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科技并没有改变爱,让我告诉你原因 – 译学馆
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科技并没有改变爱,让我告诉你原因

Technology hasn't changed love. Here's why | Helen Fisher

我最近正在新几内亚的高地旅行
I was recently traveling in the Highlands of New Guinea,
我访谈了一位有三个老婆的男人
and I was talking with a man who had three wives.
我问他 “你想要多少个老婆?”
I asked him, “How many wives would you like to have?”
他停顿了很长时间
And there was this long pause,
我就想着
and I thought to myself,
他会说5个?
“Is he going to say five?
还是10个呢?
Is he going to say 10?
或许是25个呢?
Is he going to say 25?”
结果他向我靠过来
And he leaned towards me
小声说道 “一个都不想要”
and he whispered, “None.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
当今 86%的人类社会允许 一个男人有好几个妻子
Eighty-six percent of human societies permit a man to have several wives:
一夫多妻制
polygyny.
但在这些文化中的大多数里
But in the vast majority of these cultures,
实际有多个妻子的男性仅有5%~10%
only about five or ten percent of men actually do have several wives.
有多个伴侣可是件令人牙疼的事
Having several partners can be a toothache.
事实上 妻子们之间会产生打斗
In fact, co-wives can fight with each other,
有时甚至会毒害对方的孩子
sometimes they can even poison each other’s children.
而且你必须得有很多的牛羊
And you’ve got to have a lot of cows, a lot of goats,
大量的金钱和土地
a lot of money, a lot of land,
才能建立起一个(妻妾成群的)后宫
in order to build a harem.
我们是一种双纽带的种群
We are a pair-bonding species.
97%的哺乳动物不用双方一起抚育儿女
Ninety-seven percent of mammals do not pair up to rear their young;
但人类却是这样做的
human beings do.
我并不是建议
I’m not suggesting that we’re not —
人类在性方面无需彼此忠诚
that we’re necessarily sexually faithful to our partners.
我研究过42种文化中的外遇行为
I’ve looked at adultery in 42 cultures,
我理解 其实 这其中有基因的原因
I understand, actually, some of the genetics of it,
而有一些则是大脑回路的问题
and some of the brain circuitry of it.
这在整个世界都非常普遍
It’s very common around the world,
但爱是我们与生俱来的能力
but we are built to love.
科技如何能改变爱呢?
How is technology changing love?
我认为根本没有
I’m going to say almost not at all.
我从事大脑相关的研究
I study the brain.
我和我的同事们对100多人进行了大脑扫描
I and my colleagues have put over 100 people into a brain scanner —
包括那些刚刚坠入爱河的人
people who had just fallen happily in love,
刚在爱情里被拒的人
people who had just been rejected in love
以及长期被爱包围的人
and people who are in love long-term.
是的 长期处于热恋是有可能的
And it is possible to remain “in love” long-term.
很早之前我就说过
And I’ve long ago maintained
人类为了能够求爱和繁衍后代
that we’ve evolved three distinctly different brain systems
进化出了三个截然不同的大脑系统
for mating and reproduction:
性冲动
sex drive,
浓烈的浪漫情怀
feelings of intense romantic love
以及对长期伴侣深层的强烈的依赖感
and feelings of deep cosmic attachment to a long-term partner.
这三种大脑系统
And together, these three brain systems —
和大脑中的其他部分结合起来
with many other parts of the brain —
控制着人类的性欲的、浪漫的以及家庭的生活
orchestrate our sexual, our romantic and our family lives.
但它们深藏在大脑皮质下
But they lie way below the cortex,
在大脑边缘系统下 即人类感受情绪
way below the limbic system where we feel our emotions,
产生情绪的区域
generate our emotions.
它们位于大脑中最原始的区域
They lie in the most primitive parts of the brain, linked with energy,
和能量 注意力 渴望度 动力机欲望和驱动力相关联
focus, craving, motivation, wanting and drive.
在这里
In this case,
便是为了赢得人生最大奖的动力
the drive to win life’s greatest prize:
一位配偶
a mating partner.
