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当我遭遇一百天的拒绝 – 译学馆
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当我遭遇一百天的拒绝

What I learned from 100 days of rejection | Jia Jiang

启点字幕组
Light up the world
我六岁的时候
When I was six years old,
收到了一份礼物
I received my gifts.
我一年级的老师想出了个点子
My first grade teacher had this brilliant idea.
她既想让我们体会收到礼物的喜悦
She wanted us to experience receiving gifts
又想教会我们赞扬他人是一种美德
but also learning the virtue of complimenting each other.
所以老师让我们聚集到教室前面
So she had all of us come to the front of the classroom,
她给我们每人准备了一份礼物 整齐地堆在角落里
and she bought all of us gifts and stacked them in the corner.
然后说
And she said,
别干站着 夸夸你们的同学呀
“Why don’t we just stand here and compliment each other?
如果你被表扬了
If you hear your name called,
就去拿一份礼物 然后回座位
go and pick up your gift and sit down.”
想法不错 是吧
What a wonderful idea, right?
不会有错 是吧
What could go wrong?
我们一共有四十个人
Well, there were 40 of us to start with,
每一次有人被表扬
and every time I heard someone’s name called,
我都真心为他喝彩
I would give out the heartiest cheer.
渐渐地 只剩二十个人
And then there were 20 people left,
十个人
and 10 people left,
五个人
and five left …
最后只有三个人了
and three left.
我是其中之一
And I was one of them.
然后互相表扬就结束了
And the compliments stopped.
就在那一瞬间 我哭了
Well, at that moment, I was crying.
老师也不知所措
And the teacher was freaking out.
她说 嘿 有没有人来夸一下这几位同学
She was like, “Hey, would anyone say anything nice about these people?”
没有人吗 好吧 你去拿一份礼物坐下吧
“No one? OK, why don’t you go get your gift and sit down.
明年好好表现哟
So behave next year —
说不定就有人夸你呢
someone might say something nice about you.”
我现在与你们分享这件事
Well, as I’m describing this you,
你们应该看得出来 我对此记忆犹新
you probably know I remember this really well.
我不知道那一天 谁更难熬
But I don’t know who felt worse that day.
是我 还是老师
Was it me or the teacher?
她万万没想到原本好好的团队建设活动
She must have realized that she turned a team-building event
怎么就变成了三个六岁孩子在台上面面相觑
into a public roast for three six-year-olds.
这一点都不好笑
And without the humor.
电视上那些尴尬的情景
You know, when you see people get roasted on TV,
是很好笑
it was funny.
但那一天绝对不是
There was nothing funny about that day.
所以 这是一个版本的我
So that was one version of me,
我死也不要再有这样
and I would die to avoid being in that situation again —
被当众拒绝的经历了
to get rejected in public again.
这是一个版本
That’s one version.
快进八年
Then fast-forward eight years.
比尔·盖茨来到我的家乡
Bill Gates came to my hometown —
中国北京
Beijing, China —
做演讲
to speak,
看完他的演讲
and I saw his message.
我被他深深地吸引了
I fell in love with that guy.
我想 哇 我终于知道我要做什么了
I thought, wow, I know what I want to do now.
当天晚上 我给家里写了一封信
That night I wrote a letter to my family
在25岁前
telling them: “By age 25,
我会成立世界上最大的公司
I will build the biggest company in the world,
并且我的公司会收购微软
and that company will buy Microsoft.”
比尔·盖茨启发了我 要征服世界
I totally embraced this idea of conquering the world —
统治世界
domination, right?
我没有吹牛 我真的写了这封信
And I didn’t make this up, I did write that letter.
你们看
And here it is —
你们没必要看懂中文
You don’t have to read this through —
我字也写得不好看 但是我圈出了关键词
This is also bad handwriting, but I did highlight some key words.
你们能看明白吧
You get the idea.
所以
So …
这是另一个版本的我
that was another version of me:
要征服世界的我
one who will conquer the world.
两年后
Well, then two years later,
有一个去美国的机会
I was presented with the opportunity to come to the United States.
