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人生的关键一课:童年 – 译学馆
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人生的关键一课:童年

The One Subject You Really Need to Study: Your Own Childhood

There is perhaps no greater priority in childhood
童年时期 大概没有什么
than to acquire an education:
比受教育更重要的了
it’s in the early years
尤其是在早期
that we have to push ourselves with special vigour
我们必须专门花些精力来鞭策自己
to learn the lessons, and acquire the experience,
去学些课程并获取经验
this gonna help us to successfully manoeuvre
这能帮助我们游刃有余地避开
around the pitfalls of adult life.
成人生活中的陷阱
By studying hard and intelligently,
通过努力明智地学习
we’ll have the best chance of avoiding a middle-age of
我们可以最大概率地避免中年时期的
confusion and resignation, regret and sorrow.
困惑 无奈 后悔和痛苦
The clue to a successful adult life
我们被再三地叮嘱
– we’re repeatedly told – lies in childhood education.
过好成人生活的秘诀在于儿童教育
It’s for this reason that we send weary children out into the world
因此我们把疲倦的孩子送入世界怀中
on dark winter mornings with full rucksacks
在漆黑的寒冬清晨 背着沉重的书包
in order to spend the day studying
只为了用一天来学习
coordinate geometry and indefinite articles,
解析几何 不定冠词
the social impact of religious and economic changes under Edward VI
爱德华六世时的宗教和经济变革带来的社会影响
and the place of Aristotle’s philosophy in Dante’s Inferno.
以及亚里士多德哲学在但丁《神曲》地狱篇的地位
But there is one very striking detail to note in our approach.
但我们在教育方式上要注意一个重要的细节
The one subject that almost certainly has the most to teach us
有一门课程能让我们受益最多
in terms of its capacity to help us skirt adult dangers
它能帮我们规避成人世界的危险
and guide us to fulfilment,
引领我们实现目标
the subject that far more than any other
比起其他课程
has the decisive power to liberate us,
它在解放我们方面更具有决定性力量
this subject is not taught
地球上任何一所学校和学院
in any school or college anywhere on the planet.
都没有教授这门课程
A further irony is that this unstudied subject
更讽刺的是 这门未教授的课程
is one that we nevertheless live through every day of our early years,
却是我们在早年的每一天都要经历的
it is part of our palpable experience,
它属于可感知经验的一部分
unfolding all around us,
与我们的生活息息相关
as invisible as air and as hard to touch as time.
又像空气一样看不见 像时间一样摸不着
The missing subject is, of course, our childhood itself.
不言而喻 这门缺失的课程便是我们的童年
We can sum up its importance like this:
我们可以这样概括其重要性:
our chances of leading a fulfilled adult life
我们能够过上充实的成年生活
depend overwhelmingly on our knowledge of,
主要取决于
and engagement with, the nature of our own childhoods,
我们对自身童年本质的了解多少和关系如何
because it is in this period
因为正是在这个时期
that the dominant share of our adult identity is being moulded
我们成人身份的主导性格正在形成
and our characteristic expectations and responses set.
个性期望和反应定型
We will spend some 25,000 hours
18岁以前 我们会在父母的陪伴下
in the company of our parents by the age of eighteen,
度过25000个小时
a span which ends up determining
这个时期最终决定了
how we think of relationships and of sex,
我们如何看待人际关系和性
how we approach work, ambition and success,
如何对待工作 目标和成功
what we think of ourselves
如何看待自身
(especially whether we can like or must abhor who we are),
尤其是对于真实的自己 我们是喜欢还是绝对厌恶
what we should assume of strangers and friends
我们应该如何看待陌生人和朋友
and how much happiness we believe we deserve
以及我们认为自己应该得到
and could plausibly attain.
且可能得到多少幸福
More tragically,
更可悲的是
and without anyone necessarily having meant ill,
就算没有人有意要伤害我们
our childhoods will have been, to put it nicely, complicated.
说得好听点 我们的童年也是很复杂的
The expectations that will have formed in those years
在那些年里形成的期望
about who we are, what relationships can be like
关于我们是谁 会有怎样的人际关系
and what the world might want to give us
世界会给我们什么
will have been marked by a range of what could be termed ‘distortions’
会以一系列被称为“扭曲”的事物为标志
– departures from reality and an ideal of mental health and maturity.