这些大脑系统早在440万年前 就从人类最早的祖先中进化而来
They evolved over 4.4 million years ago among our first ancestors,
而不管你怎么在Tinder(社交软件)上左右滑屏 它们都不会发生变化
and they’re not going to change if you swipe left or right on Tinder.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
可以肯定的一点是 科技正在改变人类的生活方式 比如求爱
There’s no question that technology is changing the way we court:
电子邮件 短信
emailing, texting,
表达情感的符号
emojis to express your emotions,
色情短信
sexting,
给照片或自拍点赞…
“liking” a photograph, selfies …
关于如何求爱有了新的规则和禁忌
We’re seeing new rules and taboos for how to court.
但是
But, you know —
这真的彻底改变了爱吗?
is this actually dramatically changing love?
来看看上个世纪40年代后期
What about the late 1940s,
那时候汽车刚大受欢迎
when the automobile became very popular
我们突然有了会滚动的卧室
and we suddenly had rolling bedrooms?
(笑声)
(Laughter)
再来看看引进避孕药这件事
How about the introduction of the birth control pill?
因为从怀孕的巨大风险和社交的破坏中解放出来
Unchained from the great threat of pregnancy and social ruin,
女性终于可以释放她们最原始的性本能
women could finally express their primitive and primal sexuality.
但就连征婚网站的出现都没有改变爱
Even dating sites are not changing love.
我是Match.com的首席科学顾问
I’m Chief Scientific Advisor to Match.com,
已经干了11年了
I’ve been it for 11 years.
我一直告诉他们而且工作人员也认同我的意见
I keep telling them and they agree with me,
即这并不是征婚网站
that these are not dating sites,
而是个介绍网站
they are introducing sites.
当你坐在酒吧里
When you sit down in a bar,
咖啡馆
in a coffee house,
或着公园的长椅上时
on a park bench,
你的(进化自)远古的大脑会立即开始反应就像一只沉睡的猫被唤醒一样
your ancient brain snaps into action like a sleeping cat awakened,
你会微笑
and you smile
或者大笑
and laugh
也会倾听
and listen
用那些我们的祖先早在10万年前 就使用的方式来炫耀
and parade the way our ancestors did 100,000 years ago.
我们可以提供各种各样的对象
We can give you various people —
所有的征婚网站都可以提供的那些
all the dating sites can —
但唯一真实的算法却来自你的大脑
but the only real algorithm is your own human brain.
科技改变不了这一点
Technology is not going to change that.
同样它也改变不了你的择偶对象
Technology is also not going to change who you choose to love.
我研究了人性的生物学原理
I study the biology of personality,
我开始相信
and I’ve come to believe
人类已经进化出了 四个广义的思考及及行为方式
that we’ve evolved four very broad styles of thinking and behaving,
和多巴胺 血清素
linked with the dopamine, serotonin,
睾丸激素和雌激素系统相关联
testosterone and estrogen systems.
于是 我设计了一份直接基于脑科学的问卷
So I created a questionnaire directly from brain science
用来衡量人们表达特征的程度–
to measure the degree to which you express the traits —
各种特征–
the constellation of traits —
这些特征与这四种大脑系统相关联
linked with each of these four brain systems.
接着我在40个国家的各种征婚网站上
I then put that questionnaire on various dating sites
发放了这份问卷
in 40 countries.
目前 已有1400多万人参与了问卷调查
Fourteen million or more people have now taken the questionnaire,
我有幸可以观察那些天生相互吸引的人
and I’ve been able to watch who’s naturally drawn to whom.
结果表明
And as it turns out,
那些多巴胺系统反应活跃的人
those who were very expressive of the dopamine system
更有好奇心 富有创意 自然率真 且精力充沛
tend to be curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic —
我想现场在座肯定有非常多的人属于这一类型
I would imagine there’s an awful lot of people like that in this room —
他们通常被同类人所吸引
they’re drawn to people like themselves.
好奇且有创意的人需要和同类在一起
Curious, creative people need people like themselves.
