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什么是有毒的积极性?一直保持积极乐观的危害

Toxic Positivity: The Reality of Suppressing Emotions

How do you know where to draw the line
我们怎么才能知道有毒的积极性
between toxic positivity and affirming self-talk?
和肯定的自我对话之间如何划界限
That’s what I’m talking about today.
这就是我今天要讨论的
I’m Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist
我是Tracey Marks博士 一名精神病科医生
and I make mental health education videos.
我在录制心理健康教育视频
Today’s video is based on our viewer question
今天的视频是根据一位叫Anandu的观众
from Anandu, who says,
提出的一个问题 他说
“Can you do a video on negative power
“你能做一期关于有毒的假积极性
“of fake and toxic positivity and overdose motivation?”
和动机过剩引起的负能量的视频吗?”
Thanks Anandu for your question.
谢谢Anandu的问题
An emotionally healthy state is one in which
一个健康的情绪状态是
you can experience and express a full range of emotions
你可以体验和表达各种情绪的状态
from happy to sad, to mad, to fearful.
不管是开心 伤心 还是生气或是恐惧
If you get stuck on one and eliminate others,
如果你被困在一种情绪里没有了其他情绪
you’re not whole.
那你就不完整了
Happy and positive thoughts feel good,
快乐和积极的想法让你感觉很好
but it’s not the only emotion you have.
但它不是你唯一的情绪
We naturally want to eliminate negative emotions.
我们自然希望消除负面情绪
And because of this, many people can grow up having
正因为如此 许多人在成长过程中
trouble owning negative emotions,
都难以体验到消极情绪
and can feel guilty about having them.
而且还会为此感到愧疚
This guilt and shame over being negative
负面情绪带来的内疚和羞耻感
can lead to toxic positivity.
会导致有毒的积极性
We can define toxic positivity as rejecting
我们可以把有毒的积极性定义为
or dismissing negative emotions
拒绝或者忽略消极的情绪
and replacing them with false reassurances.
并用虚假无效的安慰来取而代之
You excessively focus on the good side of things
你过分地关注事物好的一面
and fail to appreciate the true feeling that the person is experiencing.
而无法感受到自己正在经历的真实感受
Here’s how toxic positivity can affect the way you think
以下是有毒的积极性如何影响你的思考方式
or the way you interact with others.
或者与他人交流的方式
First, here’s how it can affect you.
首先 是它如何影响你
You can avoid talking about, or even
你会避免谈论它们
thinking about uncomfortable feelings.
甚至逃避思考让你不舒服的感觉
You feel guilty when you experience negative emotions like anger.
当你经历负面情绪 比如愤怒时会自责
When bad things happen you only acknowledge
当发生不好的事情
the positive aspects of the situation,
你只承认事情的积极面
and you admire people who are always positive
同时你欣赏总是积极向上的人
and you aspire to be like them.
而且渴望自己能像他们一样
Here’s some of the things that you can say to others.
以下是一些你会对他人说的话
“No worries.”
“别担心”
“Look on the bright side.”
“往好的一面看”
“It could be much worse.”
“这算什么 本来还要更糟糕呢”
You can tell someone that who has suffered a tragedy,
你会告诉经历苦难的人
“Everything happens for a reason”.
“每件事的发生都有原因”
Toxic positivity can be damaging on several levels.
有毒的积极性会在几个层面上造成伤害
It damages relationships when you invalidate someone’s feelings,
当你否定他人的情感时它会损害人际关系
it also can make the person that you’re speaking with
它也会让与你交谈的人
feel like they can’t relate to you.
感到他们无法与你建立联系
If it’s someone who needs your emotional support,
如果对方需要你的情感支持
like a child or a loved one,
比如你的孩子或者爱人
it can make them feel even worse about themselves
当他们没能像你期望的那样
when they can’t dismiss the negative thoughts like you expect them to.
消除消极思想时 他们会感到更糟糕
As for the effect on yourself,
至于对于你自己的影响
