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如果让死亡成为晚餐话题 – 译学馆
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如果让死亡成为晚餐话题

What happens when death is what's for dinner?

我的工作是把人们召集到一起
So my work is to bring people together,
共进晚餐 并且引发社会变革
to break bread, and spark social change.
我们曾经把餐桌用于
We’ve dedicated the dinner table
结束种族灭绝的恐慌
to ending the horrors of genocide,
巴以冲突
the Israel-Palestine conflict.
我们曾经谈论过上帝 农业的未来
We’ve talked about God, future of agriculture.
我们甚至谈论过hip-pop舞蹈的历史
We’ve even talked about the history of hip-pop.
可以肯定的是 这些晚餐谈话最终都化为了行动
These dinners have resulted in action, to be sure.
但它产生的最有力的东西
But the most powerful thing that create
是人们的深度参与 和建立起的深厚的联系
is deep engagement, and profound relationships.
我坚定地相信
And I strongly believe
联系产生效率
the relationships create velocity.
如果你希望
If you want our ideas,
我们这些值得传播的观点
these ideas worth spreading,
迅速的传遍世界 并且深入人心
to move with power and swiftness through the world.
那么我们人际关系的交往深度
The depth of our personal relationships
就等同于信息高速公路的传播速度
equals the speed of our superhighway.
我想象餐桌是一块巨大的磁石
I imagine the table as a great magnet,
它把我们集合到一起 拥抱我们
that draws us together, holds us in embrace,
减轻我们的痛苦 再把我们送回真实的世界
and then releases us back into the world.
在餐桌和炉火边我们首次通过烹饪浓缩卡路里
The table and fire are also where we first concentrated calories by cooking.
也是在这里 作为一个物种 我们做出了革命性的巨大改变
That’s where we as a species made a massive evolutionary exchange,
把较大的肚子和较小的头脑
trading these big bellies and small brains
进行份量交换
for very large brains and small bellies
这是猿类相较于人来说 缺少的一环
It’s a missing link between human and ape.
这也是这种令人吃惊的传统的开端 即桌子形状文化
It also started this amazing tradition of the table-shaping culture.
伏尔泰和狄德罗在沙龙的餐桌旁灵光频频闪现
Voltaire and Diderot had the most illuminating moments at dinners in salons.
本杰明 富兰克林和J.B.普雷斯利
Benjamin Franklin and J.B. Presley
在圆桌沉思中引发了工业革命
helped spark industrial revolution with the table ruminations.
现代艺术的诞生
The birth of modern art,
则应该多多感谢
we can thank a lot to
格泰鲁德 斯泰因 和 爱丽丝 托克拉斯
Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas,
在沙龙中除了常见的宴会食物之外 他们会供应一些其他东西 比如大麻
while in their salons they were serving, among other things, cannabis fudge.
虽然通常酒精和雪茄是主流
And even though alcohol and cigars were often the main course.
詹姆斯华生和他的领带俱乐部在洛杉矶的聚会
James Watson and his Los Angeles gatherings of the Tie Club
发现了双螺旋结构
brought us the double helix.
但是桌子和药物
But what does the table have to do with medicine
和医疗制度以及这次演讲 到底有什么关系呢
and the state of our health-care system and being on the stage?
一切开始于一个美妙的夏日清晨 我坐在火车上
So that begins on a spectacular summer morning. I was on a train,
来到了波特兰和西雅图之间
going between Portland and Seattle.
火车正沿着美丽的普吉特海湾飞驰
The tracks were following the beautiful, beautiful lower Pudget Sound.
而我沉浸在和两个陌生人的谈话中
Um… I was immersed in a conversation with two strangers.
他们都是医生
Both of them were doctors.
其中一个投身于私人服务
One of them involved in concierge medicine.
另一个则刚刚结束家庭医疗业务
And the other had just left the practice, the family practice.
她由于被最近的医疗体系所震惊
She was on a one-year walkabout,
正在进行为期一年的徒步旅行
in search of what it really means to be a healer,
来寻找作为一个救助者的真正意义
feeling pretty beat-up by the current medical system.
这个在火车餐车的餐桌附近发生的即席谈话
So this impromptu conversation in the dinning car, over a table,
向我揭示了两个令人倍受打击的数据
prompted to, revealed to me, two devastating statistics.
第一个是
The first one was that
大部分美国人破产都与临终花费有关
the vast majority of American bankruptcies are related to end-of-life expense.
