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宁缺毋滥

The High Price We Pay for Our Fear of Loneliness

THE SCHOOL OF LIFE
《生命学院》
It’s not hard to understand the fear of being alone:
人们害怕孤独 理解这一点不难:
the empty apartment after work,
下班后公寓空空荡荡
the eeriness of Sunday afternoons,
周日的午后漫长难耐
the sense of exclusion during the holidays…
节假日里空虚无聊……
We know the agonies of being on our own very well.
我们深知落单的痛苦
What is far less well understood is
但很少有人知道
the enormously high price exacted on the other side of the equation.
这种害怕是需要付出高昂代价的
The fear of being alone
人们对孤独的恐惧
is perhaps responsible for more unhappy relationships,
很可能源于不愉快的关系
more throttling of psychological development
心理发展方面的缺陷
and more pent up misery
以及被压抑的痛苦
than almost any other:
而非其它正面的情感体验
it is by any reckoning one of the single greatest contributors to human misery
总之 孤独是使人痛苦的罪魁祸首
and the driver of some of our weightiest and most unfortunate decisions.
它使我们的人生走向沉重和不幸
If only we were able to get the costs of what is,
要是我们能明白这种害怕的代价
for the most part, a simple misapprehension clear in our minds,
就能在祸患积于忽微之时
we might save ourselves a substantial portion of our lives.
力挽狂澜 避免陷入水深火热
We can pick out at least seven unnecessary penalties:
我们来看看对孤独的害怕带来的代价:
For a start, and most obviously,
首先 最明显的是
people who are afraid of being alone
在熟人面前
make some very wrong choices around the company they keep.
害怕孤独的人会做出错误的抉择
They have no option
他们别无选择
but to privilege anyone over the appropriate one.
只能成为被压倒的西风
They don’t have the strength to be able to hold out
作为第20名或第200名候选人
as one must for the 20th or 200th candidate.
他们是没有足够能力跟别人抢的
The only souls
害怕孤独的人啊
with any realistic chance of ending up with the partner they deserve are those
对于爱情 请你要像它永远也不会来那样生活
who have properly reconciled themselves to the prospect of never being with anyone at all.
这样你才会遇到对的那个人
Being with not quite the right person sounds almost bearable
和不合适的人在一起似乎可以忍受
but extended over time,
但随着时间的推移
like a proverbial pebble in a shoe,
就像俗话说的那样
‘slightly wrong’ ends up indistinguishable from ‘entirely horrific’.
“千里之堤 溃于蚁穴”
Every beautiful location we travel to together will be ruined,
和他旅行 每一帧风景都会被毁掉
every promising moment will be trampled upon,
每一个美好的时刻都会被践踏
every success will be compromised.
每一次成功都会有缺憾
What may begin as slight fractiousness or tedium
原本轻微的烦躁或沉闷
winds up as cataclysmic irritation, self-disgust,
可能会演变成灾难性的愤怒 自我厌恶
sexual misery, broken finances and the kind of excruciating loneliness
性痛苦 财务崩溃 极致孤独接踵而来
that ironically merely and innocently being ‘on our own’
讽刺的是 一个人过活时
would never have the power to generate.
反而不会出现这种情况
Furthermore, when terrified of loneliness,
此外 对于害怕孤独的人来说
we have no strength to argue for our needs within any relationship.
他们没有能力在任何关系中争取自己的权益
One is always at the mercy of the one who fears loneliness less.
害怕孤独的人总被不那么害怕孤独的人摆布
Partners develop an advanced sense of the person who has nowhere else to go.
你若无所适从 别人就会有一种优越感
It’s no use stamping our feet after an argument and saying ‘we’ve had enough’
争吵后跺脚说 “真是受够了” 是没用的
when in reality, everyone knows that we will never have had enough
因为我们知道 自己会一忍再忍
so scared are we of having dinner on our own.
我们太害怕一个人吃饭
We can’t now imagine ever knowing how to change the dishwasher fluid alone,
我们害怕独自更换洗碗液
walking into a party by ourselves
独自参加聚会
or taking the initiative to send our nephews birthday presents,
独自去贺亲友生辰
so used have we become to using the other person to compensate for our weaknesses.
我们习惯依赖他人弥补自己的弱点
We experience none of the bracing,
而人注定是孤独的
