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女性愤怒的力量

The power of women's anger | Soraya Chemaly

有时 我会生气
So sometimes I get angry,
我花了很多年才能够说出这句话
and it took me many years to be able to say just those words.
在我的工作中 有时我的身体颤抖 我太愤怒了
In my work, sometimes my body thrums, I’m so enraged.
但是 无论我的愤怒是多么合理
But no matter how justifiedmy anger has been,
在我的一生中
throughout my life,
我一直被告知
I’ve always been led to understand
我的愤怒
that my anger is an exaggeration,
是一种夸张 一种曲解 它会让我变得粗鲁和不可理喻
a misrepresentation, that it will make me rude and unlikable.
主要是作为一个女孩 我了解到
Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl,
作为一个女孩 愤怒是一种情感
that anger is an emotion
最好将它置之不顾
better left entirely unvoiced.
想想我的妈妈
Think about my mother for a minute.
我15岁的时候 有一天我放学回家
When I was 15, I came homefrom school one day,
她站在在我们厨房外廊上
and she was standing on a long veranda outside of our kitchen,
拿着巨大的一堆盘子
holding a giant stack of plates.
想象一下 当她开始把它们像飞盘一样
Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she started to throw them like Frisbees…
(笑声)
(Laughter)
扔进炎热潮湿的空气中
into the hot, humid air.
我是多么傻眼 当每一个盘子 砸在下面的山上
When every single plate had shattered into thousands of pieces
碎成数千块时
on the hill below,
她回到房里 乐呵呵地对我说 “你今天过得怎么样?”
she walked back in and she said to me,cheerfully,”How was your day?”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
现在你可以想象一个孩子
Now you can see how a
在面对这样的事件之后
child would look at an incident like this
以为愤怒是沉默的 孤立的 破坏性的 甚至是可怕的
and think that anger is silent, isolating, destructive, even frightening.
特别是当生气者是一个女孩或女人
Especially though when the person who’s angry is a girl or a woman.
问题是为什么
The question is why.
愤怒是人类的情感 它既不好也不坏
Anger is a human emotion,neither good nor bad.
它实际上是一种信号情感
It is actually a signal emotion.
它警示着我们屈辱、威胁、侮辱和伤害
It warns us of indignity, threat,insult and harm.
然而 在各种文化中
And yet, in culture after culture,
愤怒仅仅被归于为 男孩和男人的
anger is reserved as the moral property
道德财产
of boys and men.
现在 当然 会有差异
Now, to be sure, there are differences.
例如 在美国
So in the United States, for example,
一个愤怒的黑人被视为罪犯
an angry black manis viewed as a criminal,
而一个愤怒的白人则具有公民美德
but an angry white man has civic virtue.
无论我们在哪里 情感有是性别的因此
Regardless of where we are, however,the emotion is gendered.
我们教孩子蔑视
And so we teach children to
女孩和妇女的愤怒
disdain anger in girls and women,
我们长大成人后又惩罚这种愤怒
and we grow up to be adultsthat penalize it.
那如果我们不那么做呢?
So what if we didn’t do that?
如果我们不切断愤怒与女性气质?
What if we didn’t severanger from femininity?
因为将愤怒从女性气质中去除 意味着我们切断女孩和妇女与
Because severing anger from femininity means we sever girls and women
最能保护她们免受不公正的情感
from the emotion that bestprotects us from injustice.
如果相反 我们考虑培养 男孩和女孩的
What if instead we thought aboutdeveloping emotional competence
情感能力 如何?
for boys and girls?
事实是 我们仍然以非常二元
The fact is we stillremarkably socialize children
和相对的方式让儿童交往
in very binary and oppositional ways.
男孩们被要求具有荒谬、僵硬的
Boys are held to absurd,rigid norms of masculinity —
男子气概 去除悲伤或恐惧这些所谓的女性情感
told to renounce the feminine emotionalityof sadness or fear
并抱侵略性和愤怒 这被看作是男子汉的标志
and to embrace aggression and angeras markers of real manhood.
在另一方面 女孩学会要毕恭毕敬
On the other hand,girls learn to be deferential,
但愤怒与恭敬并不兼容
and anger is incompatible with deference.
以同样的方式
In the same way
我们学会了交叉腿而坐并驯服我们的头发
that we learned to cross our legs and tame our hair,
我们学会了咬住舌头保持沉默 吞下我们的骄傲
we learned to bite our tonguesand swallow our pride.
经常发生的是 对我们所有人来说
What happens too oftenis that for all of us,
我们认知的女性观念中 无礼侮辱变得迫在眉睫
indignity becomes imminentin our notions of femininity.
这一分歧有着漫长的个人
There’s a long personal and politicaltale to that bifurcation.
和政治故事 当愤怒时 我们可以是宠坏的公主和荷尔蒙爆发的青少年
In anger, we go from beingspoiled princesses and hormonal teens,
也可以是难伺候的妇女 刺耳 丑陋的唠叨狂
to high maintenance womenand shrill, ugly nags.
我们也有口味 请挑选你的口味
We have flavors, though; pick your flavor.
