 蝴蝶结 镶嵌珠宝的发夹以及发卡
not to mention all the fur-care products.
更不用说那些毛发护理产品了
Up-tree salons will offer specialized treatments
树上的发廊会为类人猿们
for the fur on an ape’s whole body!
提供全身毛发专业服务
Brazilian blow-out? Perm? Straightening?
巴西爆炸头 烫发 拉直
Not only limited to the locks on your head in the future!
在未来 发型不局限于头上的毛发了
While we won’t need shirts,
虽然我们不需要衬衫
we may need twice as many shoes.
但我们需要多达两倍的鞋子
Like us, apes can walk upright
和我们一样 类人猿能直立行走
but prefer to lumber along on all fours.
但他们更喜欢用四肢移动
This quadra-pedal preference could give rise to a new industry:
这种四肢行走的偏爱可能催生一个新行业
hand-shoes and matching sock-gloves.
手穿的鞋和配套的袜子手套
After a long day, the complaint will be
漫长的一天过后 他们会抱怨
“Oh, my aching limbs!”
噢 我酸痛的四肢
The massage industry will thrive.
按摩行业将蓬勃发展
But if we’re getting around on all fours,
但如果我们用四肢行走
how will we hold stuff as we go about our day?
我们要怎么拿东西呢
To meet that demand,
为了满足这个需求
handsfree technology will probably
免提技术可能会
become even more popular than it is today.
变得比现在更流行
Backpacks or headbands with extendable robotic arms
有一些背包和发带会带有和四肢
that work in sync with your own limbs
一起使用的可伸长机械臂
thanks to attachable brain sensors.
这是可附接脑感应器的功劳
Since we’ll be spending most of our lives outdoors,
因为我们大部分生活会在户外度过
the camping industry will morph into something
露营业将演变到
more like today’s household goods industry.
和今天的家庭用品业相似
But apish descendants of today’s cosplayers
但是 作为今天角色扮演者和历史重现者的
and historical re-enactors needn’t fret!
类人猿后裔不必担心
Having returned to our natural habitat,
一旦回到我们的自然栖息地
romantic types will yearn for the “Great Indoors”
浪漫主义猿们会向往舒适的室内环境
and to go “City-ing”.
去城市体验生活
Families can spend a few days “roughing it” inside ruins,
许多家庭可以在废墟中体验几天
such as The Parthenon, Versailles, and
比如在帕台农神庙 凡尔赛宫
Ye Old Shopping Mall, where young apes of the future
史前购物中心 未来的小猩猩们
will trade tree-climbing and berry-gathering
会放弃攀爬树木和采集浆果
for the wonders of elevators and IRL shopping.
转而体验电梯和购物的奇妙
And volunteer apes in period costumes
会有志愿猿穿着现在的衣服
stock the shelves and man the cash register!
装满货架 看管收银台
Wait, but how will we get paid in this world?
等等 我们在这种世界怎么赚钱呢
What will money look like?
钱会是什么样子
Ape-versions of presidents on every bill?
每张纸币上印着类人猿总统头像吗
Maybe Charlton Heston in a loin cloth.
或是穿着缠腰布的查尔顿·赫诗顿
Remember that movie?
还记得那部电影吗
Possibly or more likely a barter system,
或更可能有一个以物易物的系统
where you might trade a haircut for 3.25.
你可以花3元25分理发
That’s 3 bananas and 25 berries.
也就是3根香蕉和25个浆果
And there will always be apes out to get rich quick.
而且总有一部分类人猿会快速致富
Once the drift of our de-evolution became clear,
一旦我们的退化趋势变得明显
speculators will invest in the banana market,
投机者会投资香蕉市场
on the common belief that apes go ape for bananas.
因为他们认为类人猿会为香蕉疯狂
Like the great Tulip-mania of the 1600s
就像17世纪的郁金香狂热一样
when tulip farms sprang up everywhere,
当时郁金香农场到处都是
speculators will plant bananas wherever space is available.
投机者只要有可用空间就会种植香蕉
These investors will slip on the banana’s appeal.
这些投资者会在香蕉的吸引力上跌个跟头
The great Banana Bubble will burst when it becomes clear that
香蕉经济泡沫会破灭 当人们认识到
while apes do like bananas,
虽然类人猿很喜欢香蕉
they like them at exactly the same rate humans did.
但是他们喜欢的程度和人类差不多
Once supermarkets are flooded with bananas,
一旦超市被香蕉占据
prices will plummet, and the banana stock markets will collapse.
价格会迅速下跌 香蕉股市会崩盘
So, yeah, maybe I’ll cut back on the banana references?
所以 可能我得少用点香蕉的梗
The Empire State Building will remain an important historical landmark.
帝国大厦仍会是一个重要历史地标
As such, apes will have to pass both a physical exam
但是 类人猿需要通过身体检查
and extensive background check
和细致的背景调查
before obtaining the necessary permits to climb the massive structure.
才能得到允许去爬上这个巨大的建筑
Getting selfies with Fay Wray will cost extra.
和菲伊·雷一起自拍要多付钱
You know what else will be big? Our mouths!
还有什么会变很大呢 就是我们的嘴
As big as they need to be, in fact!
实际上是需要多大就能多大
These days, we have to get our extra wisdom teeth removed
现在 我们需要拔掉多余的智齿
since our jaws have become too short
因为我们的下颌在进化过程中
over the years of evolution.
变得太短了
But once we go back to our ape form,
但是一旦我们回到类人猿形态
these once crowded teeth will have plenty of room!
那些一度太挤的牙齿都有很大的空间了
So, while dentistry will remain a safe career,
所以 虽然牙医仍是个稳定的职业