but also educative pressures visited upon the single,
只有自己消化不良情绪
who have no choice but to overcome their inhibitions:
除了自救 他人爱莫能助
those brave souls who have to learn how to garden,
孤独的灵魂必须有心种花
go on holidays in the mountains, endure empty weekends,
学着隐居山林 忍受空虚的周末
call up their mother or cook a chicken
问候父母 做做菜
and there by achieve the resilient competence upon which true social discrimination and liberty rest.
在社会歧视和有限自由中锻炼自己的承受力
For those who have too lightly signed away their freedoms,
对于那些因害怕孤独轻易放弃自由的人来说
there are sure to be constant, and searing, reminders of what they have foregone.
肯定会时时追悔往昔
Every party and every walk down a busy street
每一次聚会 每一次走过繁忙的街道
will provide evidence of what might have been,
他们都充满遗憾
all those potentially fascinating or charming members of humanity
那些有魅力的人在追悔中自我消耗
they have now forever been disbarred from getting to know
他们永远不知道自己可以多优秀
because they were so unnaturally scared of having a bed to themselves for a few more years.
因为他们惶惶不可终日 害怕多年后依然孤枕难眠
It isn’t just other people we won’t get to know, it’s also ourselves.
我们不了解他人 也不了解自己
The constant presence of companions stops us from making friends with our own minds,
同伴的纷纷扰扰阻止了我们与自己沟通
and exploring our feelings and ideas in a way
要想探索自己的感觉和想法
that only extended stretches of solitude allow.
唯有通过延长独处时间
We use another person to distract us
若一出现小小的痛苦或自我龃龉
whenever any slightly painful or challenging internal matter comes into view.
就利用其他人来转移注意力
There ends up being so much we won’t ever really feel or understand about ourselves,
那么我们终将无法真正感受或了解自己
so many big questions about our careers and our ultimate purpose that we will ignore,
我们会忽视关于自己职业和终极目标的重大问题
because there was always someone else on hand to chat to about what to order in for dinner.
因为总有其他人在旁边聊晚餐吃什么
Worst of all, we might not even be actively miserable after a while.
最糟糕的是 我们逐渐麻木
We’ll grow used to cosy mediocrity.
我们将习惯平庸
We won’t be curious or restless.
不再感到好奇或不安
We won’t dare as the single must to go up to strangers
我们不敢独自见陌生人
and risk our pride.
也不敢拿自尊来冒险
We’ll stop learning.
我们将停止学习
We’ll believe that we’ve answered our needs completely,
我们不知道自己真正需要什么
but only on the basis of suppressing our knowledge of what our needs really are.
以至于我们认为自己的需求已经完全满足
To start to correct everything
为了及时止损
that stems from this ridiculous fear of being alone,
请停止对孤独的不合理恐惧
we should from a young age learn that
我们需要明白
that being alone never means there is something wrong with us,
孤独并不意味着自己有问题
just that we are being appropriately patient,
我们要有足够的耐心
until what truly satisfies us shows up (if indeed it ever does);
享受孤独 取悦自己
we have a choice; we have not been punished.
我们有选择的权利
We will never learn the true promise of community,
我们要对未来的生活处之泰然
discover our own interests
否则就无法发现自己的兴趣所在
or hold out for the connections we deserve
无法了解社区的真正意义
until we make genuine peace with the prospect of a life by ourselves.
也无法维系和他人的关系
Our online shop has a range of books and gifts
我们的网上商店有一系列的书籍和礼物
that address the most important and often neglected parts of life.
涉及生活中最重要的和经常被忽视的部分
Such as finding a good enough partner
比如如何找到一位足够好的伴侣
and mastering the art of confidence.
掌握自信的艺术
Click now to learn more.
现在点击了解更多详情

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视频概述

不敢一个人去食堂,一个人逛街,慢慢的,不敢一个人见陌生人,后来啊,为了摆脱孤独和不喜欢的人组成家庭……由于害怕孤独,我们做了多少很多自我损耗的事啊

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收集自网络

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员 V

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYncNbM9HMs

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