As a keen student of human behavior,
I’ve been fascinated by watching people over the years.
One of the things that fascinates me the most
about us as a species,
is we seems to be hardwired
to disagree with each other.
You know, whether it’s the social taboos
of religion or politics,
every one of us has an opinion that we seem to defend.
Yet I think one of the things we can all agree on
is that we are living in a time in human history
that is absolutely unprecedented.
A time that not even our ancestors
could have dreamed about in their wildest dreams.
I mean, think about that.
How many of our ancestors looked up at a cloud,
and wondered what it would be like
to see life from the other side.
What would the Pharaohs of Egypt
given five thousand years ago
to be able to step on to a machine
with the other side of the world in ours.
Yet, the reality is for many of our ancestors
they gave a precious gift.
Childbirth wasn’t certain for many, many years.
In fact, my grandmother on my mother side,
she died in childbirth, giving birth to my mother.
It was a very uncertain time.
And, if you could just connect for a second,
to the fact that some of our ancestors
gave their life in agony,
so that we could be standing here today.
对于这一点 朋友们 问题是
The question to that pose is, my friends, is this:
what do we do with the gift that we got?
Now, some of us would say quite a lot.
Some of us say we are living in a time now
where technology is so overwhelming, so incredible.
That even just 20, 30 years ago,
we couldn’t have imagined
But that technology comes at a price.
It generates its own level of paradox.
One of the paradox is that right now,
there’s so much information that’s out there
that we are naturally overwhelmed.
And the emotional route tends to be overwhelmed,
which leads to confusion, which leads to inaction.
In other words, we learn so much, we do nothing.
For every one second that YouTube is up right now,
there’s between 5 and 10 hours of
The other paradox that technology is brought is that
in a world of seven plus billion people,
we’re all just a push notification away from each other.
Interconnectivity is a time that we’ve never even
had the foresight in history to ever even dream of.
Yet, in a world that is so connected
why is it, that so many of us feel so alone?
Hmm. You know the evidence of this is everywhere.
Labels of ADD, ADHD with information overload,
or prescription drugs for depression at an all-time high.
And one of the reasons for that is
so many people I believe are drowning in technology
but they’re starving for something more.
What are they starving for?
Well I believe that the ultimate app that you can download
from the app store these days is not Facebook,
it’s not LinkedIn, it’s not the myriad of
millions of different apps with billions of downloads.
The ultimate app, comes down to love.
And, love, such an old-fashioned notion.
Why does so many people have such an aversion
to understanding what unconditional love is?
Well, I looked at that.
And it really comes down to understanding
what our first, earliest memory is.
You know, if we go back 9 months
before we were born.
A certain event happened.
Which unleashed one of the, the biggest battles
in human evolution, in human history.
The battle to be here.
400 million to 1.
And guess what, you show up.
In a battle that was in the dark and uphill.
Why did you want to be here so badly?
Not only that, but if you look on the microscope
and see what the actually goes on.
It’s not just the first person that was there, is it?
One of them is actually chosen.
Yes, my friend. You are chosen to be here.
But the challenge is, once we born,
we born, we can’t do anything wrong.
You know, we threw up on mom
It’s inconvenient, but we still get love.
But something happens
round about 18 months old.
Where the parents suddenly realize
there’s a communication issue.
And now this, it’s going to two ways.
And at that moment, a lot of the parents impose
their model of the world on how to bring up a child.
Cause nobody wants to be a bad parent.
But the challenge with that is this,
that what we do is
we then say if the child behaves in a certain way,
we reward that with positive reinforcement.
And if they behave in a different way,
the perception of the child,
is that we then withdraw love.
And that creates frustration.
It creates frustration, but it also creates the perception
that love needs to be earned.
So by the time we get our earliest memory,
at about 3, 4, 5, 6 years old,
We’ve already had almost the lifetime of learning
that love is conditional.
We have to earn it.
in order to be good enough.
To be worthy of the one thing that we most want.
And we then live the rest of our lives projecting that
into our lives and our relationships.
I wonder why nobody can figure out,
how to download what I called the ultimate app, of love.
And the challenge there is it fosters us
the illusion of separateness.
Why do I say the illusion of separateness?
Because there isn’t a physicist on the planet right now
that wouldn’t argue the fact that
every single one of us is connected
to a much deeper level than we ever give credit for.
It’s just that we don’t have a reference
for unconditional love based on the childhood.
I was having a conversation last night
at dinner with Dr. Raj.
And yeah, there’s two people that had never met that came together
and we had a wonderful one-hour connection
where what was touched
was the stuff that we’re made of.
