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孤独的艺术

The Art of Loneliness

We got a new guy a couple months ago.
几个月前 我们这儿来了一位新人
Not just a new guy,but a first timer.
他初来乍到 是个新手小白
So it’s always interesting getting a new guy
新人的到来总会带来些乐趣
because you can sort of see yourself in them
因为你可以从他们身上看到自己的影子
and vicariously experience when you first got sent in here,
你不用再次体验自己初入职场时的情形
without actually needing to experience it for yourself again.
而是通过他们间接地体会那段经历
You wouldn’t think you would want to even vicariously do that,
你也许认为 自己根本不会这样做
considering how surface level, horrible the experience is,
因为这段经历太肤浅 太糟糕
but there’s always something appealing about it.
但其中也有其吸引人的地方
It’s sort of a reminder of how far you’ve come, I suppose.
比如 我认为这段经历会提醒你进步了多少
When he first came in, you could see it on his face
当那个新人初入职场 你能从他脸上看到
The same look every guy has when they enter into this new world for the first time.
每个初出茅庐的新人都会作出的表情
It’s an awareness of uncertainty paired with a refusal to accept it.
他对未来的不确定 以及对新环境的抗拒
Fear masked by bravado.
用虚张声势掩饰恐惧
The kind of bravado that needs bravado to prove itself;
总是通过逞强来证明自己”吹嘘出来的”能力
the self-announcing sort,
这不过是一种自吹自擂
which is almost always a surefire sign that there exists a fear in the person
这几乎彻底表明了他仍心存恐惧
that the person hasn’t even yet braved confronting.
且还没勇气面对这种恐惧的事实
It was carried in the way he walked and talked.
从他的言行举止中就可以看出
He was still hopeful that he could force his way through the whole thing.
他希望自己能闯过每一关
He was still hopeful that it wouldn’t be what he knew deep down it would.
也希望事情不会像他所想的那样向坏处发展
New guys always do this, I did it
新人都会这样 我当初也是如此
The first day is the worst.
第一天是最糟糕的
And then the next several dozens of days after aren’t really that much better.
在接下来的几十天里情况也并没有好转多少
You sort of exist in a weird state of limbo for a while,
当遭到否定时
while you go through the process of denial.
你会处于一种奇怪的迷失状态中
Not even just conscious denial, but a natural resistance to your new circumstances.
不仅会有意识地否定新环境 更会对其产生本能的抗拒
The first weeks and sometimes the first months are just a transitioning period
最初的几周或几个月就是一个过渡阶段
where your mind seems to have a lag time behind reality.
这时你的思想似乎滞后于现实
For a while, you are literally in this new world,
这段时间 你确实处于一个新环境
but all your senses and expectations are still in the old.
但你的所有感知和期待仍然处在旧环境中
And in this, you find yourself sort of searching for something that doesn’t exist anymore,
这时候 你会发现自己在寻找一些不复存在的东西
fighting against the nothingness met by your expectations.
并与自己落空的期待抗争
This is the hardest part.
这是最难的部分
Coming to terms with the change.
但你只能接受这种改变
And until you’ve come to terms with being isolated and confined from your previous world,
在你逐渐接受自己与过去的世界相分离的事实之前
you definitely haven’t come anywhere close to figuring out how to be ok with it.
你肯定都不知道如何去适应新环境
Eventually though, you do.
但到最后 你会适应的
And for some, you even come to like it.
有的人 甚至会开始喜欢上这种新环境
But first, for most people, including myself,
但对包括我在内的大多数人来说
as the initial days start to flip into weeks and months,
在最难熬的日子持续几周或几个月后
you seem to dip, for at least some period of time, into hopelessness.
你可能至少会陷入绝望一段时间
It seems, for some reason, you have to go there first;
似乎无论怎样你都要经历一次
as if hopelessness is always on the way between two different states of hopefulness,
在抛弃旧希望 找到新希望之前 你总要经历绝望
and it’s the only way through to other side.
并且这是通往希望的唯一路径
I think anytime you’re confronted with how little control you have;
当你因为所有事情脱离自己掌控而挣扎时
how cruel everything including yourself can be;
当感到周围的一切甚至甚至自己都无比残酷时
how easily everything can be taken away or flipped on its head,
当你感到自己的一切都能被轻易地夺走 被颠覆时
and how truly helpless, dissolute, and alone you are;
当你感到极度无助 放纵 孤独时
the only way to keep hope is to quickly touch hopelessness first
通向希望的唯一路径是尽早经历绝望
and feel how bad it hurts.
亲身体验其带来的痛苦
It’s like a little kid touching a hot stove or light bulb,
就像小孩子碰热炉子或灯泡
You almost don’t believe it’s that bad.
你不相信这样做真的会很疼
Or for some reason, you’re just curious about how bad it really is,
