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熊猫们对性真的太不在行了 – 译学馆
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熊猫们对性真的太不在行了

Pandas Are Worse at Sex Than You

人类一直试图拯救大熊猫
We keep saving giant pandas
但它们似乎不遗余力地非要走上灭绝之路
but they have seemingly done everything in their power to go extinct
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嗨!我是Danniel Deffal 你正在收看的是动物逻辑
Hi, I’m Danniel Deffal, and you’re watching Animalogic
大熊猫生活在中国大陆的部分地区
Giant pandas are native to human regions in China
因卖萌为世人所熟悉
And they’re mostly popular because they are adorable
而且它们还被选为了世界自然基金会的代言熊
and for adopted as a posture bear for Animal Conservation
这很不错 但我对熊猫是否想要存活下去持怀疑态度
which is great, except I’m not 100% convinced that pandas want to live
与人们认知大相径庭的是 熊猫其实是食肉动物
Contrary to what pandas would have you believe, they’re carnivores
它们拥有完整的食肉动物消化道
Complete with a carnivores digestive track
食肉动物的胃在结构上相对简单 它们肠子比较短小
carnivores have relatively simple stomachs with short small intestines
这样能更好地消化蛋白质
that are designed to break down protein
食草动物则大不相同
Herbivores are very different
以奶牛为例
Let’s choose a cow as an example
奶牛拥有四个胃室
Cows have four chamber stomachs
胃室内含有特殊的菌群
which contain special bacteria designed to
可以帮助其更高效地消化纤维植物
digest fiber plants efficiently
但是 你有见过熊猫捕食鹿吗?
But when was the last time that you saw a panda chasing down a deer?
或是其它啮齿类动物?
or even a rodent?
或者它们的行为举止有哪怕一丁点像食肉动物的地方?
or acting even remotely like a carnivore?
没有吧
Never
没人见过
You have never seen that
熊猫需要三种基本养分以维持生命
Pandas need three basic nutrients to not die
氮 磷 钙
Nitrogen, phosphorus and calcium
这些养分在肉类中比较少有
all of which are rarely available in meat
为生存下去 熊猫只能给自己制定特别的进食计划
To get around this, pandas have had to create an elaborate feeding schedule
这就包括在不同海拔 不同季节
which involves eating different types of bamboo
食用不同的竹子
at different times of the year, at different elevations
我来解释一下
It goes like this
大熊猫主要能从两种竹子中获取养分
Basically, pandas can get their required nutrients from two main types of bamboo
分别是 文竹和箭竹
Wen bamboo and arrow bamboo
进入春季的交配季节
During the Spring, mating season
熊猫会食用嫩竹笋
pandas would eat young wood bamboo shoots
并把附近的山区作为自己的栖息地
towards the base of their mountains as habitats.
