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性与想象力之间的联系

The Link Between Sex and Imagination | Gina Gutierrez | TED

“Oh, I’m not in the mood”.
“我没那个心情”
Who here has ever told a partner that before?
在座各位谁曾对你另一半这样说过?
[Laughter and murmuring]
[笑声和低语]
We’ve all done this.
我们都这样说过
And if you haven’t said it, then you’ve probably heard it.
就算没说过 你也很可能听说过
Intuitively, we understand that
我们本能地明白
our minds matter when it comes to sex,
涉及性时 我们的所想很重要
but we’re quick to focus on bodies, touch and sensation
但很快我们就聚焦于身体 触摸和知觉
as the most crucial elements.
认为它们是最关键的因素
We’re less likely to consider the role of our imaginations.
我们很少仔细思考想象力的作用
In many parts of our life, we are really great at imagining.
在生活中许多方面 我们真的善于想象
Things like vacations or dream homes or career moves.
比如旅行 梦中情房 或跳槽
These exercises in imagination help us define what it is we want.
这些想象力练习帮助我们确定自己想要的是什么
They allow us to flirt with what’s possible
它让我们在必须做出决定之前
before having to make any decisions.
可以随意想象可能发生的事情
And they’re also innately pleasurable,
想象天生令人愉悦
even if those fantasies never actually materialize.
即使这些想象从未真实发生
Imagination is such a powerful tool.
想象力是如此强有力的一个工具
So when it comes to sex,
所以当涉及性时
why isn’t it one of the first ones that we reach for?
它为什么不是我们首先想到的事情之一呢?
When I first started doing research on arousal and desire,
当我第一次开始做关于唤醒和欲望的研究时
I learned that for women, cognition is as important to arousal
我了解到对于女性 认知对于性唤醒
as the presence of sexual stimuli.
和性刺激对于性唤醒同等重要
In other words, using their memories, fantasies and some focus,
换句话说 凭借自己的记忆 幻想和一些关注
women can turn themselves on with their thoughts.
女性可以靠想象产生快感
This particular study focused on women,
这个特殊的实验侧重于女性
and much of my own work is also focused on people who are female identifying.
我的大多数工作也都聚焦于女性身份的人
But this much is clear regardless of gender identity:
但下面这个说法很明显和性别身份无关
the brain is the biggest sex organ,
即大脑是最大的性器官
and everyone can benefit from expanding their sexual imagination.
并且每个人都能通过展开性想象获得享受
I first started thinking about this connection
我在上大学的时候
between sex and imagination while I was in college.
第一次开始思考性和想象力之间的联系
Back then, among my friends,
那时候 在我朋友的观念里
the definition of sex was extremely narrow.
对于性的定义是极其狭隘的
It essentially meant penetrative sex between a guy and a girl.
它主要表示男女之间发生的插入式性行为
And masturbation wasn’t a topic of conversation.
并且自慰也不在讨论之列
Frankly, I think that solo sex was seen as a last resort,
说实话 我认为人们万不得已才会自慰
a desperate or lonely act
是一种迫切或寂寞的行为
instead of a fundamentally empowering exploration.
而不是一种本质上的赋能探索
One morning, a friend of mine was telling me
某天早上 我的一位朋友告诉了我
about her latest unsatisfying hookup,
她最近一次不尽如人意的约炮
and I asked her what she had been thinking about during sex.
我就问她做爱的时候在想什么
“Hmm,” she said.
“嗯” 她说
“I don’t know.”
“我不知道”
Something about that really struck me.
这种回答真的让我很震惊
Her entire memory of the experience was what had happened physically.
她对于性的全部记忆都是有关身体上的
So many of us think that good sex is something that should happen to us,
我们很多人都认为美好的性生活理应发生在我们身上
that it’s in someone else’s hands, quite literally,
毫不夸张的说 应该在别人的掌控中
We expect a partner, current or future, to be the magical unlock.
我们期待现任或未来的伴侣 是那把神奇的钥匙
Maybe because we feel especially safe with them
可能因为和他们在一起我们感到很安全
or attracted to them
或是被他们吸引
or because they have more experience than we do.
或是因为他们比我们更有经验
