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精神疗法:唐纳德·温尼科特

PSYCHOTHERAPY - Donald Winnicott

精神疗法
唐纳德·温尼科特
How do you build a better world?
怎样才能建设一个更好的世界?
There are so many well-known, urgent places you might start:
你可以从很多众所周知的 紧急的方面开始:
malaria, carbon emissions, tax evasion, the drug trade, soil erosion, water pollution…
疟疾 碳排放 逃税 毒品交易 水土流失 水污染……
Donald Winnicott deserves his place in history
唐纳德·温尼科特极其简单的做法
because of the dramatic simplicity of his approach.
让他在历史上占有一席之地
He proposed that
他提出
the happiness of the human race
人类的幸福
depended ultimately not so much on external political issues,
最终不太依赖于外部的政治问题
but on the way parents bring up their children.
而是取决于父母养育孩子的方式
Born in 1896,
温尼科特生于1896年
Winnicott was Britain’s first medically-trained child psychoanalyst.
是英国第一位接受医学培训的儿童精神分析学家
Although he had no children of his own,
虽然他自己没有孩子
he played a crucial and devoted role in public education around child-rearing,
但他在有关抚养孩子的公共教育中发挥了至关重要的作用
delivering some 600 talks on the BBC,
在英国广播公司的节目中做了600多场演讲
tirelessly lecturing around the country
不知疲倦地在全国各地巡演
and authoring 15 books,
并创作了15本书
among which the bestselling collection of essays,
其中最畅销的是散文集
Home is Where We Start From.
《家是我们启程的地方》
It was rather strange that Winnicott should even have been English
令人感到奇怪的是 温尼科特竟然是英国人
given that his country was notorious, then as now,
因为他的国家一贯声名狼藉
for its lack of tenderness and its resistance to introspection.
它缺乏柔情 抗拒内省
And yet Winnicott’s brand of psychoanalysis was, on closer inspection,
然而 仔细观察温尼科特的精神分析法
peculiarly English.
就会发现它具有英国特色
There was a characteristic English modesty about
他的关于儿童精神分析的观点
what he saw as the point of child psychoanalysis.
有一种典型的英国人的谦虚
His famous radio series was simply titled
他著名的广播系列节目就叫做
The Ordinary Devoted Mother and Her Baby.
《平凡的 慈爱的母亲和她的孩子》
He wanted to help people to be,
他想帮助人们成为
in his famous formulation, good enough parents;
用他的著名论述来说 足够好的父母
not brilliant or perfect ones (as other nations might have wished),
不是杰出或完美的父母(像其他国家可能希望的那样)
but just OK.
只是还过得去
So what would it take, in his eyes,
那么 在他看来
to encourage the ‘good enough’ parent?
怎么才能帮助他们成为“足够好”的父母呢?
Winnicott put forward a number of suggestions:
温尼科特提出了一些建议:
记住 你的孩子很脆弱
Winnicott begins by impressing on his audience
温尼科特一开始就向大众展现了
how psychologically fragile an infant is.
婴儿的心理是多么脆弱
It doesn’t understand itself, it doesn’t know where it is,
他不了解他自己 他不知道自己身处何方
it is struggling to stay alive,
他挣扎着求生
it has no way of grasping when the next feed will come,
他没有办法决定什么时候进食
it can’t communicate with itself or others.
他不能和自己或者其他人交流
Winnicott’s work never loses sight of this,
温尼科特的研究从未忽视这一点
and he therefore repeatedly insists
因此他反复强调的是
that it is those around the infant who have to adapt
婴儿周围的人必须去适应
so as to do everything to interpret the child’s needs
以便尽一切努力领会孩子的需求
and not impose demands for which the child is not ready.
不要强迫孩子做没有准备好的事
允许孩子愤怒
For example, Winnicott knew
例如 温尼科特知道
what violence, what hate there could be in a healthy infant.
一个健康的婴儿可能会有暴力倾向与仇恨
Referring to what happens if a parent forgets a feed,
在谈到父母忘记给婴儿喂食的后果时
he cautioned: ‘If you fail him,
他警告说:“如果你让孩子失望了
it must feel to him as if the wild beasts would gobble him up.’
他会觉得像有野兽要把他吞掉”
But though the infant might sometimes want to kill and destroy,
但尽管有时婴儿想要杀戮和破坏
it is vital for the parents to allow rage to expend itself,
对父母来说 允许他们发泄愤怒是至关重要的
and for them not in any way
对他们来说
to be threatened or moralistic about ‘bad’ behaviour,
不要对他们的“坏”行为进行任何形式的威胁或说教
as he putted, ‘If a baby cries in a state of rage …
他说 “如果婴儿愤怒大哭
and yet the people round him remain calm and unhurt,
而他周围的人仍能保持冷静 无动于衷
this experience greatly strengthens his ability
这种经历能让他深刻认识到
to see that what he feels to be true is not necessarily real.’
自己以为的真相不一定是真相”
确保你的孩子不会太顺从
Parents are delighted when infants and children follow their rules.
当婴幼儿遵守父母定下的规则时 父母会很高兴
Such children are called good.
这样的孩子被称作好孩子
Winnicott was very scared of ‘good’ children.
温尼科特非常害怕“好”孩子
He believed that they were the children of parents
他认为 这些孩子的父母
who could not tolerate too much bad behaviour
不能容忍太多的不良行为
and demanded compliance too early and too strictly.
过早 过严地要求他们服从
This would lead, in Winnicott’s formulation,
按照温尼科特的说法
to the emergence of a False Self –
这将导致虚假自我的出现--
a persona that would be outwardly compliant, outwardly good,
一个外表顺从 外表善良
but was suppressing its vital instincts.
但压抑自己重要本能的人格面具
In Winnicott’s scheme,