竹笋能提供部分熊猫所需的氮和磷
which gave some of their necessary nitrogen and phosphorus
但等到了六月 竹笋渐渐枯萎
but when the summer rose by in June, the shoots dry up
熊猫就需要进入高海拔地区 寻找刚刚发芽的箭竹笋
and they need to move to higher elevation to get the now sprouting arrow banboo shoots
以获取美味的氮和磷
which also provide them with delicious nitrogen and phosphorus
但此时的它们还没有摄入足量的钙
but they still haven’t got many calcium
因此它们会等到7月中旬 那时富含钙质的箭竹叶子刚刚发芽
so they’ll wait untill the mid-July, when the calcium-rich arrow banboo leaves sprout
它们就可以大吃特吃
then they’ll eat those
吃个肚儿圆
To fill their plump bellies
熊猫每天需要吃掉相当于自身重量四分之一的竹子
pandas needs to eat 1/4 of their weight in bamboo every single day
这也是为什么 它们每天几乎要排泄近40次
which is why they defecate to about 40 times per day
更糟的是
It gets even worse
虽然这种饮食像 “听音抢椅” 的游戏一样
while this game of dietary musical chair is
在春夏两季比较盛行
somewhat effective in the Spring and Summer
毕竟那时的世界充满生机 又不乏美食 但进入冬天就不同了
when the world is alive and tasty
等到冬天万物凋敝时
and it doesn’t work at all in the winter
这个游戏就完全没法玩了
when everything is dead
我想你也能猜到了
As I’m sure you can guess
超过半数的大熊猫死亡事件发生在冬天
over half of all panda deaths occur during the winter
因为它们没有吃的
because they have nothing to eat
不幸的是 事情远比这复杂
Unfortunately, it gets even more complicated
雌性熊猫每年只有一次发情期
Female pandas are only in heat once a year
交配季节持续12到25天
During mating season, which lasts between 12 and 25 days
在这段时间 雌性熊猫有意愿交配的时间
during this period, she’s only open to perspective mates for
只有这其中的2到7天
between 2 or 7 of those days
且仅在其中的24至36个小时内有生育能力
and she’s only actually fertile for between 24 to 36 hours
而雌性大熊猫最多只能每两年生育一次
and the female at the maximum… will only breed once every two years
由于繁殖期时间短 间隔长
Since the window for reproduction is so small and far between
双方甚至会忘了应该怎么做
both parties often forget how to do it
当然 某些熊猫就另当别论了
which is not to some pandas
我可没说你啊 玲玲
not looking at you, Ling Ling
看看雌性熊猫的耳朵 手腕和脚
attempting to me with the female’s ear, wrist, and foot
更别提熊猫那与身材完全不成比例的小丁丁
not to mention that pandas have disproportionally small penises
而且它们还很容易疲惫 但是 假如熊猫真的成功怀孕了
and tire very easily. However, if a panda does manage to get pregnant
当然 这通常都发生在春天
which happens in the spring
熊猫妈妈仍然需要摄入大量的钙
the mother still needs calcium in her system
以成功孕育熊猫宝宝
to carry the baby succesfully
但是 直到7月中旬箭竹叶子发芽之时 熊猫妈妈才能如愿以偿
which she can’t get until the arrow bamboo leaves sprout in mid-July
正因如此
Because of this
熊猫胚胎的受精过程会比较迟缓
panda embryos undergo a delayed plantation process
基本在熊猫妈妈未能获得足够的钙之前 妊娠处于停滞状态
basically pausing the pregnancy until the mother can eat more calcium
营养充足时妊娠才能重新启动
at which point, the pregnancy resumes
熊猫妈妈会前往低海拔地区照顾小宝宝
and the mother heads to lower gound to care for her young
同时重新调整饮食比例
resetting the whole food cycle at the same time
大熊猫其实是神创论者喜欢的物种
Giant pandas are actually a favourite animal of creationists
因为它的存在是对物竞天择理论的公然藐视
as it so crassly fly in the face of natural selection
神创论者的论据在于
The arguement being
这样一种难以应对生存环境的生物
how could animal so ill-equipped for the world it lives in
是不可能在没有上帝的帮助下生存这么长时间的
survive for so long without a little help from above
事实上 熊猫可能是刻意将食谱中竹子的量设定成了99%
However, pandas may have chosen a diet of 99% bamboo on purpose
想知道原因?
The reason?