orthodontists will probably disappear!
正畸牙医可能就消失了
If our mouths are larger, will this change our speech?
如果嘴变大了 我们说话会不会变化呢
It’s likely!
这是有可能的
While all apes vocalize, they have trouble with pronunciation.
所有的类人猿说话时都有发音问题
The problem isn’t cognitive.
这并不是认知方面的缺陷
Apes like the famous Koko have mastered sign language.
像著名的可可一样 类人猿能讲手语
Today’s apes don’t speak the way we do
现在的猩猩不能像我们一样说话
because they have thinner tongues,
是因为他们的舌头更薄
and their larynx, or vocal box, is placed differently than ours.
他们的喉或喉头和我们的位置也不同
If we re-evolve to have
如果我们重新进化出
the same thin tongue and higher voice boxes,
那种薄的舌头和更高的喉头位置
we’ll depend on sign language and body language.
我们就得用手语或肢体语言说话
Our descendants will never have to attend one of those product-parties,
我们的后代就不再需要参加
where a friend-of-a-friend serves broken crackers
朋友的朋友举办的提供碎饼干
and tries to sell you soap or candles.
然后促销香皂或蜡烛的产品推销会了
Instead, future apes will congregate at Grooming Parties—for free!
未来的类人猿会免费参加整理毛发派对
Every sunrise, apes gather and groom each other.
每天日出 类人猿聚集在一起互相顺毛
No stale cookies for them!
他们不用吃软掉的饼干
They eat the bugs they pluck from one another’s coats!
而可以吃从对方皮毛上抓出的虫子
Today’s apes possess 3 times an average man’s strength,
现在的类人猿力量是普通人类的三倍
implying that our apish descendants, or re-cendants
这意味着我们的后裔 或者说前裔
will be much stronger than we are.
会比我们强壮的多
This will have a significant impact on what sports are popular.
这会很大程度上影响流行运动趋势
Say goodbye to the ones that involve a lot of running–
和那些需要很多跑动的运动说再见吧
soccer, baseball, basketball.
比如足球 棒球 篮球
If we’re going back to our ape bodies,
如果我们要回到类人猿的身体
then our legs and spines won’t be
我们的腿和脊柱不会
so good at walking or running.
那么适合走或者跑
Though, there will probably be tree-friendly alternatives
不过 没准会有和树有关的其他选择
where the running is replaced by swinging.
用荡藤蔓代替跑步
Competitive eating will gain prominence,
吃的竞赛会成为主流
while track-and-field races give way to
田径比赛会被
skyscraper-scaling and mountain-climbing contests.
爬摩天大楼和爬山竞赛代替
Traditionalists, take heart!
传统主义者们注意啦
Because our new ape form will triple our strength,
由于变成类人猿形态力量会翻三倍
even the gentlest missing link will snap off
即使是最温柔的猩猩也能在转动
any doorknob he attempts to turn.
门把手时一下子把它掰断
He’ll barge through anyway.
无论如何它都会闯过去
Museums of the future will brim
未来的博物馆会满满陈列着
with displays of these broken doorknobs
这些被掰坏了的门把手
along with artifacts like broken DVD-players and tiny airline seats.
以及被破坏的DVD机和小巧的飞机座椅
On the Bright Side,
不过好消息是
no ape will ever struggle to open a jar of peanut butter.
打开花生酱瓶子对类人猿来说小菜一碟
We’ll still be just as social as we are today—
我们也会进行像现在一样的社会活动
primates in general live in groups.
灵长类普遍群居
The desire to gather together and exchange stories
想要聚在一起讲讲故事的愿望
will continue as before.
一如从前
While the technology will change in unpredictable ways,
虽然科技变化难以预测
the narratives themselves will remain recognizable.
但是故事的叙述仍然清晰可辨
Did you know that some scholars insist that
你知道一些学者坚持认为
William Shakespeare never wrote an original play?
威廉·莎士比亚从没写过原创戏剧吗
The same will be said of William Ape-Speare,
人猿莎士比亚也会被这么说
who—reworking classics for a new epoch—
为了新纪元的经典重现
will bring forth titles like “Romeo and Juli-ape”
他可能会写《罗密欧与朱丽猿》
and “The Primate of Venice”.
还有《威尼斯商猿》
Some of our great works of art
有一些优秀的艺术作品
will remain preserved in museums.
会保存在博物馆里
Art historians will recognize echoes of master paintings
艺术史学家会在未来的作品中
from the human era in great future works
找到人类时期伟大作品的影响
like “The Creation of Ape”
比如《上帝造猿》
or the famous portrait “Ape with a Pearl Banana”.
还有著名的画像《戴珍珠香蕉的女猿》
Well, how would you imagine this world?
你觉得世界会变成什么样呢
Let me know down in the comments!
在下方评论区告诉我吧
If you learned something new today,
如果你学到了新东西
then give the video a like and share it with a friend.
就给视频点个赞 分享给朋友吧
Now, here are some other cool videos I think you’ll enjoy.
这里还有一些我觉得你会喜欢的视频
Just click to the left or right,
点击左边或者右边就可以获取
and remember, stay on the Brightside of life.
记住 生活要充满闪光点!

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视频概述

脑洞大开,预想了人类退化为类人猿之后的世界。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

绮云

审核员

审核员CL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PG9egx4uM6M

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