I was really really fortunate
that very early on I started to experiment with
what mattered to me.
What people don’t know about me is that I was suspended
from school three times
for trying out all sorts of things like things that
people would never imagine if someone who goes
on to be a monk.
I was experimenting with all the drugs in the world.
I had multiple relationships.
I was really trying to search for some sort
of meaning fulfillment and as far as long as I’ve known I’ve been chasing
thrilled and my parents rhetoric would always be
well make sure you get good grades.
And at 18 I was really fortunate when I met a monk
and this monk was invited to speak
and I kind of just went because one of
my friends forced me to.
At that time I was listening to CEOs and entrepreneurs
and business people and marketers you
who I thought that’s what I was aspiring
to be like and then I hear this
monk and he captivated me like no one had ever captivated me before,
that was the beginning of what changed me
because I went from being someone who did
only want all those things to become
successful and trying to.
But I started hearing my own inner voice much more and
all that noise that I had around me. I remember one
of my my parents had a
maths tutor for me because they wanted to be amazing at math. I’d have this
tutor and he’d tell me that he goes the reason
that you’re struggling with the
next question is because you’re always worried about what your parents think
and and that really stayed in my head.
我就想 哇 原来我一直 被父母的看法所左右
I was just like wow so as long as I’m trapped by what my parents think.
I can actually never find the answers to the real questions of life and it was kind
of like this collation of little things
that just made me think
对我来说 拥有金钱和名誉 好像并没有让我的人生增值
wait a minute having money having Fame this that just doesn’t seem to add up and then
and then meeting the monk kind of made that shift possible.
And as I said he was completely captivating and then I found out that
因为 他放弃了在谷歌和微软的工作机会 出家当了僧人
he’d given up jobs in Google and Microsoft to be a monk, and I thought to
myself who does that.
你看 他放弃了 我和我的朋友们梦寐以求的东西
You know he’s given up everything that I’m chasing and all my friends are chasing but he
seems happier than anyone I’ve ever met before.
And he spoke about this incredible principle where he said that we should
plant trees under whose shade, we do not
plan to sit, and he was speaking about
this principle of selfless sacrifice and I kind
of just penetrated me right there.
他的一席话 让我的心灵产生了 前所未有的震撼
When he said the words selfless sacrifice for the first time in my life I felt a thrill about something that I’d never felt before.
哇 放弃自己所有的一切 去为他人服务
Wow, giving up everything you have for the service of others
sounds like the best thing you could possibly do.
And I don’t know why I had that thought because I wasn’t a
spiritual kid growing up I wasn’t a religious kid growing up I wasn’t even a
good kid growing up.
I’ve always had friends who are older than me and
I could see a lot of them
in the most successful careers successful jobs
beautiful partners whatever it was.
但是我能感觉到他们生命中缺乏 满足感 意义以及目的
But I saw a sense of lack of fulfillment meaning and purpose in their lives and
I’ve always been an observer and I would
see these people are like five years older
than me seven years older than me
maybe ten years older
than me and I’d be watching them though it’s bad the life I
want and often the advice I
give to people today is fast-forward where you are.
想象一下10年 15 年 20年以后的自己 然后问问自己：
Look at yourself in 10 15 20 years time and ask yourself the question is
that where I want to be?
If you’re in a company look at the person who’s 20
years ahead of you and ask yourself is
that where I want to be?
If you’re in a start-up look at where other startups
have got to in similar roles and go is
that where I want to be?
And if the answer’s no and you need to find a new part.
And for me the answer at that time from observing was no.
我所走的道路是父母 社会 大学 以及我所在的群体为我指定的
The path that my parents or society or the university I went to or the community I had that was carving out for me.
It didn’t feel like the path for me
so I was almost seeking an alternative or a new path
I was just so fortunate that it happened to
be an uplifting powerful path as opposed to
something that could’ve actually taking me down the wrong road
because that could have been possible to.
See we live in echo chambers
we’re just surrounded by the same thinking
so for me the first step is just opening yourself up to new
experiences and new role models
because most of us can’t see ourselves in people
so then we try and fit ourselves into the boxes that we do see.
