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[windows的启动音效]
Hello mortals.
人类 你们好
Have you ever heard of the most complex subject in the known universe,
听说过已知的宇宙中最复杂的学科吗
one which is still far from being understood,
它至今还远未被理解
one which is the literal cause of everything,
它是万物之因
one which made high school students hate school, and most importantly,
它让中学生们厌学 最重要的是
one that made Rick and Morty possible.
它能让《瑞克和莫蒂》的动画情节成为可能
By the name of the video,
通过这个视频的名字
you probably know what I’m talking about –
你可能猜到我要讲的是
gender studies.
两性研究
Seriously now, I mean penguinologism.
好吧我认真点 其实是企鹅学
Now for real, today we’re going to speak about chicken nugget science.
现在揭晓真相 今天我们将谈到鸡块的科学
Fine I’ll just stop.
好了 不开玩笑了
The first branch of physics is the most boring one.
物理学的第一个分支是最无聊的
and the only one that you can observe by yourself.
也是唯一一个你能亲眼观察到的
It says that objects will move if you kick them,
如果你踢一个物体 它就会发生移动
and that if you punch somebody they will punch you back with the same force.
如果你打别人 别人也会以相同的力回击
No matter how ugly you are,
无论你长得有多丑
you still attract the entire universe towards yourself
你依然凭借着一个与距离成反比的力
with a force inversely proportional to the distance.
吸引着整个宇宙
Next we have electromagnetism.
然后我们来讲电磁学
Thanks to it, your phone works.
多亏了它 你的手机才能运行
Also thanks to it, the universe can exist.
也多亏了它 宇宙才得以存在
It describes how electric and magnetic fields,
电磁学描述了电场和磁场是怎么运转的
which are in fact the same thing, work.
它们在本质上是一样的东西
Briefly it can be summarized as electrons and photons doing weird stuff.
这可以简单的概括为电子和光子不停地做些奇怪的事
Then we have thermodynamics,
接下来是热力学
which tries to explain why you shouldn’t jump in lava.
它解释了为什么你不能往熔岩里跳
It also says that entropy tends to get higher,
也推测宇宙的熵在逐渐增加
which will result in an inevitable death of the entire universe,
这将导致整个宇宙不可避免的灭亡
called the Heat Death.
这便是“热寂”
We also have fluid dynamics,
接下来讲流体动力学
an excruciatingly hard way of determining how aerodynamic a cow can be.
一门极其高深的研究“牛体空气动力”的学问
Chaos theory tries to describe how your life would have been,
混沌理论试图描述
if you hadn’t said that really stupid thing to your crush back then.
如果当初没对心动对象说那些蠢话 你的生活会怎样
We also have optics,
然后来讲光学
which pretty much studies how light behaves when it passes through glass.
它主要研究光通过玻璃时的行为
#Hello? Hello? Hello?#
#喂？喂？喂？#
#Is there anybody in there?#
#有人在里面吗？#
The next big pillar of physics is Relativity, relatively speaking.
相对而言 物理学的下一大支柱是相对论
There is this dude – Onestone,
那就要说到这位仁兄了-“万恩斯坦”
who comes and says that light’s speed is constant.
他主张并提出光速是不变的
And then people asked, “Well what if I run faster than that?”
然后就有人问 那如果我跑得比光速还快呢？
And Onestone said, “You can’t because you’re fat.”
“万因斯坦”答道 你做不到因为你太胖了
I’m not fat you reeky ill-breeding maggot.
我才不胖 你这个没教养的臭虫
Your mass is not 0 so you are, bitch.
你的质量不是0 所以你就是胖 蠢货
Also, Newton, your physics is sh*t.
还有 牛顿 你的物理就是一坨*
Gravity is not a force. It is the curvature of spacetime itself.
重力不是一种力 而是时空本身的曲率
Next we have quantum mechanics.
接下来是量子力学
A weird field with zombie cats, infinite versions of you,
一个有僵尸猫 无数个你
and the core of Rick and Morty.