当你生气时 你是热辣拉丁女郎?
Are you a spicy hot Latinawhen you’re mad?
悲伤亚洲女孩?
Or a sad Asian girl?
愤怒黑人女人?
An angry black woman?
疯狂白人妇女?
Or a crazy white one?
你可以挑选
You can pick.
但事实上
But in fact,
当我们在表达对我们很重要的事时
the effect is that when we say what’s important to us,
就是愤怒所传达的
which is what anger is conveying,
人们更有可能对我们的愤怒感到生气
people are more likely to get angry at us for being angry.
无论我们是在家里、在学校、
Whether we’re at home or in school or
在工作中还是在政治舞台上
at work or in a political arena,
愤怒证实了男子气概 却混淆了女性气质所以
anger confirms masculinity,and it confounds femininity.
男人会因为展示它
So men are rewarded for displaying it,
而得到回报而女人也会因为它而受到惩罚
and women are penalizedfor doing the same.
这使我们处于巨大的不利之中
This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,
特别是当我们必须捍卫 自己和自身利益的时候
particularly when we have to defendourselves and our own interests.
如果我们面对有威胁性的街头骚扰者或是强取豪夺的雇主
If we’re faced with a threateningstreet harasser, predatory employer,
或是一个有性别歧视、种族主义的同学
a sexist, racist classmate,
我们的大脑尖叫“你逗我啊?”
our brains are screaming,”Are you kidding me?”
而我们的嘴却说 “对不起 什么?”
And our mouths say,”I’m sorry, what?”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
对吧?
Right?
这是相互矛盾的 因为愤怒 与焦虑、
And it’s conflicting becausethe anger gets all tangled up
恐惧、风险和报复纠缠在一起
with the anxiety and the fearand the risk and retaliation.
如果问女性
If you ask women what they
她们最害怕别人如何回应她们的愤怒
fear the most in response to their anger,
她们不会说暴力
they don’t say violence.
而是嘲弄
They say mockery.
想想这意味着什么
Think about what that means.
如果你有多个被边缘化的身份 如果你为自己辩护
If you have multiple marginalizedidentities, it’s not just mockery.
受到的就不仅仅是嘲弄
If you defend yourself,
如果你认真对待这些
if you put a stake in the ground,
可能会有可怕的后果
there can be dire consequences.
现在我们一直再现这些情况
Now we reproduce these patterns not in big,
虽不是生硬直白地展现
bold and blunt ways,
而是在于日常的平庸生活
but in the everyday banality of life.
当我的女儿在幼儿园时
When my daughter was in preschool,every single morning
每天早上她会搭一个精致的城堡 用丝带和积木
she built an elaborate castle –ribbons and blocks —
每天早晨 同一个男孩会兴高采烈地把它撞倒
and every single morning the same boyknocked it down gleefully.
他的父母在那里 但他们从来没有在事前干预过
His parents were there, but they neverintervened before the fact.
但他们很乐意在事后提供陈词滥调
They were happy to provideplatitudes afterwards:
“ 男孩总归是男孩 ”
“Boys will be boys.”
“ 这如此诱人 他只是忍不住而已 ”
“It’s so tempting, he justcouldn’t help himself.”
我做了很多女孩和妇女学会做的
I did what many girlsand women learn to do.
我先发制人维持了和平
I preemptively kept the peace,
我教我的女儿做同样的事情
and I taught my daughterto do the same thing.
她用她的话语阻止他
She used her words.
她试图轻轻地挡住他
She tried to gently body block him.
她把城堡搬到了教室里其它地方 没有影响他人
She moved where she was building in the classroom, to no effect.
所以我和其他成年人共同构建了一个特定的男性权利
So I and the other adults mutually constructed a particular male entitlement.
他可以肆无忌惮地运行、
He could run rampantand control the environment,
控制环境 而她把自己的感情藏在心里 并努力解决他的需求
and she kept her feelings to herself and worked around his needs.
我们没为她的愤怒
We failed both of them
提供应有的理解和决心
by not giving her anger the uptake
这让他们两方都失望了
and resolution that it deserved.
现在 这是一个巨大问题的缩影
Now that’s a microcosmof a much bigger problem.
因为在文化上
Because culturally, worldwide,
世界上我们更喜欢男性的表现
we preference the performanceof masculinity —
以及伴随这种表现而来的力量和特权
and the power and privilegethat come with that performance —
而不是儿童和女性的权利、需要
over the rights and needs and words of children and women.
以及诉求因此
So it will come as absolutely no surprise, probably,
对于在座的人来说
to the people in this room
报告说女性比男性更持久、
that women report being angrier
更强烈地愤怒
in more sustained ways and with more intensity
这是绝对不足为奇的
than men do.
其中的一些原因是
Some of that comes from the fact
我们被社会化了 会反复思考
that we’re socialized to ruminate,
将它藏于心中并自己思考
to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.
但我们也必须找到社会可接受的方法
But we also have to findsocially palatable ways
来表达我们的强烈情感
to express the intensityof emotion that we have
和意识到它给我们带来的不稳定
and the awareness that it brings of our precarity.