Yeah. I saw a guy who sharing stories
and feeling something that you
can’t feel when you are left brain.
Technology drives us into my left brain.
Why? Because it can be measured.
That’s why we’re taught at school left brain principles.
Because if I take a math test,
and I score 75 percent, you can measure that.
How do you measure creativity?
How do you measure
How do you measure love?
And last night, there was two people,
from different backgrounds,
born at different times,
both with different life paths,
on their own journey.
Probably die at a different time.
The illusion of separateness.
Just as if I was to put my hand
and through a source of milk
and you were to see that the tips of my fingers
the illusion would be that we’re separated.
Whereas if you take the milk away
we realize we’re all connected.
Allow me to give you another analogy.
If we take the human body
between 50 to 70 trillion cells it will take,
some are a few more that others.
If you go to the bloodstream
and you take two blood cells.
Write blood cell, red blood cell.
Both different colors, both born at different times.
Both have different paths in life,
different jobs to do, different missions.
One delivers oxygen hemoglobin around the body
the other takes stuff out of the bloodstream
Both probably gonna die at different times.
Now if these to blood cells were to meet each other
in the bloodstream.
(They)would have a conversation.
And red blood cell goes,
“Hi, white blood cell. How’re you doing?”
And the white blood cell turns around and says,
“Oh my goodness, a talking blood cell!”
But if they could communicate,
would they not have separate senses of identity?
Now the thing is, we don’t throw a funeral
every time we have a blood cell died.
We have a different and higher level of
consciousness and understanding
about where it fits into the scheme of things.
What if, just as a possibility, just as a question
you and I started to realize
that we’re just different types of blood cells
in the universal body of consciousness.
Would that upset you if it was a possibility? Hmm.
The illusion of separateness.
And what keeps us from that illusion of separateness
is usually we’re too focused on ourselves.
too focus on trying to defend ourselves
to try and get the ultimate aim
which is love, which is what we really seek.
But we can’t do it when we’re engaging from a thinking center,
rather than a feeling center.
Hmm. Everything is connected.
Now how do you move forward in life
to be able to live from that place
rather than get swamped by the overwhelm?
Well, sometimes it takes tragedy.
Sometimes it takes a significant emotional event.
September the 11th, 2001.
My neighbors remember where we were on that day.
Just notice your emotional connection
I myself was in Hawaii at the time
on a, a seminar with Tony Robbins.
I was part of the leadership team.
And, you know, we were facilitating
a 9-day event called Life Mastery.
And what happened, happened at about
2 o’clock in the morning local time.
So we woke up to that news,
and we realized that we had 2,000 people
about to wake up to that news from 80 countries
包括巴基斯坦 以色列 阿富汗
including Palestine, Israel, Afghanistan.
Many from the US, and over 100 from New York.
Our job is to get the people into the room
so that they can understand.
trying to make sense of what was going on
and Tony would come out and hopefully
reframe and deframe some level of meaning.
So that we could, yeah, have some level of certainty
as to how things we’re going to continue or not.
And what Tony did an amazing job,
it was so, hearing some of the stories that came out
of the room that day that was so impactful.
One of them I remember clearly.
There was a woman who stood up
and she turned around, she said,
“You know, now I know the reason why I’m here.”
She said, “Two years ago,
so my fiancee was killed in a car crash.
But the meaning that I choose to took care of that
was that love isn’t for me.
Never get too close to people in case it’s taken away.”
So 6 months later, 18 months before
she met a guy and they started dating.
But she kept her distance.
And it got to a point where
he wanted to take the relationship to the next level
but she wasn’t comfortable.
And she says, “You know some,
I know I want to go to the seminar in Hawaii.”
And he wasn’t really that agreeing.
But she said, “I want to go anyway.
There’s a reason why I want to go.”
“I now know the reason I came since last night.
I was listening to one of the speakers.
One of the speakers was a woman called
叫做Cathy Buckley的女士 非常漂亮
Cathy Buckley, beautiful, beautiful woman.
Now Cathy’s story is incredible.
She has a great message.
She was born 50 years ago, hard of hearing.
But at the time, it was misdiagnosed.
And it was misdiagnosed because you know,
in those days we just didn’t have the ability
to look too far ahead like we do today,
to stuck here, not enough here.
And so she was put into a special care
where she wasn’t really given
the love that we so crave.
As a result of that,
she developed poorly, she was introverted.
And, you know,
she couldn’t really communicate very well.
In her teenage years,
she was abused by members of her family.
In her twenty, she got cancer.
She managed to get over that
and then a little later in life, she was lying on a beach.
