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心理疗法故事集——性排斥

Sexual Rejection

心理治疗故事
Therapy stories
性排斥
Sexual Rejection
作为最有用的发明之一心理治疗已有百年历史
Therapy is one of the most useful inventions of the last 100 years
同治疗专家聊一聊 人们就有机会更好地了解自己
Through conversations with a therapist, people have a chance to understand themselves better
迈向开心多一点 忧虑少一点的生活
and to lead happier, less anxious lives.
下面是一个出自心理治疗的真实案例
Here is a true story from therapy.
乔尼和女友瑞秋相处了两年但并不融洽
Jonny and his girlfriend Rachel weren’t getting on well after two years together.
经常争执不断 有时甚至如狂风暴雨般
There were lots of arguments sometimes quite stormy ones.
当一天晚上 乔尼气得挥拳砸坏了厨房门
When one night, Jonny smashed his fist through the kitchen door.
一个朋友建议他去试试心理治疗
A friend suggested he might try therapy.
和一个只想近距离听你说话的陌生人共处一室 一开始觉得很奇怪
It felt odd at first to be in a room with a stranger who wanted nothing more than to listen to him closely.
治疗师询问他和瑞秋之间争执的内容
She asked what the fights between him and Rachel were about.
乔尼说 “哦 各种琐事”
“Oh, this and that”, said Jonny.
在这段关系中 还有什么令他感到伤心的事吗?
Was there anything else he was sad about his relationship?
“伤心”这个词很管用
Sad was a useful word to use.
它让乔尼感到 他的愤怒并不是某种可怕的疯狂
It made Jonny feel that his anger wasn’t some kind of horrible madness.
然而 他常常感觉到 旁观者并不这么认为
Which was the vibe he tended to get from all other observers.
他的怒气源于心理上的脆弱和残缺
His anger was coming from a place of weakness and inadequacy.
关键是治疗师对此表示理解 并且没有立即评判他
Which crucially the therapist could understand and not immediately judge him for.
很多伤心都是因为性而引起的
There was a lot of sadness around sex.
乔尼和瑞秋一个月以来没有性生活
Jonny and Rachel had been going for months without too much of it.
乔尼曾尝试着温柔地抚摸瑞秋
Jonny would try sliding hand over gently.
但瑞秋冷淡的不理睬他 假装自己睡着了
But Rachel would subtly ignore him, pretending to fall asleep.
这种拒绝无声地伤害着乔尼
The rejection was silently killing Jonny
反之更加加剧了他与瑞秋关系冷淡与生活磨擦
And was at the root of his increasing coldness and snappiness with Rachel.
被人拒绝的滋味肯定不好受
That must feel pretty painful to be turned down,
治疗师同情地对乔尼这么说
said the therapist, In such a sympathetic way.
海军出身乔尼眼泪井喷而下
that Jonny who is an ex-marine felt tears welling up.
乔尼开始谈起了他的童年往事
Jonny began talking of his childhood.
他在德州长大 并没有见过自己的父亲
He’d grown up in Texas and had never known his father.
他的母亲很漂亮但却喜怒无常还酗酒成瘾
His mother had been beautiful, volatile and an alcoholic.
乔尼常常感到自己是母亲的累赘
He’d always had a sense that he was a burden to her.
他胖乎乎的 在学校表现的反应慢 在家里也沉默寡言
He’d been a chubby boy, slow at school, shy at home.
他十四岁时 他的母亲把他留给他的姐姐照顾
When he was fourteen, she’d left him in the care of her sister,
然后就跟情人去芝加哥生活了
and had gone to live with a lover in Chicago.
乔尼和母亲现在很少见面
Jonny and his mother rarely saw each other now.
在乔尼的强壮外表下 隐隐地好像藏着一个他自己都无法接受的另一个自己
Beneath Jonny’s outward strength, not far beneath, was a sense he was unacceptable to the core of his being.
一个没有母亲关心疼爱的自己
Unable to sustain even his own mother’s interest.
