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我们都应当是女权主义者 – 译学馆
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我们都应当是女权主义者

We should all be feminists | Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

我想以我最好的一个朋友来开始话题
So I would like to start by telling youabout one of my greatest friends,
欧卡拉玛·玛都威斯
Okoloma Maduewesi.
他跟我住同一街道
Okoloma lived on my street and looked after me like a big brother.
如果我喜欢一个男孩子 我会问下他的意见
If I liked a boy,I would ask Okoloma’s opinion.
2005年12月 在尼日利亚
Okoloma died in the notoriousSosoliso plane crash
欧卡拉玛死于臭名昭著的索航空飞机碰撞事故中
in Nigeria in December of 2005.
正好是七年前
Almost exactly seven years ago.
欧卡拉玛是我可以争吵 大笑和说真心话的人
Okoloma was a person I could argue with,laugh with and truly talk to.
他也是第一个叫我女权主义者的人
He was also the first personto call me a feminist.
在我十四岁的时候 我们在他的房里 争吵
I was about fourteen,we were at his house, arguing.
我们两个用我们书上学的半点皮毛
Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge from books that we had read.
我忘记我们为何而争吵了
I don’t remember what thisparticular argument was about,
但我记得我一直在争论
but I rememberthat as I argued and argued,
欧卡拉玛看着我 然后说 你知道的 你是个女权主义者
Okoloma looked at me and said,”You know, you’re a feminist.”
这不是赞美之词
It was not a compliment.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
从他的语气中 我听得出来
I could tell from his tone,
就跟你说: “你是恐怖分子的支持者” 语气一样
the same tone that you would useto say something like, “You’re a supporter of terrorism.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我那时不知道女权主义者的真正意思
I did not know exactlywhat this word “feminist” meant,
我也不想让欧卡拉玛知道我并不知道
and I did not want Okolomato know that I did not know.
所以我把它晾在一边 继续争吵
So I brushed it aside,and I continued to argue.
我回家要做的第一件事就是
And the first thingI planned to do when I got home
在字典查下 女权主义者 是什么意思
was to look up the word”feminist” in the dictionary.
很快十几年过去了
Now fast forward to some years later,
我写了一本小说 关于一个男人打他妻子的故事
I wrote a novel about a manwho among other things beats his wife
他的结局不太好
and whose story doesn’t end very well.
当我在尼日利亚推销我的书的时候
While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria,
一位新闻工作者 他人很好 也很善良
a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,
告诉我他想给我个建议
told me he wanted to advise me.
对尼日利亚人来说
And for the Nigerians here,
我确定熟悉尼日利亚的人
I’m sure we’re all familiar with
应该不会陌生这种不请自来的建议
how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice.
他告诉我人们说我的小说是关于女权主义的
He told me that people were sayingthat my novel was feminist and his advice to me —
他摇着头 悲伤地说
and he was shaking his headsadly as he spoke —
我不该称自己为女权主义者
was that I should never call myself a feminist
因为女权主义者是不开心的女性
because feminists are women who are unhappy
因为她们没有老公
because they cannot find husbands.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
所以我决定称自己为 快乐的女权主义者
So I decided to call myself “a happy feminist.”
然后一位学者 一位尼日利亚女人告诉我
Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me
女权主义不属于我们的文化
that feminism was not our culture and that feminism wasn’t African,
我称自己为女权主义者
and that I was calling myself a feminist because I had been corruptedby “Western books.”
这使我很困惑
Which amused me, because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist.
我想在十六岁之前 我肯定把
I think I must have read every singleMills&Boon romance published before I was sixteen.
每次我尝试读
And each time I tried to read those books called “the feminist classics,”
我都觉得很无聊 我努力读完它们
I’d get bored, and I really struggled to finish them.
但不管怎样 当听到女权主义不属于非洲
But anyway, since feminism was un-African,
我就决定称自己为 一个快乐的非洲女权主义者
I decided that I would now call myself”a happy African feminist.”
在某些时候我是一个快乐的非洲女权主义者 我不恨男人
At some point I was a happy Africanfeminist who does not hate men
我喜欢唇膏
and who likes lip gloss and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
当然 很多这种说法都是假的
Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek,
但是女权主义者这个词背负得太多 有太多负面含义
but that word feminist is so heavywith baggage, negative baggage.
你讨厌男人 讨厌胸罩
You hate men, you hate bras,
你讨厌非洲文化 之类的东西
you hate African culture, that sort of thing.
跟你们分享一下我童年的一个故事
Now here’s a story from my childhood.