即背离了现实和心理健康成熟的理想
Something or indeed many things
有些事 实际上很多事情
will have gone slightly wrong
都会或多或少地出错
or developed in questionable directions –
抑或朝着可疑的方向发展
leaving us in areas less than we might have been
留给我们可能比原来更小的发展空间
and more scared and cowed than is practical.
而我们也会比实际更害怕和胆怯
We may, for example, have picked up a sense that
比如 我们会有一种感觉
being sexual was incompatible with being a good person;
有性欲和成为好人是矛盾的
or that we had to lie about our interests in order to be loved.
或者为了被爱 我们必须隐瞒兴趣
We could have acquired an impression
我们可能有这样的印象:
that succeeding would incite the rivalry of a parent.
成功会激起父母亲的对立情绪
Or that we would need always to be funny and lighthearted
还是说 我们要一直表现得风趣和快乐
so as to buoy up a depressive adult we adored but feared for.
以鼓舞一个我们又爱又怕的压抑成年人
From our experiences,
根据这些经历
we will then acquire expectations,
我们会随之形成期望
or internal ‘scripts’ and patterns of behaviour
内部脚本和行为模式
that we play out unknowingly across adulthood.
这些都会在我们成年后不知不觉地表现出来
Certain key people didn’t take us seriously back then:
过去有些重要的人不把我们当回事:
now we tend to believe(but don’t notice ourselves believing)
现在我们倾向于认为 (但没有意识到自己认为)
that no one can.
没有人把我们当一回事
We needed to try to fix an adult on whom we depended:
我们曾想努力修补一个我们依赖的成年人:
now we are drawn
现在我们被拖拽着
(but don’t realise we are drawn)
(但没有意识到被拖拽)
to rescuing all those that we love.
去拯救所有我们爱的人
We admired a parent who didn’t care much for us:
我们钦佩的父母不太关心我们:
now we repeatedly (but unconsciously)
现在我们不断地(但无意识地)
throw ourselves at distant and indifferent candidates.
拼命讨好那些疏远冷淡的人
One of the problems of our childhoods is
我们童年的问题之一是
that they are usually surrounded by a misleading implication
经常被一种误导性暗示所包围
that they might have been sane.
误认为这些是正常的
What goes on in the kitchen and in the car,
发生在厨房和车里
on holidays and in the bedroom
假日和卧室里的事情
can seem beyond remark or reflection.
似乎是无可言喻的
For a long time, we have nothing to compare our life against.
长期以来 我们的生活无可比拟
It’s just reality in our eyes,
它只是我们眼中的现实
rather than a very peculiar desperately harmful version of it
而不是一个非常特殊的有害版本
filled with unique slants and outright dangers.
其中充满特有的偏见 露骨的危险
For many years, it can seem almost normal
多年来 这看起来几乎是正常的
that dad lies slumped in his chair in quiet despair,
父亲瘫坐在椅子上 陷入无声的绝望中
that mum is often crying
而妈妈总是在哭
or that we’ve been labelled the unworthy one.
我们被贴上了“无用”的标签
It can seem normal that every challenge is a catastrophe
每次挑战都是场劫难
or that every hope is destroyed by cynicism.
每个希望都被冷嘲热讽摧毁 这些似乎也是正常的
There’s nothing to alert us to the oddity of
也没人提醒我们其中的怪异之处
a seven year old having to cheer up a parent
当一个七岁的孩子因为双亲不和
because of the difficulties of her relationship with the other parent.
而不得不取悦其中一方
Unfortunately, the last thing that the oddest parents will ever tell you
不幸的是 最古怪的父母到最后都不会告诉你的是
is that they are odd.
他们才是古怪的
the most bizzare adults
最古怪的成年人
are most heavily invested in thinking of themselves,
费尽心思只考虑自己
and being known to others as normal.
致力于在别人眼中显得正常
It’s in the nature of madness
疯狂的本质就是
to strive very hard not to be thought about.
努力不被人看穿
This drift towards unthinking normalisation
这种不假思索的正常化想法
is compounded by children’s natural urge
与孩子重视父母的
to think well of their parents,
自然冲动相结合
even at the cost of looking after their own interests.
甚至不惜牺牲自己的利益
It is always – strangely – preferable for a child
奇怪的是 一个孩子
to think of themselves as unworthy and deficient
认为自己是没有价值和有缺陷的
than to acknowledge their parent as unstable and unfair.
总比承认父母的多变和偏私要好
The legacy of a difficult childhood
艰难童年的后果
by which one really means a typical childhood –
– 以一个不同于他人的童年来说 –
spreads into every corner of adult life.
蔓延到成人生活的每个角落