这个消息对我来说如同被人在腹部打了一拳
That hit me like a total blow to the gut.
接下来呢 就像是被人在脸上打了一巴掌
What came next? Slap to the face.
75%的美国人想要在家中死去 但只有25%可以做到
75% of Americans want to die at home, yet only 25% of them do.
作为一个外行人 我极度震惊
For a lay person, I was just outrageous and shocking.
在列车前进过程中
As the train rolled along,
这种愤怒引发了我的回忆
this outrage sparked a memory.
我被带回到了十岁那年
I was thrown back to being ten years old.
我的父亲住在私人疗养院
My father lived in a nursing home,
他最近被宣布患有阿兹海默症
having recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
我不喜欢去拜访那里
I didn’t like visiting in there.
我不知道该如何谈论家人们的死亡和疾病
We didn’t know how to talk about death and illness of my family,
所以我们通常都回避这个问题
so denial was often the route we chose.
两年后 我12岁
Two years later, when I was 12,
在午夜忽然惊醒了
I woke up in the middle of the night.
我有一种强烈的预感 似乎要有什么事情发生
I had a strong sense that I was awake for a reason.
但我不知道是什么事 看了看钟
But I didn’t know what it was, and I looked at my alarm clock,
是凌晨3:43
and the time was 3:43 a.m.
几个小时后 我被通知说
A few hours later, I was to find out that
父亲的心脏在凌晨3:43分停止了跳动
my father’s heart had stopped at 3:43 a.m,
那个时候我正躺在20英里之外的床上
while I laid awake in bed about 20 miles away.
至今 我人生中最大的遗憾
To this day, not spending more time with my father during his final years
就是在他人生的最后几年没有多陪陪他
is one of the only major regrets I have in life.
火车开进了西雅图
So as the train was rolling into Seattle.
愤怒和回忆交织 我忽然有了个灵感
Outrage, memory, I would got inspired.
我依旧和医生们一起坐着
I’m still sitting with the physicians.
然后问了他们两个问题
And I asked them two questions.
第一个
I said first:” Do you agree
你是否认为我们的生命该当如何结束是一个非常重要和宝贵的谈话
that how we end our lives is the most important
但美国人并没有这样谈论过呢
and costly conversation Americans aren’t having?”
他们说 很显然是的
They said:” Absolutely.”
我接着说
So I said secondly:
那如果我足够疯狂
” So if I was crazy enough,
将要发起一个全国性的活动
to launch a national campaign called
名为 让我们边吃晚餐边聊聊死亡
Let’s Have Dinner And Talk About Death?
你觉得我会得到很多人的支持吗
Do you think I would find wide support?
医生 医院 病人 乃至每一个人 他们会支持我吗
Would doctors be interested, hospitals, patients, essentially every one?”
他们说当然会
They said absolutely.
他们都抓住了我的手
Both of them grabbed my hands
这些陌生人看着我的眼睛说 着手去做吧
These complete strangers looked at me in the eyes and said: “This must happen.”
所以几周之后
So a couple weeks later,
身处华盛顿大学的同事们
found myself among my colleagues at the University of Washington, masters of communication
和数字媒体通讯委员会的管理者们中间 我提出了这个想法
in digital media, and I pitched them the idea.
我说 我希望进行一次大规模的干预实验
I said:” I wanna start a large scale intervention.”
他们笑了一下
They laughed a little bit.
那么Michael 你希望在哪些人身上尝试这种干预实验呢
”Who do you want to have this intervention with, Michael?
全国吗
The country?”
它不是针对一个家庭 而是全国性的
It’s not a family, but the country.
所以他们接着问
So then they asked:” What is the topic
这个干预实验的主题是什么呢
of this intervention gonna be?”
我说
I prosed:
关于我们如何死去
“How we die.”
这次他们不笑了
They didn’t laugh at that time.
房间里一阵沉默
There was a stillness in the room.
但几天之后 他们同意了
But within a few days, they had agreed.
我和
And me and Scott Macklin,
通讯委员会的联席董事Scott Macklin
the associate director of the department,
与12名研究生签订了协议
had signed up 12 master students.
然后就开始同吃同住 一起设计这个新平台
And we started designing together, eating together, building this new platform,
来直面我们终将到来的死亡这件事
and really facing our own mortality.
就在那时 deathoverdinner.org这个网站诞生了
At that point, deathoverdinner.org was born.
在那之前 我们讨论过浪漫的火车旅行
So before, we were talking about romantic train rides,