我立马把握住机会
I jumped on it,
那可是比尔·盖茨的老家啊
because that was where Bill Gates lived, right?
我本以为我的创业之路由此开始
I thought that was the start of my entrepreneur journey.
然而 再快进14年
Then, fast-forward another 14 years.
我30岁了
I was 30.
我仍然没有成立公司
Nope, I didn’t build that company.
甚至都没有开始
I didn’t even start.
反倒成了一家500强企业的市场经理
I was actually a marketing manager for a Fortune 500 company.
我感觉自己到了瓶颈期
And I felt I was stuck;
毫无发展
I was stagnant.
为什么会这样
Why is that?
14岁的雄心壮志去哪儿了
Where is that 14-year-old who wrote that letter?
倒不是说我没有尝试
It’s not because he didn’t try.
而是每次我一有新的想法
It’s because every time I had a new idea,
每次我想尝试一些新的东西
every time I wanted to try something new,
甚至是在工作的时候
even at work —
当我想制定一份计划时
I wanted to make a proposal,
想在一群人面前演讲时
I wanted to speak up in front of people in a group —
6岁的我和14岁的我之间
I felt there was this constant battle
就开始斗争
between the 14-year-old and the six-year-old.
一个想要征服世界
One wanted to conquer the world —
做出改变
make a difference —
另一个害怕被拒绝
another was afraid of rejection.
而每一次都是6岁的我胜利了
And every time that six-year-old won.
这份恐惧一直持续到我开创了自己的公司
And this fear even persisted after I started my own company.
我30岁的时候成立了公司
I mean, I started my own company when I was 30 —
如果想要成为比尔·盖茨
if you want to be Bill Gates,
迟早都要迈出第一步
you’ve got to start sooner or later, right?
创业初期
When I was an entrepreneur,
有人想要投资我的公司
I was presented with an investment opportunity,
然而最终我被拒绝了
and then I was turned down.
那次拒绝深深地伤害了我
And that rejection hurt me.
以至于我想马上拍拍屁股走人
It hurt me so bad that I wanted to quit right there.
但我转念一想
But then I thought,
比尔·盖茨难道被拒绝了一次就放弃了吗
hey, would Bill Gates quit after a simple investment rejection?
那些成功的创业家会说走就走吗
Would any successful entrepreneur quit like that?
不可能
No way.
我恍然大悟
And this is where it clicked for me.
好吧 我能成立一个更好的公司
OK, I can build a better company.
我能建设一个更好的团队 我能生产更好的产品
I can build a better team or better product,
前提是
but one thing for sure:
我要成为一个更好的领导者
I’ve got to be a better leader.
成为一个更好的人
I’ve got to be a better person.
我不能再让6岁的自己继续支配我的生活
I cannot let that six-year-old keep dictating my life anymore.
6岁的我就好好待在6岁的回忆中吧
I have to put him back in his place.
于是我上网寻求帮助
So this is where I went online and looked for help.
谷歌是个好哥们儿
Google was my friend.
我搜索 如何克服被拒绝的恐惧
I searched, “How do I overcome the fear of rejection?”
找到了许多心理学的文章
I came up with a bunch of psychology articles
有关恐惧和痛苦产生的根源
about where the fear and pain are coming from.
还有一些励志鸡汤文
Then I came up with a bunch of “rah-rah” inspirational articles
大都是 不要太在意 克服就好了 之类的
about “Don’t take it personally, just overcome it.”
全世界都知道好吗
Who doesn’t know that?
但是为什么我还是如此害怕
But why was I still so scared?
然后我幸运地发现了这个网站
Then I found this website by luck.
叫做 rejectiontherapy.com【拒绝治疗网】
It’s called rejectiontherapy.com.
拒绝疗法 是一个加拿大创业者发明的游戏
“Rejection Therapy” was this game invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
他叫杰森·康姆利
His name is Jason Comely.