那些血清素系统反应活跃的人
People who are very expressive of the serotonin system
往往更加传统 遵循惯例与规则
tend to be traditional, conventional, they follow the rules,
他们尊重权威
they respect authority,
他们通常笃信宗教 —宗教信仰正属于血清素系统—
they tend to be religious — religiosity is in the serotonin system —
传统观念的人自然找传统观念的人
and traditional people go for traditional people.
如此一来 是同类相互吸引
In that way, similarity attracts.
而其他两种情况则完全相反对立性才有吸引力
In the other two cases, opposites attract.
睾丸激素系统反应活跃的人
People very expressive of the testosterone system
通常善于分析 逻辑思维强 直接 果断
tend to be analytical, logical, direct, decisive,
而他们寻找的是他们对立面的人
and they go for their opposite:
也就是那些雌激素高的人
they go for somebody who’s high estrogen,
这些人语言能力很强
somebody who’s got very good verbal skills
善于处理人际关系
and people skills,
凭直觉行事
who’s very intuitive
且善于照顾他人 会直抒胸怀
and who’s very nurturing and emotionally expressive.
人类择偶有自然规律
We have natural patterns of mate choice.
现代技术不会改变我们选择爱的对象
Modern technology is not going to change who we choose to love.
但科技正在制造一种当代潮流
But technology is producing one modern trend
我认为它尤为重要
that I find particularly important.
它和选择悖论这一概念有关
It’s associated with the concept of paradox of choice.
几百万年来
For millions of years,
人类都生活在小型狩猎及采集社会
we lived in little hunting and gathering groups.
那时的人没有机会在约会网站上
You didn’t have the opportunity to choose
千里挑一  选择对象
between 1,000 people on a dating site.
事实上 我最近在对此进行研究
In fact, I’ve been studying this recently,
我认为大脑中有某种“最佳状态点”
and I actually think there’s some sort of sweet spot in the brain;
虽然我并不知道具体是什么 但从大量数据来看
I don’t know what it is, but apparently, from reading a lot of the data,
人类只能接受大概5~9个选项 多了之后
we can embrace about five to nine alternatives, and after that,
就会变成某些学者说的“认知超载”
you get into what academics call “cognitive overload,”
结果就是不再做出选择
and you don’t choose any.
于是 我想正是由于这种认知超载
So I’ve come to think that due to this cognitive overload,
我们迎来了一种新型求爱方式
we’re ushering in a new form of courtship
我称其为“慢慢爱”
that I call “slow love.”
这些都是我在 Match.com工作时总结出来的
I arrived at this during my work with Match.com.
过去六年中 每一年
Every year for the last six years,
我们都做了一项研究 名为“美国单身”
we’ve done a study called “Singles in America.”
我们民调的对象 不仅针对Match.com的会员
We don’t poll the Match population,
而是所有美国人
we poll the American population.
我们调查了5000多人
We use 5,000-plus people,
这是基于美国人口普查的代表性样本
a representative sample of Americans based on the US census.
目前已收集了超过3万人的数据
We’ve got data now on over 30,000 people,
每一年
and every single year,
我都看到有些同样的模式
I see some of the same patterns.
每一年我提出这些问题
Every single year when I ask the question,
都有超过50%的人有一夜情的经历
over 50 percent of people have had a one-night stand —
并不一定是上一年而是他们一生中
not necessarily last year, but in their lives —
在他们的有生之年
50 percent have had a friends with benefits
50%的人曾经和朋友上过床
during the course of their lives,
超过50%的人在婚前有过
and over 50 percent have lived with a person long-term
长期同居的经历
before marrying.
美国人认为这是轻率的行为
Americans think that this is reckless.
但我一直不这么认为
I have doubted that for a long time;
毕竟这种模式太普遍
the patterns are too strong.
肯定有某种达尔文主义式的介绍
There’s got to be some Darwinian explanation —
总不会是那么多人都丧失了理智吧
Not that many people are crazy.
偶然间 我发现了一个我熟悉的统计数据
And I stumbled, then, on a statistic that really came home to me.
是一篇极其有趣的学术文章
It was a very interesting academic article
文中说有67%的处于长期同居的
in which I found that 67 percent of singles in America today
美国未婚人士
who are living long-term with somebody,
之所以还未结婚是因为担心离婚
have not yet married because they are terrified of divorce.