当我上小学时候
When I was in primary school,
我的老师说在学期前 她会让同学们做个测试
my teacher said at the beginning of termthat she would give the class a test
谁得最高分就可以当班长
and whoever got the highest scorewould be the class monitor.
当班长 问题就来了
Now, class monitor was a big deal.
如果你是班长
If you were a class monitor,
你就得写下吵闹同学们的名字
you got to write downthe names of noisemakers —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
手上握有足够的权利
which was having enough power of its own.
但我老师会给你一根藤条
But my teacher would also give youa cane to hold in your hand
供你巡班找吵闹同学的时候用
while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers.
当然 那根藤条只是摆设
Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane.
但对九岁的我来说 想想就很兴奋
But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me.
我非常极其想当班长
I very much wanted to be the class monitor.
我在测试中得了最高分
And I got the highest score on the test.
出乎意料地是 老师说班长必须是个男的
Then, to my surprise, my teacher saidthat the monitor had to be a boy.
之前她忘记说了
She had forgotten to make that clear earlier because she assumed it was … obvious.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
一个男孩得了全班第二高分
A boy had the second highestscore on the test, and he would be monitor.
更有趣的是
Now, what was even more interesting about this
那个男孩
is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul
他对拿着藤条巡班一点兴趣也没有
who had no interestin patrolling the class with the cane,
而我却对此雄心勃勃
while I was full of ambition to do so.
但我是女的 而他是男的
But I was female and he was male, and so he became the class monitor.
我永远都忘不了这件事
And I’ve never forgotten that incident.
我常犯一个错误 那就是
I often make the mistake of thinking
我总认为那些对我来说显而易见的事情 对别人来说也如此
that something that is obvious to meis just as obvious to everyone else.
现在 以我的好朋友路易斯
Now, take my dear friend Louis for example.
路易斯是一个聪明 有进取心的男人
Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,
我们常在一起聊天 他会跟我说:
and we would have conversationsand he would tell me,
“我不知道为什么你会认为所有的事情对女人来说会不一样或更艰难
“I don’t know what you mean by thingsbeing different or harder for women.
也许过去是这样 但现在不同了
Maybe in the past, but not now.”
我不明白为什么路易斯看不到这些是不言而喻的
And I didn’t understand how Louiscould not see what seems so self-evident.
一天晚上
Then one evening, in Lagos,Louis and I went out with friends.
对拉各斯不熟悉的人来说
And for people here who are familiar with Lagos,
拉各斯有一经典特色
there’s that wonderful Lagos’ fixture,
就是那些精力充沛 游荡在建筑物外面
the sprinkling of energetic menwho hang around outside establishments
非常引人注目地“帮”你找车位的男人
and very dramatically “help” you park your car.
我对那晚那位帮我们泊车的男人
I was impressed with the particular theatrics
做出的戏剧性行为印象深刻
of the man who found us a parking spot that evening.
当我们离开的时候 我决定给他一点小费
And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip.
我打开我的包
I opened my bag, put my hand inside my bag,
拿出我工作赚的钱
brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work,
把它给那个人
and I gave it to the man.
收到我的钱
And he, this man who wasvery grateful and very happy,
他很感激也很开心
took the money from me, looked across at Louis
说 谢谢你 先生
and said, “Thank you, sir!”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
路易斯惊讶地看着我
Louis looked at me, surprised,
问 他为什么谢谢我 我可没给他钱
and asked, “Why is he thanking me?I didn’t give him the money.”
然后我在他的脸上察觉到 他似乎明白了某些事情
Then I saw realization dawn on Louis’ face.
那个男人坚信不管我有多少钱
The man believed that whatever money I had
那都是路易斯挣的
had ultimately come from Louis.
因为路易斯是男人
Because Louis is a man.
男人和女人是不一样的
Men and women are different.
我们的性别不同 性器官也不一样
We have different hormones,we have different sexual organs,
我们有不同的生理功能
we have different biological abilities.
女人可以生孩子 男人不行
Women can have babies, men can’t.
至少现在不会
At least not yet.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
男人有雄性激素 一般来说比女人强壮
Men have testosterone and arein general physically stronger than women.
世界上女性的数量比男性多那么一点点
There’s slightly more womenthan men in the world,
世界上52%都是女性
about 52 percent of the world’spopulation is female.
但是男性拥有权力和地位
But most of the positions of powerand prestige are occupied by men.
诺贝尔和平奖得主
The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate, Wangari Maathai,
用一句简单很好地总结道
put it simply and well when she said:
“你站得越高 那里的女性就越少”
“The higher you go, the fewer women there are.”