在温尼科特看来
adults who can’t be creative,
那些没有创造力
who are somehow a little dead inside,
内心不知何故有点死气沉沉的成年人
are almost always the children of parents who have not been able to tolerate defiance,
都有几乎不能容忍反抗的父母
parents who have made their offspring ‘good’ way before their time,
他们的父母在他们长大前就把儿女培养成“好”的人
thereby killing their capacity
从而扼杀了他们
to be properly good, properly generous and kind.
成为真正好的 真正慷慨和善良的人的能力
让孩子做自己
Every failure of the environment forces a child to adapt prematurely.
失败的环境会迫使孩子早熟
For example, if the parents are too chaotic,
例如 如果父母关系过于混乱
the child quickly tries to over-think the situation.
孩子会立刻试图过多考虑形势
Its rational faculties are over-stimulated
他的理性感知受到过度刺激
(it may, in later life, try to be an intellectual).
他以后可能会想成为一个知识分子
A parent who is depressed might unwittingly force the child to be too cheerful –
抑郁的父母可能会无意中强迫孩子过于开朗-
giving it no time to process its own melancholy feelings.
让孩子没有时间处理自己的忧郁情绪
Winnicott saw the dangers in a child who, in his words,
温尼科特看到了孩子的危险处境 用他的话说
has to ‘look after mother’s mood’.
他不得不“照顾母亲的情绪”
Winnicott had a special hatred for
温尼科特特别讨厌那些
‘people who are always jogging babies up and down on their knees
把孩子放在膝盖上 上下颠簸
trying to produce a giggle.’
试图逗笑孩子的人
This was merely their way of warding off their own sadness,
这仅仅是他们通过要求婴儿大笑
by demanding laughter from a baby
来防止自己悲伤的方式
who might have very different things on its mind.
尽管孩子可能有不同的想法
The primordial act of parental health for Winnicott
温尼科特认为 父母健康的基本行为
is simply to be able to tune out of oneself for a time
是能够暂时忘记自己的需求
in the name of empathising
去理解
with the ways and needs of a small, mysterious, beautiful fragile person
孩子的行为方式和需求 这个弱小 神秘 美丽 脆弱的人
whose unique otherness must be acknowledged and respected in full measure.
他的独特之处必须得到充分的承认和尊重
意识到抚养孩子的重要性
Many of the parents Winnicott saw were worn down by their labours.
温尼科特见到的许多父母都因抚养孩子而疲惫不堪
Winnicott tried to bolster them
温尼科特试图鼓励他们
by reminding them of the utmost importance of what they were doing.
提醒他们所做的事情极其重要
They were, in their own way,
他们以自己的方式产生价值
as significant to the nation as the Prime Minister and the Cabinet.
对国家的重要性不亚于首相和内阁
Winnicott called parenting: ‘the only real basis for a healthy society,
温尼科特称 育儿是“健康社会唯一的 真正的基础
and the only factory for the democratic tendency
也是一个国家社会制度中
in a country’s social system.’
实现民主趋势的唯一工厂”
In his descriptions of what parents should do for their children,
在描述父母应该为子女做什么时
Winnicott was in effect referring to a term
温尼科特实际上指的是
which he rarely mentioned directly: love.
他很少直接提到的一个词:爱
We often imagine love to be
我们经常认为
about a magical intuitive ‘connection’ with someone.
爱是一种与某人神奇的 凭直觉获知的“连接”
But, in Winnicott’s writings, we get a different picture.
但在温尼科特的著作中 我们看到了不同的描写
It’s about a surrender of the ego,
它是关于自我意识的退让
a putting aside of one’s own needs and assumptions,
一个人撇开自己的需求和假设
for the sake of close, attentive listening to another,
为了亲密 专注地倾听另一个人
whose mystery one respects,
尊敬他的神秘
along with a commitment not to get offended, not to retaliate,
当“坏”事发生时
when something ‘bad’ emerges,
承诺不觉得被冒犯 不去报复
as it often does when one is close to someone,
两个人亲近时都会产生这样的爱
particular child or even adult.
特别是孩子 甚至成年人也是如此
Since Winnicott’s death,
温尼科特去世后
we’ve collectively grown a little better at parenting.
我们在养育孩子方面有了些共同的进步
But only a little.
但只有一点点
We may spend more time with our children,
我们可能花更多的时间和孩子在一起
we know in theory that they matter a lot,
我们知道理论上他们很重要
but we’re arguably still failing at the part Winnicott focused on:
但我们可能仍未做到温尼科特关注的那一点:
ADAPTATION
适应
We still routinely fail to suppress our own needs or stifle our own demands
我们和孩子在一起时
when we’re with a child.
仍然不能抑制或隐藏自己的需求
We’re still learning how to love our children –
我们仍然在学习如何去爱我们的孩子
and that, Winnicott would argue,
温尼科特认为
is why the world is still full of the walking-wounded,
这就是为什么世界上仍然到处都是受伤的人
people of outward ‘success’ and respectability
这些人看起来很“成功” 很体面
who are nevertheless not quite ‘real’ inside
但内心却不那么“真实”
and inflict their wounds on others.
他们把伤痛强加给别人
We’ve a way to go until we are fully ‘good enough.’
在做到“足够好”前 我们还有很长的一段路要走
It’s a task –
这是一项任务--
Winnicott would have insisted –
温尼科特一定坚持会说--
that’s in its own way as important as any other.
它和其他任务一样重要

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视频概述

如何成为“足够好”的父母,是需要不断学习的技能,来看看唐纳德·温尼科特提出的几条小建议吧!

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaZkvvB367I

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