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分手的最好和最坏方式 – 译学馆
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分手的最好和最坏方式

The Worst and Best Ways to Tell Someone It’s Over

The intensity and suffering exacted by a heartbreak
由心碎所产生的痛苦及其强度
depends not only on the core fact that we’ve been left
不仅取决于我们被抛弃这一事实
it also decisively depends on how we’ve been left.
还跟我们被抛弃的方式有很大关系
Our hurt can be hugely intensified
分手分得越是鸡飞狗跳
when we’ve been left badly
带来的伤痛也就越强烈
just as it may be rendered a great deal more bearable
如果我们足够幸运 所爱之人
when we are fortunate enough to have landed
有丰富的心理学知识 懂得和平分手
on a lover who has learnt the psychologically
那么分手带来的伤害
rich art of mature break-ups.
就更容易承受
There are certain things guaranteed
有一些事你一旦做了
to make a break up worse than it ever needs to be
就会让分手变得更加狼狈
(i) Lingering
(i)犹豫不决
All decisions around relationships should be taken with the awareness that
做出任何关于这份恋爱关系的决定时
life is desperately short for both parties.
都应想到人生苦短
It therefore really shouldn’t matter if the holiday has
因此 不管是已经预订好的假期
already been booked or if preparations for our birthday
还是已经尴尬的在筹备中的生日聚会
are, awkwardly, well under way.
这些都不重要
As soon as the decision is taken,
一旦决定要分手
a courageous lover will not dither out of a misplaced desire
有勇气的恋人不会为了不打乱之前的计划
not to upset pre-existing plans.
而踟躇不定
They know they must leave.
他们知道自己必须离开
They are ruining things, of course,
当然 他们在毁坏一些东西
but they can see that the holiday or restaurant meal would
但他们知道 假期或者餐厅
in any case be doomed.
注定是糟糕的经历
And they are kind enough to know not to
而他们也善意的离开
waste any more of our precious time.
不浪费彼此更多宝贵的时间
(ii) Collateral Accusations
(ii)附加指控
A wise departing lover knows not to
明智的恋人在分手时
accuse the other of more sins than they are guilty of.
不会将额外的罪名强加在另一半身上
It is not, they know,
他们知道
our fault that their career is going wrong
他们的事业低谷不是对方的错
and we truly aren’t responsible for their
他们的失眠 他们与兄弟的矛盾
insomnia or the conflicts with their brother.
更与彼此无关
The wise lover keeps the list of accusations down to
明智的恋人只会在诉状上
the specific problems that necessitated a break-up.
列出导致分手的具体问题
they don’t use the parting as an occasion to rehearse
他们不会借着分手
all that happens to be a bit wrong with us,
重提彼此间所有的矛盾
an inevitably far longer but here irrelevant charge sheet.
列出一份很长却又无关紧要的控诉
(iii) Deceptive Niceness
(iii)美好的假象
The most harmful lovers are those who labour under
给我们带来伤害最深的恋人
a misplaced impression that they need to be nice,
是那种误以为即使在分手时
even when they are firing us.
也要表现得善良友好的人
But there is in fact, no need for honeyed words.
但事实上 分手时不需要甜言蜜语
we simply require the basic information, and then
我们需要的就是简简单单的告诉彼此分手
some privacy to put ourselves back together again.
然后留一点私人空间让我们走出这段关系
Indeed, ongoing niceness
而且 不断的善意
simply confuses us all the more.
只会让我们更迷惑
The tenderness makes us ache to restart the relationship,
温柔体贴会让我们想重新开始这段恋情
for there seems no reason why not,
因为恋人此时的表现
given how they are behaving.
给了对方这么想的理由
(iv) Evasiveness
(iv)逃避推诿
Clumsy lovers are so scared of
拙劣的恋人十分害怕
the news they have to share with us,
向对方提出分手
they can not bear to come out with it,
他们根本说不出分手这两个字
and therefore let it seep out in odd symptomatic ways.
所以只能让分手的意愿以其他方式表达
They start drinking too much,
他们开始酗酒
or come home very late,
或者晚归
or advance odd-sounding theories about relationships.
或者提出一些关于恋爱关系的奇怪理论
They hope, through their strange and harmful behaviour,
他们希望通过自己怪异有害的行为
to be fired rather than to have to resign.
能让对方向自己提出分手
In sly and unfair ways,
他们用狡猾且不公平的方式
