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自我厌恶的真相 – 译学馆
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自我厌恶的真相

On Disliking Oneself

《生命学院》
There is one particularly salient question we should ask
为了衡量我们的情绪健康水平
in order to measure our levels of emotional well-being:
我们要问一个很重要的问题:
do you broadly feel that you have the right to exist
总的来说 你觉得自己有存在的权利
and are, on balance, a good enough human being?
而且算是个很好的人吗?
Or, whatever your outward circumstances and achievements,
还是说 无论你处在什么环境 有怎样的成就
do you generally feel you are a piece of excrement,
你大概都会觉得自己是坨拉出来的东西
who has only got through life by deluding others
因为你一辈子都在骗别人
(who would quickly abandon you if they knew
(这些人只要知道了关于你的一丁点真相
even a fraction of the truth about you)
很快就会抛弃你)
and, because you are a liar,
既然你认为自己是个骗子
are you only ever one or two steps away
你会不会差一点就要觉得
from a feeling of deserved
那些屈辱和困境
humiliation and catastrophe?
都是你应得的?
It is in a sense extraordinary
面对第二个问题
how many of us instinctively answer
有很多人下意识地答了“是”
yes to the second question;
这还挺让人意外的
in other words, how many of us are alive
换句话说 有很多人活着
without a sense that we have any
却觉得自己的存在
genuine merit in walking the earth.
也没什么价值
Suicide statistics say something horrifying about our societies,
自杀率体现了社会的阴暗面
but the numbers on violent self-hatred,
但强烈自我厌恶的统计数据里
from which one in four of us are estimated to suffer,
呈现了一些更可怕的东西
say something arguably even worse.
(约4个人中就有1个人特别讨厌自己)
If we saw a stranger being treated
如果我们看到陌生人
the way many of us treat ourselves,
像我们对待自己一样被对待
we wouldn’t hesitate to call it wanton cruelty.
我们肯定会觉得残忍至极
An odd detail
这体现了自我厌恶的
about disliking oneself
一个奇怪小细节
is that one generally doesn’t
一个人大概意识不到
even notice oneself doing it.
自己厌恶自己
Realizing it would require
因为只有做到客观地看待
a degree of objectivity
自己的潜在价值
about one’s potential worth
才能意识到自己讨厌自己
that one precisely lacks.
但人们恰好做不到客观
Self-hatred can be
正因为自我厌恶过于显眼
too obvious to be visible;
我们很难注意到它
it’s the default position and has been since childhood.
从小时候起 它就像是预设好的一样
One doesn’t identify as a self-disliker;
一个人不会觉得自己是“厌恶自己的人”
one just thinks one’s a piece of shit.
只会觉得自己是坨屎
The feeling radiates its effects in a number of areas:
而这种感觉很多时候都会冒出来影响你
if someone pays you a compliment,
如果有人夸你
you immediately doubt their intelligence.
你会下意识怀疑他们有没有脑子
When someone offers to love you,
如果有人说会爱你
you wonder why they are so weak.
你会想他们为什么这么没出息
When you are stuck in a frustrating relationship,
当你深陷一段令人沮丧的
at work or in private life,
工作或私人关系
you stay (if necessary for decades),
你不会抽离(必要的话还会待好几十年)
because this is – after all – simply what you deserve.
原因很简单——你觉得这是你应得的
If you’re promoted or are admired,
如果你受到提拔 或是受人爱戴
you at once feel incapable and a liar.
你立马会觉得自己不配 别人被自己骗了
There’s a voice in your head that
不管面对任何挑战
accompanies you in all challenges
你脑海里都会有个声音
and tells you you are not gonna be able to do this,
这个声音跟你说 你做不到的
you’re a moron and everyone hates you.
你是个蠢货 所有人都讨厌你
If something appears to go well,
如果一件事情进展顺利
you’ll sabotage things brilliantly.
你会娴熟地把一切都搞砸
You know just how to screw up job opportunities
你很懂怎么让工作机会泡汤
and drive away people who want to be kind.
也很懂怎么赶走想对你好的人
You easily feel that
你一不小心就会觉得
people are mocking and mistreating you:
别人都在嘲笑你 都会亏待你
you sense hostility in interactions
在商店或餐馆里跟别人交谈时
in shops or restaurants,
你总觉得别人针对你
with colleagues or lovers,
跟同事或爱人也会这样
a lot of the time, you’re in a paranoid frame of mind –
你总是猜忌多疑
out of a fear that the world
因为你害怕这个世界
might at any point discover
在某一刻会发现
or has already discovered
或是已经发现了
what you well know about yourself:
你心知肚明的那份真相:
that you’re a disgusting imbecile.
你既恶心又很蠢
Salvation starts with an obvious sounding insight
而只需要弄明白一个浅显的道理
that should nevertheless be
就可以迈出拯救自己的第一步
written in large letters across the sky:
这个道理应该用超大字体写在空中:
no one is born liking themselves.
没有人生来就喜欢自己
That is, there’s a history to this
意思就是 自我厌恶由来已久
which you’ve been left unable to think about.
只是你一直没能想到这一点
It is only the soothing, enthusiastic responses
小时候照顾你的人
of our earliest caregivers
对你不够温和也不是很热情
that can lend any of us encouragement to carry on.
你没有得到他们的鼓励 很难生活下去
Our sense of self
因为我们的自我意识
is assembled out of the reactions
是根据小时候身边人对自己的态度
of those who were first around us.
拼凑起来的
We may not know anything about
我们可能记不起来