他们担心离婚后要面对的社会
They’re terrified of the social,
法律 情感
legal, emotional,
以及经济后果
economic consequences of divorce.
于是 我意识到这并不是轻率的行为
So I came to realize that I don’t think this is recklessness;
而是谨慎
I think it’s caution.
如今 人们在结婚之前
Today’s singles want to know every single thing about a partner
想对其伴侣的每一个细节了如指掌
before they wed.
同居能让人学到许多事情
You learn a lot between the sheets,
不仅是对方的床上功夫
not only about how somebody makes love,
而是对方是否善良
but whether they’re kind,
是否善于倾听
whether they can listen
到了我这个年纪所关心的
and at my age,
就是对方是否有幽默感
whether they’ve got a sense of humor.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
当今社会 我们有很多选择
And in an age where we have too many choices,
很少因怀孕或疾病感到担忧
we have very little fear of pregnancy and disease
且对婚前性行为毫无愧疚感
and we’ve got no feeling of shame for sex before marriage,
在这种情况下 人们选择爱得慢一些
I think people are taking their time to love.
而真实情况是
And actually, what’s happening is,
这其实是婚前准备阶段的
what we’re seeing is a real expansion of the precommitment stage
真实扩张
before you tie the knot.
从前 婚姻意味着一段感情的开始
Where marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship,
而现在 它却意味着尾声
now it’s the finale.
但人类的大脑
But the human brain —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
人类的大脑总是胜利者
The human brain always triumphs,
实际上 在当下的美国
and indeed, in the United States today,
86%的美国人会在49岁前结婚
86 percent of Americans will marry by age 49.
即便在世界上结婚率不高的文化里
And even in cultures around the world where they’re not marrying as often,
最终他们也会和长期伴侣安定下来
they are settling down eventually with a long-term partner.
于是 我突然想到
So it began to occur to me:
在这个长期婚前准备阶段
during this long extension of the precommitment stage,
如果你在婚前摆脱了一段糟糕的感情关系
if you can get rid of bad relationships before you marry,
或许就会有更多美满的婚姻
maybe we’re going to see more happy marriages.
于是 我研究了美国1100位已婚人士
So I did a study of 1,100 married people in America —
当然不是在 Match.com上
not on Match.com, of course —
我问了很多问题
and I asked them a lot of questions.
其中一个是
But one of the questions was,
如果再给你一次机会 你还会选择和现在的伴侣结婚吗?
“Would you re-marry the person you’re currently married to?”
有81%的人说 会!
And 81 percent said, “Yes.”
事实上 当今的情感和家庭生活最大的变化
In fact, the greatest change in modern romance and family life
不是科技
is not technology.
甚至也不是“慢慢爱”
It’s not even slow love.
而是在世界范围内
It’s actually women piling into the job market
大量女性进入职场
in cultures around the world.
几百万年以来
For millions of years,
我们的祖先都生活在小型捕猎采集种群
our ancestors lived in little hunting and gathering groups.
女性忙于采摘水果和蔬菜
Women commuted to work to gather their fruits and vegetables.
餐桌上60%~80%的食物是由她们带回来的
They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.
双收入家庭是一种普遍
The double-income family was the rule.
女性不论在经济 社会 还是性方面
And women were regarded as just as economically, socially
都和男性具有同样的能力
and sexually powerful as men.
然而 大约1万年前 环境发生了变化
Then the environment changed some 10,000 years ago,
人类开始定居农耕
we began to settle down on the farm
男女似乎有义务
and both men and women became obliged, really,
寻找合适的人结婚
to marry the right person,
对方必须有合适的背景
from the right background,
合适的宗教信仰
from the right religion
相称的亲属关系和社会政治联系
and from the right kin and social and political connections.
男性的工作变得更加重要
Men’s jobs became more important:
他们必须搬运石头 砍树 耕地
they had to move the rocks, fell the trees, plow the land.
他们把生产物带到市场上卖掉
They brought the produce to local markets, and came home
换回来同等的钱
with the equivalent of money.