在最近的美国选举中 我们常听到莉莉·莱德贝特法案
In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law,
忽略它那漂亮的 押头韵的名字
and if we go beyond the nicelyalliterative name of that law,
关于一个男人和一个女人
it was really about a man and a woman doing the same job, being equally qualified,
男人的工资更多 因为他是一个男人
and the man being paid morebecause he’s a man.
男人统治这个世界
So in the literal way, men rule the world,
几千年前就已经是这样了
and this made sense a thousand years ago
因为当时的社会条件下
because human beings lived then in a world
生存下来最重要的因素就是体力
in which physical strength wasthe most important attribute for survival.
身体更强壮的人更有可能当领导
The physically stronger personwas more likely to lead,
一般来说 男人会更强壮
and men, in general, are physically stronger.
当然会有很多例外
Of course there are many exceptions.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但今天我们生活在一个完全不同的世界
But today we live in a vastly different world.
统治者可能不是最强壮的那个人
The person more likely to leadis not the physically stronger person;
是最有创造性的人 最聪明的人
it is the more creative person,the more intelligent person,
最有创新精神的人
the more innovative person,
这些属性没有性别之分
and there are no hormonesfor those attributes.
男女都有可能成为一个聪明的
A man is as likely as a womanto be intelligent,
有创造力的 敢于创新的人
to be creative, to be innovative.
我们就进化了
We have evolved;
在我看来 我们关于性别的想法并没有进化
but it seems to me that our ideasof gender had not evolved.
几周前 我走在尼日利亚最好的一间旅馆的大厅
Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobbyof one of the best Nigerian hotels.
我本想去外面走走 但想了想还是不要了
I thought about leaving the hotel,but I thought I probably shouldn’t.
门口的一位保安叫我停下 并问了我一些让人火大的问题
And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions,
因为他们自动猜想
because their automatic assumption is that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker.
同时
And by the way, why do these hotelsfocus on the ostensible supply
而不去阻止那些招妓的人
rather than the demand for sex workers?
在拉各斯 我孤身一人不能进入很多“高级”的酒吧和俱乐部
In Lagos I cannot go aloneinto many “reputable” bars and clubs.
如果你是孤身一人的女人 他们不会让你进去
They just don’t let you in if you’re a woman alone,
你必须要有男士的陪伴
you have to be accompanied by a man.
每次我和男性一起走进尼日利亚旅馆
Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man,
服务员都会向男人问好 并且无视我
the waiter greets the man and ignores me.
服务员是产品
The waiters are products —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
在这一刻 一些女人想 是的 我早就想到了
At this some women felt like, “Yes! I thought that!”
服务员是社会的产品
The waiters are products of a society
他们被教会男人比女人更重要
that has taught them that menare more important than women.
我知道服务员们都没有恶意
And I know that waiters don’t intend any harm.
但“理智上的知道”和“情绪上的感受”是两回事
But it’s one thing to know intellectuallyand quite another to feel it emotionally.
每次他们无视我的时候 我都当看不见
Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible. I feel upset.
我想告诉他们我和男人一样 都是人类
I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man,
我也同样值得他们尊敬
that I’m just as worthy of acknowledgment.
这些都是小事
These are little things,
但往往就是小事让人受到的伤害最大
but sometimes it’s the little thingsthat sting the most.
不久前 我写了一篇文章
And not long ago, I wrote an article
讲述了作为一名年轻女子在拉各斯生活意味着什么
about what it means to be young and female in Lagos,
印刷工告诉我
and the printers told me,
“太让人愤怒了”
“It was so angry.”
当然 这很愤怒
Of course it was angry!
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我很生气
I am angry.
如今性别所起到的作用就是严重的不公平
Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice.
我们都该生气
We should all be angry.
“愤怒带来积极的改变”由来已久
Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change;
但 除了生气之外 我也满怀希望
but, in addition to being angry,I’m also hopeful.
因为我坚信人类有能力
Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings
改造自身以变得更好
to make and remake themselves for the better.
全世界都有性别歧视问题
Gender matters everywhere in the world,
但我想
but I want to focus on Nigeria and on Africa in general,
因为我对它很了解 也是我内心所属之地
because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is.
今天我想问一下
And I would like today to ask
我们开始梦想和勾勒一个不同的世界
that we begin to dream aboutand plan for a different world,
一个公平的世界
a fairer world,
一个男女都更开心 更忠于自己的世界
a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.
我们可以这么做:
And this is how to start:
我们必须要用不同的方式来养育我们的女儿
we must raise our daughters differently.
也要改变养育儿子的方式
We must also raise our sons differently.