these people in conscious memory
关于这些人的任何事
but we don’t need to.
但也没必要记起来
We can deduce everything vital
我们只要问自己
by asking ourselves
这个再简单不过的问题
the very simple question:
就能推导出一切:
Do I like who I am?
我喜欢我这个人吗?
You may not have the original mould at hand,
你可能不清楚别人最初是怎么影响到你的
but you can sense the imprint in the dough of your character.
但你能感受到自己性格上的裂痕
No one can survive the sense
没有人能够接受
that they were a bore, a threat,
自己的父母觉得自己
an inconvenience or a disappointment
很无趣 很麻烦
to those who made them.
碍手碍脚 令人失望
This isn’t some negotiable point.
但这些看法已无可动摇
If you were in this wretched camp,
处在这么悲惨的境地
you get a prize for not having done away with yourself already.
你没了结自己 就算是赢了
We can’t escape a basic law:
我们摆脱不掉一个简单的定律
we are the only animal whose sense of being able to keep on
没有其他动物会像人一样
keeping on depends on the welcome accorded to them
需要得到父母的认可
by those who made them.
才能坚持走下去
It’s so horrific to have to acknowledge
因此我们不敢承认
that we were badly or unfairly treated,
他们对我们很不公平 也不是很友好
in an especially bizarre phenomenon
还有一个很奇怪的现象
we’re liable to turn the anger
本来是小时候照顾我们的人做得不对
we might in theory feel
但我们很容易
towards our erstwhile flawed caregivers
把按理该对他们倾泻的怒火
back onto ourselves.
发泄到自己身上
We end up preferring to dislike who we are
到最后 我们宁愿讨厌自己
rather than accepting a yet more horrible idea:
也不愿接受一个更可怕的想法
that someone we needed to adore
那就是 我们所爱戴的那个人
wasn’t very nice to us.
对我们一点也不好
We can end up lacking any capacity for anger,
这会导致我们缺乏愤怒的情绪
because that would require a basic sense of self-worth
因为有自尊的人才会被激怒
and therefore an idea that we had been violated.
有自尊才会觉得自己被冒犯了
Most of us are just numb.
我们大部分人只不过是麻木的
Or, in an effort to feel numb,
或者在很努力地麻痹自己
we gorge on drugs, on porn, love affairs,
使劲吸毒 看片 恋爱
fame or processed sugar…
沉溺于名声 或摄入过多糖分
The path of self-hatred points everywhere
关于自我厌恶的线索到处都是
other than its real source:
但却从来没有查到真正的源头:
those early years.
那些小时候的日子
So how does one ever
那我们到底该怎么拯救
dig oneself out of the mine-shaft of self-hatred?
深陷自我厌恶的自己呢?
Well, for a start, by becoming a better historian of ourselves –
首先 要更了解自己的过去
and therefore being able to hold on to the idea
才能明白并坚信
that we hate ourselves only or primarily
我们之所以会厌恶自己
because we were once not loved.
只是或主要是因为我们曾经没有被爱
This has a structure so basic it feels like an insult,
这个结论这么简单 像是在侮辱智商
but to make the concept
但其实要想让这个概念
resonate with one’s actual experience
和真实经历产生共鸣
can be the task of a lifetime.
可能要花一辈子的时间
We need to start to notice
我们要慢慢地意识到
what unfair story tellers we are:
我们在故事里 对自己很不公平:
how many decades of practice we have had
几十年来 我们一直在练习
at always turning ourselves into the villain,
把自己变成反派
of justifying the behavior of others
给别人的行为找借口
way beyond what they deserved
但这些人完全不值得我们这么做
and at putting ourselves invariably
我们还总觉得 自己所做的一切都不对
at shameful fault.
都很丢人
We may be very clever, but in this area,
我们可能是很聪明的人 但遇到这种事
we probably can’t think too clearly –
脑子却不太清醒
so we may need to bring in another brain
我们或许需要另一个大脑
to help our faltering one out.
来帮助自己这个快要分崩离析的脑子
We may need to check our reality against another’s
我们得跟别人再确认一遍事实
and thereby recalibrate our assessment of everything we’ve touched.
再调整一下自己的想法
We need to repatriate the pain:
我们要把痛苦还回去
away from hating ourselves and fearing the world
不要讨厌自己 不要害怕这个世界
towards mourning an original catastrophe.
过去的不幸就让它停留在过去吧
We may eventually reach
这样的话 我们或许最终能想明白
a very weird-sounding insight:
一个听起来很奇怪的道理:
that we aren’t exceptionally awful,
我们并非一无是处
we just had an exceptionally unfortunate
我们只是投胎的时候
introduction to life.
运气太差罢了
We need to learn a vital art,
为了能得到更多的好消息
from which so much else good can then flow:
我们要培养一种很重要的能力:
that of being a little bit more on our own side.
多站在自己这边
Visit our shop to give a life-changing gift.
浏览我们的店铺 送出改变人生的礼物
The School of Life offers a wide range of thoughtful,
《生命学院》提供多种
practical and genuinely useful gifts
有心和实用的礼物
designed to help us solve some of the most common
旨在帮助大家解决生活中
and intractable problems of life.
一些常见却难对付的问题
Click now to learn more.
点击了解更多内容

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视频概述

本视频分析了人为什么会自我厌恶以及怎样摆脱自我厌恶。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

oxw

审核员

审核员YY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfNQ9a4yNDA

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