未登录,请登录后再发表信息
最新评论 (0)
播放视频

被寄予厚望的孩子

The Golden Child Syndrome

我们经常认为成年人的心理问题
We are used to thinking of many of the psychological problems
起源于他们在早年时期
of adulthood as stemming from a lack
缺乏足够的爱
of adequate love in our early years.
而我们之所以心理不健全
We grow mentally unwell
之所以深受不自信 焦虑 偏执 羞耻之害
– prey to underconfidence, anxiety, paranoia and shame
是因为在过去的某一时刻
– because, somewhere in the past,
我们没有得到本应该有的温暖 呵护 同情
we were denied the necessary warmth, care and sympathy.
但是还有另一个古怪而微妙的问题
But there is another, more curious, and more subtle problem that
可能起源于童年
may arise from childhood years:
我们称之为“金童综合症”
what we can term the Golden Child syndrome.
我们被卷入精神上的不健全
We may wind up mentally unwell not so much
也可能不是因为我们被忽视 被粗暴对待
because we were ignored or maltreated
而是因为我们承受着一种与众不同
but because we were loved with a distinctive
令人不安的超强度的爱
and troubling over-intensity,
因为我们因莫须有的或被拔高的能力
because we were praised for capacities
而得到赞扬
that we did not possess and could not identify with
那些明显的善意和潜在的不易觉察的操纵
and because we were asked – with apparent kindness
给我们提出了很多要求
but underlying unwitting manipulation
即要求我们肩负起监护人的希望和憧憬
– to shoulder the hopes and longings of our carers
而不是我们自己内心深处的希望与憧憬
rather than our own deep selves.
在童年时期 还没出生之前
There are childhoods where, upon arrival,
婴儿就很快被一个或多个父母描述为
the infant is quickly described by one or more of its parents
超凡的天才
as profoundly exceptional.
父母堂而皇之地宣布自己的孩子
It is grandly declared
拥有非凡的美丽 聪明 天赋
uncommonly beautiful, intelligent, talented
并坚决为孩子设定特别的命运
and resolutely set for a special destiny.
父母的宏伟愿景无关普通的悲伤
Not for this child the ordinary sorrows and
无关平凡生活中的障碍
stumblings of an average life.
在孩子也许还没有椅子高时
While perhaps still no taller than a chair,
就已经被父母描述成一个
the offspring is firmly described as a figure whose name
世界闻名的人物
will reverberate down the centuries.
表面上看
On the surface, this could seem
这能提供一条蕴含巨大自信和保证的道路
to offer a route to enormous self-confidence and security.
但对于一个连纽扣也扣不好的孩子
But to place such expectations on someone
寄予这样的期盼
who still struggles with their coat buttons can, paradoxically,
只会让孩子感到虚伪和不能胜任
leave a child feeling hollow and particularly incapable.
孩子们并不能感知自己的任何资源可以兑现
Unable to sense any resources within itself to honour the hopes
所喜爱和仰仗的那些大人的希望
of those it loves and depends on,
而潜在的欺骗感熔铸在孩子心底
the child grows up with a latent sense of fraudulence –
始终如一的恐惧终究会浮出水面
and a consistent fear that it will be unmasked.
这种感觉立刻结束
It winds up at once grandly expecting
并期待其他人认识到耸人听闻的命运
that others will recognise its sensational destiny
完全不能确定为什么或怎样到达这个地步
– and entirely unsure as to why or how they might in fact do so.
“金童”不能摆脱特殊感
The Golden Child can not shake off a sense
而且不能搞明白
that it is very special – and yet can’t identify
为什么会如此的真正理由
within itself any real grounds why it should be so.
而孩子潜在的渴望不是彻底改变国家
Its underlying longing is not to revolutionise
名噪一时
nations and be honoured across the ages;
而是置身于默默无闻 犹犹豫豫的现实中
it is to be accepted and loved for who it is,
也能以本来面目被接受 被爱
in all its often unimpressive and faltering realities.
他们希望自己的所作所为被真实地看待与接受
It wishes, as we all do, to be seen and accepted for itself;
错误和弱点被忘记 被承认
to have its faults and frailties forgiven and acknowledged,
而非被否认 被掩盖
rather than denied or glossed over.
而最终真正的现实是——
It is in the end
当因没做并永远不会做的事情受称赞时
as much of an insult to one’s authentic reality –
孩子们会感到侮辱
and as psychologically painful –
当因一些莫须有的罪名受到攻击和谴责时
to be praised for great things one hasn’t done and could never do,
孩子们会经历生理上的痛苦
as to be attacked and blamed for sins one is innocent of.
这种现象表明真正的爱应该包含一种
The phenomenon suggests that true love should involve an
对孩子最后的世俗成功程度的不可知论
agnosticism around a child’s eventual level of worldly success.
理想的成功应该无关父母
It should ideally not matter to the parent where a child ends up –
更精确的说孩子走向何处只和当前有关
or rather, it should matter only in so far as,
并只和孩子有关
and no further than, it matters tothe child.
将自己的孩子看作“金童”当然不是有意残暴
Parents who see their child in golden terms are not – of course – consciously cruel.
父母只是拥有悲剧性的热情
They are merely, with tragic fervour,
拥有不能找到更好目的地的误导性的能量
misdirecting energies that have failed to find a better destination,
而孩子则秘密地被要求履行一个事业
the child covertly being asked to redeem a career
一个不会如预期进展的事业
that did not go as expected,
孩子由此陷入了一种无法释放的压抑心情
a depressed mood that did not lift
一种已证实的异常的难以忍受的婚姻
or a marriage that proved unusuallyintolerable.
随时间流逝
The Golden Child is, over time,
当被投注的希望不能实现
destined for a moment of breakdown
“金童”注定走向崩溃
when the hopes invested in it fail to be realised.
而金色的未来开始于纯净
The Golden Future will, it starts to be clear,
它从不物质化 却有一个更大的奖赏在等候着
never materialise, but a bigger prize awaits:
一种从期望中解放的感觉
a feeling of liberation from expectations
总是和现实无关
that were always disconnected from reality.
“金童”需要自由地欣赏重要的真相
The Golden Child is freed to enjoy a momentous truth:
需要一种不用为了有价值
that a life does not need to be golden
而变成金色的生活
in order to be valuable;
因为我们可以一种次级的金属形式活着
that we can live in baser metal forms,
做白镴或铁
in pewter or iron,
也依然值得被爱 并有足够的尊严
and still be worthy of love and adequate self-esteem.
尽管这样一来孩子就无法实现
And, even though this has nothing to do with
最初被要求肩负的厚望
the original expectations one was asked to shoulder,
但这个实现却是
that realisation will be the truly
真正的例外的成就
exceptional achievement.
如果你喜欢本视频
If you enjoyed our film
请订阅我们的频道
please subscribe to our channel
并点击铃铛按钮打开通知
and click the bell icon to turn on notifications.
了解更多有关自我的知识
To learn more about Self-Knowledge
请点击屏幕下方的链接
follow the link on your screen now.

发表评论

译制信息
视频概述

有多少父母愿意放养孩子?又有多少孩子被寄予厚望,过着梦想被拔高、压力山大的生活?

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员YZ

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkSGP3Sk14U

相关推荐