And and I mean there’s this beautiful quote that
I’ve been saying it everywhere and I wish I
wrote it but I didn’t so it’s
by a philosopher and writer named Cooley and
he said that today I’m not what I think
I am, I’m not what you think I am,
我是 我认为的 你眼中的我
I am what I think you think I am
I’m not what I think I am I’m not what you think I am
I am what I think you think I am.
So we live in this perception of a perception of ourselves
hence my identity is made by what my parents think I should be
my identity is made up by what my college or university thinks I should achieve.
While you’re living in that bubble and that echo chamber
getting to what you really want to do is impossible
because maybe that just doesn’t fit and I think so many people feel
that way today
that they don’t fit into the current education system
他们并不适应现存的 三年 四年 或五年的学业制度
they don’t fit with the three or four or five careers that you’re taught exist.
So that process of self excavation and actualization first requires being exposed
you can’t be what you can’t see
if I never saw a monk I would
never have wanted to be a monk
if I never meet a billionaire I wouldn’t want to be one
because I don’t know what that feels like I don’t know what it looks like
I don’t know what it takes and and I think that’s
the biggest challenge of our society that
we’re not exposed.
So that’s the first step being exposed to unique experiences
and role models.
Second step is finding that experience or role model that
you’re passionate about exactly like you said
taking it seriously shatter their network
with them spend time with them
observe them even from afar.
It takes that observation being addicted to
observing that person’s lifestyle and
then the third step is going yes or not does that work for me
not everyone who’s gonna go out from the camera monk is gonna feel like the way I did and that’s cool
but not everyone is gonna go and follow and shadow a billion anger that’s exactly the lifestyle I want.
They may want the result but do they want the
hard work that goes with it
and so for me that’s the third step.
就是要观察 关注 跟随 接近 他们的生活过程
It’s observing focusing shadowing getting as close to the process of that individual
and then going yes or no do I want that process not do I want the result.
To be able to train the mind and energy to focus it
exactly where you want it and
when you want it to be
you are completely detached and undeterred
from external ups and downs
you’re able to navigate anything that seems
tough challenging fun excitement
with the same amount of being equipoised
and balanced an equanimity
without being too excited in pleasure or being too depressed
in pain but knowing how to navigate every situation to me
that’s great strength and great power
there’s a beautiful verse in the Bhagavad Gita that says
the attachment is not that you own nothing
the attachment is that nothing owns you
and I love it because to me
that summarizes detachment in a way
that it’s not usually explained usually
people see detachment as being away from everything
actually the greatest detachment has been close to everything
and not letting it consume and own you
and that’s real power that’s real strength
how many people do we know that
have had fame and then that fame has ruined them
so for me that definition of
detachment is possible to practice even
in the real world rather than saying oh
I’m just gonna have a really simple life I’m just gonna have nothing in life
being able to overcome ego
being able to overcome envy
being able to overcome jealousy
being able able to overcome the negative of competitive state
there’s a positive competitive state and there’s a negative competitive state.
Today when people are looking on Instagram or Facebook or YouTube
人们关注的是 哇 她有那么多赞
all you’re looking at is oh she got that many likes or he
that many likes
she got engaged or he got married
or oh my god look
at her body or look at that
这些嫉妒 自负 贪婪
and it’s like that stuff’s destroying us
inside and the jealousy ego greed to be able to have
enough clarity to purify yourself
of those things is going to alleviate the biggest anxieties and depressions
of our time and mental health problems and and
we know that we know that
because all the mental health research today
that things like isolation over exposure we now can have more pain consumption in one day
because of what we were exposed to
then the pain we would have had in a lifetime
like that that’s ridiculous to think
that one day because of the media news
in social media we consume more negative
than we did in a lifetime.
对我来说 有时间 精力 澄澈的心境来自我净化
For me being able to have time energy and clarity to focus on self purification that is
the best thing about being a monk
because you have that time reflection and
a process and an environment that only
allows you to become more purified of those things
and ideal life is when we
我们拥有头脑 心灵 手段
all have a head a heart
and a hand all three elements together working in alignment
without one of the other we start to lose
something, so ahead is the clarity of vision
what you want what you want
knowing what you want
the way you picture life and being able to navigate
make the decisions to get there that’s a good head
a good heart is being able to
understand what your intuition and heart
one’s being able to connect and tap it into that understanding deeper and beyond the vision you may have painted for yourself.
