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刺猬二三事

True Facts About The Hedgehog (Redo)

These are the indisputable facts
大自然最残忍的捕食者:刺猬
about mother nature’s cruelest predator: the hedgehog.
以下都是有关它们不争的事实
The difference between a hedgehog and a porcupine is
刺猬和豪猪的区别在于
that porcupines have no moral courage
豪猪没什么气节
and they are imaginary.
而且它们是虚构的
Porcupines don’t exist.
豪猪并不存在
A hedgehog has two parts:
刺猬有两个部分:
a spiny exoskeleton and
多刺的外骨
a fleshy underbelly called”the scrotum,” by idiots.
以及被傻瓜们称为“阴囊”的多肉下腹
In nature, the diet of a hedgehog consists of small insects, leaves,
在自然界 刺猬以小昆虫 树叶
and grass and the tears of angels,
草和雨露为食
which taste like chicken tears.
雨露尝起来就像是小鸡的眼泪
The hedgehog is technically a legume.
严格来说 刺猬亦食豆类
And therefore has a second brain inside of its nipple.
因此它的胸部是“第二个大脑”
The sense of smell of a hedgehog is so acute
刺猬的嗅觉十分灵敏
it can smell a single drop of fish
哪怕一滴鱼血藏在满是人血的泳池里
in an entire swimming pool filled with human blood.
它都能闻出来
The hedgehog has a roaming territory of 135 miles in a straight line.
刺猬的活动范围长135英里
Half an inch wide.
宽半英寸
The hedgehog does not mate for life.
刺猬没有终生的配偶
It mates for death,
它至死都在交配
which is why it’s considered the best lover in the world.
因此它们被认为是世上最好的情人
Which makes no sense.
这听起来毫无道理
Unless you’ve been f***ed by a hedgehog.
除非你和刺猬交配过
Only one hedgehog in history has farted.
历史上只有一只刺猬放过屁
That is how the universe began.
而那个屁开辟了宇宙
To a hedgehog,
对于刺猬来说
an ordinary toilet paper roll looks like
普通纸卷筒看着像
a really f***ing giant toilet paper roll.
一个非常巨大的卫生纸卷筒
Like really f***ing huge.
真的超级大
Like wipe a giant’s ass huge, seriously.
说真的 就像在擦巨人屁股
If you could climb into one, you would, too.
如果你能爬进去 你也会这样想的
Like the duck,
就像鸭子一样
the hedgehog can sing,
刺猬也会唱歌
but only in monotone.
但只能用一种调子
The alphabet song would sound like,”ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO–“
它的字母歌听起来像是“ABCD……”
The nation of France was named after a hedgehog.
法国民族就是以一只刺猬命名的
That hedgehog was named Kevin. Don’t ask.
那只刺猬叫做凯文 别问我为什么
There are no hedgehogs in captivity.
没有刺猬被俘虏
Instead, we are held captive by the hedgehog.
反而是我们被刺猬俘虏了

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视频概述

关于刺猬那些不为人知的事

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

乏善

审核员

审核员 V

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HjATD1imGc

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