历史性的盛宴和死亡
and historic feasts and death.
并且哈佛统计数据发现美国62%的破产事件
And that Harvard statistic that found 62% of bankruptcies in the U.S.
是由医疗费用引起的
are caused by medical expense,
而其中最主要的因素则是临终花费
and the leading factor in that is end-of-life expense.
今年秋天纽约西奈山医学院
Another harrowing statistic emerged this fall.
发布了另一组令人悲伤的数据
And that was from the Mount Sinai School of Medicine.
他发现43%购买了医疗保险的病人
And it found that 43% of all medicare patients
临终花费已经超过了他们的总资产
spend more than their total assets, out of pocket,
几乎花光了所有钱
on end-of-life expense.
对我来说 这些信息带来的冲击 确实如遭掌掴
So for me, this was pretty much in my face.
问题是对于这一信息我们该如何做
And the question was how do we act on this information.
政客们呼吁采取行动
Politicians, who urge action,
宣传支持死亡小组
have been cast as advocating death panels.
我们都知道 医院和保险公司
As you know, hospitals and insurance companies
以及医生们
and doctors
被种种因素阻碍着 比如民众的信任
have been stymied by issues of fiduciary responsibility,
被卷入诉讼的可能 和当前临终关怀体系的不足等
threat of lawsuit, and current limitations of hospice system.
这种关联性需要改变
So these metrics were gonna change.
华盛顿大学的我的学生们
It became clear to my University of Washington students
在这点上已经达成了共识
that what was required
我们需要一场从底层发起的变革
was actually a grassroots movement,
这场变革需要将权力下移 以公民为主导
something that was decentralized and citizen-led.
我们开始设想一场发生在餐桌旁的
So we started to imagine a patient-led
由病人主导的革命
revolution held at dinner table.
我们选择了万圣节前夜
And we chose All Hallows’ Eve
来进行一次特别的死亡晚餐
as an evening to have a very particular kind of death dinner
伴有可能是最好玩的行酒令
with perhaps the best drinking game of all time.
我们在高脚杯里装满了格拉巴酒
We filled a goblet full of Grappa.
格拉巴酒是一种带有庄严气息的饮品
Grappa is a drink of a fair amount of gravity.
然后我们[大笑声]
and we [laugh]…
我们绕着桌子传递酒杯 每个人都举杯
and we passed it around the table. Everyone raised the glass.
他们向祖先 或者最近过世的亲人祝祷
As they did, they paid tribute to recent ancestor, recently passed ancestor, etc.
被祝福的先人中有些曾对他们的生活产生巨大的影响
Someone that they admired made major impact on their life.
有人大哭 有人大笑 有人愤怒 有人受到震动
And there were tears, there was laughter, there was anger, there was shock.
这一切都在餐桌旁发生
Everything at the table.
但我们体验到的最重要和最普遍的情绪
But the most important thing that we experienced, the most prevalent emotion, is gratitude
是对他们曾来过的感激
for those people that did come before,
人们不断说出一些令人惊讶的故事
And there are amazing stories emerged and filled the space.
一个名为辛西亚 安德鲁斯的学生大声喊
One student, Cynthia Andrews gave a spirited shout out,
这杯酒我想敬我的祖母Willa Bell Sutton
said:” I wanna raise my glass to Willa Bell Sutton,
这个有史以来最坏的女人
my grandmother, the strongest bitch that ever lived.”
笑声渐渐平息后
And there’s the laughter subsided.
她告诉我们他的祖父向Willa Bell求婚有多么困难
She told us a story about how her grandfather wooed difficult Willa Bell.
夜复一夜 祖父为祖母做晚餐
Night after night, he cooked her dinner.
在晚餐结束时 祖父会把一颗珍珠
At the end of dinner, he would take a single pearl
从桌子上滚向祖母
and roll it across the table to her.
40天后 祖母拥有了一条项链
And after 40 nights, she had a full necklace,
于是祖父向祖母求婚了
and that’s when he proposed marriage.
万圣节后
So, after Halloween,
我们该如何把这样的夜晚赋予更广阔的意义呢
how do we turn evenings like this into something wider,
比如社会性的行动该从何处入手
like, where’s the social action here.
我们开始构思一个数字化框架
And so we started to imagine a digital framework
让最亲近的人们能够聚集在一起
that would allow people to gather those that are closest to them.
通过这次谈话
And, and have this important conversation
来考虑我们希望自己人生最后的日子是什么样子的
to consider what we want our final days to be like,
希望谁和我们呆在一起
who we want near us,