So I often say to people that you get to where you want in life
just not in the way you imagine and that’s
because the path that’s paved up and down
is far different than the path we pave
所以如果你有好的头脑 好的视野 好的使命
so you can have a great head and a great vision and a great mission and
know where you want to go
but if your heart’s not able to have that resilience and be able to adapt
and and have compassion and care and all
of that then then you’re not going to be able to make the toughest decisions without your heart
but to be able to realize that we
need to care and be sustainable
and long-lasting requires a heart
and a hand is that service
wanting to pass that on that which you have wanting to give it forward pay it forward the idea of serving with what you have.
I often say to people your passion is
for you, your purpose is for others,
your passion makes you happy
but when you use your passion to make a difference in someone else’s
life that’s a service that’s a purpose and
that’s the hand.
Knowing how to differentiate the voices in your head is
the first level of self-awareness
the system one is your initial response to anything that happens
it’s a stop that I can’t really say
so if you say something I don’t like
my system one naturally would be a face that I pull it I’m like
I don’t agree with that that’s that’s the understanding
of what system one in
its your initial default reaction in the moment
that can be positive often for
example if someone pulls out a knife you
feel scared and you run that system one
that’s a good thing it’s it’s safe for you
but also system one is someone says
something that hurts your ego and youstart defending yourself immediately
that’s also that’s a negative system one
that we would refer to as the mind
it’s built up of conditioning those responses are conditioned
those default elements are all there
because of habit and continuous practice
the system two is more like the intelligence what I would say is more
like the parent if you
can be consider system one to be more like a child
system two is more like a parent
it looks more at the long-term it looks more the bigger picture
it processes that default reaction through a set
of checking and metrics to decide
whether that’s true.
The child is the the one that wants everything right away
impatient quickly responding
straight away reacting when he doesn’t get what he wants
the intelligent parent and good one
knows what the child wants and needs and what’s better
for in the long term
just starting there and being able to
reflect and observe the different voices inside
of us is a great place to start your self-awareness
because the biggest challenge is that most
of us don’t know what we’re listening to and
we don’t most of us don’t even know that there are more
than one voice inside of us
just getting over that line is a huge win
because now at least you are trying to differentiate than what you’re hearing
and that’s gonna help you make better decisions in the future
the biggest challenge is that there’s just
so much noise
it’s like have you ever had someone in your home
maybe it’s your wife or maybe it’s a friend or
whatever just play a really bad song too often
just play a song and just think
I’ll turn that off and after a while it’s
been on for so long that you become immune to it
like it’s just there and it’s still on
it’s there in the back of your mind and you didn’t manage to turn it off.
So the noise that I describe in life whether it’s your parents’
expectations whether it’s society’sexpectations whether it’s your partner’s
expectations, all of those are like noise in the background and that noise drowns
out, your ability to understand the
mind and the intelligence
that’s one of the biggest trip ups
but the research that I was doing was around the most common
resume lies, the truth is
over 40 to 50 percent of us
lie on our resumes and and I started
to dig deeper and I was looking at you know
a lot of people lie about their dates and employment
so instead of three days it’s now three months you know whatever it may be.
Now I dug deep and I wanted to meet some
of these people and speak to people and
so I spoke to people who lie
on their resumes and we know that at least 40 to
50 percent tell us they do.
Another thing is no one was proud of that no one no
one was like yeah yeah I know I’m gonna get
really what it came down to is we’re
really insecure about our own abilities.
We really want to came down to this we’re
not confident about what we have to offer
when it came down to the lack of self-awareness
what it came down to is a lack of understanding
what am I good at what am I passionate
about what am I bringing to the table
that’s what people were really worried about
they were worried about the job
but when you dug beneath the surface the real behavioral
trait that was coming out was insecurity
and being unconfident about one’s potential
that that tells us a lot that indicates a lot
about human behavior and human nature that
the noise from outside makes us want to fit into a container and
that stops us from differentiating between what is my mind
saying and what is my intelligence
saying and what happens is
that noise becomes your voice
so that noise becomes what you think is what you’re saying
one of the biggest ones and we say this all
the time but it applies mostly
to this is switching your association it’s like
changing your circle
because if you’re only hearing the same thing from that
circle the only way to turn it off without you having to do mass amounts of
reflection is changing your circle where
you start hearing
we all ultimately find the things we want to hear.