我们现在养育男孩的方式对他们来说是一种伤害
We do a great disservice to boyson how we raise them;
我们在扼杀男孩们的人性
we stifle the humanity of boys.
我们用很狭隘的方法定义男子气概
We define masculinity in a very narrow way,
男子气概成为一个令人窒息的牢笼
masculinity becomes this hard, small cage
我们把男孩们关在里面
and we put boys inside the cage.
我们教男孩们害怕恐惧本身
We teach boys to be afraid of fear.
我们教男孩们害怕弱点
We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability.
我们教他们掩饰真实的自己
We teach them to mask their true selves,
因为他们必须成为尼日利亚人口中的“硬汉”
because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, “hard man!”
在中学 男孩和女孩都是青少年了
In secondary school, a boy and a girl,both of them teenagers,
他们都有零花钱 可以出去了
both of them with the same amountof pocket money, would go out
那个男生总是买单
and then the boy would be expected always to pay,
来证明他的男子气概
to prove his masculinity.
然而我们想知道为什么男孩子更可能从他们父母那里偷钱
And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.
假如我们从小就教男孩女孩把
What if both boys and girls were raised
付钱和男子气概区分开
not to link masculinity with money?
假如不是“男孩子必须买单”这种态度
What if the attitude was not “the boy has to pay”
而是“谁有钱谁买单”呢
but rather “whoever has more should pay?”
如今因为历史的原因
Now, of course because of that historical advantage,
现在有钱的大多是男性
it is mostly men who will have more today,
但是如果我们开始用不同方式教育孩子
but if we start raising children differently,
五十年后 一百年后
then in fifty years, in a hundred years,
男孩子不再会有“必须买单来证明男子气概”的压力
boys will no longer have the pressureof having to prove this masculinity.
但是至今我们对男性做的最糟糕的事是
But by far the worst thing we do to males,
让他们觉得他们是硬汉
by making them feel that they have to be hard,
而这导致了他们很脆弱的自尊心
is that we leave them with very fragile egos.
他们越被强迫当“硬汉”
The more “hard man” the man feels compelled to be,
他们就会越脆弱
the weaker his ego is.
我们对女孩子伤害更深
And then we do a much greaterdisservice to girls
因为我们教育她们要迎合男人脆弱的自尊心
because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men.
我们教女孩子们要收敛 要变得渺小
We teach girls to shrink themselves,to make themselves smaller,
我们告诫女孩子们
we say to girls,
“你可以有野心 但不能有太多”
“You can have ambition, but not too much.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
“你可以成功 但不要太成功
“You should aim to be successful,but not too successful,
不然你会威胁到男人”
otherwise you would threaten the man.”
如果你是你们家的顶梁柱
If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man,
你要假装你不是
you have to pretend that you’re not,
尤其是在公共场合
especially in public,
不然你会让他失势
otherwise you will emasculate him.
但是如果我们对假设本身提出疑问呢
But what if we question the premise itself?
为什么一个女人的成功反而会威胁到男人
Why should a woman’s successbe a threat to a man?
如果我们决定简单地处置这个词
What if we decide to simply dispose of that word,
我认为“失势”会是我最讨厌的一个英语单词
and I don’t think there’s an English word I dislike more than “emasculation.”
一个尼日利亚的熟人曾问过我
A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me
我是否担心会吓跑身边的男人
if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me.
我一点都不担心
I was not worried at all.
事实上 我从未担心过这个问题
In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried
因为会被我吓跑的男人
because a man who would be intimidated by me
恰恰是我不感兴趣的男人
is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
但我仍被这个问题吓到了
But still I was really struck by this.
因为我是女人 我渴望婚姻
Because I’m female, I’m expected to aspire to marriage;
当我做任何决定时
I’m expected to make my life choices
总是牢记婚姻是最重要的
always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important.
一段婚姻可成为一件好事
A marriage can be a good thing;
它可以是快乐 爱情和相互支持的源泉
it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support.
但我们为什么教女孩子们渴望婚姻
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage
而不教男孩子们呢
and we don’t teach boys the same?
我认识一个女人 她卖掉自己的房子
I know a woman who decided to sell her house
因为她不想吓跑那些可能会娶她的男人
because she didn’t want to intimidate a man who might marry her.
我认识一个未婚的尼日利亚女人 她参加会议的时候
I know an unmarried woman in Nigeriawho, when she goes to conferences,
总会戴一个结婚戒指
wears a wedding ring
据她所说
because according to her,
她希望其他与会者能尊重她
she wants the other participantsin the conference to “give her respect.”
