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厕所,领结,性别与我

Toilets, bowties, gender and me | Audrey Mason-Hyde | TEDxAdelaide

见到我第一面 你脑海里的第一个念头什么呢?
I wonder what you first thinkwhen you see me.
很可能与我的卷发有关吧 人们总是关注到这个
Perhaps it’s something about my curls -people often mention them.
或者“多么衣冠楚楚的小伙子呀”
Or”What a dapper little man.”
依我所见 人们通常做的第一件事
In my experience,one of the first things people do
就是猜测我是个男孩 或者拿不准……
is assume I’m a boy or aren’t sure
我是男是女
whether I’m a girl or a boy.
我们总是这样
We do this to everyone.
从一个人的外观推断他们的性别
We assume what gender someone is,based on how they look,
一旦我们拿不准 我们就会感到困惑
and if we can’t tell, we get confused.
我用 “我们” 这个词 因为我也难免这样 天性如此
I say”we” because I do it too.It’s ingrained.
我们的第一个念头几乎是无意识的
Our first decision and mostly unconscious.
但为什么呢?好了
But why? Well,
我叫Audrey 从生理角度讲 我是个女孩
I’m Audrey, and if we are talking biology, I’m female.
但实际的体会则要复杂得多
But I feel it’s more complex than that.
首先 我们来看看我的穿衣风格
For an entry point,let’s look at my style.
你们也看到了 我风格独特
As you can probably see,I have a unique style,
但我并不是生下来就穿正装 戴领结 还穿带有火烈鸟图案的袜子的
but I wasn’t born wearing suits,bow ties, and flamingo socks.
我的着装风格总是发展和变化的 并且还将持续下去
My style had to evolve,and it will keep evolving,
这让我对自己不断变化的性别认知有了一些了解
and I think it gives some insight into my changing experience of gender.
这是我学龄前的一张照片
Here’s a photo of mebefore I started school,
穿着星球大战的上衣 裙子和运动鞋
wearing a Star Wars top,a skirt, and sneakers,
像是向全世界展示我是个女孩纸
demonstrating to the worldthat I’m a girl!
毕竟女孩子才穿裙子嘛
It’s the skirt, right?
那是常识
We all know that sign.
在那个年纪
So at this age,
我并不太在意我穿着什么
I was just a girl who didn’t care much about what I wore.
实用多样就行
It was functional and varied.
但当我到了5岁开始去上学后
This all took a different turn when I hit the age
这一切都有了不同
of five and started school.
刚开学的时候 有一天
I remember one of my first days at school,
我正在女厕所里
and I was in the girls’ toilet
有两个女孩从我旁边经过说
when two girls I knew came near meand said,
“看 这儿有个男孩!”
“Look, there’s a boy in here.”
我回头一看 鬼都没有啊
I looked over my shoulder,but there was no one there.
我问她们 哪儿呢?
So I asked them,”Where?”
然后我才意识到 她们说的男孩就是我
I realized they meant me.
我十分震惊
I was really shocked,
以前身边的人都是熟人 这种误会从来没有发生过
as I’d only been around people who knew and understood me.
我非常沮丧 感觉自己格格不入 后来
I felt upset and alienated. Eventually,
在公共厕所也开始有人把我认成男孩儿
this misrecognition started happeningin public bathrooms as well,
这些大人们猜测我的性别
with adults assuming my gender. Often,
她们常会问我“你怎么在这儿?”
I would get things like”Why are you in here?”
或者更直接地说“你进错厕所了”
or”Wrong bathroom.”
导致我之后去公共厕所时都会犹豫不决
This eventually lead to me being hesitant and tentative
不过多数情况下
about even going to the bathroom in public. Mostly,
人们并不会真正说什么
people didn’t actuallysay anything at all.
他们只是盯着我看
They just stared at me.
但这样更让人难受
This felt, and feels, worse.
在学校里 这种情况发生的就更加频繁了
At school, this happenedincreasingly often,
学校里的许多人
but while many people in that situation
都开始打扮的更加女性化
might have started dressingmore typically female,
她们穿上了裙子 留上了长发 或戴着蝴蝶结
in dresses, with long hair, or bows,
我的外观却越来越男性化
I became more and moremasculine presenting,
穿着大家认为的男孩儿才穿的衣服
wearing what we considerto be boys’ clothes
但是我觉得只有穿上男装 我才是我
because in them I feltmost authentically myself.
所以对于男装这事儿 我态度一度十分坚决
I was pretty adamantabout just wearing male things.
我绝不穿粉色 甚至紫色
What that meant to mewas no pink, or even purple,
也绝不穿裙子 还有任何带有亮片或花边的衣服