没有竞争呗
The lack of competition
如果它们靠捕食啮齿动物 鱼和鹿为生
If they were to prey upon rodents or fish or deer
就会进入竞争异常激烈的领域 竞争对象更是强悍
they would enter into a market with much steeper competition from much more competent competitors
比如云豹 哈哈 开玩笑的
like clouded leopards. Sorry to tease
它们减少吃肉可能是由于基因的改变
Their turn from meat may also be due to a change in genes
密歇根大学的一项研究表明
According to a study at the University of Michigan
熊猫携带一种丧失活性的TAS1R1基因
pandas now carry an inactive version of the TAS1R1 gene
这种基因能控制生物对鲜美味道的感知 如肉味
which controls the taste for savory flavors like meat
所以 即便熊猫试图捕食猎物 它们也尝不出味道
So even if the panda did try hunting live prey, they wouldn’t even taste it
同时 熊猫在野外的繁殖成功率远高于圈养
Also, pandas are much more successful at breeding in the wild than the iron captivity
虽然我们在圈养繁殖上已经取得了进展
though we are getting better at captive breeding
我们尝试过一种提升熊猫繁殖率的方法 熊猫毛片
One strategy we’ve tried for breeding pandas is panda porn
片中主角是闯闯和林慧
The film stars are Chang Chang and Lin Hui
人们向全球的熊猫都播放了这一影片 用以刺激
and has been shown to pandas around the world in the effort to simultaneously simulate
和进行调教 所以我们不用总把玲玲挂在耳边了
and to educate them. You know, so we don’t get Ling Ling ear repeat
更让人兴奋的是 还存在熊猫伟哥这种东西
Even more exciting is panda viagra
呃… 我不知道“兴奋” 这个词合不合适
Uh…I don’t know if “exciting” was the right word for that actually
原因不言自明 但的确曾尝试给圈养大熊猫喂食伟哥
This one is fairly self-explanatory, but captive pandas are trying out being given viagra
为了….某些不可说的目的…
it with helps to… you know
我们也试过 性能力锻炼
We even try sexercise
中国成都研究基地的年轻雄性熊猫们
Young male pandas at the Cheng Du research base
被迫用两只后腿站立行走 以锻炼臀部肌肉 为啪啪啪做准备
are been made to walk around on two legs in order to strengthen their hip muscles to prepare them for sex
为了让它们走起来 人们用苹果做为诱饵
to get them to walk around, they lure the males with apples
对我来说 只有苹果可没用哦
I definitely wouldn’t work out if my only reward was an apple
研究人员发现 类似 “爱情” 的元素可能在熊猫繁殖过程中发挥作用
Researchers have found that something like love might play a role in panda breeding
这是比较容易理解的
It seems pretty obvious
但如果熊猫有机会自己选择交配对象 那么它们一定会互换名片
but it turns out that if a panda get the choose on its own mate
这样一来 其成功繁殖率 肯定比被扔进笼子 和另一只异性关在一起来的高
it’s much likely to successfully breed than, say, if it is ploped into a room with a panda, it would definitely swap Lefton
熊猫这个种类似乎是要灭绝的 但它们仍旧生存了下来
Pandas seem to want to go extinct but they keep on surviving
而且野生大熊猫的数量 相比2003年增长了近百分之十七
and their population in the wild does increase 17% since 2003
所以 它们也许做了一个正确的选择
So maybe they are doing something right
[说话声]
[people are talking]
[惊呼声和笑声]
[people are exclaiming and laughing]
…或者错误的
…or not
下次该介绍什么动物呢?请在评论区留言
What animals should I check out next? Please let me know in the comments
如果想继续收看本节目
If you want keep this show going and
并且想提前一周抢鲜
get episodes a whole week early
请注册网络视频流媒体APP: Love Nature 即可获得30天免费收看权益哦
be sure to sign up for your free 30 days try of the video streaming app, Love Nature
目前不是所有国家都能下载
It’s not available in every country yet
所以 如果不行的话
So if you can’t get it
你也可以登录我们的网站 以保证能提前一周收看到节目
you can still get episodes a week early on our website
网址: community.lovenature.com
community.lovenature.com
但是 如果诸位看官没能注册 我们的Animalogic也许会受到影响哦
Though if you can’t sign up, it’ll go a long way to keeping Animalogic on the air
所以 请一定记得订阅Animalogic的节目 我们每隔一周更新
be sure to subscribe for new episodes of Animalogic every other week
或者我们高兴了就更一下
or as often as we can make them
感谢收看!
Thanks for watching!
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