游戏内容就是主动出门碰壁 持续一个月
And basically the idea is for 30 days you go out and look for rejection,
每天都要让别人拒绝你
and every day get rejected at something,
到最后 你对拒绝就麻木了
and then by the end, you desensitize yourself from the pain.
我太喜欢这个想法了
And I loved that idea.
我说 没错 我就要这么干
I said, “You know what? I’m going to do this.
我要让自己被拒绝100天
And I’ll feel myself getting rejected 100 days.”
我还想出了使自己被拒绝的办法
And I came up with my own rejection ideas,
为此我建了一个视频博客
and I made a video blog out of it.
我是这么做的
And so here’s what I did.
我的博客界面长这样
This is what the blog looked like.
第一天
Day One …
向一个陌生人借100美元
Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger.
于是我去了公司
So this is where I went to where I was working.
走下楼
I came downstairs
我看见一个壮汉坐在桌子边上
and I saw this big guy sitting behind a desk.
看起来像是保安
He looked like a security guard.
我慢慢靠近他
So I just approached him.
我就这么走着
And I was just walking
这段路是我这辈子走过最长的路
and that was the longest walk of my life —
脖子后面的汗毛都竖了起来
hair on the back of my neck standing up,
我不停地出冷汗 心扑通扑通狂跳
I was sweating and my heart was pounding.
我走到壮汉面前说
And I got there and said,
你好 先生 我可以问你借100美元吗
“Hey, sir, can I borrow 100 dollars from you?”
他抬起头看我 就像在说 不借
And he looked up, he’s like, “No.”
他问我道 干什么
“Why?”
我回他 不借吗 那不好意思我走了
And I just said, “No? I’m sorry.”
然后我转身就跑了
Then I turned around, and I just ran.
我觉得太尴尬了
I felt so embarrassed.
但是 我录像了
But because I filmed myself —
这样我就能看到自己被拒绝的过程
so that night I was watching myself getting rejected,
而我只看到了自己是多么害怕
I just saw how scared I was.
就像《灵异第六感》里的小孩
I looked like this kid in “The Sixth Sense.”
能看见死人一样害怕
I saw dead people.
我又看看了那个胖子
But then I saw this guy.
他看上去也不凶神恶煞
You know, he wasn’t that menacing.
是那种肥嘟嘟很可爱的汉子
He was a chubby, loveable guy,
他还问我为什么要借钱
and he even asked me, “Why?”
他给了我机会解释一下
In fact, he invited me to explain myself.
但我已经吓得说不出话了
And I could’ve said many things.
其实我可以解释原因 交谈一番
I could’ve explained, I could’ve negotiated.
然而我什么都没做
I didn’t do any of that.
扭头就跑了
All I did was run.
我想 啊 这简直就是我人生的缩影
I felt, wow, this is like a microcosm of my life.
每次我只要稍微被拒绝
Every time I felt the slightest rejection,
我就飞快地跑掉
I would just run as fast as I could.
告诉你们
And you know what?
第二天无论发生什么
The next day, no matter what happens,
我都不会跑掉
I’m not going to run.
我会坚持
I’ll stay engaged.
第二天:要求续汉堡
Day Two: Request a “burger refill.”
我进了一家汉堡店
It’s when I went to a burger joint,
吃完午饭我跟收银员说
I finished lunch, and I went to the cashier and said,
你好 我能再续个汉堡吗
“Hi, can I get a burger refill?”
他一脸疑惑地说 续汉堡是什么
He was all confused, like, “What’s a burger refill?”
我说 就跟饮料续杯一样的 只不过我要续的是汉堡
I said, “Well, it’s just like a drink refill but with a burger.”
他回答 不好意思 我们不续汉堡
And he said, “Sorry, we don’t do burger refill, man.”
我又被拒绝了 本来是可以跑掉的 但我没有
So this is where rejection happened and I could have run, but I stayed.
我说 嗯 我爱吃你们的汉堡
I said, “Well, I love your burgers,
我也喜欢你们这家店
I love your joint,
如果你们能续汉堡
and if you guys do a burger refill,
我会更爱你们哦
I will love you guys more.”