不仅如此
Along with this,
各种信仰开始兴起
we see a rise of a host of beliefs:
坚信婚前必须保持处女之身
the belief of virginity at marriage,
包办婚姻–严格安排的婚姻
arranged marriages — strictly arranged marriages —
坚信男人是一家之主
the belief that the man is the head of the household,
女人就应该待在家里
that the wife’s place is in the home
更重要的一点是
and most important,
女性一生一世必须尊夫
honor thy husband, and ’til death do us part.
所有这些都是过去式了
These are gone.
有些地方仍有这些现象 但大部分地区
They are going, and in many places,
这些现象都不存在了
they are gone.
我们正处于一场婚姻变革之中
We are right now in a marriage revolution.
我们摒弃了1万年之久的农耕传统
We are shedding 10,000 years of our farming tradition
朝着两性平等的方向发展
and moving forward towards egalitarian relationships between the sexes —
我认为这和远古人类的精神相契合
something I regard as highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.
我不是一个盲目乐观的人
I’m not a Pollyanna;
仍有很多事情值得担忧
there’s a great deal to cry about.
我研究了80种文化里的离婚行为
I’ve studied divorce in 80 cultures,
以及很多出轨行为
I’ve studied, as I say, adultery in many —
还有一大堆的问题
there’s a whole pile of problems.
正如诗人威廉·巴特勒·叶芝所说
As William Butler Yeats, the poet, once said,
“爱情是个狡猾的家伙”
“Love is the crooked thing.”
我会再加一句 “没人能活着出来”
I would add, “Nobody gets out alive.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
每个人都会有困扰
We all have problems.
但我认为诗人兰德尔·贾雷尔总结的最好
But in fact, I think the poet Randall Jarrell really sums it up best.
他说 “在枯燥繁琐的家庭生活中
He said, “The dark, uneasy world of family life —
强者不显其智 弱者反而取胜”
where the greatest can fail, and the humblest succeed.”
但我想说的是
But I will leave you with this:
爱和依赖会战胜一切
love and attachment will prevail,
科技无法改变这一点
technology cannot change it.
总结下来 便是
And I will conclude by saying
任何对人类关系的理解必须考虑到
any understanding of human relationships must take into account
人类行为最强大的决定因素之一
one the most powerful determinants of human behavior:
就是难以抑制的
the unquenchable,
极具适应性的
adaptable
人类对爱的最原始的驱动力
and primordial human drive to love.
谢谢
Thank you.
(掌声)
(Applause)
Kelly Stoetzel: 海伦 感谢您的演讲
Kelly Stoetzel: Thank you so much for that, Helen.
您也知道 今天还有另一位演讲者
As you know, there’s another speaker here with us
她和您都在研究相同的领域
that works in your same field.
不过她是从不同的视角来分析问题
She comes at it from a different perspective.
诶斯特·佩雷斯 从事 情侣心理治疗师的工作
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who works with couples.
您研究的数据
You study data,
诶斯特研究那些向她寻求帮助的
Esther studies the stories the couples tell her
情侣们所诉说的故事
when they come to her for help.
请她上台吧
Let’s have her join us on the stage.
有请诶斯特
Esther?
(掌声)
(Applause)
诶斯特
So Esther,
当您观看海伦演讲的时候
when you were watching Helen’s talk,
是否有
was there any part of it
和您所做的工作产生共鸣的地方
that resonated with you through the lens of your own work
您可以和我们说说吗?
that you’d like to comment on?
Esther Perel: 让我觉得有意思的地方是 一方面
Esther Perel: It’s interesting, because on the one hand,
人们对爱的需求无所不在 又无所不及
the need for love is ubiquitous and universal.
但人类爱的方式
But the way we love —
爱与被爱背后的意义
the meaning we make out of it —
以及控制双方关系的规则
the rules that govern our relationships, I think,
正在发生根本性的改变
are changing fundamentally.
直到现在  我们一直处于一种模式
We come from a model that, until now,
即主要由责任和义务
was primarily regulated around duty and obligation,
以及集体和忠诚主义支配的模式
the needs of the collective and loyalty.
