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约会软件对爱情的误解

What Dating Apps Misunderstand About Love

For most of human history,
在人类历史大多数时间里
relationships were relatively simple
恋爱相对来说较简单
for a banal yet immovable reason:
背后的原因则平平无奇又不曾改变:
it was extremely hard to meet anyone acceptable –
想要遇见一个合意的人极其困难
and everyone knew it.
这一点所有人都明白
There were only a few people in the village,
村子里人口不多
travel was expensive and social occasions few and far between.
旅行成本高 社交场合少之又少
This had many drawbacks:
这种境况存在很多不利因素:
it encouraged people to accept offers from suitors they were unconvinced by,
人们被鼓励去接受自己不信服的追求者的示爱
it meant that characters who would have delighted each other died lonely and unfulfilled
这意味着本可以带给彼此快乐的两人会孤独空虚地死去
because there were a few mountains or a river between them.
因为他们之间有山水相隔
Our technologists have used their genius
我们的技术专家用天才头脑
to correct these historic obstacles and provide us with unending choice.
纠正了这些历史障碍并给我们提供了无穷尽的选择
Meeting someone new is now a constant possibility.
现在的我们可以不断结识新朋友
But this breakthrough at the level of introduction
然而 这项在介绍层面的突破
has obscured an ongoing challenge at the level of ultimate purpose:
掩盖了一直存在于最终目标层面的挑战:
we may have become easier to meet, but we are not any easier to love.
结识对方可能更简单了 爱上对方却并没有
We remain – each one of us – highly challenging propositions for anyone to take on.
我们每个人对任何人来说都仍是极具挑战性的命题
All of us are riddled with psychological quirks
我们每个人满身的心理怪癖
that serve to render an ongoing relationship extremely problematic:
会将一段进行时的关系变得问题重重:
we are impatient, prone to making unjust accusations,
我们缺乏耐心 轻易不公平地指责他人
rife with self-pity, and unused to expressing our needs in a way they can be understood by others –
满是自哀 且不习惯用他人能理解的方式来表达自己的需求
just to start the list…
上述还只是九牛一毛
That we can meet so many people has beautifully obscured our ugly sides,
能够结识这么多人这件事 很好掩盖了我们的丑陋面
breeding in us the charming yet misleading idea –
在我们心里滋生着一个迷人而又自我误导的想法
which engulfs us any time we hit difficulties –
每当遇到困难时我们就会深陷其中
that we are in trouble because we have not until now met ‘the right person.’
即我们陷入困境是因为还没遇到那个“对的人”
The reason why there is friction and longing has, we tell ourselves,
我们告诉自己 分歧和渴望存在的原因
nothing to do with certain stubborn infelicities in our own natures
与双方本性中某些固有的不契合点无关
or paradoxes in the human condition as a whole,
也与整个人类境况的悖论无关
it is only a matter of needing to hunt further for a more reasonable candidate
只不过是需要进一步寻找更合理的人选而已
who will, at last, see things our way.
一个最终会和我们用同样方式看待事物的人
The promise of choice has drained us
在选择上得到的保证耗尽了
of the patience and modesty necessary to grapple with the tensions
我们解决关系紧张时所需的耐心与谦虚
that are prone to come our way whomever we might be with.
关系紧张是与任何人相处都容易出现的
We forget that almost everyone is a charming prospect
我们忘记了 几乎每个人在不被了解的情况下
so long as we know nothing about them.
都是迷人的恋爱人选
Part of what it takes to be ready for love
为爱做好准备 部分所需的是
is to imagine the difficulties that we cannot, as yet, know too much about in detail;
要想象我们至今还无法在细节上过多了解的困难;
the bad moods that will lurk behind the energetic smiles,
想象活力笑容背后潜藏的坏情绪
the difficult pasts that lie beneath the lustrous eyes,
明亮双眼隐藏起来的艰辛过往
the tangled psyches that reside beneath a stated love of camping and the outdoors.
以及对露营与户外明言的热爱之下存在的芜杂心理
Even though there’re hundreds of other people we might meet,
尽管我们可能遇见的人成千上万
there are not – in truth – so many people we could really love.
但是事实上 我们可以真正去爱的人并不多
Dating apps may have made it infinitely easier to connect
约会软件也许是让联系简单了无数倍
but they haven’t helped us in any way
却完全没有帮助我们
to be more patient, imaginative, forgiving or empathetic,
变得更宽容 有耐心 想象力和同理心
that is, any more adept at the arts that make any one relationship viable.
无法让我们更擅长于维系任何一段关系的艺术
Most of the issues we experience with a given candidate
我们与现在的人选共同经历的大部分问题
will therefore show up, in comparable guises,
终将以类似的形式
with almost anyone we might stumble upon.
出现在我们将来遇见其他人时
The real work we should be doing
我们应该去做的真正工作
isn’t – once we have had a reasonable look around –
不是在仔细观察身边的人选后
to keep trying to meet new people;
去努力结识新的人;
it’s to get to the root of
而是要在根本上找到是什么
what makes it hard to live with any one person we could alight upon.
让我们难以与任何可能遇见的人一起生活
We will be ready for love
当我们放弃一部分由可能性带来的兴奋感
when we surrender some of our excited sense of possibility
并意识到我们虽可能拥有很多选择
and recognise that though we might have many choices,
但事实上 没有那么多选项的时候
we don’t – in reality – have so many options.
就做好了去爱的准备
It may sound dark,
这可能听起来挺悲观
but this will, in its own way, be a liberating realisation
但它用特有的方式解放你的认知
that can help us redirect our energies
以帮助你将重新分配精力
away from the exhausting circuit of new encounters
远离新邂逅的疲乏循环
towards a search for the kind of mutual emotional maturity
转向一种对共同情感成熟的追寻
on which true love can one day be built.
有朝一日真爱能够建立其上

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视频概述

约会软件给每个人都提供了无尽的选择,寻找伴侣似乎较从前简单了很多,但这就是其对爱情的误解所在,一旦陷入寻找新邂逅的循环之中,我们只会不断丧失爱的能力。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

亿珀

审核员

审核员YY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmeHLIonl1E

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