然后他说 好吧 我会跟我们经理提的
And he said, “Well, OK, I’ll tell my manager about it,
也许以后我们会有续汉堡 但是今天就不好意思啦
and maybe we’ll do it, but sorry, we can’t do this today.”
然后我就走了
Then I left.
顺便说下
And by the way,
我觉得他们不会有续汉堡的服务
I don’t think they’ve ever done burger refill.
这家店还在
I think they’re still there.
但是我一开始感觉到的那种死里逃生
But the life and death feeling I was feeling the first time
却不复存在了
was no longer there,
因为我没有逃避
just because I stayed engaged —
因为我没有跑掉
because I didn’t run.
我觉得非常棒
I said, “Wow, great, I’m already learning things.
我已经有所收获了
Great.”
第三天 买奥运甜甜圈
And then Day Three: Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
这次我的三观被刷新了
This is where my life was turned upside down.
我去了Krispy Kreme【美国甜甜圈连锁店】
I went to a Krispy Kreme.
一家甜甜圈店
It’s a doughnut shop
主要在美国东南地区营业
in mainly the Southeastern part of the United States.
我觉得这里也有连锁店吧
I’m sure they have some here, too.
我进去后
And I went in,
我问 你能把甜甜圈做得像奥运五环那样吗
I said, “Can you make me doughnuts that look like Olympic symbols?
你得把五个甜甜圈串在一起
Basically, you interlink five doughnuts together … “
我以为他们不可能答应
I mean there’s no way they could say yes, right?
店员把我的话当真了
The doughnut maker took me so seriously.
她拿出一张纸
So she put out paper,
开始记着颜色和圈圈
started jotting down the colors and the rings,
说 该怎么做呢
and is like, “How can I make this?”
十五分钟后
And then 15 minutes later,
她拿出一盒像奥运五环的甜甜圈
she came out with a box that looked like Olympic rings.
我太感动了
And I was so touched.
简直不敢相信
I just couldn’t believe it.
那段视频在油管上被浏览了五百多万次
And that video got over five million views on Youtube.
人们都不敢相信
The world couldn’t believe that either.
因为那件事我还上报纸了
You know, because of that I was in newspapers,
参加脱口秀还有别的节目
in talk shows, in everything.
我出名了
And I became famous.
人们开始写邮件给我
A lot of people started writing emails to me
说”你太棒了”
and saying, “What you’re doing is awesome.”
但是我想要的并不是名誉
But you know, fame and notoriety did not do anything to me.
我真正想要的是从中有所收获
What I really wanted to do was learn,
并且改变自己
and to change myself.
于是我把剩下的一百天拒绝
So I turned the rest of my 100 days of rejection
挪到了游乐场
into this playground —
做成研究项目
into this research project.
我想知道我能从中学到什么
I wanted to see what I could learn.
最后我受益匪浅
And then I learned a lot of things.
我发现了很多秘密
I discovered so many secrets.
比如 如果我在被拒绝时
For example, I found if I just don’t run,
不逃避
if I got rejected,
其实是能把被拒绝变为答应的
I could actually turn a “no” into a “yes,”
发挥魔力的就是”为什么”这个词
and the magic word is, “why.”
有天我拿着花去到一个陌生人家
So one day I went to a stranger’s house, I had this flower in my hand,
敲开门说
knocked on the door and said,
你好 我能在你家院子里种花吗
“Hey, can I plant this flower in your backyard?”
他说不行
And he said, “No.”
他走之前我问
But before he could leave I said,
我能知道为什么不能吗
“Hey, can I know why?”
他说 我家狗
And he said, “Well, I have this dog
会把院子里我种的东西都刨开
that would dig up anything I put in the backyard.
我不想浪费你的花
I don’t want to waste your flower.
如果你想种花 去对街跟康妮说吧
If you want to do this, go across the street and talk to Connie.
她喜欢花
She loves flowers.”
于是我去到对面找康妮
So that’s what I did.
敲开康妮家门
I went across and knocked on Connie’s door.