于是自我厌烦和羞愧之感 轻而易举地被唤起
The feeling of self-loathing and shame was easy to reawaken.
而瑞秋的性冷淡正好引发乔尼的这些感受
And Rachel’s sexual disinterest played right into it.
问题在于乔尼并不擅长表达 以至于任何人都无法理解他的痛苦
The problem was that Jonny wasn’t good at translating his hurt into anything another person could understand,
更不用说对他产生同情心了
let alone sympathize with him for.
若有人冲我们爆粗或摔家具 我们都无法忍受
We tend not to be endeared by people who call us rude words and break furniture.
更何况那些内心脆弱的人们
However vulnerable they might be feeling inside.
瑞秋认为她的男友就是个暴徒 而不是一个受了伤的迷失男孩
Rachel had come to see her boyfriend as a bully, not a hurt, lost boy.
尽管乔尼本质上并不是这样的人
Though that was, beneath it all, perhaps precisely what he was.
治疗师建议从最基本而有效的事开始做起
The therapist suggested something as basic as it was brilliant,
不要因强求性生活而又陷入失败
rather than trying and failing to have sex.
乔尼应当适当向瑞秋吐露心声 谈谈自己的感受
Jonny should tell Rachel a little bit more about what it felt like to be him.
当在床上触碰瑞秋 被拒绝时
When his hand lay rejected untouched by her in the bed.
最重要的是 要保持冷静地表达自己真实的感受
Most importantly he had to stay calm when he explained himself to her.
毕竟 他已经不是小孩子了
On the basis that, unlike when he’d been young,
如今他有行动力 选择权 以及成熟的可能性
he now had agency and choice and a possibility of maturity.
话一出口 瑞秋立刻明白了
Put like this, Rachel understood at once.
她的伴侣并不是什么大男子主义的男人
She didn’t have some macho guy at her hands.
她开始听见一个恐惧无助的男孩的心声
She was picking up on echos of the lost scared boy.
当听见他这样解释时 她不由为他落泪
Whom she actually cried for when it was explained to her like this.
事后乔尼和瑞秋并没有立即恢复性生活
It wasn’t that Jonny and Rachel immediately had sex all the time.
瑞秋的工作常常使她不在状态
Rachel’s job often left her not in the mood,
但两人缺乏性生活的意义却发生了改变
but the meaning of the lack of sex changed between them.
瑞秋明白了 乔尼是如果解读自己的疲惫的
Rachel understood how Jonny might interpret her tiredness
也开始以应有的关爱来安抚他
and took steps to reassure him of her basic love for him.
乔尼更加理解为何之前瑞秋的拒绝 常常激起自己内心无法控制的被伤害感
Jonny better understood why rejection had a habit of stirring up such uncontrollable hurt in him.
乔尼逐渐地摆脱了一直困扰着他的无助感
Jonny gradually lost the old sense of helplessness.
瑞秋不是母亲 我也不是祈求她怜悯的小男孩
She isn’t my mother and I am not a little boy for her mercy,
有一天治疗时乔尼这么说道
he stated one day in therapy.
他感觉这些自我认识最为明显和重要
And it felt like the most obvious and momentous of points.
乔尼从过去的不愉快走出来
Jonny took on board what belonged to the past,
并且更加珍惜现在所拥有的一切
and what belonged to now.
治疗持续了一年
the therapy lasted over a year.
不久乔尼和瑞秋就要结婚了
Jonny and Rachel are gonna be married soon.
生命学院提供面对面及线上心理治疗
The school of life offers therapy in person or over skype
点击查看详情
Click here for details

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视频概述

心理疗法帮助乔尼找到了症结所在,为一对小情侣的幸福生活铺垫了桥梁。

听录译者

ccz

翻译译者

ID436706

审核员

赖皮

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laTdRxRcDCQ&t=15s

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