杰罗姆 我们开机了 哎！新人
Jerome, we’re live.Amateur.
Here are True Facts about the Lemur.
The ringtail lemur,
Seen here basking its nitzels in the sun,
is one of roughly 100 species of lemur,
the endangered primitive primate that lives on the island of Madagascar.
杰罗姆 你得认真点 我不会再提醒你了
Jerome, you have to take this seriously. I’m not gonna ask again.
Ringtails are highly social living in troupes of up to 30 individuals.
Females are dominant and they are the same size as the submissive males.
The hormones regulating increased female aggression
also lead to enlarged genitals
then it can be hard to tell them apart.
This for example is a female.
这只可能也是……哦 不 这是只雄性
While this one could be either… oop, no, no, that’s a male.
In order to stay connected, lemurs participate in social grooming.
相信我 如果你和你的室友这么做了 你们的关系也将更加亲密
Trust me, if you did this with your roommates, you’d be closer too.
It’s like picking a piece of lint off your roommate’s sweater,
except you’re both naked and you’re using your tongue.
With all this grooming going on,
lemurs have evolved a kind of Swiss Army vanity kit.
They have a comb made out of their frigging teeth.
They also have an elongated nail referred to as a toilet claw,
which sounds like something Wolverine would be admitted to the hospital for.
In fairness, the word toilet used to mean washing up or getting dressed,
not a hole to
The word toilet is not happy about that.
He gets teased at cocktail parties.
Words like taffeta and bouillabaisse make jokes like”have you seen what toilet is wearing?”
“Was it a steaming pile of
然后它们都笑了 这非常不好 我跑题了
Then they both laugh, which isn’t nice. I digress.
One of the greatest benefits of being a wild animal is of course free pooping.
Some lemurs though are not true free poopers
instead choosing a very unhappy tree as a communal latrine.
Lemurs are among the most vocal of the primates.
The indri lemur, for example, can’t seem to shut up,
and sounds a bit like when you squeak fart by pulling apart the butthole of a birthday balloon.
Told you. Lemurs also communicate through colons
that they make themselves in scent producing glands.
For example brenda is saying that she really likes this little tree.
This is Brenda’s little tree now.
When female ringtails are receptive to mating
males compete in something called a stink fight.
They rub their tails over a variety of scent glands on their genital regions their wrists and their chest.
This arms the tail with an odor which like a fraternity brother cup wafting a fart
they send in their competitors general direction.
Listen this works
If you’re at a bar, take your hand
and mix the smells from your rear bubbus, your front stank and your two pitzels.
then wave it at someone.
Ten bucks says they leave.
Ringtails spend a lot of time on the ground,
and from a young age learn to walk aand run fairly gracefully.
The Sifaka, on the other hand… do we have a better angle?
This is like a post on a private Instagram account called Brown Eyed Eral
Well, that’s not much better.
Sifakas spend most of their lives in trees and are very impressive jumpers.
They are even comfortable on the octopus tree, a tree covered in spiky thorns.
Which is evolutions way of saying don’t
Sifaka don’t give a
On the ground though the sifaka is not so elegant.
Sort of an airline passenger with urgent diarrhea
trying to squeeze past the drink cart kind of walking.
The Indri also spends most of its time in the trees.
It is even figured out how to build nests like birds.
The Indri predominantly eats leaves like this one
who looks like he just realized that the little piggy who went to the market wasn’t going on a shopping trip.
Thank you, Reddit.
The ringtail will also eat the occasional insect like a cicada or locusts when they swarm.
Imagine that… food just flying around like if a tornado hit a flaming hot cheeto factory.
Some lemurs will eat poisonous millipedes
biting them and then rubbing the anti-parasitic poison on their genitals.
是谁想出来的 它要么是个天才 要么是个白痴
Whoever figured that out was a genius or an idiot.
Many lemurs eat fruits and are primary seed dispersers in Madagascar,
which means that for many plants the circle of life includes a section inside the lemurs butthole.
The bamboo lemur eats bamboo
not named by the most creative person, probably named his cat Cat Food Cat.
The mouse lemur, which is amazing,
gently sips the nectar from the flowers of the bottle baobab tree.
They may be cute but they are extremely dangerous
to the dumbest and slowest of the insects.
Seriously, bugs are embarrassed when their friends are eaten by a mouse lemur.
事实证明 狐猴很可爱 尤其是狐猴宝宝
Let’s face it. Lemurs are cute, especially the babies.
And I’m not blowing smoke up their
I don’t even know why I would.
Someone must have done it at some point for the phrase to exist.
Let’s pretend we were dragons!
I have an idea!
Lemurs are adorable but they are going extinct.
Don’t let these lemur babies wind up in an empty white room
clutching a facsimile of another endangered animal.
The Duke Lemur Center allows you to symbolically adopt a lemur,
towards their conservation efforts.
You never know. We might be endangered someday,
and then we’ll want the lemurs giving to the Duke Human Center.
Not nearly as cute and we’re gonna need all the help we can get.
This looks like it’s from an Instagram account named Butt Circus,
Big Bird and Staff Love Your Butt’s
Turds Eye View
Totally Eclipse of the Bum
Friday Makeup Tips and Buttholes
杰罗姆 我们开机了 哎！新人