believing that you’re not allowed to think negatively
认为自己不能消极地思考
causing those emotions to show themselves in other ways
会导致那些情绪通过其他方式表现出来
like becoming anxious or depressed.
比如变得焦虑和抑郁
Thought stopping is a therapy technique based on
思维阻断疗法是一种基于
the psychological defense mechanism of suppression.
压抑心理防御机制的心理疗法
With thought stopping you intentionally
通过阻断思维你会有意地
cast aside negative thoughts
抛开消极想法
and replace those thoughts with something positive.
并用一些积极的想法来代替
It turns out that the act of not trying to think about something
事实证明 不去尝试思考某件事的行为
makes you think about it even more.
会让你更加地在意它
Also stuffing negative feelings sends the message
同时 填充消极情绪会传递这样一个信息
that the negative feelings are not okay to have
即消极情绪是不好的
and you need to act as though they don’t exist.
你需要表现得好像它们不存在一样
When you can’t stop thinking that way, you feel worse about yourself.
当你无法停止那样想时你的自我感觉更糟糕
So thought stopping has fallen out of favor
所以 思维阻断疗法已经不再是
as a go-to coping strategy.
一种常用的应对策略
By the way,
顺便一说
suppression is different from the defense mechanism of repression.
抑制与压抑的防御机制不同
Suppression is intentionally blocking unwanted thoughts.
抑制是指有意识地遏制不想要的想法
Repression is where you unconsciously block unacceptable
压抑是指作为一种应对机制
thoughts as a coping mechanism.
对无法接受的想法无意识产生的遏制
You’re not aware of and don’t accept the thought that you’re blocking.
你没有意识到也不接受你想遏制的想法
For example, let’s say I mistakenly call my husband by his brother’s name.
比如我错误地把我老公叫成了他哥哥
I make that slip because I have a repressed romantic desire
我嘴瓢是因为我对他哥哥有一种被压抑的浪漫渴望
for his brother and wish he were my husband.
希望他哥哥是我的老公
I would never admit this or even believe that it’s true,
我永远不会承认 甚至信以为真
because that desire is so wrong to me
因为这种渴望对我来说是非常错误的
that my mind blocks it from my awareness
所以我的大脑会阻止它进入我的意识
until the thoughts pop into my dreams.
直到这种想法出现在我的梦中
But I digress.
额 我跑题了
How do you break through this tendency
那么要如何打破这种
to use excessive positivity either with yourself or with others?
对自己或对他人过度积极的倾向呢?
Here are two approaches.
有两种方法
Number one is employee self-compassion and acceptance for yourself.
第一 是自我同情和自我接纳
Stress and pain are part of the human experience
压力和痛苦是人生的一部分
and we must come to terms with this.
我们必须接受这个事实
Coming to terms is allowing yourself to experience the negativity.
妥协是允许自己去体验消极
One way to do this is a technique called Affective Labeling.
另一种方法叫做情感标记
Affective Labeling is simply naming the emotion that you’re experiencing at the time.
情感标记即简单地说出你当时经历的情绪
If it’s your nature to avoid feelings or avoid negative feelings,
如果你的天性想逃避感受或者消极的感受
you’ll want to put it out of your mind.
你会想把它从脑海中去除
But research shows that attaching a label or a name to how you feel
但研究表明 给你的感受贴上标签或名字
makes it feel more real
会让你感觉更真实
and lessens the threat of the emotion.
并减少这种情绪的威胁
It’s like it pops the balloon.
就像把气球弄破一样
Once you label the emotion,
一旦你给情绪贴上标签
you have to give yourself permission to be in this state.
你必须允许自己处于这种状态
And this isn’t to say that you should live here forever.
这并不是说你应该永远那样
There comes a time to shift your mindset to something more adaptive.
总会有一天你会改变心态让它更有适应性
The way you make that shift is to focus on resilience.
转变的方法要专注于心理弹性
