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如何摆脱羞耻感 – 译学馆
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如何摆脱羞耻感

The Problem of Shame

世界上最大的一个问题
One of the great problems in the world is also one
也最不起眼
of the most invisible,
因为依其本性——就是要藏起来
because by its nature – it asks to be hidden
使我们难以发现其症状
and saps our ability to spot its symptoms.
但是 一般来说
But , to generalise grossly,
很少有破坏人类幸福的事情
few things so undermine human well-being
像羞愧感这样可怕
as the sickness of shame.
内疚的人会因为他们所犯的错误而难过
The guilty feel bad for something specific they have done;
而羞愧者仅仅因自己的存在就感觉糟糕
the shamed feel wretched simply for being.
苦海无边
The affliction lacks borders.
作为羞愧者 我们一切行为和情感的动机
As shamed people, we don’t connect the myriad
无出其他 只不过来源于
ways in which our behaviour and feelings are driven
对自己的憎恶
by a base conviction of our own abhorrence.
我们就是天生地认为自己令人厌恶
We just take it as a given that we are disgusting.
我们从不曾想 其实我们的羞愧感
We lack the capacity to imagine that our shame
也是有历史的 因此 可能也该有个终结
has a history and therefore, perhaps, a future that could be curtailed.
消除羞愧感的第一步
A first step in untangling
就是尽可能客观地
ourselves is to get enough distance
发现并定义这个问题
to spot and name the problem.
我们可以利用调查问卷
We might make use of
用1到10 评估你对如下陈述的感觉有多真切
a little questionnaire. Out of 10, rate howtrue the following statements feel:
–我不值得存在
– I don’t deserve to exist –
–我是有缺陷的
– I am defective –
–我不值得受到关心和爱护
I am unworthy of being known and loved.
–我的存在是一个错误
– I am a mistake –
–我理应被放弃
– I deserve to be abandoned
–我不该存在
– I should not be.
如果任一项评分超过8 就表示有羞愧感
Anything over an eight starts to indicate the problem,
但若有得选 有羞愧感的人
but if there were an option, most of us in the shamed camp
甚至想填100 甚至更高的分数
would want to award ourselves a hundred ormore.
羞愧是一片被风吹过的荒地
This is the windswept barren land of shame,
我们许多人已经在此虚耗光阴
where many of us have been living all our lives,
精神困顿
often without enough mental wellbeing
自暴自弃
to know this is where we have been relegated.
我们应该探究 我们的羞愧感集中在哪里
We should probe at where our shame collects.
取一张人的轮廓图
Take the outline of a human figure.
我们对什么感到羞愧?
What are we ashamed of?
思想?
– our mind?
外貌?
– facial appearance?
体形?
– physique?
生殖器?
– genitals ?
肛门?
– anus ?
我们不是生来就感到难为情的
We were not born ashamed.
我们应该唤起给我们“馈赠”的声音
We should summon up the voices that gave us our legacy
加以理解并和我们自己的想法相融合:
and which we have then internalised and blended with our own:
你毫无价值
You’ll never amount to anything .
你是家里的白痴
You’re the family idiot .
你让我恶心
You disgust me.
有人可能会疑惑 为什么亲近的人会这么对待我们
Others may wonder why people around us behavedthis way.
对于羞愧者而言 答案很明显
The answer is clear enough to the shamed:
因为我们活该这样
because we deserved it.
如果我们很容易因几个问题动摇对自己的憎恶
We wouldn’tbe truly shamed people if all it took was
那我们就不是真正的羞愧者
a few simple questions to shake us from our conviction of our detestable identity.
我们该感到羞愧 因为我们长期以来 一直都是有缺陷的
We were shamed because we were and are defective.
我们的监护人并不刻薄
Our caregivers weren’t mean; they were – above
他们敏锐 甚至是聪明的
anything else – perceptive, even brilliant.
他们可以发现后来的 更和善的人看不到的东西
They could spot things that later, kinder people cannot.
只有他们才真正了解我们
They had the true measure ofus.
羞愧的孩子不会责怪他们的监护人
Shamed children don’t blame their guardians.
我们美化监护人 因为一个奇怪但合逻辑的原因
We protect them for a weird but logical reason:
为了不感到那么孤独
so as not to feel entirely alone.
我们宁愿把监护人往好处想 也不愿意
We prefer to think well of our caregivers than to take