还有《瑞克和莫蒂》核心内容的神奇领域
The standard model says that there are at least 13 types of particles.
其标准模型提出 宇宙至少有13种粒子
First we have fermions – 6 types of quarks and 6 types of leptons.
首先有费米子 6种夸克和6种轻子
Then we have 4 types of Gauge bosons, and one Scalar boson.
然后有4种规范玻色子和一个标量玻色子
Gluons obviously make glue.
胶子显然用以制造胶水
Photons make photon cannons.
光子制造出光子炮
Electrons make electricity.
电子产生电能
The muon is basically electron’s overweight unstable sister.
u介子算是电子超重且不稳定的姐妹
The tau is basically the electron’s super-ultra overweight sister.
tau基本上是电子的极度超重版
It is also really suicidal and doesn’t like to live for a long time.
它常常“自杀” 不喜欢活太久
These guys like to pass through everything,
这群家伙喜欢穿透一切东西
without interfering with anything.
同时又不对任何东西产生干扰
These guys are just boring.
这群东西很是无趣
These guys make up 6 flavors of Chupa Chups,
这群东西组成了6种口味的棒棒糖
they also make up protons and neutrons.
也构成了质子和中子
The Higgs boson just makes you fat.
希格斯玻色子只会使你发胖
Then there is the superstring theory,
接下来是超弦理论
which replaces all the elementary particles
它以非常小的振动弦
with really small vibrating strings.
取代了所有的基本粒子
Different particles, different vibrations.
不同的振动代表着不同的粒子
It also argues that there are 11 spatial dimensions instead of 3.
它还表明宇宙有11个空间维度 而不是3个
It looks something like this.
看起来像这样
Good luck imagining that.
希望你能想象得到
Next I highly suggest to first watch this video
接下来 我强烈建议你先去看看
on quantum mechanics,
这个关于量子力学的视频
otherwise you won’t understand much.
否则 你就不太能理解接下来的内容
Too lazy to watch it? Good luck.
懒得去看？那祝你好运
First we have the Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle,
首先讲海森堡的“不确定性原理”
which states that he is the one who knocks.
这个定理表明他是量子力学的大佬
Oh, no. Never mind.
糟了 头像错了 不管了
It states that you cannot physically know
它提出你不能同时准确地知道
both the position and the momentum of a quantum particle at the same time.
一个量子粒子的位置和动量
Then we have the Schrodinger’s cat,
然后讲“薛定谔的猫”
which is both alive and dead at the same time until observed.
在观测之前 它处于存活和死亡的叠加状态
This works for all particles,
这个原理适用于所有粒子
which exists in all possible states
只要还没受到外界的干扰
as long as it doesn’t interact with anything else.
粒子能够以任何状态存在
Yeah.
就是这样
Oh, also, when observed,
哦 还有 当这只猫被观测时
the cat splits the universe in two, one with each version of the outcome.
宇宙便被一分为二 每个都有各自的结局
So a single atom can split the universe in countless ways,
所以单单一个原子就能以无数种方式分裂宇宙
therefore creating a metric crap – ton of parallel universes,
从而创造出大量的平行宇宙
according to the Many-Worlds-Interpretation.
这就是多宇宙论的诠释
Now seriously, go watch this video to understand what I just said.
现在说真的 去看看这个视频就会明白我所说的
I think I forgot to mention anti-matter,
我知道我忘了介绍反物质
dark matter, black holes matter, quantum gravity, the Big Bang,
暗物质 黑洞 量子引力 宇宙大爆炸
the infinite universe that is somehow still expanding, the Pythagorean Theorem.
仍在膨胀的无限宇宙以及勾股定理
It’s because I only have 5 minutes,
因为我只有5分钟
not several human lifetimes that are required to understand how the universe works.
而理解宇宙如何运作 人类花了数百年的时间
But this is totally enough to understand most of the physics memes,
但以上内容足以让你们理解大部分的物理学段子
which is nice.
这就够了
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