我认识很多年轻的女性
I know young women who are under so much pressure
她们遭受太多来自家庭 朋友 工作的结婚压力
from family, from friends, even from work to get married,
因此她们被迫做出很多不明智的选择
and they’re pushed to make terrible choices.
一个女人 到了一定年龄还不结婚
A woman at a certain age who is unmarried,
我们的社会就会把她当成彻底失败的人
our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure.
一个男人 到了一定年龄还不结婚
And a man at a certain age who is unmarried,
我们就会想他还没玩够 还不打算定下来
we just think he hasn’t come aroundto making his pick.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
说起来容易
It’s easy for us to say,
“噢 但是女人们可以对这一切说不啊”
“Oh, but women can just say no to all of this.”
但现实更艰难和更复杂
But the reality is more difficult and more complex.
我们都是社会分子
We’re all social beings.
我们将社会化思维内化到我们个人思维中
We internalize ideas from our socialization.
甚至我们用在
Even the language we use
婚姻和关系中的词语也体现了这一点
in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this.
婚姻用的词语通常是所有权
The language of marriage is often the language of ownership
而不是合作关系
rather than the language of partnership.
我们用 尊重 这个词
We use the word “respect”
一个女人“尊敬”一个男人
to mean something a woman shows a man
却很少说一个男人“尊敬”一个女人
but often not something a man shows a woman.
尼日利亚的男人和女人会说——
Both men and women in Nigeria will say —
我被这个表达逗笑了——
this is an expression I’m very amused by —
“我这样做是为了婚姻和睦”
“I did it for peace in my marriage.”
现在 当男人说
Now, when men say it,
经常是他们做了不该做的事情
it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
有时候他们对朋友也这样说
Sometimes they say it to their friends,
以一种故意惹人讨厌而好笑的口吻说出来
it’s something to say to their friendsin a kind of fondly exasperated way,
你知道 可以证明他们多有男子气概的事情
you know, something that ultimatelyproves how masculine they are,
如何被人需要和疼爱
how needed, how loved.
“噢 我老婆说我不能每晚都去俱乐部
“Oh, my wife said I can’t go to the club every night,
为了有和睦的婚姻 我周末才去”
so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
现在 当一个女人说 “为了有个和睦的婚姻”
Now, when a woman says, “I did it for peace in my marriage,”
她经常会谈到放弃一份工作
she’s usually talking about giving up a job, a dream,
一份职业
a career.
我们在人际关系中是这样教女性的
We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what women do.
我们养育女儿们把对方看成竞争对手——
We raise girls to see each other as competitors —
不是在工作或是技能上的 要是这样我倒觉得是好事
not for jobs or for accomplishments,which I think can be a good thing,
而是在博得男人的关注上
but for attention of men.
我们教育女孩子们她们不能
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.
如果我们生的是男孩 我们不介意他们有女朋友
If we have sons, we don’t mindknowing about our sons’ girlfriends.
但女儿有男朋友呢 上帝都不允许呢
But our daughters’ boyfriends? God forbid.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
当然 时机正确的话
But of course when the time is right,
我们希望那些女孩子们有个完美丈夫
we expect those girls to bring backthe perfect man to be their husbands.
我们监视女孩子们 我们赞扬她们的忠贞纯洁
We police girls, we praise girls for virginity,
但我们并不表扬男孩子们的忠贞
but we don’t praise boys for virginity,
我一直困惑这到底要怎么才能实现 因为……
and it’s always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because …
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
我的意思是 失去贞操通常是一个过程 它包括……
I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves …
最近尼日利亚有一位年轻女子在大学被一群人强奸
Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria,
我觉得你们中的一些人知道
I think some of us know about that.
很多尼日利亚的年轻人 男性和女性
And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female,
流传着一种说法:
was something along the lines of this:
“是的 强奸是错误的
“Yes, rape is wrong.
但一个女孩子和四个男孩子在房间是在干什么呢”
But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?”
现在 如果我们可以忘记那些回应的不人道之处
Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response,
这些尼日利亚人从小就被教育 女人生下来就是有罪的
these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty,
她们能被抚养成人的机会很少
and they have been raised to expect so little of men
而一个男人失去自我控制的兽性行为
that the idea of men as savage beingswithout any control is somehow acceptable.
我们教女孩子们羞耻
We teach girls shame.
“合上你的腿”“裹住你自己”
“Close your legs.” “Cover yourself.”
我们让她们觉得 一生下来就是女的
We make them feel as though by being born female
她们就是有罪之身
they’re already guilty of something.
如此一来 女孩子长大后将成为
And so, girls grow up to be women
一个没有追求的女人
who cannot see they have desire.