or any form of dress, skirt,or even glitter and frills.
当时我不认为我是个男孩儿
I didn’t think of myself as a boy,
但任何女性化的东西都使我感到不适
but anything that was identified as femalefelt uncomfortable to me.
我接受了“假小子”的标签
I adopted the label of”tomboy,”
当一个穿着男装 玩着男孩儿玩具的女孩儿
which meant a girl who wore boy clothes and played with boys’ toys.
对我来说 这就避免了不必要的冲突
To me, this avoided conflict.
假小子不还是挺常见的嘛
Tomboys are common, right?
“假小子”被认为只是某一个阶段的事情 好像长大了自然而然就会不一样似的
They’re even considered a stage – as though we’ll grow out of it.
我从不穿裙子 我父母也没有反对的意思
My parents never fought my insistenceon avoiding dresses.
他们允许我自己做主
They allowed me to choose what I wore
他们知道 那并不会影响我是谁
because they believed it had no bearing on who I was.
我开始穿着衬衫 系着领结去参加任何正式一些的活动
I started wearing shirts and bow ties to any slightly formal event.
这张照片呢
Here’s a photo of me
是我6年前 系着用纸片做成的领结
at six wearing a bow tie I made out of paper
因为爸爸丝织的那条被他自己系上了
because Dad was wearing his fabric one.
关于我怎么上厕所的问题
As for my experience in bathrooms,
我也想过办法去解决
I tried to avoid the problem
比如等到人们离开了过后再进去
by waiting until people leftbefore I went in
以免陷入一个尴尬的境地
because otherwise, I’d feel trapped.
直到我满了九岁
Until about the age of nine,
一旦有人错把我当成了男生
when someone mistook me for a boy,
我会坦然地告诉他 我是个女生
I would reply comfortably that I’m a girl.
但后来 感觉又不怎么对了
But eventually, it stopped feeling right;
我并没有变得越来越自信 而是相反
instead of gaining confidencethe more it happened, I lost it.
“女孩”感觉不对 但“男孩”同样觉得不对劲
“Girl” didn’t feel right,but”boy” didn’t feel correct either. So,
我要怎样?
what did I want?
恐怕当时我也并不知道
I’m not sure I really knew at the time.
我的朋友们开始越来越喜欢体育活动
My friends started gettingmore and more into sports,
但我从不运动 我是个书呆子
but I was never sporty, I was a bookworm.
如果我是个男生
If I were a boy,
人们大概会说我是个感性的人
people would probably have said I was a sensitive one.
但对一个女生 他们从来不会这么说
They don’t tend to usethat term as much for girls,
这正是人们认为一个女生应该有的样子
because it’s what’s expected.
于是我开始和一群女孩儿混
So I started hanging outwith a group of girls.
然而这并没有真正改变我的风格偏向 倒是对“假小子”这个词
This didn’t really alter my style,more my attitude to the word”tomboy,”
我变得越来越反感了
which I grew to dislike.
这时候 我开始意识到 我仍然可以是一个女生
I started to realizeI could still be a girl
同时打扮成典型的男性风格
and wear typically male things.
在我眼里 我还是个女孩
In my mind, I was still a girl
因为我觉得我不是个男孩儿
because I didn’t feel like a boy.
八岁那年
At the age of eight,
我和我的父母,还有电影《52个星期二》的演员
I traveled with my parentsand the cast of our film,”52 Tuesdays,”
一起去了柏林国际电影节
to the Berlin International Film Festival.
《52个星期二》讲述了一个母亲 从女性到男性的转变
“52 Tuesdays” was partly about a momtransitioning from female to male.
可以想象 你们或许会说
I image some of you are thinking,”Oh, no!
哦原来Audrey对性别的困惑是从自己父母的电影里来的
Audrey just got this gender confusionfrom her parents film making.”
但我的疑惑早于他们开始构思这部电影
But this gender questioning happenedbefore they started considering it,
他们还说 与其说他们教我 不如说是我教他们的
and they say I’ve taught them as much about this as they’ve taught me. Anyway,
在柏林 我遇到了Bart
in Berlin, I met Bart.
他穿着一双黑色的粗呢靴子
Bart wore drapy black materials, high heeled boots,
涂着指甲油 还描了眼线
nail polish, and eyeliner,
但他的着装没有打扮成女性的样子
but he wasn’t dressed as a woman.
这向我证明了一件事
This demonstrated to me
那就是我也可以有我自己的风格 张扬 中性
that I could be flamboyant and androgynous with my style,
我喜欢领结但 并不意味着我要排斥一切女性化的东西
that my love of bow ties didn’t need to exclude anything traditionally female.
那一年
That year, when the film
