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在公共场所单独用餐面临的挑战 – 译学馆
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在公共场所单独用餐面临的挑战

The Challenge of Eating Alone In Public

你到一个小镇出差几天
We’re spending a few days on business
在那儿没有认识的人
in a town where we know no one.
晚餐时间在旅馆待得有点闷
It’s dinner time and feeling claustrophobic in our hotel room.
你游走在大街上 想找个地方吃饭
We wander the main streets, looking for a place to eat.
酒吧和餐馆挤满了情侣
The bars and restaurants are filled with loving couples
以及愉快地聚在一起的朋友
and animated groups of friends.
你默默地走进一家餐馆
We gingerly enter a dinner,
但当你进入了那种温馨的气氛时
but as we take in the warmth and convivial atmosphere
突然一股强烈的自我意识席卷而来
we’re struck by acute self-consicenceness.
你满脸通红笨拙地离开了餐馆
We blush crimson and clumsily turned to leave
朝你走来的服务员都没来得及给你安排座位
before an approaching waiter has had the chance to offer us a seat.
最后你在车站小摊上买了干面包
We eventually find a dried-out sandwich at the station kiosk
在公园的椅子上默默地啃着 旁边几只鸽子虎视眈眈
which we eat furtively on a park bench near some loitering pigeons.
在公共场所单独用餐
Eating alone in public
对一个人的心理是个极大的挑战
can be one of the great hurdles of psychological life.
就像是一场奇怪的审判
It can be an exceptional trial because
因为它逼着我们去直面一些想法
because it forces us to wrestle with a set of thoughts
那些大部分时间
that for most of our lives
都被我们成功压制的想法:
we successfully push to the back of consciousness:
我们本质上是不被接受的存在
that we are in essence an unacceptable being
几乎从出生开始就被污染被抛弃
tainted almost from birth, an outcast
没有生病但就是吸引不了他人
non specifically diseased, unattractive to others
一个十足的笑柄 被公然嘲笑的对象
an object of quiet ridicule or open mockery
不值得爱而且罪大恶极
undeserving of love and sinful to the core.
拒绝自己单独坐的时候 我们可能想的没有这么清楚
We may not have this explicit thesis in mind as we decline to sit down by ourselves
但我们尴尬的程度却表达了
but the scale of our embarrassment speaks
那些潜藏的对自身存在的怀疑
speaks of a latent suspicion of our own being.
成年人觉得自己多可爱
How lovable we can feel as adults
很大程度上取决于小时候
is in large measure the result of how we’ve been looked after
主要家庭成员的照顾方式
by a few significant figures in childhood.
人不是生来就懂得爱自己
No one is born with a capacity to love and enjoy themselves on their own.
我们学会安慰照顾自己
We learn to soothe and care for ourselves
从第一次看到他人对自己温柔的眼光开始
by first experiencing the tender gaze of someone else.
然后学会把他们的温柔内化
And then internalizing their reassurance and kindness
多年来在孤立无援时以此安慰自己
replaying it to ourselves in isolated circumstances down the years.
那些不怕独自用餐的人是幸运的
The lucky ones among us those with no compunction about ordering a meal at a table for one
他们以前肯定从他人的赞赏获得了安全感
must somewhere in the distant past have grown secure through others’ admiration.
使他们不会怀疑饭店领班在偷偷嘲弄自己
By which we now ward off suspicions that the head waiter is sniggering
角落里的情侣也在嘲笑自己
and the couple in the corner are teasing us.
当我们还是个没有枕头大的婴儿时
We, who were perhaps at that time not larger than a pillow
强烈地觉得自己有权存在
will lend a powerful sense that we had a right to exist
我们是整个世界的财富其他人见到我们应该感到高兴
that we were an asset to the world that others should be pleased to see us.
哪怕照顾我们的人早已离去
All of which means that now even when the caregivers are long gone
我们得到的爱
the charge of love we imbibed
依然使我们相信隔壁桌的笑声是善意的
lends us an impression that the laughter from the next table is innocent
我们理应得到一篮面包和晚报
and that we deserve to be brought another basket of bread and the evening paper.
不幸的是很多人没有这样的情感保护
But, the less fortunate among us have no such emotional blanket.
无论取得怎样的成就或地位
Whatever our accomplishments or status
总感觉所有人都在嘲笑自己
we’re never far from a sense that everyone is mocking
并有伤害自己的正当理由
and would have good reason to try and harm us.
我们需要努力去做那些其他人天生就能做到的事