Resilience is adapting to your circumstance in the face of adversity.
心理弹性是在面对逆境时适应环境的能力
So you persevere, despite the adversity.
所以 尽管有逆境 你还是坚持下来了
And persevering doesn’t mean you pretend to enjoy it,
坚持并不意味着你假装喜欢它
you just accept it and work through it.
你只需要接受它并努力克服它
Also remember the negative and positive emotions are not mutually exclusive.
同时还要记住消极和积极情绪是不矛盾的
You can experience them both simultaneously.
你可以同时体验它们
You can be angry that you didn’t get a promotion
你可以因为没有得到晋升而生气
while you still enjoy your job.
但你可以仍然喜欢你的工作
So that’s the first approach that focuses on you
这就是第一种方法 通过自我同情
with self-compassion and acceptance.
和自我接纳来关注你自己
The second approach is to focus on others
第二个方法是通过表现出同理心
by showing empathy and validation.
和认可来关注他人
You want to allow the other person to express their true feelings,
你需要允许对方去表达他们的真实感受
instead of trying to get them to see the positive,
而不是试图让他们看到积极的一面
show interest in what they’re going through,
对他们正在经历的事表现出兴趣
ask questions, offer help.
提问问题 提供帮助
So instead of saying, “Look on the bright side”.
所以与其说“往好的一面看”
Say things like, “I’m sorry you’re going through this.
不如这样说”我很抱歉你正经历的这些”
“That sounds really difficult.
“那听起来确实很困难啊”
“How are you doing?”
“你还好吗?”
You could even say, “I wish I knew what to say”.
你甚至可以说“真希望我知道说点什么”
That tells the person that you’re not trying to give the perfect response.
这告诉对方你并没有试图给出完美的回应
You’re just there to listen.
你只是在那里倾听
They may even say, “You don’t need to say anything.
他们甚至会说“你什么都不用说 ”
“I just wanted someone to talk to.”
“我只是想找个人说说话”
Then you can follow up with,
然后你可以接着说
“Let me know if I can help.”
“如果我能帮上忙就告诉我”
These kinds of statements feel accepting and validating
这些话会让人感觉被接受和认可
because they don’t dismiss the person’s feelings
因为这些话并没有忽视对方的感受
as if their feelings are wrong or unjustified.
就好像他们的感受是错误或者不合理的
You may say what if the person is always complaining about something?
你可能会说 如果对方总在抱怨怎么办?
Well, if the person is your friend,
如果这个人是你的朋友
you can still meet them where they are.
你仍然会在他们在的地方见到他们
If they’re not asking for your opinion,
如果他们不是在问你的意见
your role is just to empathize.
那你就只需与对方共情
You’re not there to be their therapist
你不是来当他们的心理医生
or help them advance to a better place.
或者帮助他们变得更好的
The person isn’t going to see the light just because you cut them off with a positive statement.
对方不会因你说了句积极的话就看到光明
The person has to be open and wanting to change the way
这个人必须是开放的而且想要改变
because they see the need for that kind of change.
因为他们看见了这种改变的必要性
If the person says,
如果对方说
“I wish I could see things more positively
“我希望我能更积极地看待事物”
“and I hate being negative”,
“而且我讨厌消极”
then we have a different situation.
那情况就不一样了
Have them watch this video
让他们看这个视频
on finding meaning by doing things that you value,
通过做自己认为有价值的事情以及观看本期
and this one on processing negative emotions.
有关应对消极情绪的视频找到人生的价值
Thanks for watching.
谢谢您的观看
See you next time.
我们下次再见

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视频概述

什么是有毒的积极性?它的意思是,无论发生什么事,你都必须永远积极快乐。如果你不能这样,那你肯定有问题。这段视频将深入探讨这种心态是如何造成更多的伤害而不是好处的,以及我们应该如何正确应对呢?

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

白灿灿

审核员

审核员CF

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_6N9pnj5Ek

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