以及该如何帮助我们亲近的人来完成这一愿望
and how we can support the wishes of those that are closest to us.
最开始我们很保守 估计可以召集到几千人
So we are modest at first. We thought we could maybe reach a couple thousand people.
当我们开始接触一些领导人 医保 健康工作人员
And as we started to reach out to leaders, and health care, wellness,
和一些医生 作家
even in spirituality, doctors, writers.
及所谓的企业家们
You name it, entrepreneurs.
我们发现 让我们边吃晚餐边聊聊死亡
What we found is this provocation,
这项倡议
Let’s Have Dinner And Talk About Death,
在精神层次获得了深刻的共鸣
had had a resonant chord, a deeply resonant chord.
截止到圣诞节假期 也就是我们活动开始之后仅仅几个月的时间
By Christmas break, only a couple months after we started,
我们已经聚集起了一支医保和医药领域超级明星般的队伍 他们作为本领域的领导者
we had already amassed a superstar group of leaders in health care and medicine
为我们提出建议 而这一活动最近的参与者们
as advisers, recent partners in the project,
许多人正坐在你们中间
many of whom are seated among us today.
这一刻现在变得非常清晰
And that point became abundantly clear.
这是一个全体国民都需要进行的谈话
This is a conversation that the entire country needs to be having.
并且似乎可以说我们已经有了一个成熟的团队
And it’s starting to look like we have a team in place
它不只影响几千人
to not just reach just a couple thousand people,
它可以影响无数人
but to reach hundreds of thousands of people.
因为如果第一感觉 第一反应是
Cause if the first sensation, the first response is
太可怕了 我为什么要停下来和你讨论死亡这件事
”How morbid! Why do I want to stop and talk about death,
尤其是还在晚餐时间?
especially over dinner?”
然而实际情况是人们立刻参与进来 开始分享自己的故事
What happens is people immediately lean in and they begin sharing and they begin talking.
他们谈论着父亲的死亡是多么美丽或者糟糕
They talk about how beautiful their father’s death was,
因为你知道的 有些人为另一个爱的人死去
or how awful, you know, some other passing for another loved one.
我们假设美国人害怕这种谈话
We assume that America’s afraid of this conversation,
但我相信 并且希望你也相信 这是一个文化迷思
but I believe, and I hope you believe, that that’s a cultural myth.
我们只是需要一个适当的邀请 许可和引导
And I think that the only thing that’s necessary is the proper invitation, permission and guidance.
医学人士一直在想该如何与病人进行这种困难的谈话
So medical professionals are constantly thinking about how to engage patients in these difficult conversations.
但我不觉得这种话题 总是只由医生和护士向病人提起
But I don’t think it can always start with doctors and nurses talking to patients.
我认为普通人之间有时候也需要彼此聊聊死亡
I think sometimes it needs to happen with ordinary people talking to each other.
直面死亡的地方绝不仅仅只有医院 殡仪馆和保险办公室
Hospitals, funeral parlors and insurance offices are really not the only place that we should confront death.
当我们感到害怕 被压垮或是悲伤的时候
The proper depth of that conversation doesn’t happen
这种谈话无法达到一定的深度
when we are intimidated and overwhelmed and sad.
只有当我们不那么警惕 十分放松的时候 谈话才可以顺利进行
It happens when we’re most comfortable, when our guard is down.
而进餐的仪式 或许还配有一点酒
And the ritual of breaking bread, perhaps with a little addition of wine,
会营造出一个温暖 可靠 充满信任的空间
can create a space that has warmth and trust and authenticity.
很显然 餐桌是进行这种谈话最合适的场所
The dinner table is absolutely the most forgiving place to have this kind of conversation.
在这种环境下 会有恐怖或者难以进行的谈话吗
Within this context, what seems like a scary or difficult conversation?
当然不会 晚餐谈话是自由的 开放的
Certainly isn’t. It’s liberating. It’s transformative.
它让我们彼此更加靠近 唤醒我们人性
It brings us closer together, reminds us of our humanity.
它让我们比以前 甚至是坐下来之前 更加坚强 豁达 睿智
And it leaves us stronger, broader and wiser than we were, than we sat down.
让我们为将来自己与医生的谈话做好准备
And hopefully leaves us more prepared for a conversation
以及未来其他困难的谈话
with our doctor, a difficult one in future,