她们长大成为沉默寡言的女人
They grow up to be women who silence themselves.
她们长大成为不会说出真正想法的女人
They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think,
她们长大——
and they grow up —
这就是我们对女孩子们做的最糟糕的事情——
and this is the worst thing we did to girls —
她们成为一个把虚伪变成艺术的女人
they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.
(掌声)
(Applause)
我认识一个女人 她讨厌国内的工作
I know a woman who hates domestic work,
她就是讨厌
she just hates it, but she pretends that she likes it,
按照尼日利亚的说法——要成为一个好妻子
because she’s been taught that to be “good wife material”
就要喜欢做家务 她就是被这样教育的
she has to be –to use that Nigerian word — very “homely.”
然后她结婚了
And then she got married,
不久之后 她夫家开始抱怨她变了
and after a while her husband’s familybegan to complain that she had changed.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
事实上 她没变过
Actually, she had not changed, she just got tired of pretending.
性别的问题是
The problem with gender,
我们总是规定我们该怎样
is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.
现在想象一下我们会有多快乐
Now imagine how much happier we would be,
我们做回真正的自己时 我们有多自由
how much freer to be our true individual selves,
我们该有多开心和自由呢
if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations.
毫无疑问 从生物学来说 男女大不同
Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically,
但社会化放大了这种差异
but socialization exaggerates the differences
然后它成为一种自我满足的过程
and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process.
现在 以做饭为例
Now, take cooking for example.
现在的女人总体上干的家务活要比男人多
Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men,
做饭和打扫
the cooking and cleaning.
但是为什么是这样呢
But why is that?
是因为女人们天生会做饭吗
Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?
(笑声)
(Laughter)
还是因为 这么多年的熏陶使得女人把做饭当成她们的职责
Or because over years they have beensocialized to see cooking as their role?
实际上 我要说大概女人是天生做饭的料吧
Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene,
直到我记得世界上大多数知名的厨师
until I remember that the majorityof the famous cooks in the world,
我们都是称他们为“大厨”的
whom we give the fancy title of “chefs,” are men.
我过去很尊敬我的祖母
I used to look up to my grandmother who was a brilliant, brilliant woman,
然后想如果在她成长时
and wonder how she would have been
得到的机会和男人一样多 那她会有多了不起啊
if she had the same opportunitiesas men when she was growing up.
如今 女人们有更多的机会
Now today, there are many more opportunities for women
比我祖母那一辈要多得多
than there were during my grandmother’s time
因为政策变了 法律变了
because of changes in policy, changes in law, all of which are very important.
但我们的态度 我们的精神更重要
But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset,
我们关于性别的价值观
what we believe and what we value about gender.
假如我们培养孩子
What if in raising children
看重的是能力而不是性别呢
we focus on ability instead of gender?
假如我们培养孩子看重的是兴趣而不是性别呢
What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?
我认识一家人 他们有一个儿子一个女儿
I know a family who have a son and a daughter, both of whom are brilliant at school,
是很好 很可爱的孩子
who are wonderful, lovely children.
男孩饿了的时候 父母对女孩说
When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl,
“”
“Go and cook Indomie noodlesfor your brother.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
不是因为那个女孩子喜欢做印多面
Now, the daughter doesn’t particularly like to cook Indomie noodles,
但她是个女孩 她必须做
but she’s a girl, and so she has to.
现在 假如父母
Now, what if the parents, from the beginning,
教男孩和女孩做印多面 那会怎样呢
taught both the boy and the girlto cook Indomie?
顺便说下 对男孩子来说 做饭是一项很有用的技能
Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have.
我搞不明白 为什么一个人会把这么一件生存大事——
I’ve never thought it made senseto leave such a crucial thing,
把自己喂饱
the ability to nourish oneself —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
完全交到别人手上呢
in the hands of others.
(掌声)
(Applause)
我认识一个女人 她和她老公工作相同 职位也一样
I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband.
当她下班后 她还要做家务活
When they get back from work,she does most of the housework,
我认为很多婚姻也有这种实况
which I think is true for many marriages.
但令我惊讶的是
But what struck me about them
每当丈夫给小孩换尿布时
was that whenever her husbandchanged the baby’s diaper,
她会对他说“谢谢”
she said “thank you” to him.
假如她能够把男人去照顾自己骨肉
Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural
当成一件正常和自然的事情 那会怎样呢
that he should, in fact, care for his child?
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我试图改掉我之前内化的
I’m trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender
关于性别的错误观念
that I internalized when I was growing up.