这部电影荣获了水晶熊奖
won the Crystal Bear Youth Jury Award,
我描着眼线 涂着指甲油走上了红地毯
I took to the red carpetin eyeliner and nail polish.
这就是我当晚的照片 注意领结哟
Here’s a photo of me that night.Note the bow tie.
我开始把性别视作一种会变化的东西
I started to think of genderas something more dynamic.
性别不是指你的生殖器
Gender was not your genitals or
也不是你的穿着或行为
even what you wore or acted like,
因为也许性别并不是一成不变的
and maybe it wasn’t fixed.
接下来 我要花点儿时间问你们一个问题
I’m going to take a second to pose a question to you.
我是男孩还是女孩 这为何与你们有关呢?
Why does it matter to you whether I am a boy or a girl?
如果你觉得并没有什么关系
And if you think it doesn’t,
那我真的要请你停下来 好好想一想
I’m going to really ask you to stop and think.
你们有没有遇见过你确定不了性别的人?
Have you ever come across someone whose gender you just can’t place?
你想知道到底是男是女吗?
Have you wanted to know,
即使你并不真的在乎
even if you don’t care either way,
你想不想知道呢?
have you wanted to know what they are?
如果你说 “我不知道也没啥问题”
For those of you who say,”No, I’m totally comfortable not knowing,
“当我提及他们时 我不用他或者她就行了”
I don’t use’he’ or’she’when talking about them,
“我就把他们当作一个……人类来对待 没有性别”
I just treat them as a humanwithout any gender identifiers.” Well,
但这非常难做到
that’s impressive. It’s hard to do.
你可以尝试着不用性别词汇 去和别人交流试试看
Just try and talk about someone for a minute without using gender terms.
你会发现这太难受了
It’s really difficult.
”这是Audrey
This is Audrey.
Audrey……
Audrey is a… …
是一个没有被划分成任何性别的年轻人
young person who doesn’tidentify as any gender.
Audrey喜欢故事 故事们喜欢写作”
Audrey writes storiesand they love writing.
Audrey喜欢写作 抱歉说错了
Audrey loves writing -not the stories love writing.
哎呀
Oops.
这样说话 说的人累 听的人也很累
It’s hard for all of us.
在我看来 我们想知道一个人的性别 这是语言习惯使然
We want to know because of our language and, also, in my experience,
当然 还因为人们对待男性的方式有别于女性 不管是大人还是小孩儿
it’s because we treat men and boys differently to women and girls.
所以人们希望通过知道性别而正确的对待一个人
And we want to know how to treat them.
有时候 我很庆幸被误认为是一个男生
Sometimes I’m gladthat people mistake me for a boy
正是这样 我才得以和他们进行真正的交流
because I get to havereal conversations with people.
他们会问我一些关于未来的问题
They ask me about my future,
然后我告诉他们我想要做什么
and we talk about about what I want to do. Often,
而一旦他们知道了我不是一个男生
when they find out I’m not a boy,
他们就会不知道怎样去面对
they don’t know how to treat me.
我的朋友们 她们表现出了更多的女性特征
My friends, who showmore outward signs of being girls,
于是她们被称为“亲爱的” “小甜心”
often get called things like”sweetheart,” or”darling,” or”love.”
人们交口称赞她们有多美丽
People comment on how pretty they are. Recently,
最近我去了国外一些地方
when I traveled overseas,
我发现 无性别的厕所开始普及了
I noticed a trend of gender neutralor all-gender public bathrooms,
这让我感到万般轻松
which makes me feel so relieved.
有了这个选择
Having that choice makes me love
我就可以自在地在公共场合上个厕所
going to the bathroom in public,
不用去解释你的性别 这当然很让人开心
and I love I don’t have to tell anyone what genitalia I own.
这是一张我穿着我闪亮亮的裤子的照片
Here’s a photo of me in my sparkle pants, as I call them.
它们简直为我的搭配风格增光添彩
They really added flare to my style,
但也没少让人疑惑
and they also really confuse some people
我到底是男是女呢
about whether I am a boy,
甚至 这还会让他们感到不痛快
or even, possibly,make them uncomfortable
因为我在他们眼里就是个十分骚包的 甚至女孩儿气的男孩
because I seem like a veryflamboyant, or even girly boy.
尽管 这并不容易
Though I don’t think this is always easy,
我很庆幸
I’m so happy
我在更小的时候做出了这样的选择
with the choices I made when I was younger
我决定了要穿我自己喜欢的衣服
to wear what made me feel good and
去释放我的个性
that I felt expressed me
否则 我过去这些年可能会过的非常难受
because I think I would bea much unhappier kid otherwise.