想他们让我们多么失望
on board how badly we have been let down – with
尽管这意味着要接受所有的愤怒和悲伤
all the convulsive rage and sadness that wouldentail.
羞愧的后果
The consequences of
写在我们的整个生活中
shame are written across our lives.
我们排斥他人的接近
We don’tallow other people to get too close to us;
因为一旦他们了解真实的我们 就会被吓跑
they would only be appalled if they knew thetrue us.
我们不太习惯身体上的亲密接触
We’re not so good on physical intimacy.
我们整天害怕(坏事会发生在我们这种坏人身上)
We get scared all the time ( bad things happen to bad people ).
我们不喜欢聚会 (怎么会有人乐意见到我们?)
We don’t like parties (why would anyone be pleased to see us?).
我们有很多秘密
We have a lot of secrets,
对于我们大部分
for most of what we are
都不被他人接受
is unacceptable to other eyes.
我们沉湎于上瘾行为来逃避自我憎恨
We go in foraddictive behaviour to escape our self-hatred
然后越发因我们做的罪恶之事
– then feel even more ashamed of ourselves
感到羞愧
for the unholy things we’ve done.
不再羞愧的方法是什么呢
What is the way out of shame?
理智而通常的答案是 告诉自己
The sane popular answer is to tell ourselves
你很漂亮 你很好 但是我们很难说服自己
that we are beautiful and good. But that won’t easily convince.
可能有一个更好 更委婉的办法
There may be a better, more oblique strategy
来绕过羞愧感的防御
to bypass the defences of the shamed.
我们应该强调的不是我们是完美的 而是
We shouldstress not that we are wonderful, but that
每一个曾漫步于这颗星球的人
every human being who has ever walked the planet is
都以自己不完美的方式前行
in their own way radically imperfect
而且近距离观察就会被打破
and broken when observed from close up.
也许我们都会犯错
We may be a bit wrong,
但庆幸的是
but so – blessedly – is
每个人都会犯错而且从来如是
everyone else who is and has ever been.
我们可以是愚蠢的 变态的 不礼貌的
Wecan be stupid, perverted and uncouth, but
但这都是很正常的
that is wholly normal.
比起虚幻地暗示自己是完美的
Rather than implicitlyupholding an ideal of goodness by telling
是所向披靡的
ourselves that we do after all measure up to it,
更好的做法是抛弃理想
far better to throw away ideals and
以及所有那些纯洁 善良的想法
all notions of achievable purity and goodness.
这就是问题的根源所在
This is where the problem started.
最好接受我们身而为人的小缺点
Better to accept that we are, as a group,
接受自己完全疯狂 脾气暴躁 邪恶古怪
entirely crazy and ill-tempered, wicked and odd, but
但另一方面 要强调该理由对保持仁慈和友善(而非指摘和谴责)
then to stress just how much this is a reason
价值几何
for mercy and kindness ( rather than censure and condemnation).
我们来停止以虚假的标准
Let us stop judging ourselves and others
评判自己与他人 这样做 让我们变得病态
by unreal standards, that is how we made ourselves ill;
让我们为人类固有的荒谬和可怕
let us laugh and comfort each other for the absurdity and horror of
开怀大笑 彼此安慰
existing in human form.
那些 让我们感到羞愧的人的主要罪过
The primary sin of those who made us feel ashamed was not so
不是发现了我们的缺点
much that they spotted our flaws,
而是忘记了自己的可怕-然后
it’s that they forgot their own awfulness – and then
心生怨念 把一切罪责推给我们
had the gall to blame us for our own.
我们应该放弃法西斯的完美主义
We shouldgive up on fascistic perfectionism in order
用我们自己以及集体的想象力
to make a generous home for our cracked reality
为我们破碎的现实创造一个宽容的家
in our own and in the collective imagination.
这会是我们摆脱羞愧感的开端
That’ll be the start of our way out of the problem of shame.
我们相信在人生的校园里
At The School of Life we believe that
自信是一种大家都可以学会的技能
confidence is a skill we can all learn.
现在点击 学习更多
Click now to learn more.

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视频概述

身而为人,孰能无过。漫步人间,接受自己的不完美,不再为自己的存在感到羞耻。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

德克萨斯土豆丝

审核员

审核员 V

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTXWVKhcXRI

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