而现在 我们转向了另一种模式
And we have shifted it
即追崇自由选择和个人权利
to a model of free choice and individual rights,
以及自我实现与幸福的模式
and self-fulfillment and happiness.
这是我的第一个想法
And so, that was the first thing I thought,
爱的需求没有改变
that the need doesn’t change,
但大环境和人们处理情感关系的方式
but the context and the way we regulate these relationships
发生了很大的变化
changes a lot.
关于选择悖论
On the paradox of choice —
我认为 一方面我们享受
you know, on the one hand we relish the novelty
多种选择给我们带来的
and the playfulness, I think,
新鲜感和趣味性
to be able to have so many options.
同时
And at the same time,
就像你提到的“认知过载”
as you talk about this cognitive overload,
我看到有许多人
I see many, many people who …
对这么多的选项所带来的不确定性
who dread the uncertainty and self-doubt
和不自信而感到担忧
that comes with this massa of choice,
从而制造出一种“害怕错过的恐惧症”
creating a case of “FOMO”
于是便引导我们–
and then leading us —
“FOMO”  即害怕机会流失 害怕会错过
FOMO, fear of missed opportunity, or fear of missing out —
就好比 “我怎么知道这个人就是
it’s like, “How do I know I have found ‘the one’ —
我命中注定的那一个呢?”
the right one?”
这种现象我称为“稳定的模棱两可”
So we’ve created what I call this thing of “stable ambiguity.”
指的是你害怕孤独
Stable ambiguity is when you are too afraid to be alone
但又不愿与人建立亲密关系
but also not really willing to engage in intimacy-building.
这是一套策略 不仅会使这段关系的不确定性期延长
It’s a set of tactics that kind of prolong the uncertainty of a relationship
也会延长分手的不确定性
but also the uncertainty of the breakup.
网络上有这样三种策略
So, here on the internet you have three major ones.
一是冰冻和慢炖
One is icing and simmering,
这是很好的拖延战术
which are great stalling tactics
它使人们处于某种停滞状态
that offer a kind of holding pattern
这种状态强调情感关系中的不界定属性
that emphasizes the undefined nature of a relationship
同时足以让你维持这段关系
but at the same time gives you enough of a comforting consistency
又拥有对未界定边界的足够自由
and enough freedom of the undefined boundaries.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
说的对吗?
Yeah?
接下来就到了“幽灵阶段”
And then comes ghosting.
“幽灵阶段”基本上是指
And ghosting is, basically,
你从两个人中的负责任的位置消失
you disappear from this massa of texts on the spot,
不再管你给对方带来的痛苦
and you don’t have to deal with the pain that you inflict on another,
因为你自己在掩耳盗铃
because you’re making it invisible even to yourself.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
对吧?
Yeah?
当我在听你演讲的额时候 我想到了这些
So I was thinking — these words came up for me as I was listening to you,
正如语言能描述现实一样
like how a vocabulary also creates a reality,
与此同时
and at the same time,
我也有个问题要问你
that’s my question to you:
当大环境发生变化时
Do you think when the context changes,
你认为爱的本质还是一样的吗?
it still means that the nature of love remains the same?
你研究大脑 而我研究人类关系和故事
You study the brain and I study people’s relationships and stories,
我认可你所说的
so I think it’s everything you say, plus.
但我不明白的是环境改变的程度–
But I don’t always know the degree to which a changing context …
它是从某一点才开始改变的吗?
Does it at some point begin to change —
如果意义变了 需求是否也会改变呢?
If the meaning changes, does it change the need,
或需求本身不受整个大环境影响?
or is the need clear of the entire context?
海伦:哇!
HF: Wow! Well —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
海伦:好的 我分为三点来说
Well, I’ve got three points here, right?
首先 回答你第一个问题:
First of all, to your first one:
人类变了 这一点毋庸置疑 现在人们依然渴望爱情
there’s no question that we’ve changed, that we now want a person to love,
而几千年来 人们都必须
and for thousands of years, we had to marry the right person
和来自相称的背景和亲属关系的人结婚
from the right background and right kin connection.