But in doing so, we forget our own agency in the matter.
但这样 我们就忘记了自己在这个问题中的角色
We write ourselves and our imaginations out of the pleasure equation.
我们把自己连同想象逐出了这个快乐方程
I had this hunch that my friend, that many of us,
我有预感我的朋友 还有我们中大多数
were experiencing a crisis of inspiration.
都在经历一场灵感上的危机
In the years after college,
毕业后的几年
my fascination with the role of imagination and sexuality only grew.
我对性和想象力之间关系的着迷只增不减
Eventually, I left the career I’d built
最终 我离开了自己创建的事业
to start a company called Dipsea,
开了个公司 名叫Dipsea
which creates stories, audio stories, designed to turn women on.
我们创作有声故事 旨在为女性产生快感
I decided to focus on audio
我决定专注音频
because it’s so immersive and so evocative and so personal.
因为这是一种沉浸式 引人遐想且死私人的体验
Here’s what I mean.
我的意思就是
Feel free to close your eyes and consider where these sounds take you.
大家可以闭上双眼 想象这些声音将你带到何方
[Birds chirping]
[鸟叫声]
[Water flowing]
[流水声]
OK. Open your eyes.
好了 睁开眼
Were those not the sounds you were imagining I’d play?
这不是你想象中我会播放的声音吗?
[Laughter]
[笑声]
Here’s what comes to my mind.
我想到的画面是
I’m in the mountains.
我身处山中
I can feel the sunshine on my face.
我能感受到阳光拂面
I can feel the cool chill coming up off the Alpine water.
感受到阿尔卑斯山的水冒出寒气
I can see the tiny flecks of sparkle in the granite.
我看到花岗石上微光闪闪
I bet that every person in this room is imagining something a little different,
我敢打赌在座各位正在想象的都大体一致
but filled with all sorts of distinct details about the surroundings, about the circumstances.
但是周围环境或条件的细节 却各有特色
Audio is incredible that way.
音频是一种神奇的方式
Erotic audio stories have characters and plot,
色情有声故事有角色和情节
but like the sounds you just heard create a blueprint for your mind
大家刚刚听到声音后 在脑海中形成画面
to then fill in the blanks.
然后细节逐渐丰满
They allow you to develop your own vision of what’s appealing
音频能让你自己想象具有吸引力的画面
in a way that can get lost
但当你在屏幕上看见
when you see something specific or explicit onscreen.
具体清晰的事物时 你的想象就会消失
You may not be ready or interested
你也许不感兴趣或还没准备好
in dipping a toe into erotic audio stories.
尝试性爱有声故事
And that’s OK.
可以理解
So today I’m going to walk you through
今天我将一步步地教给你
how you might get started creating your own stories
如何开始创建属于自己的故事
and activating your own sexual imagination.
并激发出你自己的性想象
I won’t take this too far. You don’t have to follow along right now.
我不会教太多 你不必立马就尝试
But consider this a guide
但你可以把它看作是
for the next time you get a little me time.
下次你自己放松时的指引
[Laughter]
[笑声]
First, you’ll want to settle into your mind
首先 你要平静自己的思绪
the same way that you might start a meditation.
与你开始冥想的方式类似
Then imagine that your mind is like a projector.
接着把你的脑海想象成放映机
Everything you can see and experience is what’s right in front of you.
你能看见和经历的一切就在你面前
Everything to your left, right, behind you,
你的左右和后方的一切
that’s out of frame.
都不用考虑
This is important because while there are thoughts that turn us on,
这个很重要 因为当一些想法令我们兴奋时
there are also thoughts that are incredibly effective at turning us off:
总有另一些强烈的想法让我们没了兴致
stress, shame, insecurities,
压力 羞耻 不安
and also the things that inexplicably ick us out.
还有其它莫名其妙让我们倒胃口的东西
So when a thought appears, that isn’t working
所以当冒出一个想法 说这样不行
and it inevitably will,
当然这种想法不可避免
you’ll be able to sweep it out of frame.
但这时你就能够将它赶出画面外
You can start with your senses.
你可以先从感觉开始
Imagine colors, textures, sounds, images,
想象颜色 质地 声音 图像
anything that gives you sensory pleasure.
任何能给你感官享受的事情
Sometimes I like to imagine cherry blossoms
有时 我喜欢想象樱花
