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毛绒玩具的重要性

The Importance of Soft Toys

有时候在某些机缘巧合下 你会本能地去抓住对你重要的东东
Sometimes you can catch important things about human nature in apparent incidentals. It’s
这在1到12岁的孩子身上 就能看得出来
well observed that between the ages of around one and twelve, many children manifest a deep
许多孩子会喜欢毛绒玩具 通常是熊熊或者兔子 还有一些喜欢企鹅
attachment to a stuffed soft object, normally shaped into a bear, a rabbit or – less often
他们与毛绒玩具的情感很深 孩子们和它睡在一起
– a penguin. The depth of the relationship can be extraordinary. The child sleeps with
和它说话 在它面前哭泣 跟它说悄悄话
it, talks to it, cries in front of it and tells it things it would never tell anyone
更加神奇的是 它也照顾着主人
else. What’s truly remarkable is that the animal looks after its owner, addressing him
它以一种非同寻常的口吻 成熟又友善的语气 诉说着一切
in a tone of unusual maturity and kindness. It might, in a crisis, urge the child not
它可能在孩子面临挫折时 让他不要担心 要他向往美好的未来
to worry and to look forward to better times in the future. But naturally, the animal’s
但这种特性并非完全是由人们设计出来的 毛绒玩具不过是人们创造出来的事物
character isn’t entirely made up. The animal is simply something invented, or brought to
或许它被孩子们赋予了某些意义 以此来安抚自己受伤的心灵
life by one part of the child, in order to look after the other. The English psychoanalyst
英国精神分析学家Donald Winnicott是第一个认认真真地分析泰迪熊体贴度的人
Donald Winnicott was the first person to write seriously and with sensitivity about the business
在二十世纪六十年代初的一份论文上 winnicott描述了一个6岁小男孩
of teddy bears. In a paper from the early 1960s, Winnicott described a boy of six – whose
他的父母严重虐待他 于是他和他祖母给他的毛绒玩具形影不离
parents had been deeply abusive to him – becoming very connected to a small animal his grandmother
每个晚上 他都会和它对话
had given him. Every night, he would have a dialogue with the animal, would hug him
将它贴近胸口紧紧地拥抱它 埋在它灰色毛发里落几滴泪
close to his chest and shed a few tears into his stained and greying soft fur. It was his
这是他最宝贝的东西 他会为了它放弃一切
most precious possession, for which he would have given up everything else. As the boy
这个男孩把他的情况简略地告诉Winnicott ‘没有人能够理解我 除了我的小兔兔可以’
summarised the situation to Winnicott: ‘No one else can understand me like bunny can.’
令Winnicott惊讶的是 就是这个被小男孩创造的兔子
What fascinated Winnicott here was that it was of course the boy who had invented the
认同他的身份 倾听他的声音 接受他说话的方式
rabbit, given him his identity, his voice and his way of addressing him. The boy was
这个男孩通过兔子这个媒介自言自语 语气里充满了同情与可怜
speaking to himself – via the bunny – in a voice filled with an otherwise all too-rarely
虽然这听起来有点奇怪 但是自言自语在我们生活中很常见
present compassion and sympathy. Though it sounds a little odd, speaking to ourselves
通常当我们这样做的时候 语调会有些刺耳和严苛
is common practice throughout our lives. Often, when we do so, the tone is harsh and punitive.
当我们成为失败者 浪费时间的人 或者堕落的人时 我们会训斥自己
We upbraid ourselves for being losers, time-wasters or perverts. But, as Winnicott knew, mental
但是Winnicott知道 心理健康的人会听到内心深处一个更加温和 更加宽宏大量 更充满希望的声音
well-being depends on having to hand a repertoire of more gentle, forgiving and hopeful inner
为了继续前行 有时候在你的脑海里会一种声音 对另一种声音说
voices. To keep going, there are moments when one side of the mind needs to say to the other
批评的够了 这样的情形可以理解 每个人都会碰到的
that the criticism is enough: that it understands, that this could happen to anyone, that one
这种事不可能预知的…这种温和的声音无可替代
could not have known… It is this kind of indispensable benevolent voice that the child
这声音是在毛绒玩具的帮助下才开始练就的
first starts to rehearse and exercise with the help of a stuffed animal. In adolescence,
步入了青春期后 毛绒玩具就被丢在了一边 他们变得很沮丧
animals tend to get put away. They become embarrassing, evoking a vulnerability we’re
一直以来尽力掩盖的弱点都会暴露出来 但是Winnicott的研究进一步表明
keen to escape from. But, to follow Winnicott, if our development has gone well, what was
如果我们一直是健康的成长着 那曾经我们在毛绒玩具身上获得的安慰也将会延续下去
trialled in the presence of a stuffed animal should continue all of our lives – because,
我们常会令周围的人失望 我们无法的得到他们的理解
by definition, we will frequently be let down by the people around us, who won’t be able
他们不会倾听我们的伤心事 给予我们所渴求所需要的友善
to understand us, listen to our griefs and be kind to us in the manner we crave and require.
所以每个健康的成年人都应该拥有自我安抚的能力
Every healthy adult should therefore possess a capacity for self-nurture: that is, for
让自己退到安全隐蔽的地方 用温柔 鼓励和无限宽容的语气 说给自己听
retreating to a safe secluded space and speaking in a tone that’s gentle, encouraging and
我们不能把自我安慰的能力和那些’白色的兔兔
infinitely forgiving. That we don’t formally label the understanding self ‘white rabbit’
或者黄色的熊熊’所给予我们的安慰相比较 不能把成年人的心理健康
or ‘yellow bear’ shouldn’t obscure the debt that the nurturing adult self owes to
完全归功于毛绒玩具 我们要看到一个健康的成年人需要
its earlier embodiment in a furry toy. A good adult life requires us to see the links between
成长与蜕变的互补 真正走向成熟需要合理地安放自己的情绪
our strengths and our regressive states. Being properly mature demands a gracious accommodation
哪里可以看上去孩子气一些 哪里可以看上去为难一些或者表现地软弱些
with what can seem childlike, embarrassing or humiliatingly vulnerable. We should honour
我们应该为毛绒玩具而感到骄傲 是它帮助我们完成了重要任务–
stuffed animals for what they really are: tools to help us on our first steps in the
如何照顾好自己
vital business of knowing how to look after ourselves.

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翻译译者

Julia

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【MO】CrazyCandy

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCFcfHEDs4M

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