或者出于某种原因 你只是好奇这到底有多疼
and you have to touch it to believe it.
你一定要碰一碰 才会相信这真的很疼
Once you have, though, you’re pretty much ready to take your hand off as soon as possible
一旦尝试过 你就会尽快缩回手
and find some other way to live.
转而去寻找其他方式
That’s how it was for me at least.
至少对我来说是这样的
Some people seem to get stuck there, though.
但还是有人纠结于此
Sadly, some people like the additional pain.
遗憾的是 有些人喜欢额外的痛苦
Even after it had been something like 2 or 3 weeks since the new guy got here,
尽管新人已经来了两三周了
he was still antsy every day, all day;
他仍然整天都坐立不安
causing fights, acting strange, forcing himself into this and that.
他会引发争斗 举止怪异 强迫自己做这做那
Even when he was physically doing nothing,
即使他什么都不做
you could see him racing around in his head,
你也能感受到他内心的焦灼
anxious and guilty of his procrastination with reality.
因为对接受现状的拖延而感到焦躁和愧疚
In truth, you’re always isolated in yourself,
事实上 你总是将自己与外界隔离
in your own isolated section of the universe,
将自己隔离在宇宙中的一个角落
but in here, you feel it both metaphysically and physically.
但在职场上 你同时感受到在精神上和肉体上的绝望
And I think that’s why it’s so much harder to confront.
我想这就是人们难以面对恐惧
But equally essential.
但同时面对恐惧也很重要的原因
It took me a couple months to properly get passed it myself.
即便是我 也花了好几个月去适应环境
Eventually, though, you don’t have a choice.
所以无论怎样 你都别无选择
You either go mad fighting your present reality or you face it.
你要么因对抗现实而发疯 要么就面对它
And then, eventually, you wake up
直到最后 你回首发现
and what once felt completely foreign, feels completely normal.
曾经感到完全陌生的东西
And you almost never even notice.
在不知不觉中变得日常起来
Everything becomes a different normal than the normal before,
现在的一切日常与之前的日常不同
but it feels no less normal.
但你不会感到奇怪
That’s the interesting part about normal;
这就是“日常”的有趣之处
that it’s essentially always the same no matter what form it takes.
无论它是什么形式 本质上都是一样的
As soon as something becomes normal, it feels the same as any other normal.
一旦某件事变成日常 它就会和其他日常毫无区别
Normal is just normal.
日常就是正常
Life can somehow be entirely different, and yet it will likely, at some point, feel mostly the same.
生活会发生巨大的变化 但最终它会变成日常
I once read that after every 7 years or so,
我曾读过一本书 书中写到
every cell in the human body has completely regenerated
人体内的每个细胞每隔7年左右就会完全再生
and the body becomes made entirely of a different collection of physical material.
也就是身体已经完全由不同的物质组成
At which point, nothing that was once you is you anymore.
也就是说 现在的你不再是过去的你
And across 7 years, your life circumstances are likely different too,
在这7年的时间里 你的生活环境就算没有完全改变
If not completely different.
也多少会有所不同
Meaning both your interior physical state and exterior circumstances
这意味着你的内在身体状态和外在环境
are constantly changing completely,
不断地进行着完全的改变
and yet you always feel mostly the same.
但是你却并未觉察出异样
At least, in the sense that you still feel like you.
至少 你仍感觉自己没有改变
It seems as if all processes of change in life are sifted through the same colander of self
生活中所有的变化过程似乎都是通过同样的自我筛选而来的
and the only thing that is ever consistent on any level in any circumstance
唯一在任何层面上都一成不变的东西
is that thing inside your head
就是你脑子里的东西
that continually identifies you with you,
无论周围发生了什么事
despite what’s going on around and through it.
都会使你与自身保持同一
And that’s sort of ultimately what it all comes down to, I think,
我认为 这种”同一”归根结底就在于
how well you exist with that strange, central you
主体的自我 与那个陌生的 以自我为中心的
that observes all the other dynamic and constantly changing yous.
观察所有外部变化 且不断变化的自我相处得有多融洽
If anything, is this that solitude and separation provides.
若并非如此 那么这种“同一”是否来自独处和隔离
The value and reformative nature of confinement is, at least for me,
至少于我而言 独处的价值和在独处中自我提升
not necessarily to develop into a different person,
并不在于让自己有多大变化
but to properly face the strange, painful, difficult,
而在于正确地面对迷茫 痛苦 困难
and almost inexplicable person you might really be.
以及令人费解的真正的自己
The person who isn’t even really a person,
一个不能称得上是”人”的人
but the thing that lacks a complete and obvious person,
一个不完整 了无新意的人
but longs relentlessly for one.
却也一直渴望成为真正的人
The truth of what you might be,