所以我们做了几件事
So we do several things.
如果男人知道当女人哭的时候
If men knew how often women were filled
我们是充满了多么炽热的愤怒
with white hot rage when we cried,
他们就会非常吃惊
they would be staggered.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我们使用最小化的语言
We use minimizing language.
“ 我们只是感到沮丧 不 真的 没关系 ”
“We’re frustrated. No, really, it’s OK.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我们自我客观化
We self-objectify and lose the ability
失去能力去认清 表明愤怒的生理变化
to even recognize the physiologicalchanges that indicate anger. Mainly,
但大多情况下
though, we get sick.
我们会生病现在 愤怒与一整套疾病有关
Anger has now been implicatedin a whole array of illnesses
这些疾病随便被视为“妇女疾病”
that are casually dismissedas”women’s illnesses.”
慢性疼痛 自身免疫性疾病 饮食紊乱
Higher rates of chronic pain,autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,
精神痛苦 焦虑 自我伤害 抑郁症的比率较高
mental distress, anxiety,self harm, depression.
愤怒影响我们的免疫系统和心血管系统
Anger affects our immune systems, our cardiovascular systems.
一些研究甚至表明 它影响到死亡率
Some studies even indicatethat it affects mortality rates,
尤其是黑人患癌症的妇女
particularly in black women with cancer.
我厌倦了我认识的女性所受疾病与疲惫的困扰
I am sick and tired of the women I know being sick and tired.
我们的愤怒带来了极大的不适
Our anger brings great discomfort,
而这其中的冲突就在于我们的作用常常是给别人带来安慰
and the conflict comes becauseit’s our role to bring comfort.
有愤怒是可以接受的
There is anger that’s acceptable.
我们可以生气
We can be angry when we stay
当我们在自己的界限中
in our lanes and buttress the status quo.
作为母亲或老师的时候
As mothers or teachers,
我们可以生气
we can be mad,
但我们不能对养育生命的巨大代价感到愤怒
but we can’t be angry about the tremendous costs of nurturing.
我们可以对我们的母亲生气比方说
We can be angry at our mothers.
作为青少年 父权规则和条例
Let’s say, as teenagers –patriarchal rules and regulations —
我们不怪系统 我们责怪她们
we don’t blame systems, we blame them.
我们可以对别的女人生气
We can be angry at other women,
因为谁不爱好勾心斗呢?
because who doesn’t love a good catfight?
我们可以对那些
And we can be angry at men
在种族歧视、仇外主义的社会中
with lower status in an expressive hierarchy
处于社会底层的男性泄愤但是
that supports racism or xenophobia.
我们有巨大的力量
But we have an enormous power in this.
因为感情是我们权威的范围
Because feelings are the purviewof our authority,
人们对我们的愤怒感到不适
and people are uncomfortablewith our anger.
我们应该要让那些听到女人毫无歉意地说不
We should be making people comfortable with the discomfort they feel
会感到不适的人们感到舒服
when women say no, unapologetically.
我们可以以能力而非性别来看待情感和思考
We can take emotions and think in terms of competence and not gender.
能够处理愤怒并
People who are able to process
从中找到意义的人
their anger and make meaning from it
更有创意 更乐观
are more creative, more optimistic,
会与人更亲密 更能解决问题
they have more intimacy, they’re better problem solvers,
更有政治效力
they have greater political efficacy.
我是一个女人 我书写女性和感情
Now I am a womanwriting about women and feelings,
所以很少有权力的男人会
so very few men with power
认真对待我说的话 将它作为一个政治问题
are going to take what I’m saying seriously, as a matter of politics.
我们认为政治和愤怒
We think of politics and anger
就是轻蔑 蔑视和愤怒
in terms of the contempt and disdain and fury
这些正在助长世界各地的大男子-法西斯主义
that are feeding a riseof macho-fascism in the world.
但是 如果它是毒药 它也是解毒剂
But if it’s that poison,it’s also the antidote.
我们有着怀着希望的愤怒
We have an anger of hope,
我们每天都在
and we see it every single day
妇女和边缘化人民的抗拒中看到这种愤怒
in the resistant anger of womenand marginalized people.
它与同情心、同理心和爱相连
It’s related to compassionand empathy and love,
我们也应该认识到这种愤怒
and we should recognizethat anger as well.
问题在于不尊重女性愤怒的社会同样不尊重女性
The issue is that societies that don’t respect women’s anger don’t respect women.
我们愤怒的真正危险不是它会破坏纽带或盘子
The real danger of our anger isn’t that it will break bonds or plates.
它恰恰表明了我们是多么认真地对待自己
It’s that it exactly showshow seriously we take ourselves,
我们期望其他人也认真对待我们
and we expect other peopleto take us seriously as well.
当发生这种情况时 女性很有可能可以
When that happens, chances are very good
在她们愿意的时候微笑
that women will be able to smilewhen they want to.
(掌声)
(Applause)
谢谢你们
Thank you.
(掌声)(欢呼)
(Applause) (Cheers)

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