they seek to push us to take the agonising next step.
让我们先走出这痛苦的一步
On the other hand, there is so much
但是 明明有很多种方式
that can spare us excessive pain at the end.
可以让对方在分手时不那么痛苦
Kind departing lovers make a sharp break.
善良的恋人在分手时很果断
Once they’ve decided,
一旦决定了
they move swiftly to letting us know.
他们就立即告诉我们
They clear off quickly.
然后迅速离开
They don’t hold out hints of reconciliation.
不留一点和解的余地
They don’t suggest that if we changed
我们明白即使自己做出某些改变
in certain ways, they’d reconsider.
他们也绝不会回头
It’s awful, of course.
这样当然很残忍
But there’s a vein of mature kindness in their brusque manner.
但他们的直率却是一种成熟的善良
In an obviously difficult situation,
在这样明显的困境中
they are sparing us the extended torture of false hope.
他们让我们免受错误的幻想折磨
(ii) Reasons
(ii)理由
Good departing lovers try to explain in convincing ways
好的恋人分手时会尽力有理有据的解释
why the relationship didn’t work out.
为什么这段恋爱关系走到尽头
They might point out, for instance,
比如他们可能会指出
that you are both really quite anxious by nature,
我们两个都很容易焦虑
and therefore struggle to soothe and calm each other.
两个人在一起很难平静下来
This isn’t so much a complaint about you
这不是在抱怨你
as on observation about why the fit between you
而是看到了你们两个在一起
as a couple wasn’t very helpful.
对彼此都不好
Or they may explore the ways in which the two
或者他们可能会提出
of you have powerfully divergent attitudes to money
我们两个对于金钱的观念有巨大分歧
and hence are set on a serious collision course.
因此会有严重的冲突
They’re not saying you are horrendous or a fool
他们不是说你很讨厌或你很傻
just that the two of you turn out
只是你们两个
not to be very adept partners for each other.
并不适合彼此
(iii) Honesty about who they are
诚实表达自己
Nice departing lovers let us see and actively remind
好的恋人在分手时会提醒对方
us of what’s not so nice or good about them.
彼此身上的缺点
They admit that they brought a lot of difficult
他们承认自己给这段关系
things into the relationship.
带来了很多不愉快
They admit, perhaps, that they’re obsessed by work;
他们可能会承认自己忙于工作
they may acknowledge they are bossy or very controlling;
可能会承认自己专横或者控制欲很强
they might be open about their unfaithful nature.
可能会坦白自己的不忠
They are doing us the kindness of showing us that
他们这样是在好意提醒我们
life with them would be seriously difficult in major ways.
两人在一起可能会遇到很多严重的困难
We’re losing them, but we’re not losing the prospect
我们失去他们 却没有失去
of a blissful or problem-free future.
一个美好的没有烦恼的未来
(iv) Being Hated
(iv)被憎恨
Good departing lovers know that
好的恋人在分手时知道
the news they are breaking will, inevitably,
自己提出分手是不可避免的
lead to them being hated for a time.
招致一段时间的憎恨
They are brave in the face of this.
但他们勇敢面对
They don’t suffer from the fateful and sentimental desire
他们不会不理智的感性的
to be loved by people they no longer love.
想要被他们已经不爱的人爱
We’re gradually disentangling two distinct sources of pain,
我们渐渐将两种不同来源的痛苦分开
which mean very different things.
这两种来源非常不同
There’s the sorrow of losing someone we liked.
失去所爱之人我们很难过
But there may well also be the suffering caused
但分手时爱人选择的不恰当的方式
by the unfortunate ways a lover acted at the end.
也会给我们带来痛苦
We may not be able to escape the agony of broken hearts,
我们可能无法避免心碎的痛苦
but we can always strive to keep it
但我们总是可以努力将这种痛苦
to a very basic minimum.
控制在最小程度上
Our Resilience Cards are designed to
我们的“乐观纸牌”旨在
help us become tougher in the face of adversity.
帮助我们在逆境中更加坚强
To learn more follow the link on your screen now.
点击屏幕上的链接了解更多内容

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视频概述

分手会让我们心碎,分手的方式不对会让我们更加痛苦。来学习一下正确的分手方式吧。

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审核员 V

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4d6UcRCQDc

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