实际上 我每年研究5000人时
And in fact, in my studies of 5,000 people every year,
我问他们 “你想找什么样的人?”
I ask them, “What are you looking for?”
每年 都会有超过97%的人说
And every single year, over 97 percent say —
诶斯特:清单越来越长了吧
EP: The list grows —
海伦:呃,没有
HF: Well, no.
超过97%的人都表示想找那种
The basic thing is over 97 percent of people
能尊重自己
want somebody that respects them,
值得信任的 能交心的
somebody they can trust and confide in,
能逗你笑的
somebody who makes them laugh,
花时间陪自己的
somebody who makes enough time for them
以及长相看着顺眼的人
and somebody who they find physically attractive.
这个从未改变过
That never changes.
当然可以分为两部分–
And there’s certainly — you know, there’s two parts —
诶斯特:你知道我怎么定义这种现象吗?
EP: But you know how I call that?
过去人们并没有这样的择偶标准
That’s not what people used to say —
海伦:是的
HF: That’s exactly right.
诶斯特:他们说想找那种能陪伴
EP: They said they wanted somebody with whom they have companionship,
有经济能力 能抚养小孩的那种人
economic support, children.
我们从生产经济转变为服务经济
We went from a production economy to a service economy.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
在其他文化中我们已经这么做了 现在我们把它带到婚姻中
We did it in the larger culture, and we’re doing it in marriage.
海伦:是的 这一点毫无疑问
HF: Right, no question about it.
但有趣的是 如今千禧一代非常渴望成为合格的家长
But it’s interesting, the millennials actually want to be very good parents,
而他们的上一代人却希望有个美满的婚姻
whereas the generation above them wants to have a very fine marriage
但却不向他们一样专注于成为合格的家长
but is not as focused on being a good parent.
你可以看到这些细微的差别
You see all of these nuances.
人格有两个基本构成部分:
There’s two basic parts of personality:
你的文化— 成长过程 信仰和言行–
there’s your culture — everything you grew up to do and believe and say —
以及你的性格
and there’s your temperament.
我讨论的基本上都是性格
Basically, what I’ve been talking about is your temperament.
而性格一定会随着时间和信仰的改变
And that temperament is certainly going to change with changing times
而改变
and changing beliefs.
就选择悖论而言
And in terms of the paradox of choice,
这确实是个两难的境地
there’s no question about it that this is a pickle.
数百万年以来
There were millions of years where you found that sweet boy
如果人们看到河对岸的心动的对象
at the other side of the water hole,
便会去争取
and you went for it.
诶斯特:是的 但是–
EP: Yes, but you —
海伦:还有一件事
HF: I do want to say one more thing.
归根结底 在狩猎及采集型社会中
The bottom line is, in hunting and gathering societies,
人们一生中通常有2到3个伴侣
they tended to have two or three partners during the course of their lives.
他们并不是两两相对的
They weren’t square!
我当然不是建议我们也这么做
And I’m not suggesting that we do,
但重要的是我们始终 都可以选择
but the bottom line is, we’ve always had alternatives.
人类一直如此
Mankind is always —
实际上 人类大脑的构造是平衡对称的
in fact, the brain is well-built to what we call “equilibrate,”
去尝试或这下决心:
to try and decide:
来或留?去或留?
Do I come, do I stay? Do I go, do I stay?
留下来有什么样的机遇?
What are the opportunities here?
怎么处理这件事?
How do I handle this there?
我想现在上演的正是大脑决策的另一出戏
And so I think we’re seeing another play-out of that now.
KS:非常感谢两位
KS: Well, thank you both so much.
我想你今晚要和一百万人共进晚餐了
I think you’re going to have a million dinner partners for tonight!
(掌声)
(Applause)
谢谢!谢谢!
Thank you, thank you.

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视频概述

人类进化了几百万年,选择伴侣,付出爱都是进化的产物,而现在科技的发展对这种天神的求爱方式产生了一定的冲击,到底科技能不能改变爱呢?看完本视频你就知道了

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

成长吹来的-风

审核员

与光同尘

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvvuLDX7iIk

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