她见到我很开心
And she was so happy to see me.
半小时后
And then half an hour later,
我把花种在康妮家院子里了
there was this flower in Connie’s backyard.
花现在肯定开得很漂亮
I’m sure it looks better now.
如果一开始被拒绝我就走了
But had I left after the initial rejection,
我可能会觉得
I would’ve thought,
是因为那个人不相信我
well, it’s because the guy didn’t trust me,
觉得我是疯了
it’s because I was crazy,
因为我穿着不光鲜看起来不像好人
because I didn’t dress up well, I didn’t look good.
都不是
It was none of those.
其实是因为我给的不是他想要的
It was because what I offered did not fit what he wanted.
其实他相信我并给了别的选择
And he trusted me enough to offer me a referral,
就像销售技巧那样
using a sales term.
而我也接受了他的建议
I converted a referral.
有一天
Then one day —
我意识到我可以说点什么
and I also learned that I can actually say certain things
让我被接受的可能最大化
and maximize my chance to get a yes.
举个例子 有天我去星巴克
So for example, one day I went to a Starbucks,
问经理道 我能做星巴克招待员吗
and asked the manager, “Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?”
他问 什么是星巴克招待员
He was like, “What’s a Starbucks greeter?”
我说 你知道沃尔玛招待员吗
I said, “Do you know those Walmart greeters?
他们对进店的客人打招呼
You know, those people who say ‘hi’ to you before you walk in the store,
并且确保客人没有偷东西
and make sure you don’t steal stuff, basically?
我想让星巴克的消费者享受下沃尔玛的待遇
I want to give a Walmart experience to Starbucks customers.”
其实我不确定这样做好不好
Well, I’m not sure that’s a good thing, actually —
其实我觉得不太好
Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s a bad thing.
他说 额
And he was like, “Oh” —
他脸上的表情是这样 他叫艾瑞克
yeah, this is how he looked, his name is Eric —
他说 我不确定行不行
and he was like, “I’m not sure.”
他说的是不确定
This is how he was hearing me. “Not sure.”
我问他 那样奇怪吗
Then I ask him, “Is that weird?”
他说 恩 是挺奇怪的
He’s like, “Yeah, it’s really weird, man.”
当他说的时候他态度发生了转变
But as soon as he said that, his whole demeanor changed.
好像下定决心似的
It’s as if he’s putting all the doubt on the floor.
他说 嗯 你可以试试
And he said, “Yeah, you can do this,
只要别太奇怪了
just don’t get too weird.”
于是我就成了星巴克招待员
So for the next hour I was the Starbucks greeter.
我对每位客人说你好
I said “hi” to every customer that walked in,
祝他们节日快乐
and gave them holiday cheers.
我不知道你们有啥职业规划
By the way, I don’t know what your career trajectory is,
但是别去做招待员
don’t be a greeter.
相当无聊
It was really boring.
我发现我的提议被接纳了 因为我问他 那会奇怪吗
But then I found I could do this because I mentioned, “Is that weird?”
我提出了他的疑惑
I mentioned the doubt that he was having.
因为我说出来了就说明我不另类
And because I mentioned, “Is that weird?”, that means I wasn’t weird.
说明我跟他想法是一样的
That means I was actually thinking just like him,
觉得这是个奇怪的行为
seeing this as a weird thing.
就这样我尝试了一次又一次
And again, and again,
我意识到我提出问题之前
I learned that if I mention some doubt people might have
先说出他们的困惑
before I ask the question,
我就会得到信任
I gained their trust.
人们也就更可能会答应我
People were more likely to say yes to me.
我发现我可以通过询问他人
And then I learned I could fulfill my life dream …
完成我的人生理想
by asking.
要知道 我家四代都是老师
You know, I came from four generations of teachers,
我奶奶总是跟我说
and my grandma has always told me,
佳 你以后想干什么都可以
“Hey Jia, you can do anything you want,
但是当老师就最好了
but it’d be great if you became a teacher.”
我想做企业家 但是并没有成功
But I wanted to be an entrepreneur, so I didn’t.
