The temptation, when dealing with anxiety,
应对焦虑时 人们总是落入一个陷阱
is always and invariably to focus on the ostensible cause of worry
就是总是关注表面的焦虑源
Let’s say the journey to the airport, or the forthcoming speech,
比方说赶飞机啦 马上要做演讲啦
or the letter one is waiting for, or the presentation one has to hand in…
期盼来信啦 或提交报告啦之类
But if we proceed more psychologically,
但如果多些心理学分析
we might begin in a different place.
我们可能会换个思路考虑
With great kindness and no disrespect,
我们可以非常善意地 毫无不恭地
we may step past the objective content of anxiety
跳过引发焦虑的客观事件
and look instead at something else:
转而看看别的事儿
how the anxious person feels about themselves.
焦虑的人自我感觉是怎样的
An unexpected cause of high anxiety
导致高度焦虑的一个意想不到的起因
is self-hatred.
是自我憎恨
People who have grown up not to like themselves very much at all
成长过程中不怎么喜欢自己的人
have an above average risk of suffering from extremes of anxiety,
遭遇极度焦虑的风险要高于平均水平
because if one doesn’t think one is worthy,
因为如果一个人觉得自己没有价值
it must follow that
接下来的状况一定是
the world is permanently and imminently
世界无休无止 穷追不舍地
at high risk of punishing one
想要惩罚他
in the way one suspects one deserves.
这让他怀疑自己值不值得活着
It seems to fit that
下面情况似乎正是如此
people may be laughing behind one’s back,
人们可能会在背后嘲笑
that one may soon be sacked or disgraced,
一个马上要被辞退或贬黜的人
that one is an appropriate target for bullying and rejection
那个人成了合适的霸凌排斥对象
and that persecution and worse may be heading towards us.
那种迫害甚至更糟的事儿或许正朝我们而来
If things seem to be going well,
如果看上去一切顺利
this must just be the deceptively quiet period
这一定只是平静期的假象
before others are about to realise their error
马上就会有人整出事儿来
and mete out some horrific punishment.
给他招来可怕的惩罚
For the self-hating,
对自我憎恨的人来说
anxiety is a pre-emptive anticipation of the pain
焦虑就是坏事未来 痛苦先至
that one unconsciously feels one is owed.
他潜意识里有种亏欠感
Very bad things must and should happen to very bad people.
很糟的事一定也理应降临在很糟的人身上
Part of the problem
产生这个问题的部分原因
and one of the curious aspects of the way our minds work is that
同时也是我们古怪的思考方式之一 就是
it isn’t always clear that
我们不总是清楚地知道
one is even suffering from low self-esteem
自己竟在遭受自卑之苦
Hating oneself has just become second nature
自我憎恨成了第二天性
rather than an issue one has the will to rebel against or so much as notice.
而不是有意愿就能反抗或加以留意的事
To tease out the sorrow
要想撇掉悲伤
and start to feel it again
重新感受自我憎恨
as a prelude to treating it,
从而拉开治疗自我憎恨的序幕
one might need to fire a few questions at oneself.
你可能先得抛出一些问题问自己
We’ve prepared a Self-Esteem Questionnaire
我们准备了一份自我评估问卷
1. Broadly speaking, I like myself as I am.
1 一般说来 我喜欢现在的自己
Agree strongly?
非常同意？
Agree?
同意？
Neither agree nor disagree?
既不同意也不反对？
Disagree?
反对？
Disagree strongly?
非常反对？
2. People should be relatively grateful to have me in their lives.
2 人们应该相对感恩我出现在他们的生命里
Agree strongly?
非常同意？
Agree?
同意？
Neither agree nor disagree?
既不同意也不反对？
Disagree?
反对？
Disagree strongly?
非常反对？
3. If I didn’t know me, I’d think I was OK.
3 如果我不了解自己 我会认为自己不错
Agree strongly?
非常同意？
Agree?
同意？
Neither agree nor disagree?
既不同意也不反对？
Disagree?
反对？
Disagree strongly?
非常反对？
4. Growing up, I was given the feeling that I properly deserved to exist.
4 成长过程中我感到自己的存在很有价值
Agree strongly?
非常同意？
Agree?
同意？
Neither agree nor disagree?
既不同意也不反对？
Disagree?
反对？
Disagree strongly?
非常反对？
If one finds oneself
如果一个人发现
at the disagreeing end of many such questions,
自己很多问题都选了反对或非常反对
it may be that one is an agitated person
他就可能是个容易焦虑的人
not because one has more to worry about
倒不是因为这个人需要担心更多事儿
but because one likes oneself rather less than normal
而是因为比起常人 他太不喜欢自己了
and certainly less than one fairly should.
他本该喜欢自己多一些
The cure isn’t, therefore, to try to dispel anxieties with logic,
所以 疗法不是试图用逻辑去驱赶焦虑
it is to try to dispel it with love;
而是试着用爱去消散它
it is to remind the anxious person who may be ourselves that
这里想提醒焦虑的人们 也可能是我们自己
we are not inherently wretched,
我们并非注定悲惨
that we have a right to exist,
我们有存在的权利
that past neglect wasn’t deserved,
我们不该像过去一样被忽视
that we should feel tenderly towards oneself
我们应该对自己温柔一点
and that we need, both metaphorically and probably practically too,
还有就是 我们需要一个长久的拥抱
a very long hug.
这拥抱是种比喻 也是真实可触及的拥抱
The logic of this analysis is truly counter-intuitive.
这个分析逻辑确实违背了直观感觉
It suggests that when panic next descends,
它建议我们 当恐慌再次袭来时
one should not spend too long on the surface causes of the worry
不要花费太多时间在表面的焦虑源上
and instead, try to address the self-hatred fuelling the agitation.
相反 要试着去解决烦乱的根源 即自我憎恨
Anxiety is not always anxiety.
焦虑不总是焦虑
sometimes it is just a very well-disguised, entrenched and unfair habit
有时它只是一个伪装良好的顽固的劣习
of disliking who we are.
那就是对自己的厌恶
Our Emotional First Aid Kit provides a set of useful salves
我们的“情绪急救包”里有一系列有效药方
to some of life’s most challenging psychological situations.
专治生活中一些最具挑战性的心理状况
Including friendship, love, sex, work and self.
包括友情 爱情 性 工作和自我
Click the link on screen now to find out more.
现在就点击屏幕链接获取更多吧