We need, with a conscious effort, to do what others have learnt automatically.
我们得自己安慰自己
One side of the mind needs to comfort the other.
发出自己从未听到过的令人安心的声音
Must make the reassuring noises we never natively received.
得自己安抚自己因为别人从没做过
Must soothe us because no one else ever did.
即使独自一人在餐馆吃饭
Although we’re on our own in the restaurant at the moment,
我们还是要努力去憧憬余生
we must strive to hold onto a picture of the rest of our lives.
前两天你和朋友笑谈
Two days ago, we were laughing with our friends
一些你们认识的人的趣事
of whom we do have some great examples.
或许第二天你就会和一些同事吵架
Tomorrow, we’ll be in an intense discussion with some colleagues.
我们都曾被爱过 被人紧紧抱在怀里
We have been loved and held tightly in other’s arms before.
现在我们得靠自己 但这并不意味被社会抛弃
We’re on our own right now but we’re not social outcasts after all.
我们应该时刻记着
We should remember along the way
没有几个人老想着我们
how little anyone ever thinks of us in a best possible sense.
事实上大部分人都只关心自己
Everyone is, for the most part, gloriously indifferent to everyone else.
与一群朋友开玩笑的人
The person cracking a joke with a group of friends
不会浪费好好的一个晚上来嘲笑我们
has not rerouted their evening to try and mock us.
与同伴侃侃而谈的人
The attractive individual deep in conversation with a companion
或许是在谈论他们对新工作有多迷茫
maybe talking about how lost they are in their new job.
他们没在猜测我们有多孤独多丑陋
They aren’t speculating on how isolated or ugly we are.
那只是我们自己脑海里的声音
Those are voices in our heads not theirs.
我们应该这样安慰自己
We should take comfort to from the idea that there is at points
作为一个局外人 有独特的尊严甚至是高贵的
a distinct dignity and even grandeur to being an outsider.
不要总是和一群人待在一起
To not always being part of the pack
用点时间来脱离社会流
to taking time to step outside the normal social flow
从而使自己从独特的角度思考人性
in order to consider humanity from an oblique, solitary angle.
那些暂时孤独的人更有可能具备洞察力
The temporarily friendless and isolated person has privileges and the possibility for insights
总和朋友待一起闲聊的人反而没有
denied to those always surrounded by the easy chatter of their acquaintances.
著名“孤独用餐”冠军——美国画家爱德华·霍普
The great champion of the lonely diner, the American painter Edward Hopper
清楚知道如何给独处的人添加恰到好处的魅力
knew how to lend appropriate prestige to those who are on the outside.
他们的想法不被周遭认可
Who can nurture ideas not sanctioned by the crowd
孤独升华了他们的灵魂使其他人想和他们做朋友
whose loneliness deepens their soul and may make others long for their friendship.
比如作品《Automat》的主人公一点也不可怜
The central figure in “Automat” is far from an object of pity.
她是一个有深度有洞察力的人
She is a center of quiet depth and insight
人们会想要和她坐一起
we might yearn to sit with her
却不会想:她一个人坐好可怜
rather than feel sorry that she’s as yet on her own.
独自用餐时感到焦虑是正常的
It is in the nature of the anxiety around eating alone
我们以为只有自己这样
that we feel we’re the only ones to suffer from it.
但其实还有好多
We should take comfort in numbers.
和我们一样的人
There are many of us out there.
我们可能不习惯一个人用餐但我们并不可怜
And those of us who are timid in this field are not wretched or pitiable.
我们只是需要独自思考的时间
We’re just taking time to contemplate things from the outside for a while.
在这个过程中我们时刻准备迎接
And we will, in the process, be readying ourselves
友谊和自我认知到来的时候
for the deepest kinds of friendship and self-knowledge when these come along.
我们的“透视卡”提供了一些工具让我们对生活的因果报应有了更明智的看法
Our Perspective Cards feature tools for a wiser karma perspective on life.
在困难的时候帮助我们冷静下来
They help to restore calm and clarity even during difficult times.

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视频概述

你是否也害怕独自一人在公共场所用餐?是否觉得旁边人都在嘲笑你?仿佛自己被世界孤立?有这些想法是正常的,而且很多人都会这么想?那么,当我们在公共场所一个人吃饭时为什么会有这种想法?我们该怎么做?

听录译者

WeiRan

翻译译者

Vicky

审核员

审核员_AK

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB9GhE2Jk98

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