但是有时候 我觉得自己不得不屈服于性别期许
But I sometimes still feel very vulnerablein the face of gender expectations.
在毕业的学校 我第一次教写作课的时候
The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school,
我很担心
I was worried.
我不是担心我要教的内容
I wasn’t worried about the material I would teach because I was well-prepared,
我要教我喜欢的内容
and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching.
相反 我担心的是我要穿什么
Instead, I was worried about what to wear.
我想穿得严肃点
I wanted to be taken seriously.
我知道因为我是女性
I knew that because I was female
我就得主动地证明我的价值
I will automatically have to prove my worth.
我担心假如我看起来太女性化了
And I was worried that if I looked too feminine,
没人会严肃对待我
I would not be taken seriously.
我当时很想擦闪亮的口红 穿女生气质的裙子
I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,
但我决定不这么做
but I decided not to.
相反 我穿了一件很严肃
Instead, I wore a very serious,
很男性很丑的套装
very manly and very ugly suit.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
因为一个可悲的事实是 当谈到如何穿着才能显得庄重时
Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance
我们总是把男性的穿着当做标准
we start off with men as the standard, as the norm.
当一个男人准备参加一场工作会议时
If a man is getting ready for a business meeting,
他不必担心会因为看起来太过男性化
he doesn’t worry about looking too masculine
而被认为不够专业和正式
and therefore not being taken for granted.
如果一个女人准备参加一场工作会议的时候
If a woman has to get ready for business meeting,
她就必须担心因为太过女性化
she has to worry about looking too feminine
而得不到严肃的对待
and what it says and whether or notshe will be taken seriously.
我后悔穿了那套丑陋的套装
I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day.
顺便提一下 那套套装已经被我打入冷宫了
I’ve actually banished it from my closet, by the way.
假如当时我能有现在这样的自信
Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself,
我的学生能从我的课上学到得更多
my students would have benefitedeven more from my teaching,
因为我能更自如地
because I would have been more comfortable and more fully and more truly myself.
我选择不再为我的女性特征
I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness
女子本性而抱歉
and for my femininity.
(掌声)
(Applause)
我想要我的女性气质得到尊重
And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness
因为这是我应得的
because I deserve to be.
性别不是一个很简单的话题
Gender is not an easy conversation to have.
对男对女都一样
For both men and women,
一说起性别 有时候马上就会面临阻力
to bring up gender is sometimesto encounter almost immediate resistance.
我可以想象 你们中的某些人会想
I can imagine some people hereare actually thinking,
“女人值得被尊敬”
“Women do deserve.”
而有些人又会这么想
Some of the men here might be thinking,
“好 所有这些都很有趣
“OK, all of this is interesting,
但我不这么认为”
but I don’t think like that.”
这就是问题的一部分
And that is part of the problem.
很多男人对性别这个话题不积极
That many men do not actively think about gender or notice gender
是性别问题中的一部分
is part of the problem of gender.
很多男人 像是我的朋友路易斯
That many men, say, like my friend Louis,
现在好多了
that everything is fine now.
很多男人都无动于衷
And that many men do nothing to change it.
如果你是个男人 和一个女人走进旅馆
If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman
服务员只向你问好
and the waiter greets only you,
你会问服务员
does it occur to you to ask the waiter,
“为什么你不向她问好吗”
“Why haven’t you greeted her?”
因为性别是——
Because gender can be —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
事实上 我们可以稍后再做讨论
Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk.
因为一谈到性别 人们会不舒服
So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have,
有很简单的方式来结束这个话题
there are very easy ways to close it,to close the conversation.
一些人会聊到进化生物学和猩猩
So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes,
你知道 雌性猩猩向雄性猩猩鞠躬
how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes and that sort of thing.
重点是我们不是猩猩
But the point is we’re not apes.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
猩猩生活在树上 早餐吃的是蚯蚓
Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast,
而我们不这样
and we don’t.
有些人就会说:“穷人会这么做呢”
Some people will say, “well, poor men also have a hard time.”
是真的
And this is true.
但这不是——
But that is not what this —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但这无关这个话题
But this is not what this conversation is about.
性别歧视和阶级是不同形式的压迫
Gender and class are different forms of oppression.
事实上 我意识到一些关于压迫的制度
I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression
在和男性黑人讨论的时候
and how they can be blind to one another by talking to black men.
我曾对一个黑人聊过性别
I was once talking to a black man about gender and he said to me,
“为什么你要说‘我当女人的经历’呢
“Why do you have to say ‘my experience as a woman’?
为什么不是
Why can’t it be ‘your experience as a human being’?”