softly floating down from trees.
樱花从树上轻轻掉落
Or I use a fiery pinkish orange or a relaxing blue as a backdrop
或是我把热烈的粉橙色或放松的蓝色作为
for the experience that I’m imagining.
我正在想象的事情的背景
Next, try places.
接下来 场景
And keep in mind that setting will be more important to some of us than to others.
记住相比其他人 场景对有些人更加重要
Reach back into your memory
回忆一下
to that secluded beach you visited many years ago.
多年前你去过的那片僻静的海滩
Or create a setting from scratch with as much privacy and comfort,
或从头开始创建一个私密舒适的环境
or as many adventurous stakes as you like.
或是一个冒险刺激的环境 只要你喜欢
Next think about a person and layer on a narrative.
接着 想象出一个人再加上一个故事
Maybe it’s a character from one of your favorite books.
它可能是你最喜欢的书中的一个角色
Maybe it’s your girlfriend.
可能是你的女朋友
Hey, maybe it’s a guy in a kilt.
也可能是个穿着苏格兰短裙的男人
Whoever it is, how do they approach you?
无论是谁 他们是怎样接近你的?
What’s motivating them?
什么促使他们这样做?
What energy are they coming to you with?
他们靠近你是什么意图?
What about you? What do you say?
你呢 你说什么?
And what do you do together?
你们在一起做什么?
And when you find something that you really like,
当你发现你真正喜欢的事情后
play it out for a while.
试一段时间
You’ll have just designed your own story.
然后你就创建完了自己的故事
The more you flex this muscle,
你的这块肌肉越放松
the more you’ll understand what turns you on
你就越能明白什么会使你兴奋
and be able to communicate those things to a partner.
就越能将这些事情和你的伴侣交流
You can share the entire fantasy with them if you’re comfortable.
如果你感觉较好 可以和你的伴侣共享整个场景
That kind of disclosure can be very intimate and affirming.
这种分享可以是非常亲密和肯定的行为
Or …
或是
don’t.
不分享
It is not a betrayal to use your imagination
运用想象使自己更快乐
to bring you more pleasure.
并不算背叛
Fantasy is a safe space,
想象是一个安全的空间
and it’s time we bust the myth that what you fantasize about
人们总是认为想象中的事情
and what you want to happen in reality
和希望在现实发生的事情是一样的
are always the same thing.
是时候打破这个谬论了
So allow me to offer us a bigger definition of what sex is.
请允许我为大家提供一个关于性的更广泛的定义
Sex isn’t just a physical act.
性不只是身体上的行为
It’s a mental experience.
也是精神体验
And it isn’t wholly dependent on a partner.
并且性行为并非完全依赖于伴侣
It starts with you.
是你说开始
You’re the one in control of creating the most pleasure for you.
你是为自己创造极致快乐的掌控者
You’re the protagonist.
你是主角
As much as you love someone or feel attracted to them,
就像你爱上某个人或是被他吸引
they are playing a supporting role.
他们对你起辅助作用
And you for them.
你对他们也是一样
Sex is an avenue to accessing feelings of
性行为是感受例如活力 能量
aliveness, empowerment, joy and confidence
欢愉和自信等情绪的手段
innate to all of us.
是我们与生俱来的
That aliveness, that is the impact of sexual wellness.
这种活力 是性健康的结果
And you will feel it walking down the street,
当你走在大街上 或参与任何对话
entering any conversation, navigating any relationship.
维护任何关系时 你都能感受到这种活力
Put that way,
如此说来
none of us can afford not to prioritize sex.
没有人能不重视性行为
It isn’t a nice-to-have or an if-I-get-to-it,
性既不是“锦上添花”或“可有可无”
dead last on our list right after picking up the dry cleaning.
更不是和取洗好的衣服一样 放到最后来做
So the next time you notice
所以下次你注意到
that you haven’t been in the mood for a while,
自己有一段时间没有兴致了
carve some time out for yourself
为自己留一些时间
and let your imagination tell you a sexy story.
运用你的想象力给自己讲述一个色情故事
Thank you.
谢谢大家
[Applause]
[掌声]

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视频概述

你有多长时间没有兴致了?做爱的时候你在想什么吗?本视频将带领大家探讨性与想象力之间的联系。

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9zNFDR-OTU

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