And a lifeguard run over her face in a 4 by 4.
And, we think we have problems.
And Cathy stood up and says, “You know something?
I’m, I can’t rely on life giving me what I think
life should own me because it doesn’t work that way.”
Life is a mirror, my friends.
It’ll reflect back what you put into it.
You get angry with the mirror, it has no choice
but to get angry back.
Why? Because outer world follows inner world.
Not the other way around.
And when Cathy finally understood that
she’s been complaining at the mirror whole life
wondering why she wasn’t getting what she wanted.
She took a stand.
She learned how to communicate.
She found out she had a gift for making people laugh.
She stood in for a friend
at a comedy night at a local bar.
She won the night.
She went to the regional final. She won that.
She went on to produce a book.
She got her own show.
and really became an example for so many people.
But a message was very powerful.
Her message was this:
that you cannot drive through life
looking in the rearview mirror,
You’re gonna crash and miss the signal.
You cannot dance through life
with a ball and chain of your past around your leg.
It just doesn’t work.
And this lady, in the morning of September they never got up
she says, “When I heard Cathy say that, I knew
what she meant. I found my breakthrough.
I knew what I’d been doing.
I ran back to the room
and I called my partner.
And I left a message on his voicemail
我说 “嗨宝贝 研讨会结束我就回去
I said, “Hey honey, I’m coming home after the seminar.
I see what’s happening. Let’s get married.”
And the next morning he called her,
and left a message on her voice mail
from the hundred and fourth floor of the World Trade Center,
to say that the building had just been hitten.
It was filling up with smoke.
And he thought he was gonna die.
But he didn’t care if he was gonna die
because having listened to her message
if that’s what it took to get to the place in his life
where he could feel like that,
he’d died a happy man.
Now I listened to that voicemail.
I could hear the people screaming in the corridor.
And then the line went dead.
And he went down with the building.
And this woman stood up in front of 2,000 people
with every rights to turn around
and said, “You know something?
See, I told you so.
Life’s doing it again.
This just validates everything
that I’ve just lived for the last two years.”
But she chose not to do that.
She said, “You know something? I’ve played that game.
And it’s a tunnel with no cheats.”
Says, “Instead the meaning I choose to take out of this
is that life is precious,
that I’m going to live every single day
squeezing every single drop
out of every moment that I can.
You know why?
Because if I’d had done that two years ago,
I’d be married by now.”
And she inspired me and 2,000 other people
to step up, and live from a place
over the next 9 days of that seminar
with more passion,
more commitment to playing full out,
more commitment to serving
and communicating with each other
than we could ever have done.
And people say to me, you know,
“Where were you on 9/11?”
I say. I tell them the story.
And I also say that out of all of the growth
that happened through that experience,
out of all of the lessons that we took,
all the transformation that we saw to these day,
9/11 was probably one of the most incredible, amazing
and uplifting and inspiring days
I’ve ever had the privilege of being able to live.
But the message was clear.
It never matters what happens
to you in life, my friends.
That’s a story.
That’s what keeps us here instead of here.
The only thing that matters
is what we do with the story.
For some people, divorce is traumatic.
For others, it’s freedom.
It’s how you write the school story,
how do you hold the pen.
Now if we can come from that place,
if we gonna start letting go
of the chains of our excuses,
and playing small and embrace
the potential that we have as people,
Life opens up,
then we can start to use technology fro what it was designed for.
To further the human potential,
to further the human spirit,
not hide behind it.
And from that place we can start moving forward.
It doesn’t take a lot.
Leaving your phone downstairs at night,
so that the first thing happens when you wake up
is you get in touch
with how grateful you want to still be here
rather than check your email
before the feet touch the floor.
To be able to sit across from somebody you love
having a meal, without checking your phone.
But we never communicate while you feel your body
about how grateful you ought to be
in that moment that night
like I was with Dr. Raj. Precious moment.
Doesn’t take much to be willing to step forward
and say, “You know something?
Here’s who I am: faults are all vulnerable, vulnerability, authenticity.
I don’t care if I risk losing connection or not.
I’m gonna step up and be who I am.”
And from that place you’ll find the paradox
is that we get more connection
because that’s really what people want, is it not?
You see? From that place, my friends,
from that place,
we can start the next journey of human transformation.
We can soar to the daring heights
of the next epoch of human development
through heart, not just technology.
And with that, we can move forward
unshackled from the stories of the past.
With that, we can leave a legacy
that our ancestors can be proud of.
And that, my friends, is an idea worth spreading.
[applaud and music]
停止空等事情发生 | 彼得·萨奇 | TED谈话