在公众场合 我仍然被认为是男孩儿
I still get called a boyin public situations, but,
上厕所的时候
in terms of bathrooms,
我尽量去不区分性别的卫生间
I try to go to the all-gender or unisex ones, or,
或者找残障人士厕所
if I can’t,I go to the disabled toilets.
尽管在学校里 或者有时在其他地方
Although I do still use the girls’ loos
我还是会去女厕所
in school and sometimes in public.
但这着实让我觉得不对劲
Using the girls’ toilets,I never feel good,
而且还会找个人一起去
and I still have a tendencyto go with someone else.
虽然 当我去残障人士卫生间时
Though I’m not labeled as a particular gender
我不会被贴上任何性别标签
when I go to the disabled toilets,
我仍然不开心
I don’t feel great still,
因为这让我意识到
because it just reminds me
对于我这类 无法定位自己性别的人
that there are mostly no toilets for people like me
没有专用的厕所
who don’t identify within the gender binary,
但厕所却是我们区分人的一种标准
and that toilets are just another waywe categorize people.
从小到大 我的穿衣风格有了很大的变化
My style has evolved drastically
小时候 我穿的是星球大战T恤和裙子
since the Star Wars t-shirts and skirts of my early childhood,
这事儿蕴含了很多道理
and I think it has a lot to say
比如我对性别的认知和思考
about how I now appreciate and consider gender.
我意识到 于我而言 性别就好像是光谱
I’ve realized that, for me,gender is a spectrum.
性别所传达的信息 是完全关于自己一个人的
What my gender expressionand identity is, is entirely about me
而不在于怎样让别人去认可你
and not about howother people perceive me.
我也很无奈
I don’t know how we deal with that
这是这样一个渴望用性别进行定义的世界
in a world so desperate to define by gender.
我要把之前的那个问题留给你们
I’m going to leave youwith that same question.
我的性别 为什么对你来说很重要?
Why does it matter to you whether I am a boy or a girl?
我是否进错了厕所 对你产生了什么影响?
Or that I am in the wrong bathroom?
我去哪个卫生间 对你来说真的那么重要吗?
Does it really matter to youwhich bathroom I use?
不知道 但对我来说很重要
Because it does matter to me.
你不知道一个人的性别 我想不会有什么损失吧?
Would it hurt younot to know someone’s gender?
除了会让你感到不痛快
Because despite how uncomfortableit might make you feel,
但你揣测我是男是女会让我不愉快一整天
you assuming my gendermakes me feel uncomfortable every day.
所以我拜托各位
All I’m asking is
按捺住这一丝不痛快
for you to just sit with that little bit of uncomfortable
而去让别人获得自在
to make someone else feel better.
这对我来说太重要了
Because it does matter to me.
当我和朋友们一起逛街
It matters to me when I walkwith my friends
你走过来说一句姑娘们好啊 这问题也很严重
and you say,”Hey, girls!”
但我不指望你们弥补
But I don’t want you to make amends,
我虽然也不记仇 但这样的事每发生一次
I don’t hold my grudges, but everytime you say that
我美好的心情都会毁于一旦
it smudges my happy thoughtsinto undefinable words.
当你称赞这小伙儿真帅嘿!这问题也很严重
It matters to mewhen you say I’m a handsome lad
你或许是在赞美
because while you may be complimenting,
但你会让我怀疑我的内在
it makes me question my inner vision of myself. So,
因此 请你们忍住心中的不痛快
strangers, sit uncomfortably
我的性别随着时间的变化 可能每天都不一样
while I tell you how my gender ranges from day to day.
时而平静 时而易变 有时温柔 有时暴躁
sometimes neutral, sometimes fluid,sometimes gentle, sometimes fierce.
这并不是说我就是个男孩
It doesn’t make me a boy,
也并不意味着我在重新界定性别
but it doesn’t mean that I’m realigning,
我不想重新去定义什么是女孩儿
and I don’t want to be redefining what it means to be a girl.
因为我不是个女孩儿
Because I’m not a girl.
所以请不要问我的性别
So it does matter to me.
(掌声)
(Applause)

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译制信息
视频概述

性别并不是生殖器,不是衣着,不是长相,不是行为,也不是一成不变的

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

林怀银

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审核员_BZ

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCLoNwVJA-0

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