事实是 你可能会变成
that you went to great, massive efforts to otherwise avoid.
你花费巨大努力避免成为的那种人
And instead, you direct your efforts to learn how to live with this,
你要转移努力方向 和这样的自己相处
rather than always lashing and flailing away from it.
而非总是逼自己摆脱这样的你
That’s where the real trouble came from for me anyway.
对我来说 这就是真正的困难所在
Eventually, if you’re strategy is to flail violently against yourself in an effort to overtake it,
如果你的策略是强硬地逼自己压倒自己
you’ll end up going to the end of the world,
那么 你将会走到世界的尽头
losing everything you have and love,
失去你所拥有的 你爱的一切
just to ultimately end up being put here,
最终又回到这个困境
to confront the same fact that you knew all along;
面对那个你始终了然于心的事实
that you always go with you.
即 你不能摆脱你自己
Arguably, some level of solitude is inevitable in any life.
按理说 任何人都不可避免地感受到不同程度的独立
But perhaps, some level of deeper, intentional solitude is necessary for a good one.
但至少在某些时候 有一定深度的
At least for a period of time.
刻意选择的独处也不失为一个好选择
Even in a crowd of thousands of people,
尽管人海茫茫
every person is ultimately alone inside their head;
到头来 每个人的内心都是独立的
as a solitary receiver of everything.
每个人都独自接收外界的所有讯息
Everything and everyone is experienced individually,
万事万物都会经历不同的事情
skull by skull, moment by moment, once, for all eternity.
每时每刻 陆陆续续 直到永远
And so, what does it mean to be a solitary receiver
那么 当你独自接收到外界的噪音
you can’t barely stand it
这意味着什么呢
Perhaps some decent amount of solitude grants you the first step
也许 适当的独处时间能让你
in confronting just how broken the receiver inherently is;
迈出直面自己内心颓废的第一步
finally letting you hear the static buzz that’s been humming in the background of everything,
最后 当所有事物停止 万籁俱寂时
that you can only notice when nearly everything else turns down.
你听到了世界喧嚣之后”嗡嗡”的背景声
At first, this humming drove me crazy;
一开始 这种嗡嗡声让我发疯
sometimes to the brink of all hopelessness;
甚至一度将我推到绝望的边缘
but then, like everything else, you begin to adapt.
但就和其他事情一样 你开始适应
You begin to better accept it,
你开始更好地去适应它
learn how to live with it, and use it properly,
学会如何接受并正确使用它
now that you know what’s been there causing most of the problems.
现在你知道这些问题的成因了吧
Granted this is all just my experiences,
当然这只是我的经历
and I don’t wish to portray it as anything but that.
除此之外 我不愿将自己的经历描绘成另外的样子
Nor do I wish to portray any conclusive awareness as to how I might turn out
关于我会变成什么样 我不会作出任何结论
and what this all might equate to when my term is over,
更不会说这段经历后 我会得到什么样的结果
and I’m finally released back into the world.
我最终会回到这个世界
I think it probably takes a full lifetime to ever know what you really are
我想 人可能要花一生的时间才了解到自己的本心
and what good anything was for you.
去了解任何对自己有好处的事物
But if there’s any hope inever being ok in any version of life, despite this;
哪怕情况不同 人生境遇不同 我们仍心存希望 愿一切安好
any hope in ever feeling like one has any level of agency over themselves
愿在这个混乱的外部世界中
while in the chaos of the outside world;
能在不同程度上掌控自己的人生
I think one must first be able to feel ok and in control of themselves
我认为 一个人首先要在精力集中时
when nearly all other factors of distractions have been subtracted,
能够从容地适应和控制自己
and your freedom and sense of life
并将你自由和生命意识
has been narrowed all the way down to your skull-sized domain.
一直缩小集中到你的脑袋里
I know everyone in here doesn’t have the luxury of hope,
我知道并非所有人能做到如此
but for those that do,
但对于那些做到的人
I think it would only be but another crime to squander it.
也不应去挥霍它 那无异于犯罪
And I was happy to see that after about 3 or 4 months in, the new guy chilled out;
我很高兴能看到新人在三四个月后冷静下来
stopped causing fights; stopped acting crazy;
停止引发矛盾和疯狂的行为
it’s mostly always the same.
多数情况下 这都是必经的阶段
Eventually, everyone figures out how to be ok.
最后 每个人都会找到让自己振作起来的办法
Eventually, you don’t have a choice.
最后 你再也没有选择的余地

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视频概述

每个人都是孤独的,尤其是进入一个新的环境,那种彷徨无助的感觉更为激烈,重点是如何去适应它,接受它,最终,它会成为你生活中的一部分,成为你的日常。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Mr.Freedom

审核员

审核员LG

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEUp-_LWY1o

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