When the sexual revolution began in the 1960s,
there was a standard understanding of what should happen:
‘sexual liberation’ would mean that people would be freed to
have more of the sort of sex they really liked,
也就是说 性伴侣增多 而尴尬减少
that is, with more partners and with less embarrassment.
But what was overlooked is that this kind of sexual liberation might, along the way,
它本身也会带来限制 禁忌和种种禁锢 可以这么说
create its own restrictions, taboos and, so to speak, varieties of imprisonment.
The people targeted would not be those who wanted to have more sex
but those who – for a variety of reasons –
要么不想 要么不能 拥有今天被强烈视为
either didn’t want to, or weren’t able to, have the amount of sex
now strongly deemed so-called ‘normal’.
Sexual liberation, while driven by a desire to free us of moralistic judgement,
ended up – quite unwittingly – putting us in a new kind of straightjacket,
insisting not that we have no sex, as moralists of old had thundered,
but that we feel wholly at ease around the prospect of making love frequently and diversely.
It now became as shameful to admit that one wasn’t having sex
as it had once been shameful to say, outside of marriage, that one was.
Stigma continued, shame too, they just changed their targets.
At the heart of this newly stigmatised group,
there was a figure of particular mockery and opprobrium:
老处女(男) 也就是无论有心还是无意 到了20岁
the belated virgin, someone who has by accident or design reached their 20s
and still not yet been to bed with anyone.
This shame has nothing to do with statistics.
Surveys estimate that as many as 15% of the population between 20 and 25 remain virgins.
The point isn’t how many virgins there are – there are clearly many –
but rather the extent to which they have been made to feel wretched and inadequate.
The goal of true sexual liberation, the sort we should all be interested in,
is not to shift stigma around,
it is to remove all stigma around all consensual sexual choices.
True liberation means liberating us not just to
have sex a lot, with different partners, in ecstatic clinches,
but also to not have sex or to have sex quite late on or,
就刚刚说的那点而言还接受蹩脚 笨拙 或粗笨的做爱
for that matter, to have bad or inept or clumsy sex –
and never to feel bad on this account.
真正的性解放应该不仅包容强烈性爱 密宗性爱 和多重高潮性爱
True sexual liberation should liberate us not just to be athletic and tantric and polyecstatic
还包容奇怪的性爱 格格不入的性爱 扭捏却有趣的性爱 略带尴尬却聪明的性爱
– but also to be weird, reclusive, interestingly shy, intelligently embarrassed
and about as peculiar as we want to be –
and still retain the right to honour and like ourselves.
What we should aim for is to build a society
where we finally stop suffering so intensely around our sexuality,
even if that sexuality means we don’t want to, or haven’t yet managed to, have sex.
That, and only that, will mean true liberation.
Did you know that The School Of LIfe is actually a place?
10 places in fact;
从墨尔本到伦敦 从台北到伊斯坦布尔 世界各地都有
campus’ all over the world from Melbourne to London, Taipei to Istanbul.
有课程 有书 还有很多很多……
With classes and books and much more…