For decades, it can seem as though unhappiness and grief
几十年来 不快乐和悲伤
must be the norm.
仿佛就是常态
It may take until a person is deep into adulthood,
它可能会持续到一个人年岁渐长
and might have messed up their career substantially
大体上他们可能会把事业搞得一团糟
or gone through a string of frustrating relationships,
也许经历了数段挫败的感情
that they may become able to think about the connection
直到这时候他们才会思考
between what happened to them in the past
童年的经历
and how they are living as grown ups.
和成年生活之间的联系
Slowly, they may see the debt
慢慢地 他们可能会发现
that their habit of trying fix their adult lovers
由于酗酒母亲的影响
owes to a dynamic with an alcoholic mother.
成年的他们习惯于试图改变恋人
Or over many hours of discussion,
或者经过长时间的探讨
they may realise that there need be no conflict
他们可能意识到
between being successful and being a good person –
成功和善良不存在冲突
contrary to what a disappointed father had once imputed.
这与失望的父亲以往灌输的观念相悖
The focus of present education
当前教育的重点
lies in understanding the outer world.
在于认识外部世界
The system tells us
这个体系告诉我们
that we will finally and optimally have succeeded
当我们掌握了宇宙规律和人类历史
when we grasp the laws of the universe and the history of humanity.
我们终将会成功
But in order properly to thrive,
但为了更好地发展
we will also need to know something far closer to home.
我们还要了解与家更紧密的东西
Without a proper understanding of childhood,
没有对童年的正确理解
it won’t matter how many fortunes we have made,
无论我们赚了多少钱
how stellar our reputation
无论我们的名声有多显赫
or outwardly cheerful our families,
无论我们的家庭表面上多幸福
we will be doomed to founder on the rocks of
我们注定要在
our own psychological complexities;
复杂的心理问题上触礁
we will probably be sunk by
我们可能会陷入
anxiety, a lack of trust, some kind of dread,
焦虑 缺乏信任 某种恐惧
paranoia, rage and self-loathing,
偏执 愤怒和自我厌恶
those widespread legacies of misunderstood childhoods.
以及那些童年误解的大量后遗症
Well meaning people sometimes wonder,
有时出于善意的人们
with considerable hope,
怀着强烈希望
if Sigmund Freud has not after all
怀疑西格蒙德·弗洛伊德的理论
by now been proved ‘wrong’.
至今究竟是不是从未被推翻过
The tricky and humiliating answer is that no,
很难解释而且尴尬的答案是:是的
he never actually will be
实际上 他的真知灼见
in the substance of his insight.
永远不会被证明是错的
Freud’s eternal contribution has been to alert us to the many ways
弗洛伊德的永恒贡献在于 提醒了我们
in which adult emotional lives sit on top of childhood experiences
成人的情感生活在许多方面都建立于童年经历之上
– and how we are made sick by not knowing our own histories.
我们因不了解自己的过去而困难重重
In a saner world, we would be left in no doubt
在相对理性的世界里 我们无疑会感觉到
– and even partially alerted while we were living through them –
– 甚至在我们经受这些时也会略有所觉 –
that our childhoods hold the secrets to our identities.
童年掌控了我们身份认同的秘密
We would know that the one subject we need to excel
我们知道最需要学好的
at above all is one not yet flagged up by the school system
是一门尚未被学校收录的课程
the subject called ‘My Childhood’,
叫做“我的童年”
and the sign that we have graduated in the topic with honours
我们以优异成绩完成这个课题的标志是
is when at last we can know and think non-defensively
我们终于可以毫不设防地了解和思考
about how we are (in small ways and large)
(无论大小事)
a little bit mad,
自己怎么会有点不理智
and what exactly in the distant past
还有究竟是遥远过去的什么
might have made us so.
把我们变成了这样
Our book What Is Psychotherapy
我们的书《心理治疗是什么》
tells us exactly what going through therapy is like
阐述了心理治疗的内容
and why it is so important.
以及它如此重要的原因
To find out more, follow the link on your screen now.
了解更多 速速查看屏幕上的链接

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视频概述

童年对于我们来说,大部分的记忆已是朦胧不清的。可是它却决定了我们的现在,甚至未来。小时候的快乐悲伤,印刻在了我们每个人的成年生活中。我们为之所困,只有上好这一课,才可能与自己和解。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

乏善

审核员

审核员 V

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFKzE52XRmw

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