或是我们本不打算进行的 与父亲所在的疗养院的谈话
or a conversation with our father’s nursing home that we weren’t prepared to have.
所以在仲夏之前 我们将会上线一款测试版 让我们边吃晚餐边聊聊死亡
So by mid-summer, we’re gonna launch a beta version of Let’s Have Dinner And Talk About Death.
这是一封面向所有人的邀请 只要你想创造自己的餐桌谈话
And what this is is an invitation for anyone who’s interested to create their own dinner.
带领着人们一起 开始你自己的冒险
and lead people through, choose your own adventure, adventure
将你想要的 或者与你亲密的人聚集在一起
to gather people that you want, people that are closest to you
选择恰当的晚餐预备阅读材料
to select pre-dinner reading materials,
把握好谈话的提示语和结构
to hold conversational prompts and structure.
在结束的时候 为每个参与的人提供行动建议
And at the end of it, to provide action items for each person who took part in it.
它可以是生前遗嘱 预立的指示 向国会的请愿书或者器官捐献
And that will be living wills and advanced directives, and petitions to Congress or organ donorship.
在最后 它能给你带来的是
And at the end, what it’s gonna give you
分享经历的能力和一枚社会化媒体的勋章
is the ability to share about the experience but also a social media badge.
并且我认为它也很有趣
And I think it’s a little funny.
我从一次死亡晚餐中活下来了
I survived a death dinner.
[大笑]
[Laughter]
它会带来可见的变化吗
Will it move the needle?
我不确定
I’m not sure.
但我们的希望是能够触发即使是所能想象出的最微小的社会变革
But what our hope is is to spark the gentlest revolution imaginable.
并且我可以百分百认真地说
And I say that with total authenticity
我希望这个屋子里的每一个人都能成为这项活动的一员
I would love everybody in this room to be a partner in this project.
那么 我们的行动将产生怎样的影响
So, how effective will we be
将由时间来告诉我们
obviously is gonna be told the test of time. Will people actually
人们是否真的会邀请他人来到家中
take the time to have these dinners and bring people to their homes,
或者无论在哪里 即使是一家快餐店也好 花时间来进行这样的晚餐呢
wherever they have it, even if it’s at a fast food restaurant.
在我们第一次晚餐 也就是雏形晚餐之后
After our first dinner, our prototype dinner,
我们的三个学生独立把自己的家人召集到了一起
three of my students, independent of the class, and my web developer after hearing about it
我们的网络开发者听说之后也立刻参与了进来
immediately went out, and brought their families together,
他们认真看着父母的眼睛 然后说
looking at their parents directly in the eye and saying:
你希望你人生最后一段时光如何度过呢
” How do you want your final days to be
我怎样才能为你们做好这件事
and how can I be a powerful agent in supporting that? “
这件事给了我真切的希望
So that gave me some real hope.
然后在我刚刚提到的那个万圣节前夜
And then on at All Hallows’ Eve I mentioned.
我被要求想象一下自己的最后时光
I was asked to imagine my own final days.
当我打算给出预先准备好的答案时
And as I began giving a rehearse response,
从我17岁时便开始热衷的一件事忽然苏醒了
something that I felt passionate about since I was 17,
这件事是这样的 我想要孤独的死去 我希望滑落山间
that went something like, “I’m gonna die alone. I’m gonna slip off into the mountains.”
我不想成为家庭或者社会的负担
Um… I don’t wanna be a burden to my family or society.
大脑在高速运转 我正要把这个想法以诗意的方式说出来
Just about… I was really revving up. I was gonna deliver it in a beautiful fashion.
但我停下了
I stopped.
这不再是真的
It wasn’t true any more.
所以我给出了一个令自己惊讶的回答
And I answered, much to my surprise:
在人生的最后时光里 我希望被我最爱的女儿们August 和Valer
”All I want for my final days is to be surrounded by my two loving daughters.
陪伴着
August and Valer.”
这个简单但至关重要的问题 对我来说 有了全新的结果
So this simple but crucial question yielded completely new results for me.
考虑死亡教会了我如何生活
Looking at death has taught me how to live.
谢谢大家
Thank you.

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译制信息
视频概述

我们在这片大地上诗意地死去(。・ω・。)ノ♡

听录译者

我来人间转一转

翻译译者

王随意

审核员

风吹桃

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DT0aMfFtuw

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