就是这个人
Now, this was the same man
经常把“我作为一个黑人”挂在嘴边
who would often talk about his experience as a black man.
由于性别
Gender matters.
男女有不同的社会体验
Men and women experience the world differently.
性别影响社会怎么对待我们
Gender colors the way we experience the world.
但我们可以改变
But we can change that.
有一些人会说
Some people will say,
“噢 但是女人有实权
“Oh, but women have the real power,
性势力
bottom power.”
性势力是尼日利亚特有的说法
And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression
它指的是一个女人
which I suppose means something like a woman
通过“性”从男人那里得来好处
who uses her sexuality to get favors from men.
但 性势力根本不是势力
But bottom power is not power at all.
性势力是指一个女人
Bottom power means that a woman
有机会能接近
simply has a good root to tap into,from time to time — somebody else’s power.
而且 她还得担心她所跟的那个人
And then, of course, we have to wonder
是不是心情好
what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood,
生病 或性无能
or sick or impotent.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
有些人会说一个女人依附于一个男人 这才是我们的文化
Some people will say that a womanbeing subordinate to a man is our culture.
但文化是不断改变的
But culture is constantly changing.
我有一对很漂亮的双胞胎侄女 她们十五岁 住在拉各斯
I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos.
如果她们出生在一百年前
If they had been born a hundred years ago
她们可能会被拿掉或杀死
they would have been taken away and killed.
因为那是我们的文化 杀掉双胞胎是我们的文化
Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.
所以文化到底是什么
So what is the point of culture?
我意思是这只是装饰
I mean there’s the decorative, the dancing …
但其实文化是人的保存和延续
but also, culture really is aboutpreservation and continuity of a people.
在我家族里
In my family,
我是对我们是谁的故事最感兴趣的小孩
I am the child who is most interestedin the story of who we are,
在我们的传统里
in our traditions, in the knowledge about ancestral lands.
我的兄弟们都不像我那么感兴趣
My brothers are not as interested as I am.
但我不能参与
But I cannot participate,
我不能参加Ona活动
I cannot go to Ona meetings,
我没办法说出来
I cannot have a say.
因为我是女人
Because I’m female.
文化不生成人
Culture does not make people, people make culture.
所以如果这是真的
So if it is in fact true —
(掌声)
(Applause)
所以如果这是真的
So if it is in fact true
女性的完整人权不是我们文化的一部分
that the full humanity of womenis not our culture,
我们必须让它变成我们的文化
then we must make it our culture.
我经常想起我的好朋友欧卡拉玛·玛都威斯
I think very often of my dear friend,Okoloma Maduewesi.
愿他和其他在那次坠毁中葬身的
May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash continue to rest in peace.
他会被我们这些爱他的人永远记住
He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him.
很多年前他叫我女权主义者 那时候他是正确的
And he was right that day many years agowhen he called me a feminist.
我是一位女权主义者
I am a feminist.
我在字典查这个词的那一天
And when I looked up the wordin the dictionary that day,
字典的解释为:
this is what it said:
“女权主义者:是一个相信社会
“Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political
政治和经济都不歧视任何人的人”
and economic equality of the sexes.”
我故事中说的我的祖母
My great grandmother, from the stories I’ve heard, was a feminist.
她为了躲避包办婚姻而离家
She ran away from the house of the manshe did not want to marry
最后她和自己选择的人结婚
and ended up marrying the man of her choice.
每当她觉得她受到不公待遇 被剥夺了土地的权利等
She refused, she protested, she spoke up
她都会反抗 示威和直言
whenever she felt she was being deprivedof access, of land, that sort of thing.
我的祖母不知道“女性主义者”这个词
My great grandmotherdid not know that word “feminist,”
但并不意味着她不是一个女性主义者
but it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t one.
更多人应该标榜自己是女性主义者
More of us should reclaim that word.
我对女权主义者的解读为:
My own definition of feminist is:
“无论男女
“A feminist is a man or a woman who says —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
无论男女 只要说:
A feminist is a man or a woman who says,
“是的 今天也存在性别问题 我们必须修正它们
“Yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today,
我们要做的更好”
and we must fix it.
那他/她就是女权主义者
We must do better.”
我认识的最好的女权主义者
The best feminist I know is my brother Kene.
他很善良 长得很好看 也很可爱
He’s also a kind, good-looking, lovely man,
他很有男子气概
and he’s very masculine.
谢谢
Thank you.
(掌声)
(Applause)

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视频概述

尼日利亚女作家的呼吁:我们都应当是女权主义者

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

李门牙😄

审核员

Y

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6ufvYWTqQ0

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