我一直都想教书
But it has always been my dream to actually teach something.
我能不能去
So I said, “What if I just ask
大学教书呢
and teach a college class?”
那时我住在奥斯丁
I lived in Austin at the time,
我去到德克萨斯州奥斯丁的大学
so I went to University of Texas at Austin
敲开教授的门问 我能替你上课吗
and knocked on professors’ doors and said, “Can I teach your class?”
前两次并没有成功
I didn’t get anywhere the first couple of times.
但是我一直坚持着
But because I didn’t run — I kept doing it —
第三次教授被我感动了
and on the third try the professor was very impressed.
他说 没人这样做过
He was like, “No one has done this before.”
我拿出我准备的幻灯片和课程
And I came in prepared with powerpoints and my lesson.
他说 这些我都用得上
He said, “Wow, I can use this.
两个月后再来吧 我会把你加入我的课程表
Why don’t you come back in two months? I’ll fit you in my curriculum.”
两个月后 我就开始授课了
And two months later I was teaching a class.
这是我 你们可能认不出来 图片看不清
This is me — you probably can’t see, this is a bad picture.
有时候你也会被灯光拒绝 是吧
You know, sometimes you get rejected by lighting, you know?
但是
But wow —
当我结束课后 我走出去哭了
when I finished teaching that class, I walked out crying,
因为我觉得
because I thought
只通过问问题就能完成我毕生的梦想
I could fulfill my life dream just by simply asking.
曾经我以为我得成为一个企业家 获得博士学位
I used to think I have to accomplish all these things —
才能完成教书的梦想
have to be a great entrepreneur, or get a PhD to teach —
但是不是的 我只是提问
but no, I just asked,
然后我就能教书了
and I could teach.
你看到的照片里
And in that picture, which you can’t see,
我引用了马丁·路德金的话
I quoted Martin Luther King, Jr.
为什么 因为我在研究中发现 真正能改变世界
Why? Because in my research I found that people who really change the world,
改变我们生活方式 思维方式的人
who change the way we live and the way we think,
是那些主动去接受拒绝的人
are the people who were met with initial and often violent rejections.
比如马丁·路德金
People like Martin Luther King, Jr.,
比如圣雄·甘地 纳尔逊·曼德拉
like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
或者耶稣
or even Jesus Christ.
他们没有让别人的拒绝阻挡自己前进的步伐
These people did not let rejection define them.
而是用实际行动成就了自己
They let their own reaction after rejection define themselves.
他们敢于拥抱拒绝
And they embraced rejection.
我们不是非要成为那样的人才能学习被拒绝这门课
And we don’t have to be those people to learn about rejection,
拿我来说
and in my case,
被拒绝就是我的人生魔咒
rejection was my curse,
是我的克星
was my boogeyman.
因为我总是逃避 所以它一直困扰着我
It has bothered me my whole life because I was running away from it.
于是我学着接受它
Then I started embracing it.
我把它变成我生命中最好的礼物
I turned that into the biggest gift in my life.
我教人们如何把拒绝变成机遇
I started teaching people how to turn rejections into opportunities.
通过写部落格 演讲
I use my blog, I use my talk,
通过出书
I use the book I just published,
甚至开发帮助人们克服被拒绝的恐惧的技术
and I’m even building technology to help people overcome their fear of rejection.
当你生活中被人拒绝时
When you get rejected in life,
当你面对下一次困难
when you are facing the next obstacle
或者失败时
or next failure,
不要逃避
Don’t run.
如果你能直面拒绝
If you just embrace them,
那么塞翁失马 焉知非福
they might become your gifts as well.
谢谢
Thank you.

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视频概述

你会害怕被别人拒绝吗?觉得被人拒绝既尴尬又丢脸吧。你有没有想过克服这种害怕被拒绝的心理呢?有人通过制造自己被拒绝的经历使自己变得麻木从而克服这种心理,当你发现你不再害怕,还有什么是自己完不成的呢?

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启点—丘丘

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vZXgApsPCQ

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